I don’t understand. I watched the first ten minutes of True Blood and it was completely devoid of both sex and violence. Oh sure, there’s kissing and nudity, but it never goes further. I’m so confused. Did they replace this show with Twilight or something? My whole world is suddenly askew.
We open with Sam following Daphne through the woods. She’s stripping and claiming that he has a secret and then reveals herself to be a shape-shifter just like him. Except she shifts into a deer. Sam is shocked (shocked!). Daphne reveals that she saw Sam shape-shift the previous night and is happy they found each other. Terry and Arlene stumble upon Sam and Daphne, and Daphne quickly runs off.
In Dallas, Sookie follows the mind-reading bellman. He’s desperately trying to get away from her and she asks whether vampires can glamour him, because they sure can’t do it to her (answer: they can’t, but he pretends they can). He warns her that Dallas vampires are much meaner than Bon Temps vamps and he warns her not to tell anyone about his powers.
Back in the hotel room, Bill is chastising Jessica for ordering her little room service treat (the guy she bite in the previous episode). Sookie returns and Bill sends Jessica to her room on account of her being a bad, bad girl. Sookie lies to Bill about where she was when he questions her and warns her that Dallas vamps are dangerous too. She promises not to do anything stupid at the same time as she seriously comes onto him. Wait….is there sex? Well, she’s very happy that he won’t have to leave her at dawn because they’re in a vamp-friendly hotel and…there’s kissing. But no sex.
Cut to Hoyt reading at home. He gets a call from Jessica. He’s happy to hear from her, but his mother (or grandmother) bursts in, chastising him for getting a girl from a *girl* late at night. He pushes her out and then starts talking about his comic book. Sexy.
A hard-nosed camp counselor wakes Jason and the other Fellowship of the Sun soldiers up at dawn for training. The counselor harps on Jason as Sarah looks on, not showing Jason any special treatment.
Tara wakes up in bed with Eggs the morning after the party. He wakes up and finds her reminiscing about Sookie’s grandmother. I wonder what’s up with him. Do you think he’s part of Maryann’s evil plot and is just using Tara or does he genuinely care for her?
Sookie awakens in the hotel room (after having sex, which isn’t shown). She goes downstairs to grab some breakfast and talk to Barry, the bellman. She wants to get buddy-buddy with a fellow telepath. She tries to get him to concentrate and control his power, but he refuses to believe that.
She returns to Bill in bed and he chastises her for leaving the room without him. She tells him that she met another telepath and he’s upset that she put herself in danger by revealing her power. Meanwhile, Bill feels helpless that he’s not in control of the situation and about Eric’s behavior regarding Godric. Bill admits he doesn’t trust Eric, but Sookie is convinced that Eric won’t break their deal because he needs Sookie.
19:20 minutes in and still no sex and violence. *Sigh*
At Merlotte’s, Arlene and Daphne are being snippy to each other. Terry strolls by and acts uncomfortable with Arlene after the previous night’s activities. Sam greets Daphne and asks why she left the previous night. Lafayette returns to Merlotte’s and he’s greeted happily by Arlene and Terry.
Lafayette asks Sam if they can talk privately in his office. Sam admonishes him for taking off with no word and seems surprised about Lafayette’s currently quiet personality. Lafayette quietly asks for his job back and Sam agrees.
Tara goes downstairs to the kitchen to find Maryann making breakfast in Sookie’s kitchen. Maryann says she needs a place to stay because her home isn’t really *hers*. Probably a lie. Tara tells Maryann this won’t work, even when Maryann tells her that they’ve been having so much super-fun hanging out together. Tara tells Eggs about what Maryann asked and Eggs said he and Maryann move around a lot. Tara asks about Eggs’real relationship with Maryann and Eggs says that she saved him. Eggs tells Tara she doesn’t know what a real family is.
