Lying is a natural part of life. Truly, who hasn’t told a little white lie at least once in their lives? According to a recent study, people tell from zero to about two lies per day, and most of them are inconsequential, like saying you liked a gift when you really didn’t.
However, some lies are more serious. They can, in fact, get so serious that folks go on for years without telling other people the truth. Sometimes, that results in pretty hilarious situations; other times – in heartbreaking confusion. At least that’s what we’ve learned when we collected the most interesting answers from threads under questions like: “What is the longest running lie you have ever told?”
Scroll down to see the most inventive and insane reasons people spun the web of lies and the stories about how exactly they were able to pull those lies off.
#1
In middle school I use to steal quarters from my Dad’s change box and go buckwild on the snack bar at school.
I always had candy wrappers, Doritos bags, and the like in my pockets when my mom did the laundry. When she confronted me about it I said I couldn’t stand litter and picked it all up. She believed it, and to this day still tells every girlfriend I bring home what s thoughtful environmentally conscious little boy I was.
I don’t have the heart to tell her I was just a fat kid and a thief.
Image source: jacksrenton, Brett Jordan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#2
Since the age of 4 I’ve been telling people I have no sense of smell. My parents, friends and even girlfriends all think I can’t use my nose.
The reality is it’s been going on so long since I was growing up I can’t tell people I love the smell of sausage rolls and washing powder. People have no idea, in a way it’s the perfect lie.
Image source: Dayvihd, Phạm Nhật / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#3
My friend and I were ransacking a construction site for signs to decorate his room with (we were 15) and before too long a cop pulls up and asks us what we were doing. My friend freezes up in fear (he was too young for a license), but I found a talent I never knew I had. Without skipping a beat, I thanked the officer for coming and explained that my dad was in charge of the site and had received reports that people were stealing from the site. He asked me to come and clear out some of the signs to keep them safe. The cop agreed that it was a problem, helped us load some of the signs, and thanked us for preventing theft before it occurred.
TL;DR – I convinced the police to help me ransack a construction site.
Image source: bradalay, (Augustin-Foto) Jonas Augustin / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#4
I have a huge scar on my back from surgery in my childhood; from one side all the way around to my chest. It’s stretched and looks crazy.
Since I’m from the Northern California coast, the vast majority of people I’m acquainted with after high school think that it’s from a great white shark attack while surfing as a child. I’ve gotten so deep into the lie that I have formulated the entire situation in my head and can recite the scenario perfectly.
It’s now a lie I can’t undo.
Image source: foreverhalcyon8, Marcelo Cidrack / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#5
I jokingly told all my friends and family I was gay so they’d stop bugging me about finding a girl… They believed it so I continued it ..
Been going in 2 years and they are all 100% convinced I’m gay.
Image source: TannerTwaggs, Carlos de Toro / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#6
When I was a teenager I had a group of friends who liked to just drive around and smoke. My mom would always wait up but since she’s the type who prefers to fall asleep around 9pm she was pretty groggy by the time curfew rolled around. One night I looked at the clock and was going to be late so I called home.
Keep in mind it’s the 90s and we have a landline phone. I have an extension in my room. Mom answers and without thinking-
Me: “Oh, I’ve got the phone, mom. It’s for me. You can go to sleep. Sorry if it woke you up.”
Mom- “you’re home?”
Me: “yeah… Have been for a while. Sorry I thought you were asleep. G’night mom.”
To which she grumbled and fell back asleep.
I snuck in a few hours later through the back sliding door. Did this a few more times throughout high-school. It’d never work now because of cell phones.
Tl:dr- took advantage of outdated phone technology to fool sleepy mom into thinking I made curfew.
Image source: nowgetbacktowork, Patti Black / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#7
I was working in a ski rental store at Whister (I’m australian) and we had an older American couple (from the south) come in.
They were amazed at all of the Aussies working there and that we were all on extended holidays. 3 months plus.
“Are you all independently wealthy or something?” They asked
Without a flinch I said, “well, we come from a great country that looks after its people. When we turn 18 the government gifts us $50k each, some use it as a house deposit, some use it to travel. We’re really pretty lucky like that. “
They were gobsmacked but fell for it hook line and sinker. So much so that when I told this to a friend a couple of weeks later, who worked somewhere else on the mountain she said, “you started that?? Someone asked me if this was true just yesterday and I told them of course it’s true.”
For all I know this is still circulating somewhere.
Image source: anon, jcomp / freepik (not the actual photo)
#8
When I first started working at my local mcdonalds it was my first day on shift and I was being trained with another guy called Tyran, now Tyran was an idiot who couldnt care less about anything, all he did was muck around and slowed down the entire workplace. After around 2 hours of him everyone got sick of him, me especially. Now here is where it get’s crazy. A manager on shift had a very expensive watch (probably a few thousand australian dollars) she put it down on the bench next to the fryer as she was cleaning her hands, you can guess I accidentally knocked the watch into the fryer and it started to sizzle but eventually stopped, the manager came back and was panicking, she asked me where did it go and I just pointed at Tyran and looked into the fryer, he was fired instantly and nobody knows it was me until this day.
TL;DR: Got a colleague that was universally hated fired for my own fault.
Image source: filthy-carrot, Visual Karsa / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
My work history on my resume covers some holes with companies that are “no longer in business”.
Image source: dummystupid, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#10
Throwaway for obvious reasons, about ten years ago me and my best friend were out cruising around one night in his car when he spotted some people he used to know from high school hanging out in the mall parking lot.
He told me they used to bully him and wanted to get them back some day. So I was like “why not tonight?” Anyway we went out and found some of the best throwing rocks we could find and did a “drive by”, we hit one of them in the head and busted several windows, there were about three cars there. So they start chasing us, like a real high speed out for blood car chase. Blowing through stop lights, weaving through traffic.
Anyway, me and my friend end up crashing into a power pole, the transformer on top of it exploded, it looked like a lightning strike that lasted five seconds. it knocked out power in the mall (which was open at the time) and a few hundred houses. I guess when the guys saw the explosion they decided they wanted no part of that and drove away. Before the cops got there me and my friend decided we didn’t want to get in trouble for throwing the rocks so we would just make up [something] about a guy with a big beard in a blue dodge truck chasing us and running us into the pole for no reason. None of us knew anyone that matched that description. So that’s what we ended up telling the cops.
