Bartenders are incredibly influential to people’s nights out. The NIQ 2025 Global Bartender Report shows that 79% of bartenders make drink recommendations every shift, and nearly all say customers follow their lead most of the time. In Britain, CGA’s GB Bartender Report found that a quarter of all drink orders are directly swayed by the person behind the bar—more influence than promotions, advertising, or even what friends are ordering.
But not all of their effort shows up in sales figures. Beyond choosing what ends up in everyone’s glasses, bartenders often play an unspoken role as guardians of their patrons. This means recognizing when someone is in distress, or answering a cry for help.
The latter often comes in the form of “safeword” drink orders, a quiet code between staff and guests, which has become a discreet but powerful tool for diffusing dangerous situations, from unwanted advances to drink spiking attempts. And while industry reports don’t measure how often they’re used, countless first-hand accounts reveal just how quickly bartenders step in to turn things around.
#1
Not exactly what you asked for but dealing with a major creep:
I was at a bar alone and it was late and the guy wouldn’t leave me alone. The bartender swooped in and said he was my husband and I was there waiting for him to get off work. He grabbed all my stuff and brought it to the other side of the bar and the other bartender got the guy out they had me wait for a while after he left then they got me an Uber home to be safe. 3 years later the bartender who pretended to be my husband, is my actual husband.
Edit: thank you for silver!
My husband just got home from work and we are laying in bed reading all the comments and loving it :) glad you all enjoyed our story.
Image source: I_am_freddie_mercury, Kike Salazar N / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#2
I’m a bouncer in a nightclub. No drink safewords but we actively keep an eye out for situations which don’t look above the radar. If a girls leaving with a guy and she looks too intoxicated to stand I’ll take her aside and ask what his name is and how she knows him. If she’s obviously been d***ged I’ll call the police. If she’s scared or needs help getting away from a bad situation I’ll call her a cab and walk her too it. I’ll also say to the bloke that I need to see some ID because ‘his entry stamp isn’t the right one’ as soon as I see it I’ll take a photo, pass it on to the police and ban him for life from out club.
We’ve built up a reputation as the safest nightclub in our area, which draws both crowds especially girls. It’s massively helped our business being so focused on safety.
Image source: castle6831, Xxinvictus34535 / Wikipedia (not the actual photo)
#3
I dont know about safe word drinks but once in my early 20s I went on a date with a guy who I didnt know well but seemed fairly normal. About 2 drinks in he starts dropping some real creep vibes. Says that he loves how young I look, at one point he literally said, “you look barely old enough to have your peroid” YIKES. I make eye contact with the bartender behind me and mouth “help” She came right over and asked if I had been in recently because theres a scarf in lost and found that might belong to me. I walked with her to an employee room and explained the situation. She waited with me while the bouncer bounced him. Later that same bouncer walked me to my car.
Image source: BrownFieldMouse, Aleksandar Andreev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#4
I’m a bartender in a small town. Anytime a new woman comes into the bar I let her know that if she ever feels uncomfortable or needs anything to ask me to go out for a smoke with her. I’ve had plenty of people use it to get away from some just usual creeps. But NOTHING beats the night a guy asked this girl to go home with him. After she politely refused he grabbed her and called her a b***h. We already had our eye on this situation, my bouncer immediately came out of no where and tased this drunk a*****e.
(Edit) “tazed”.
Image source: anon, energepic.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#5
I’m a straight guy and had a girl rescue me once from an uncomfortable situation.
Was at a bar with a couple of buddies and these two girls sitting in front of us; that none of us were even interested let alone said anything to them at all started trying to chat us all up. When asked what we do for a living I said I was a garbage man and had kids in the hopes that alone would be enough for them to move on; but, unfortunately no.
So I must have been looking around the bar with the eyes that said “get me the f**k out of here” and this nice girl I never met came by and did the “hey you! I haven’t seen you in forever!” thing and gave me a great big hug which of course I thanked her for. She saw I was super uncomfortable and needed rescuing so she saved me.
I repaid her kindness with drinks and we met up later on for a movie. Since then I’ve been more aware of the signs and would help a stranger if ever the need presented itself.