Back at the camp, the soldiers try to climb a fence. Luke has a tough time at it and gets beat on by the counselor. Jason, meanwhile, proves he’s a little monkey and makes it over the fence, but he does it in order to help Luke over and they both make it to the other side. The counselor’s impressed with Jason helping his fellow soldier.
Eric, Sookie and Bil are meeting with another vampire couple: Isabel and Stan. They seem to disagree as to whether Godric was abducted by the Fellowship of the Sun. Sookie says she’ll be able to determine quickly whether the Fellowship has Godric, but Stan is gung-ho about getting rid of the Fellowship once and for all. Isabel is much more cautious. Eric thinks the couple are idiots and storms off.
Steve and Sarah are arguing. Sarah is pissed that Gabe, the hard-nosed counselor who was training the soldiers, is more in the known than she is. Sarah admonishes the both of them for going too far. Jason interrupts the two of them and Sarah compliments him profusely. Sarah seems jealous when Steve takes Jason to his personal armory in the basement without her.
32:48 minutes in and no sex or violence. True Blood has officially become Twilight.
Maryann and Carl pull up outside of Merlotte’s, where Maryann tells him to keep the car running because she’s not going inside. Then she closes her eyes and starts to do some sort of a spell (I think).
Inside, Arlene is being snotty to customers and griping about Daphne. Everyone starts being mean to each other (including Terry, Sam and Tara). Finally everyone starts sniping at Tara and she curses at them. Outside, Maryann tells Carl they’re done. I guess she’s trying to alienate Tara from the rest of her friends.
Jason’s soaking in a gorgeous tub in a gorgeous bathroom in the Fellowship mansion. Sarah enters the bathroom and starts coming onto Jason. Ohhh….35:32 minutes in. Is the sex coming? She starts lathering him up (no, that’s not a euphemism for anything, she actually uses a loofah). Sarah starts comparing Jesus and Mary Magdalene to her and Jason (yes, seriously). Jason refuses her advances, but Sarah calls his bluff. Ok, so then her hand disappears underwater and….well, there’s a *type* of sex.
Back in Dallas, Stan and Isabel are still arguing about the best course of action. Bill tells Stan and Isabel that there is a traitor in their midst, because someone tried to abduct Sookie. Meanwhile, Sookie offers to infiltrate the Fellowship, but Bill says it’s too dangerous. Stan thinks it’s a waste of time and walks out, but Isabel thinks it’s a good idea. Bill takes off with Eric to have a few words.
Bill accuses Eric of putting Sookie in danger. He asks Eric why he’s doing all of this for Godric. Flashback to…..a long time ago. Eric is wounded and dying and tells his fellow soldiers to go on without him. His friends refuse to leave him and help carrying him through the woods. Later that night, one of the friends tells a dying Eric that he’ll be fine. The finds hear a sound and are quickly ambushed (42:40 minutes in and there’s violence!). A young man approaches Eric, blood dripping from his mouth. The man says he admires Eric’s fighting skills and then offers him eternal life. I think this man is Godric. And then my guess is confirmed shortly thereafter, when Eric confirms that Godric is his sire (or maker or whatever you want to call it).
At Merlotte’s, Sam thanks Daphne for helping him close the bar. The two of them cuddle and compare their increased body heat. Daphne says she knows other shape-shifters and the two start flirting and kissing.
Back at the hotel, Sookie sends Bill off as she goes to talk to the female concierge. The lady says that Barry quit earlier that day in response to Sookie’s inquiry.
Tara returns home to find Maryann reading at the kitchen table. Maryann promises to leave by the next morning, but Tara asks her to stay. Upstairs, she finds Eggs lounging in bed. She greets him happily.
In Dallas, Bill is criticizing Stan and Isabel, while Sookie insists that Bill is nothing like them. While Bill is concerned for her safety, Sookie promises him that she’ll be safe from the Fellowship. Then….sex. At 52:25 minutes. Except then we cut to the hallway, where the vampire woman who made Bill has returned and flashes her fangs. Well.