One week later there was a blue dodge truck involved in a homicide and when I saw the pic of the guy’s mugshot in the paper I couldn’t believe it. The guy had a big beard and perfectly matched our [nonsense] description, so the police call us in and ask us if it’s the same guy and we were like “ummm well it was dark so it’s hard to tell but they look pretty similar”. They guy ends up confessing to running us off the road as part of a plea bargain and his insurance had to pay for my friend a new car and all the property damage, including a lawsuit from the mall for lost revenue. The guy is still in jail to this day and no one knows what really happened except me, my friend, and his high school bullies…..
Image source: thwawaybiglie111, shyachlo / freepik (not the actual photo)
#11
I once told a girl I was a lion tamer to get in her pants.
Image source: anon, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
I was sentenced to 30 days in juvenile hall when I was 15 or so. I was completely dreading it and was supposed to start serving 2 days at a time on weekends.
So for 15 weeks, I would have no weekends at all, which as a kid seemed like an eternity, and completely unfair.
I got a new probation officer/supervisor sometime before starting my jail time, and we were going over the things I needed to do before I could get off. “Looks like you paid your fines, that’s good, and you’re attending the classes, that’s good. How about the 30 days, did you complete that?”
I looked him right in the eye and said “Yep, that’s done too.”
And that was that. Never heard another thing about it. I was amazed that it worked, but very relieved.
Image source: striapach, Nima Sarram / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#13
When I was like 11, I wanted to get out of school the next day, so on the way home from a superbowl party with my mom I started acting like my stomach hurt, she said she’d give me something at home for my stomachache. Knowing this wouldn’t get me out of school, I started fake crying and said it really really hurts, by this time we were already in the driveway of our apartment, she looked at me and said I’m gonna take you to the hospital but if your faking ,I’m gonna beat you! (mexican household ), so I stuck to my story and continued sobbing and saying it hurts, we get to the hospital and they don’t know what’s wrong with me so they wanna do a cat scan of me, my mom agrees and off I go, after the scan the doctor told us my appendix looked a little inflamed and that they wanted to remove it which means , my heart sank at the news, but I knew I couldn’t confess now I was to deep.
So they schedule the surgery for the next morning , the morning comes and about half my family is there for support and prayer.im super nervous at this point so when the nurse gave me a shot I accidentally tensed up and felt one of the worst pains of my life , they take me into surgery and everything thing went fine,the surgeon even came to recovery and showed me my appendix which was awesome!
I stayed in the hospital for about a day then I went home but before that the doc told my mom I couldn’t go back to school for about two weeks while cuts healed which was also awesome! Even better my church royal ranger group visited me at my house and brought me this big basket filled with snacks and candy. It was the best two weeks of my life, my mom made my brother get me what I wanted cuz she didn’t want me moving around ,I just played video games the entire two weeks,then I had to go back to school.
I’m 22 now and have not told a soul I was faking being sick, I like to think of it as one of my greatest achievements. The end.
TL:DR- faked being sick and went into surgery just to get out of school.
Image source: anon, peoplecreations / freepik (not the actual photo)
#14
I never wear matching socks because I’m too lazy to roll them up together after laundry. This has been going on since I was in middle school. At age 14, my best friend (who is still my best friend) made fun of me for not wearing matching socks. I didn’t feel like explaining so I got teary eyed and told her I was color blind and really sensitive about it. After that I would ask her what colors are and what matches for a few months and then completely forgot about it.
Fast-forward to TEN years later. I’m 24 and in her kitchen and her mom says “sweetie your socks don’t match” my friend immediately snaps and goes “MOM, she’s colorblind!” I then remembered what I told my friend 10 years ago. Her mom asked me if it were true and I laughed and responded with “I can’t lie to you, I can see colors just fine.”
In retrospect, I guess she always has been super helpful in picking my outfits!
I also realize that women generally can’t be colorblind, she brought this up when I first told her and I said it wasn’t related to the receptors in my eyes, but a mutation in my occipital lobe.
TL;DR – Didn’t want to explain why my socks didn’t match, so I pretended to be colorblind for a decade.
Image source: mmacaronnie, Owen Vangioni / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#15
I convinced all my friends i was going away to work and wont be back for at least 6 months but im home every weekend. I just wanted them to miss me and it’s working. I’ve been away for 5 days a week but take the 5 hour bus run home every friday and down again on sunday. I keep getting texts like ‘We miss you, lad.’ Feels good. Doing this for 2 months now.
Image source: JamRel, Asterfolio / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#16
I have a hilarious cousin. It was near the end of high school and everyone had to do this business interview as part of his school’s requirements, and he completely forgot. You were supposed to be dressed in business attire, and he showed up in shorts and sandals. So he pretended to be a Russian exchange student, he talked with an accent and pretended those clothes were appropriate where he came from. The person interviewing him was from outside the school, so she didn’t know he was lying. She totally believed everything he said, and later when the administration found out, they were so amused that he didn’t face any consequences. I’m pretty sure he had to redo the interview, though.
Image source: PM_ME_NICOLAS_CAGE, Yigit ARISOY / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#17
I once told some kids lighting fireworks at Devil’s Lake State Park that I was an off duty park ranger and that if they gave me their fireworks they wouldn’t get officially reported.
They gave them to me and let me search their backpack and I said they were good to go. And that is how I impersonated a federal officer for my own gain.
EDIT: It is in fact a state park.
Image source: LeConnor, Heather Morse / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#18
I told someone that I was a Norwegian exchange student and they believed me for 2 years. You should know that I’m Chinese and I’m from Philadelphia and I don’t speak Norwegian.
Image source: LEIFey, Planet Volumes / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#19
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
It was her.
Image source: rufusthelawyer, Stormseeker / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#20
“No, Mom, I’m just holding it for a friend”.
Image source: crimsonandred88, myoceanstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)
#21
I had my little brother completely convinced that I was one of Santa’s elves until he was about 16. Which is spectacularly impressive as he stopped believing in Santa when he was about 8.