Image source: Slippedstream, wavebreakmedia_micro / freepik (not the actual photo)
#6
I went out on my own one night and was having a few drinks at a local pub. I had just moved to the area so didn’t really know anyone. A guy sat down next to me and was chatting. At first is was just casual but he eventually became really tipsy/handsy. Then the guy actually kissed me just out of the blue and I told him I was not ok with it. He said I was leading him on – which was not the case at all. He got angry and stormed off to the washroom. I was feeling really uncomfortable and unsafe. I didn’t know my new neighbourhood yet. The bartender saw that I was feeling off right away – he didn’t even know me but could tell. He asked if I wanted to be shown out the back door and if they could put me in a cab home so that I could go without the guy following me. They even paid – and apologized that I felt unsafe in their bar. I was totally blown away. I would totally go back there and feel completely taken care of.
Image source: anon, OurWhisky Foundation / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#7
I had to use it when on a date off tinder. We met up and he had already got me a drink just sat there (shot of something clear) and then said to me that I should do it then he would take me some where better for more fun. I wasn’t comfortable so excused my self to the bathroom and saw a poster that said about ask for Angela if you’re uncomfortable. Went to the bar and asked for Angela and immidietly this guy was playing along saying oh yeah she’s working in kitchen tonight he got me a taxi and walked me out the back door and into the taxi to make sure I got there without any hassle. Never saw the guy again.
Image source: misspurplemonkiii, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#8
Ehhh this is a “close but not quite” situation but it may get attention due to the lack of legit responses.
A guy I was with was with was SUPER adamant about me keeping up with him slamming drinks. He would drag me to the bar and order for me, then egg me on to drink faster, etc. I did NOT want to be drunk with him.
He ordered me a vodka soda and I maintained that *slightly* pained look on my face, hoping to catch the bartenders attention. When he looked my way, I widened my eyes just a little and subtly shook my head “no”.
I watched him as he poured me drink by faking the vodka pour and just filling me with what I presume was soda water (not normally my drink of choice so I wasn’t sure what it was – kinda looked like stale Sprite) and he garnished it with a lime and everything. Said “cheers” when he handed us our drinks.
This continued for a while until Drunky McSmashypants wanted to leave. Bartender said to me “oh you had asked about seeing Megan, right?! Yeah she’s in the back, go ahead while he closes out”
I sort of hovered by the restrooms which were tucked away, watched the bartender BS with the dude for a while, and he eventually left lookin all annoyed. When the coast was clear, I came out, said my thank yous, and he said “anytime, happens more than we care to admit” so I thought it was pretty cool that the bartenders were aware enough to pick up on the little signs and help a sister out. I guess during their conversation he basically convinced the dude that I didn’t seem into it and he thought he saw me leave already. Drunk dude was druuuuuunk so I guess he bought it without further intervention necessary.
Image source: taratorial, Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
Had a bar call 911 once after they bounced a guy who was creeping out a woman. He stood outside the bar and flat out said he was waiting for her until she came out, which he did. He started following her and told people they were together. I literally had to stand with this moron while this poor girl and her friends got into the car, and d*****t tried to stand really close so he could get the address. I told the driver her address, but gave the address of the jail, which most taxis know, and he seemed to get the hint. Guy tried to complain later that we had “unlawfully detained” him just so he couldn’t get the girls number and address.
I mean… Yeah, basically that’s what we did. Move along.
Edit for clarification: I responded to the 911 call, I’m a police officer.
Image source: Aardvark1292, freepik (not the actual photo)
#10
Had a creeper at a hotel bar who wouldn’t leave me alone despite my best efforts to ignore him. I even asked him politely and not so politely to “leave me alone”. He actually kept trying to touch me and told me that I was going to go to his room with him. He had a strange angry edge too. So I gave the bartender a “help me” look and said to him something like “I need to talk to you about that thing with my tab, remember?” and asked if could do it when the bar closed (which was like 5 minutes later). He looked at me and said, “Give me a minute”, made a phone call and then said, “So, they can help you at the front desk”… meanwhile creeper is literally not leaving me alone is still trying to actually hang on me and keeps talking.