Image source: CodexAngel, Gaby Dyson / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#22
Back in the day I didn’t want to go to school, called my mom and told her the dog got out and I was out looking for him. She called me in late and I went to school for the last hour.
Image source: 44in313, Baptist Standaert / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#23
I’m qualified for this job.
Image source: anon, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#24
This lie is still continuing, and I sort of regret it now. I speak relatively fluent French, and my friend Olyvia and I used to practice together, especially on CVS runs to the store down the street. I would speak only French, and she would have to interpret what I was saying (she had difficulty in the class, so it gave her some good practice with it).
At the checkout register, the cashier asked where in France I was from. Quickly lying, I adopted a French accent and replied, “Lyon, I am here for University.” (It should also be noted that I was a Theater geek in HS) She replied that she had spent some time bouncing around Europe, and that she knew a little French. She said “Merci, o, wait, that doesnt sound very good” to which I told her it sounded great.
tl;dr- I now have to pretend I’m a French girl in CVS.
Image source: curvy_lady_92, Anthony LE / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#25
After my freshman year of college, I took a road trip across the country with my friend Oliver. We never stayed in a hotel, we always stayed with distant relatives or slept in my car in Walmart parking lots.
One night, we stayed with my Aunt Eva. We were tired when we arrived at Eva’s house, so when she asked us how “Life at Harvard” was, we just smiled and said “good.”
The next morning she started asking us tons of questions about Boston and Harvard. I didn’t go to Harvard. I went to *Harvey Mudd.* I’d never been to Boston, Harvey Mudd is in California.
Not only did she think I was a Harvard student, but some how, she had gotten the idea that I was majoring in Psychology (I majored in physics), and she wouldn’t shut up about how I should Psychoanalyze her son (He threw the family cat out of the second story window).
Oliver and I both knew it was too late to correct her, and I didn’t think it even mattered.
Later that year, at the family Christmas reunion, *everyone* asked me about how life at Harvard was. and Eva had told *everyone* I was majoring in Psychology at Harvard. So I went along with it. My parents never caught on somehow and my whole extended family thinks I went to Harvard.
Image source: IXaggerate, Emily Karakis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#26
I had everybody convinced I was straight for 20 years haha. Actually convinced though, not like the “well he’s probably gay but we will let him tell us” situation. My older brother by 3 years was the only person that actually had thought about the possibility in the past. But I think that was because we were a lot alike, but he was a ladykiller and I barely showed interest in romance at all. And I’m just as good looking as he is, so he probably figured I could have a decent girl if I actually wanted one. And of course teenage boys want one.
Image source: CallHimFuzzy, Beyza Kaplan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#27
I travelled under a fake name because I got a free ticket interstate from someone and didn’t want to pay the transfer fees. I’d hoped that I wouldn’t be asked for ID but I was. By chance, the person who gave me the ticket had the same first name as me so I simply told the airline staff that I’d just been married and hadn’t changed the name on my ID yet. I invented this whole backstory of where my new husband was, why I didn’t have a marriage certificate etc all for a free trip.
Got away with it, too.
Image source: anon, Nicole Geri / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#28
I convinced a group of coworkers that I impregnated a girl when I was 13, and she had a strange mutated baby. Had a whole story about meeting her in middle school, and having to go to a private school when I became a freshman because of the pregnancy. I produced pictures of Young Dren from Splice, and they actually bought it. I knew that had to be the kicker where they called out my BS story. They didn’t. I carried on the lie for almost 2 years, until I quit the job. Never did fess up to any of them either.
Image source: anon
#29
In 5th grade or something like that we were reading this article about a rare disease where people can’t feel pain. For some reason I decided to fool my class and pretended I had the disease. I have a pretty high tolerence for pain so when people didn’t believe me I just told them to punch me and they bought it. Eventually my entire grade believed it. I probably would’ve spread the lie to more people in my middle school and high school years if I didn’t get burned by a hot glue gun from someone really wanting to test it. To this day the people in my elementary school still believe it.
TLDR: I convinced people in my elementary school that couldn’t feel pain and they still think I can’t.
Image source: Galpticose
#30
When i was a kid i told everyone in my class that i was in the movie Hook. It was really popular then, so of course no one believed me. Everyone vowed to go home and watch it to prove me wrong (i said it was the scene when two kids are skateboarding around peter. I didnt even know how to skateboard.)
The next day i was ready for my lie to be thrown in my face, when out of nowhere the most popular kid in my class (his dad played for the chicago white sox) came in immediately announcing that he saw me in it. His word was bond, everyone believed him and from that day on i officially was in the hit movie Hook.
Image source: DribDrubs
#31
A few years ago I was in college and the MLB General managers meetings were going on at a hotel nearby. Since I’m a huge baseball fan I decided to sneak in. I got to the hotel and hung around for a few minutes taking in my surroundings. I saw Bud selig, Nolan Ryan, Billy Beane and others. A few minutes in a was confronted by the hotel staff asking if I was media. As a semi scared 19 year old and lied and said I was part my college’s newspaper and I was reporting on the meetings. The staff immediately believed me without a doubt and we had about a 10 minute conversation how stupid it was for my college to not have credentials. They walked away and someone got my attention from behind and Bud Selig started to talk to me about baseball for 10 minutes. I was writing on my notepad and thanked him for his time. He then introduced me to GM after GM. It was a great experience. Never was extremely happy about lying before but I was this time.
Image source: anon
#32
Not the biggest lie I’ve gotten away with, but still memorable.
In high school, a couple of my buddies, Mike and Mike came over to hang out while my folks were out. We were in my room, and as usual, they start wrestling. Right when I told them to quit it, Mike lifted Mike up in the air and body slammed him onto my brand new bed. To my horror, the wooden frame splintered and the whole thing came crashing down. Of course, Mike and Mike split.
An hour or so later my mother came home. I approached her and confessed, “Mom? I have to tell you something. Something important.”
“What is it, Tanman?” she asked, already concerned.
“I think you had better come up to my room..” We climbed up the stairs and entered my bedroom… to find it pristine, brand new bed and all. I closed the door and told her, “I think you had better sit down.” Now she was really scared. What had her son done? She tentatively eased down on the bed, when WHUMP! The whole bed splintered and came crashing down! “OMIGOD, MOM are you alright!?!”
I helped pick her off the floor and we stared at the broken bed incredulously. Mom was so furious about her sitting breaking the bed that she screamed bloody at the furniture store until, finally, they replaced it.
I got a new bed, Mom went on a diet and the Mikes got away scott free.
Fortunately, Mom never did follow up with me about what I was going to tell her…
Image source: tanman1975
#33
My senior year of high school, I had a MASSIVE project due, and the day that it was due our teacher was out sick, so everyone turned their projects into the sub, but I hadn’t even started the project (I had undiagnosed mono and all I could do was sleep), so I didn’t hand anything in. The next day, when the teacher was back, she asked me about my assignment, and I just decided to lie and say that I had turned it in to the sub. When another girl in the class backed me up, the teacher bought it completely, without question, and I got an A on a project that I never even attempted to do…and was 20% of my final grade.
That teacher was an idiot. God bless her.
Image source: SarcasticSupermodel
#34
When travelling I let people believe whatever Canadian stereotype they belt out. Yes, we live in igloos. No, we don’t know what TVs are.
Image source: anon
#35
My wife still thinks I love her, but I stopped caring 3 years ago and I can’t bring myself to break her heart.
Image source: Luffy1512
#36
Overslept a test in a class where the syllabus said a missed test would result in a F for the class unless you had a valid excuse. I told the teacher I had a flat tire and my spare was also flat. I live on campus, a 5 minute walk from class…
Image source: DabWizard
#37
Threw a party when my mom was away for the weekend. Took pics of everything before and cleaned meticulously. Mom gets home on Sunday night and is none the wiser. 1 month later she confronts me with a singular beer can she finds in the laundry room. I convince her i had 2 friends over that night and we all drank the one beer together to see what it tasted like. She asked me if i liked it and i said no. I was 16.
Image source: anonymousmessiah
#38
There’s a professor at the University of Washington who is world renown within his field. He wrote the first book on the topic in the 60s and cornered the market back then before anyone else wrote about the topic.
He told us a story of being a grad student in San Francisco. He had studied the field as he was very interested in it and was considering making it a bigger project. A physician came and spoke to him and told him to write a book since no one else had done it. The physician recommended him to some publisher friends.
The publishers turned him down but spent over an hour giving him tips on his writing as well as referring him to other publishers. This professor was dejected and quit this project and moved onto another office.
The physician tracked him down and kept encouraging him as this topic had not been addressed yet. This positive encouragement led to the professor really working hard and getting published. This 25 year old man was now being invited to speak around the world as he had no competition for a good decade. The professor dedicated his book to the physician.
Twenty years later the professor is in a room as a colleague brings up the physician. The professor asks how he’s doing. The colleague says the physician was arrested for pretending to be a doctor. On top of this the fake doctor was going around the hospital examining female patients. The professor was pissed off that he had dedicated his book to a pervert and took his name out of the next edition.
The professor decided to put the fake physician’s name back into a later edition because even if this man was a scammer and a pervert he had done a great deal for the professor and by extension, the newly developing field.
The professor gave this story ad an example of how luck affects all of us. If not for this pervert, the professor would not have been able to corner this market. Factors beyond our control influence us as much as the factors we do control.
Image source: Jackcooper
#39
When I was a kid, I told my classmates my dad played for the Chicago White Sox. Instant popularity.
Image source: UnholyDiver
#40
I’m mid 40s and everyone except my parents think I’m a woman.
Image source: Throwd5002
#41
“Mom I have food poisoning”. Every hangover in high school. Worked like a charm.
Image source: snowandbaggypants
#42
My great aunt lives in the village in Wales that Tom Jones was born and grew up in. Whenever he comes up in conversation (not very often) I tell everyone that he always comes to the annual summer BBQ my aunt has and brings his secret recipe coleslaw. Everyone thinks i’ve met him countless times. I haven’t.
Image source: zachaboi
#43
I was working the [worst] job ever at a rental store. I didn’t fit in with my co-workers and I hated picking up stoves and refrigerators for non-payment. I was desperate for a decent job.
I applied for a position at a medical school as a research associate. I put on my application that I had experience working with small animals in a research environment. They asked me about my research experience in the interview and described working with rats on a “plus maze.” They asked me some follow up questions and I somehow ended up with an offer.
On day one I show up to work having never interacted with rats in any way, in fact I was dreading handling them but I figured I would eventually get over my fear. The person who was training me immediately took me to the rat room and opened one of the cages and said “here you go, take this one out and weigh it.” Knowing that hesitation would give me away, I grab the rat like a boss, not too agressive and not too hesitant and place the rat on the scale. 6 years later I am the head of the clinical trials department of a large hospital. Best job ever.
Image source: chunkwagen
#44
Internet lie – common, but this one stood a freaking long time.
When I was in my pre-teens I used to go to a RPG chat. I liked the atmosphere, the people, but couldn’t make any solid friends: I had buddies there, but I was a girl, anything I would do or say would be ridiculed at some point. I was getting tired of this so I pretended I told some IRL buddy about the chat, and that he would join. Made a new account, started talking to everyone. Without saying anything different, me and my fake b**ls were welcomed quickly. I came back as myself and as Guy for a while, then stopped coming back as myself. I started playing with a bunch of very nice teens which I became friends with. In order to answer questions I had to fake a name, town, etc… In a few weeks we played less and talked more about our daily stuff ; I wasn’t super comfortable about the situation so I tried to keep it as real as I could (telling about my real hobbies, my real opinions, etc), but for some stuff it was just impossible and I had to invent more stories to cover myself up.