So I start to leave and creeper is trying to kiss me and pull me close but I tell him I have business at the front desk and walk to the front desk. About 3 employees were there and I said “The Bartender said you could help me with my tab?” And one of the employees says “oh, I need you to come here with me to fix that”. And she says to the guy “You need to stay here, this is personal business”. The employee (a woman) and I start to walk away and of course the creeper followed us. She actually walked me to a staff elevator and he tried to get on with us. She told him “Get out of here and leave us alone” as a male hotel employee came up to him just then and the elevator door shut. The employee walked me literally to my room door and stayed until I had it locked on the other side.
I have had (and still occasionally do have) guys hit on me but never anything like this incident. I actually wrote a long long email to the hotel corporate office and the actual hotel about the bartender and two employees because they helped me in what I would say was “above and beyond”… the guy really frightened me. I have been as brand loyal as possible to the hotel chain ever since.
Image source: Soosietyrell, Getty Images / Unspalsh (not the actual photo)
#11
The bar never had a safe word but we had a lot of reasons to get to action. Rough crowd really.
A couple came in the woman had smeared makeup and both looked just super pissed. The girl whispered to the bar tender that he was hitting her outside. We called the police and had her come to the back as the guy sat there dumb founded. Cops came put him in cuffs as he’s denying it all. The manager came in to get the video for the side camera. She played it the cops came back out and released him and cuffed her. She tried to stab him outside and broke in his windshield. Great night an he drank free the rest of the night.
Image source: noahplow, Michael Förtsch / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
Recently happened to me. I met up with an ex after roughly 5 years of not seeing him. He seemed way off when i arrived at the bar. Forgot his wallet (not surprised) so I bought the round of beers but immediately closed the tab because I wasn’t expecting to pay for him and didn’t want him taking advantage. When I excused myself to the restroom I was already regretting the evening. I left the rest room and he. Was. Standing. Outside. The. Door. Every alarm in my body went off but I Just acted annoyed and questioned him. He mumbled something and walked over to a pinball machine. Never played just looked at it for a solid 10 minutes. Which gave me enough time to call my bartender over and ask “girl to girl, this dudes on d***s, right” she agreed and asked me if I felt safe. I obviously didn’t so she let me exit through the backdoor and even got her bar back to walk me to my car. Not sure if anything would have happened but I’m really glad that she was so cool about it.
TLDR: my ex showed up for drinks obviously out of his mind the bartender helped me escape.
Image source: Killer____tofu, RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#13
I have 2 stories:
First one happened in my early 20s. It was a blind date set up by someone I’m no longer friends with, and the date seemed like a fairly normal d*******g frat guy. I don’t like guys like that, so I was already planning on leaving early. Anyway, he talked about himself almost non-stop, and every couple of minutes or so, he’d mumble something quietly and get a weird look on his face. I couldn’t understand/hear him when he mumbled, and I almost never got the chance to ask him to repeat himself, and when I did, he’d ignore me. Eventually, I actually understood one of the things he said. He mumbled, “Your skin would look better on my wall.” I went to the bar, ordered a Paladin Hard Lemonade no ice, and I was escorted to my car.
Second story happened in my late 20s. I had a scarf wrapped around my head, since I was bald from chemo and got cold easily. I was on a blind dinner date at a nice restaurant that also had a bar counter. My date seemed really freaked out when he saw me, and I couldn’t figure out why. After a few minutes of him being very on edge and me awkwardly trying to make small talk, he gets up and goes to the bar. He disappears with a waiter for a few minutes, and the next thing I know, a bunch of cops come in and I get handcuffed. It turns out he’s got a phobia of Islam, he thought I was wearing a hijab, and the police were called because I was a t******st who informed him of a plot to blow up a shopping mall. Fun times.
Image source: Alana-the-Alien-Nerd, cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#14
Not a safeword, but a random patron/regular at my favorite bar. I’m there talking to my bartender buddy, when a girl pulls up next to me- she’s pretty, but visibly distraught. What I’d noticed was, she kept looking around for someone. I noticed her texting “Hey are you near (Xxx) Tavern? Some dude came up to me and brought me a drink, and he won’t leave me alone”, as I was going for my phone on the countertop.
After a few minutes of feeling her anxiety, I decided to ask her if she was okay, she didn’t seem alright. She straight up told me she was hiding from some weirdo, and he’s been following her, even to the (unisex) bathrooms.