If these guys (and girls) had been mean or lame, I wouldn’t have been ashamed, but after a few months we were a solid 5 talking to each other every night for hours, and forgot about roleplay. We were having the most hilarious times, got new private jokes every day, we supported each other through daily [stuff] (school, IRL friends, heartbreaks, at some point parents divorcing and mourning). I loved them, and they loved me. Every day passing made it harder to come clean about my stories, and every story became more detailed because they wanted to keep updated with my life as much as I wanted to know about theirs. Daily I talked to my IRL buddies as much as I talked to this ace crew, I considered them some of my best friends, even if they didn’t know who I really was. I transformed what I told about my life in a way where I could be honest about the substance, even if the form was not accurate. I had an average-looking IRL buddy who could fit Guy’s physical description, so I used a couple of his pics when they asked for some (he never got to know, very ashamed about that). We were the closest, and if I’ve been a complete [jerk] about formal stuff, I’ve always been honest about my feelings and what I thought about what was going on in my life.
In the first years we were only 14 and living hundreds or, for some, thousands miles away, so it was not possible for us to meet. After 3 years some of them met, two of them had a beautiful relationship for 2 years, and managed to see each other every month even if they were 700miles away. My excuses for postponing a meeting were starting to become weak, they got angry with me a few times about that.
We continued talking for years. At some point we achieved a 5-years daily talk and I was in deep deep lies, but losing them was inconceivable. They were funny, clever and loyal teens, they became some of the best adults I know. My whole lie had became huge. I’d told them about every relationship I had (girlfriend/boyfriend), high school studies, first college years, they knew everything but with the wrong names and wrong details. As we started college, we slowly drifted apart. Daily MSN talk became weekly, then mails. Facebook was exploding and when they asked me to make an account (which I already had under my real name), I thought I couldn’t push the madness further. I started not coming back, not mailing back. After 5 years, I thought it was time, and I disappeared. I know they tried to find me (more on that later) with the whole lot of info they had, but as it was all fake, they didn’t manage to do so. I mailed every one of them once a year with Guy’s e-mail address, to wish them a happy birthday. They always responded.
Let’s forward 7 years after the beginning. So 2 years after disappearing, I mail the closest of these friends for his birthday (when I say close, we were JD and Turk, easily). He usually wrote back a few hours later tops, but after a few days I had nothing. I started worrying and found him on Facebook, he was ok, so I guessed just pissed. I finally mailed him again, asking if he was willing to talk. He answered he was actually very pissed, that he missed his bud, and that I should either stop mailing or come back where we could speak more easily.
So this day, after 7 years, I grabed my fake b**ls and sent him a message with my real Facebook account. Came clean : told him that I got myself in the biggest lie years ago, and that I knew they were all wondering where the trick was for me never showing my face IRL. So there was the trick : I’m not Guy, I’m a girl, and a whole lot of what I told was [a lie], but not our friendship. That I was beyond sorry and that I missed them too. He didn’t respond for a few days. His first message to my real me was “So, you [jerk], now you have no excuse for not meeting me”.
We talked, we met. After that I came clean to every one in the group and met some of them IRL. I was [scared of] their reaction, but 7 years of lies led (amazingly) to almost no resentment. I was way more uncomfortable that they were ; not that they didn’t care, our first meetings were the most heartwarming thing I experienced. They forgave me way more easily than I thought, and we spent some time untangling fake from real. I never felt so shameful, but meeting them for the first time and coming clean to not-so-pissed people was incredibly soothing. They understood that factual lies were in no way affecting our relationships and what I felt for them. I had a few hard but friendly pats on my back, a few non-serious insults and that was it. It’s been 10 years now and we manage to see each other every time we get a chance (we still live all pretty far away, but keep in touch through FB, my real one).
That’s probably the most shameful thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, and I regret a lot, but I can’t take all of this BS back. These people are amazing for forgiving me ; I’ve been a twisted teen, but they know I’m now a grown-up dealing with past [stuff] and as stable and normal as one can be. I thank them for that and I’m extremely grateful to count them among my friends.
**TL;DR : I’m a girl who pretended to be a dude for 7 years on the internet, made awesome friends during this period, they forgave me.**
Image source: ThatsSomeoneElse
#45
In middle school, i was good friends with a kid who had the same last name as me. We also lived two blocks apart, so we walked home from school together. We got a lot of questions about whether we were related. Well, one day we decided to just mess with them and say we were cousins. Over the next few months, we started coming up with elaborate lies about various family members, and at one point, i started keeping a family tree to keep track of all of our made up relatives. All throughout middle school, we managed to avoid having any suspicions about it. In high school, we kind of drifted apart because i biked to school, while he walked (we had different routes, too) and we didnt have any classes together. We never actually told anyone that it was all [a lie].
**TL;DR** me and a friend with the same last name were cousins for three years.
Image source: anon
#46
When I was younger, my church was doing preparation for a big faith healing event with other churches and all of us in children’s church were supposed to come to the front of the church congregation and say what we wanted to be healed from. I stole somebody else’s healing idea and said that I wanted to stop wearing glasses.
The Sunday after the event, I said that God’s divine power had stopped me from wearing glasses and in children’s church, they did a little test. They held up a piece of writing and got me to read it. I was squinting like no mans business, but they decided, “Yep, she’s healed, no problems here at all.”
I realised pretty soon after that, that I was not healed. So, I decided to wear my glasses to and from church and start to wear them again slowly, so people didn’t think that anything was up. I kept that up for around 18 months to 2 years.
Image source: anon
#47
Probably about 10/11 at the time. Was laying in bed looking at a ‘Harry potter: prisoner of Askaban’ poster hanging on my wall. My ridiculous 10 year old mind decided, ‘I want my friends to think I’m the coolest the next day I was officially related to Emma Watson or Hermione Granger as a second cousin.
My friends did think I was [cool] until their small minds finally realized a year later that they had never witnessed her around other then me telling them I was hanging out with her.
I was pretty proud I kept that [it] going for a solid year though as a ten year old.
Image source: Nitro_Penguin1
#48
That I passed my uni psychology degree. I was too scared to tell my parents I failed. Managed to avoid it all and they still don’t know and will never know. I did the full 3 years but filed the c/w and exams. There was too much pressure and a lot of stuff happened like my brother attempting [taking his own life] and my mum being ill,she has heart failure and I have panic attacks. But she would of been so mad if I told her I failed and made me re do the year. But I didn’t want to finish it. It doesn’t help that my brother and sister are academically clever. Now I’m scared no one will employ me. My husband and be at friend are the only people that know. They’re very supporting. I’m married and moved out of home now so I’m going to try my best at finding a job!
Image source: anon
#49
From grade 8 or so and onwards people though I had an older girlfriend in the city. Sadly, I put more effort into keeping the lie going than needed. I did multitudes of research into common names, average appearances, etc. I spent hours finding the perfect picture of a girl that matched the description. Hell, I could have made a book on this girl’s life. However none of this research was all in futile because people believed me.
Why did I do it? Read about how women were more attracted to taken men and as such, a kid with an older, attractive GF would definitely be a hit, yes? Well no because everyone forgot about it.
Image source: Galvadan
#50
I used to be a compulsive liar as a preteen and into my early teens. I’d lie for absolutely no reason especially when put on the spot or caught off guard. My biggest lie was that I had a cool emo/scene (it was like 2006) older half-brother who lived with my dad in Utah. I told all my friends that he took me to raves and that the hemp necklace with a 4 leaf clover pendant that I wore was his that he gave to me. Even went to far as to use and internet friends picture to make a fake MySpace profile & would occasionally post from it. I also told my friends that because he was my dad’s kid (and not my mom’s) that my mom didn’t like him so not to mention him around her. Sometimes when asked what I did over the weekend I’d even bring him up saying that he was visiting and he took me to the mall/movies/whatever. This went on for a few months before I got bored of the story and just stopped talking about him. Totally forgot about it for a while. Then, several years later when we were in high school my middle school best friend ran into my mom somewhere and decided to ask her how my brother was. Obviously my mom had no idea what she was talking about, but luckily my friend didn’t push the subject, so I just told my mom I didn’t know and left it at that. So yeah, that happened.
TLDR; in middle school I made up an elaborate lie that I had an older brother, in high school after I forgot about the lie my friend asked my mom how he was doing & I was almost exposed.
Image source: hardcoretubbins
#51
I inherited a house mate, who I lived with for a year. He annoyed me from about month 2, he was nice enough, but just had horrible living habits. After a year living with him, my partner and I thought he had to go. Rather than just tell him to leave, and endure a bitter 6 week notice period and because he was nice, we said that the house was being sold by the landlord, and we **all** had to move. Long story short, my partner and I had to pack up all our stuff, and told him we were moving out a few days after him. Waited until he left, and unpacked all of our things.
Image source: pcjtfldd
#52
At the moment I’m pretending to still have my job to multiple people, crafting stories of “yeah I have free time because I took some annual leave” and “been a rough couple of weeks” with the intention of faking a breakdown that leads me to quitting.
I got fired for something incredibly dumb that my mum would flip [out]. So I’ve got to go through this oscar-worthy performance.
Image source: anon
#53
At my last year of Uni I wanted a change, so I moved to a whole new house of people I’d never met before. Most of my family is from South Africa, I am British but don’t really look it, more “exotic”.
Anyway, I moved in, and on day one for some reason I added a slight SA accent to my normal Southern English accent (like the kind you get from a news reader). Just to be different maybe? Bit of a laugh? It went on for the whole year, because you can’t just backpedal on something like that.
That was almost 10 years ago, and I put it on for so long that it’s my accent now. Everyone I meet always comments on it, asking where I’m from as my accent is very “muddled” or “international”. I have to concentrate to talk like I did back in the day, and back in the day I had to concentrate to add the SA accent.
I was…weird.
Image source: Dynasty2201
#54
Started a new job; I never liked my name, so I changed it. I was Jesse for a year or so. I liked it, felt like I was a different person at work.
Things got complicated when I started dating my co-worker, and bringing her around family.
Image source: anon
#55
I was in kindergarten in Mississippi and I was sent to the principals for a paddling (this was the 80’s, they still paddled). I hid in the bushes for 35 minutes, came back, and told my teacher that he’d let me off with a warning.
Image source: anon
#56
During my senior year of highschool I had a writing class that was being taught by a student teacher. We had a major paper due which would make a up a large portion of my grade. The week before the paper was due I got the worst flu bug I have ever had in my entire life. I was absent the day the paper was due and the day that they were handed back. After I felt better I wrote the whole paper in one night to get it handed in a few days late. Needless to say this paper wasn’t well done. I didn’t have the sources to back up most of my claims.
When I finally got back to class the student teacher approached me. I assumed that he wanted the paper so I started to dig through my bag to get it out, when he says…
“AndrewActionJackson I can’t seem to find your paper but I remember grading it. I forgot to record your grade into the book, do you remember what grade you received?” I stopped digging and stared at him.
“Uh… I think I got a B+…” (I wasn’t an A student so I picked B+ to be safe.)
“I believe you are right, do you have the graded paper with you?”
“No I probably threw it out”
“Okay that’s fine I’ll just add the grade to the book.” At this point I was sure he was messing me but nope I ended up passing the class mainly because of that “B+”.
Image source: AndrewActionJackson
#57
One summer around the age of 12-14 years old me and my brother took the balloons that we only meant to be used for birthdays and used them for a water balloon fight.
My mum came home and she was pissed because she could see parts of balloons all over the garden she asked us what had happened and I said that a plane came over and was dropping water balloons down.
Over the years I felt bad because she would always go on about how me and my brother had water balloons dropped on us from a plane. I finally told her around the age of 20 and she couldn’t believe it and had told all of her friends that it had happened.
Image source: TheCaringAsshole
#58
This is about my mother’s “biggest lie”, which I did eventually find out about.
Me and my mother grew up in a very poor town, and there was this boy that must have been about thirteen who was homeless – he sold some stuff he’d made or found most days in the street. We didn’t have much money at all, but I (being a very young girl) used to ask my mother about him all the time and ask whether we could bring him home to eat with us and stuff. She used to just shake her head and look really sad, and I didn’t know until much later that she could barely afford to feed us as it was. One time, when the boy was looking really ill and thin, I asked her and she got *really* mad at me and actually started to cry. I didn’t ask again for a long time.
After a few months, he disappeared. I, again being really young, asked whether he had been taken to someone’s home to live there, and my mother said that he had and that he was well and happy. Growing up, I used to think about the boy all the time, really glad that he had found a home and that he wouldn’t have to work in the street and be cold and hungry.