I said, no problem. Let me know when he’s close, I’ll help ya out.
When the dude came up, I whispered “go with it” and wrapped my arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head- dude asked, “Hey, there you are! Didn’t see you around!” and she said “Oh, yeah, I was looking for my boyfriend- you didn’t hear me say that?” I introduced myself and shook his hand with a smile.
Dude stormed off *quick* after that. I bought her a drink of her choosing, and with a grateful thank you, off she went.
Image source: thenyx
#15
In a previous life I was a weekend female bartender in a factory town hole the the wall bar.
Every wall and stall in the ladies room had and still has a “help me now” drink name request.
When a female requests this drink staff stalls. Makes nice, asks typical bartender questions until we have an ID of the Male in question.
then we called the cops to sort it out. Response was swift.
Image source: anon
#16
My friend told me the bar we go to for happy hour had a safeword drink called a McClane but I didn’t believe her.
I went one night and this guy who was absolutely wasted followed me around the bar, telling me how much he loves black girls, and his slave fantasies, and tried to get handsy. I ordered the McClane and the bartender said there was an issue with my id and card and led me to the back while Thomas Jefferson got bounced.
Image source: cryrabanks
#17
Semi related, but I was out at the pub on campus for a show, and had been there previously in the day celebrating our last exam with some friends. Some guy who was sitting at a table next to us and trying to chat us up earlier was still there with his buddies and was drunker and braver and of course he got me alone when my friend went to the bathroom.
He wouldn’t stop talking to me and getting in my face and yelling about himself and when I excused myself to go to the bar (literally was like “ok bye.”) He followed me to the bar and ordered the same thing as I did and offered to pay and I said I was good and he did not. stop. talking. And I must have looked mad as f**k because the bartender walked over and went “hey you were here earlier right? Buddy give us a second I need to speak with her about her tab.” The guy leaves and the bartender tells me I looked distressed and asked if everything was ok, I told him I was fine but this guy was in my personal space and not leaving. So he said if he doesn’t stop that I should come back and order a whiskey lemon and security would be notified, and he would walk me back to my car if I needed it.
We ended up moving tables and I think he got too drunk to stand up and left not too long after that but I was so relieved to know the bartender was watching out. I’m not one for confrontation and it just feels so much safer to be able to duck out with someone having my back.
Image source: kati_e_, Natalie Behn / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#18
My bar didn’t have a safeword drink, but my favorite bartender swooped in more than once and looked after me – even at times when I hadn’t asked him to yet.
I remember one time in particular, when I came in with my roommate. She and I were sitting at the bar with our drinks, while a couple guys were sitting on the next two stools. They bought us drinks, so we did the usual polite thing and said thanks, introduced ourselves, etc.
Within five or ten minutes of starting this conversation, they’d informed us that they were heading to an “after party” at their house and a bunch of people would be there – we should come with them. My roommate and I gave each other a “Yeah, right” look and said thank you, but no.
Well, they wouldn’t take no for an answer. They just kept right on trying to somehow convince us to leave and get in a car with two strange men to go to a house we’d never been to, and then just trust that it was safe?
After a little while, “my” bartender came over to us. He didn’t say anything to me or to the guys – not a single word. Instead, he leaned on the bar across from us and started to grin. I smiled back, and so did my roommate, and the three of us just kept looking at each other and smiling silently. The guy talking at us slowly got quieter, then stopped talking at all, and then he and his friend walked away.
As soon as they left, the bartender straightened up and went back to work.
I have a lot of respect for anyone intuitive enough to pick up signals something is wrong *and* confident enough to resolve a potential conflict with so little effort.
Image source: anon, freepik (not the actual photo)
#19
I’ve actually been used to escape by a random before. Was at a local bar with a bunch of friends and out of no where girl walks over, sits on my lap and between a teeth clenched smile just said “pretend to know me”. I laughed and loudly said “Hey you! Where’d you wonder off to?” Thankfully my friends picked up on it because inside of 10 seconds a few of my female friends were chatting with her and standing between her and the guy she’d fled.