One night, when we were better off and had moved out of the town, I heard my mother talking to one of her new friends about the boy. She explained it all, and how sad she was not to be able to help him – she said it was her biggest regret, because if she had been able to spare something, they might not have found him [deceased] one morning.
She must have forgotten I was there.
It’s been many years since this happened, but I still think about the boy every day. It’s not my mother’s fault of course – she could barely afford to keep a roof above our heads – but in my childhood, I hated her for lying to me, and I hated her for not helping. Only when I was older did I understand that life just isn’t that simple..
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#59
I said I was 15 when I was buying a 15 rated DVD.
I was 13.
Image source: The_Magic_Potato
#60
I’ve never lied in my entire life.
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#61
When I was in the first grade we were in a small spare class that was used for French lessons and random classes by a bunch of different grades. Near the end of class while we were all lining up, I accidentally pulled from my nose a huge booger, the kind that you feel draw out right from the back of your nose. It was stuck to my hand and I panicked, wiping it in the corner by the front door.
This was pretty funny to me, and the combination of the hilarity and the feeling of it coming out of my nose turned my face beet red. I spun around, glowing like a tomato, and when the teacher saw my face, she asked what happened. I tried to think of something quick, telling her that I was thinking of a joke from before and it made me laugh. She wasn’t buying it, and demanded to know why my face was so red.
“sometimes my face just gets red was my reply.” She gave me an unbelieving “ok” and I thought I was successfully in the clear…my memory is a little hazy, but I remember that this little lie BLEW UP. The teacher ended up calling my mom to confirm the fact that my face turns red for no reason, concerned it could be a medical issue. My mom confronted me about it, and I couldn’t think of anything to say, kept denying it, and eventually settled on the reasoning that my face had turned red because I had started thinking about the fact that my dog would [be gone] someday and so would my family, and it made me very sad and near tears and thats why I turned so red. She accepted it, but seemed worried.
I think if we had more money I would’ve been sent to see a therapist over that lie… The next day the teacher brought me out in the hall and had a heartfelt talk about it and I pretended to cry about my dog and she told me to get some water and not to stress about things like that. Until the day I left in grade 8, anytime I had a class in that room (about once a week), I could see that massive, crusty booger sitting in the corner by the door.
TL:DR wiped a booger on the wall, nearly had to go see a therapist but successfully weasled out of it and saw my triumph repeatedly for 8 years.
Image source: my_dogs_a_devil
#62
When I was about 10 I hit a hole in the side of my parent’s brick garage with a hammer. I blamed it on my brother. My parents gave all three of us kids a chance to admit to it. When no one fessed up they told us that they already knew who did it and that he might as well just fess up. I kept silent and in a split second my dad grabbed my brother and pulled him up stairs by his shirt. I sat through what seemed like an eternity of slaps and screams.
I had got away with it. I never told a soul for 15 years. It changed my life for ever. I physically cannot lie with out getting choked up and sweaty.
Two years ago at Christmas I was talking to my brother about old times. He says, “Remember when dad pretended to beat me in order for you to confess, but you just let me take it. Jerk.” and playfully punched me in the arm. I just stood there with my jaw on the floor.
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#63
My undergrad thesis. 100 pages of lies and [nonsense].
Image source: co_upe
#64
I had a warrant out for a failure to appear. There were about ten people in my parking lot just hanging out and drinking. A cop rolls up as I walk out and asks if this is Squidbill’s house. I put on the poker face and say “Yeah, but you just missed him, he went to the store to get more beer. You want me to tell him you guys are looking for him?” He said no, they’d catch up with him eventually. And that’s how I stayed out of jail for another month.
Image source: squidbill
#65
I once skipped the last class of the day with a friend in 10th grade. I don’t know why… it was only a 50 minute class and it was Beginning Guitar. Also, this school’s rules against skipping class were very strict. Like, getting caught once meant a week-long suspension, twice was expulsion. So the school called my mother a few days later saying I had been present in all my classes except the last one, and that I was going to be suspended. They e-mailed her a notice, which she showed to me while screaming and threatening to disown me for being so stupid. I glanced at it and noticed they got the date wrong by one day. I bold-face lied and told her that I had never skipped any classes, and that she would need to apologize to me after I proved my innocence. Then I called my friend and told him to do the same.
We brought the papers in the next day (about four school days after the skipped day) to my Guitar teacher, who was somewhat absent-minded. She checked her book and realized we were in on that day. Obviously, she noticed that the day was off by one, and mentioned her mistake. Dammit. I bold-face lied again, saying “No, we were definitely there that day, too… we presented our original compositions, remember?” That had actually happened the day *before* the one we skipped. She marked us down as present, signed our papers, and I made my mom apologize to me.
freddiemercury.jpg.
Image source: anon
#66
I told a Japanese girl in a club that I was Canadian. She wouldn’t have made-out with me if I told her the truth…*I am an Arab*.
Image source: anon
#67
I had 16 items in the 15 item or less line and absolutely no one realized it but me….
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#68
I once farted a quiet but stinky one while hanging out with my girlfriend (now wife). No one else was with us, so it was obviously me, but I still managed to convince her that she was the culprit. I’m still amazed that it worked.
Image source: nasty_nate
#69
The real slim shady was originally by the beatles.
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#70
It was a friday night, and like many underage college students, we were playing drinking games with a ping pong ball. Someone accidentally dented the ball, and my friend says that he heard you can fix it by heating it up with a lighter. We tried it. Ball burst into flames, and set the fire alarm off.
We hastily hid all the evidence before Campus Safety arrived, at which point my roommate told them that we were gaming so hard, the xbox overheated and started smoking. They bought it, and the following week the whole incident, including the excuse, showed up in the police blotter in the school newspaper. Everyone had a good laugh.
Image source: anon
#71
When I was in middle school I convinced a female friend of mine that I had schizophrenia and needed help. I was really just an attention seeking [jerk]. I still regret this.
Image source: SidewalkJohnny
#72
“No, I don’t think your sister is hotter than you”.