I asked her after what about me made her know I was a safe person to turn to and she said “because you’re here with a bunch of women. Total honesty. Thought you were gay.” Lol.
Image source: JustAReader2016
#20
I was the Kitchen Manager at a neighborhood bar. We had three safe drinks posted in the woman’s bathroom. Basically just for severity and such, as some people didn’t actually need to be walked to their car or anything, they just wanted help saying no to whoever was annoying them.
One night there was a home game that was on. That bar gets so packed, people just ended up standing all packed together after the seats fill up. As the game was ending, some people were leaving, and others who were sitting down were starting to close out.
One woman had ordered the safe drink that basically meant the other person was pretty much getting way too touchy, and she needed help immediately. The bartender immediately went to grab two bouncers. In the span of about ten seconds, the bartender grabbed the mans drink from his hand and the two bouncers picked him up (one by the neck, the other by the legs) and threw (literally) him in the grass outside. The general manager comped both tabs, and then walked the woman to her car with his gun tucked in the back of his pants.
Image source: Thatnerdychef
#21
Ordered a Manhattan. Bartender told me I had a call at the phone at the end of the bar. I go over and look around for a phone but can’t find one. He then asks me if I need a cab and that I can wait out back for it to arrive. I had no idea what was going on, and after a few exhanges of quizzical looks he explained that a Manhattan is the safe drink. I just wanted a Manhattan. He said I was the first person in years to have ordered one at that bar.
Image source: Actuarial
#22
I’ve experienced the bartender hero before. Out with a friend in DC. Guy comes up, stands way too close, introduces himself and shakes my hand WAY to hard and WAY too long – i had to actually pull my hand away and he kept the grip. I politely told him i was visiting a friend I hadn’t seen in a while and wanted to spend my time with her and turned my back. He kept standing there, trying to talk to me. I again, but more firmly, told him I wasn’t interested – he stayed. He orders another drink and the bartender serves him – all the way at the other end of the bar. Actually showed him his drink and said it will be over here and walked it as far away from us as he could. I thought that was brilliant – he got a very very good tip from us.
EDIT – so many of you have asked – the bar was the Dubliner in DC near Capitol Hill. If you haven’t been there go – not just because of the intuitive and smart bartenders but for the Smithwicks and Guinness burgers. With that one exception I’ve met a ton of cool people there.
Image source: Betsy514
#23
My university town had the highest incidents of sexual a*****t for 5 years in a row, the school and community took it really seriously and implemented procedures all over the place.
I asked my friend, who was a bouncer at my favourite bar/club, what happens when a girl orders the drink. He said it changes week to week in the ladies bathroom to confuse men when word gets out. You can use any of the former ones and the bartenders will jump into action.
Generally they find a way to get you away from that person whether it be a “phone call” or they need to show you something. Once you’re out of eye sight they whisk you away to the opposite floor of the place (bar is on the bottom, club is on the top) and keep the date occupied until your gone. If he gets away from his “company” they radio that the drink got spilled and every bouncer abandons their post to try and keep him away from you.
They escort you out the backdoor into a waiting cab. They pay the cabbie to take you home and make sure you’re not followed. When you get home they ask that you flick your front porch lights on and off and call the club to let them know you’re safe. They also save the security cameras from that day in case you have need of it at a later date.
I never used their service because my friends were the bouncers and usually intervened before I needed to say anything. My friends did though and they said it was a relief to be in a bar that took women’s saftey so seriously because in other bars in that town you could pay a bartender 20$ to spike a drink. I learned the hard way to never accept a glass from someone who had their open palm over the glass. Some people really suck.
Edit: I have received some dms about spiked drinks and the aftermath of dealing with it. We have to make the world a better place together
Image source: anon
#24
Well. This doesn’t really answer your question but nobody else is answering either so…
One time I was dancing at a gay club and this guy (I’m a gal) kept following me around the dance floor. He’d work his way up to me, start grinding, put his hands where they weren’t wanted, try to get himself pressed up against me, etc, and when I moved to a different part of the dance floor, he’d show up a few minutes later doing ther same thing again.