Anyone with only partial eye sight could see that I unfortunately dated the less attractive sister. That being said, I’m still (despite our break up) glad I dated her and not her sister. There’s more to it than looks.
Image source: Pihlbaoge
#73
Living and working in states, I overheard a lot of hate from my coworkers to my country of Origin, which is Russia. It hasn’t been uncovered for over a year now.
Manager is still the only person who knows where I am from.
I lied and said that I am Bulgarian, with some good Russian language knowledge.
I know I might get a lot of “get real and tell them. If they won’t understand it’s their problem”, but I have a lot of reasons to keep it a secret and with current situation and tensions between two countries.
Image source: Nicky_and_Skittles
#74
I was always a goody two-shoes and a teacher’s pet. But in seventh grade, I did something terrible. For some reason, whether pre-teen hormones/rebellion or just not knowing how to handle a serious problem, I physically hurt a girl who had been my friend previously. I kicked her and stabbed her with a pen. When she told on me, I did what any kid would do: just deny it.
Because I was such a good kid and a straight-A student, somehow the adults actually believed me. Other kids had even witnessed it, but I still got away with it. I convinced all the adults that she had done it to herself to get me in trouble. To this day I feel terrible about the whole thing.
Image source: wizardcats
#75
During my sophomore year I was at a track meet and before the meet people came by and handed out free shirts to every team. They were really nice blue half marathon shirts and literally everyone on my team got one for free.
Fast forward to my senior year. My girlfriend and I were hanging out with a bunch of people after school and she noticed my friend (whom I ran track with) had the half marathon shirt on (she had seen me wearing it before and commented on how she liked it). When she points it out, instead of telling her that we all got free shirts like a normal person, he tells her that the shirt passes from person to person on the track team each week per tradition. As he starts explaining, I join him in crafting a back story for the tradition, making up how it got started and who started it. She believed every word and since then we made it a point to pretend to pass the shirt when she was around, and we got the rest of our team involved so it would’t be just us trading weeks with it.
She still doesn’t know we’re messing with her.
Image source: anon
#76
When I was in the third or fourth grade, for whatever reason, I thought it would be fun or funny to collect my spit in a cup. I would do this in the middle of class. And when asked about it, I would tell my classmates that my dad was some kind of scientist and that he requested that I collect my saliva for a span of a few days for research. No one really probed further so I kept doing it. While I eventually stopped spitting in cups, I still told everyone around me that my dad was some kind of scientific professional for the next few years until I eventually left that school.
In reality, I’m just a weird kid and my dad is a graphic designer.
Image source: emeraldwench
#77
I convinced my Chinese coworkers that my name is Patrick…even though it’s actually not Patrick but now they all know me as Patrick.
Image source: ptapobane
#78
Not me, but a coworker I met at this crazy hostel years ago.
This Australian bloke and I became fast friends, and lived and worked together in this hostel for 3 years, even sharing a room.
Eventually he made friends with some local girls and started dating their roommate and moved in with them. After that, it was a long while after that until I’d heard from any of them.
One day, one of the girls messages me and tells me this strange story. Apparently the guy had been bringing random guys home, cheating on his boyfriend. The lies prompted his boyfriend to go through a box of papers and letters from his mom, along with some documents such as passport, birth certificate, etc. he apparently was very secretive and protective of this box. It turns out that was because he is actually from Chicago, has never been out of the country and he had been faking this accent and backstory for FRICKIN YEARS.
It might not sound that insane but it’s crazy knowing someone for years and finding out literally everything they’d ever said is a lie. In retrospect, there were a lot of red flags. Like how we used to make fun of how bad he was at doing other accents. Which makes sense cause he was trying to do an accent through a fake one. He would say he’s from Sydney, but didn’t know any of the landmarks. Also, he would cleverly avoid hanging out with other Australians, probably due to the fact he didn’t know anything about the geography of the place.
To this day it still blows my mind that his guy faked this life, especially since we lived and worked together for years every day. Like, we’d get out of our beds in the morning and he’s brushing his teeth “Mornin’ mate how’d ya sleep?” Work all day chatting about life, family, friends. Clock out, “Oy mate what’s for dinnah?” Go back to bed “gnight mate”
The girls story checks out since we’re still friends on Facebook even though we don’t really talk. He moved back to Chicago after that and I saw a video of him he’d posted speaking with a very natural American accent. To this day I’ve never brought it up so I have no answers as to why or how the whole thing started.
Image source: therealrawblow
#79
In college I told people I met while partying that my name was Keith. It got to the point where people would talk to each other about my fake identity.
“I met this cool guy named Keith last night.”
“Oh you know Keith too?” Meanwhile my close friend who heard this and knew the truth just laughed.
Image source: Agonetheta
#80
I was a little short on cash at Denny’s and made a big show of searching for my AARP card so I could get the fifteen percent discount and pay my bill. The waitress said “Don’t worry about it, hun” and gave me the discount.
I’ve also successfully masqueraded as a 50+ year-old man for young women online seeking daddy types.
I’m only 37.
Image source: laterdude
#81
I grew up in a mobile home. I never had a problem with it growing up. It’s not trashy, it was kept nice and on beautiful acreage…just small.
My parents lived in a big city where they didn’t want to raise kids, this was the best they could do at the time and have stayed there since. I love the house, it’s where I grew up and I never had a problem about it as a kid. Once I met my now fiancé I got a little shy about it. I have worked hard, put myself through college, paid for my own wedding, etc. and I don’t want people to judge me or think less of me or my family based on the house I grew up in. My fiancé has never been to my parents house, I always think of an excuse to meet my parents out and about the town. I don’t exactly lie about the house, I just don’t reveal the truth about it. Not really sure how long I can keep it up but it’s something I’m self conscious about and feel like I’ll be judged on.
Image source: SecretRedditThrwAway
#82
When I was in fourth grade I told my family that the teacher was sick and absent all the time. I was [bad] at math so I would hide homework and lie through my teeth everyday.
This went on for about two months until my grandfather went to the school to see why they weren’t doing anything. It all crashed and burned that day. I was grounded and made to go tutoring everyday after school.
I still don’t understand how it went on so long. Whoops.
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