Anyway we go through this three or four times and all of the sudden these two great big f*****s in fursuits (one skunk, one bunny) appear out of nowhere, greeted me with these grand courtly bows, and offered to dance. Although bemused, I took their paws, and they lead me in this dorky a*s square dance that had these 200lb masses of fur and sweat stomping circles around me and deterring anyone else from getting too near. A few songs later, they bowed again and scampered off and I never saw the grotey guy again. I did wave to the furries several times that night. Nice fellas.
Cool thing is that wasn’t even the first or last time that furries, leathermen, and fat guys in cupcake themed lingerie have swooped in to help out when somebody’s creeping on me. It’s just the weirdest. But I guess I’m not surprised that the kinkiest f***s are also the first guys to take action to stop sexual harassment. They’re pretty brave already.
Image source: TheSSChallenger
#25
My mother told me a story about a guy she went on a date with from some middle eastern country (back in the late 70s/early 80s). They went to a nice restaurant all dolled up and he started saying s**t about how he is from from some super rich family and how he was basically a Saudi prince. He said “I am going to fly you back home tonight and make you my princess” or something close to that and red flags just unfurled around the dining room in her eyes. She excused herself to te restroom and was in the middle of climbing onto a sink to get out the window when a server looked in, asked if she needed help sneaking out, and walked her through the kitchen and out the back door. She said she ran almost 3 miles in heels to get to a friends place. Never heard from him again though.
Image source: JimmyKillsAlot
#26
Not a safe word but just a shout out to the women who are aware of other females in uncomfortable situations.
My story- On NYE i was in a very crowded bar and it had just struck midnight. Everyone shouted and it was awesome and good fun. My fiancé wanted to run to the restroom before it was crowded so I waited near the dance floor and a random guy came up to me and started getting too close for comfort and wouldn’t leave after I told him I was with someone else. A girl who had been near me and S.O for part of the night noticed and instantly came over and said “let’s dance!”. We stepped off to the side and she told me she thought I was uncomfortable and that I might need a save until my S.O comes back. I thought that was the coolest thing. 5 minutes into the new year and I knew it was going to be a good year full of bad a*s chicks.
Image source: anon
#27
Since no one is answering. I didn’t use a safeword, but I think I mouthed “help” to our waitress.
I was about 21, trying Seeking Arrangements for the first time. None of my friends knew about it and I was about an hour from home.
We had some drinks and talked. I automatically didn’t like him, but I wanted to see if I could talk $ with him first. He kept pushing more drinks at me. I ended up getting pretty drunk and he did too. Our server ended up cutting him off. He was getting really aggressive and was making me low-ball offers for sexual stuff.
I was frightened. The manager came over and said, “I think your car is being towed,” to which I responded, “A black Prius?” She nodded.
I walked with her to the front door and she offered me help. They kicked the guy out. He was belligerent. I tipped our server an extra 100%. She also ended up driving me in my car home once her shift ended since I was drunk and so far away.
Image source: lotsofsqs
#28
This isn’t exactly a bar story, but a bus story with a bartender. It happened back when I was in uni, I had to rush back home for a family emergency and the cheapest and fastest option was a greyhound bus that departed at midnight. It was a 4 and 1/2 hour drive from point A to point B downtown…anyways I sat alone, the bus wasn’t very full. I fell asleep about an hour into the ride and woke up to a man in the seat next to me with his arm around my waist and head on my shoulder. I was creeped out but also afraid to make a scene in the middle of the night where I thought only the driver was awake at this time. I asked him what he was doing and to get off me. I was in the window seat and felt trapped and frozen, he tried to make small talk with me, saying I looked cold and needed a warm hard body. He said when we arrived that we should grab a coffee because he sensed a vibe between us (WTF?!) I kept recoiling and I remember telling him that I’m very uncomfortable and that he should go back to his seat. In response to my request, he said not before I get something and he tried to kiss me. I pulled back so hard that I hit my head against the window.
To make a long story short (sorry for the novel guys), a woman—a complete stranger a few seats behind me comes along and goes, “oh my God, I thought it was you I saw boarding the bus. We’ve got some catching up to do girl!” She said, excuse me sir do you mind really loudly to the creep and the b*****d got up and went back to his seat. She hugged me and asked if I was okay and said she’d sit with me until we arrived at our stop. I was so glad because I really thought he would’ve followed me when we got off the bus. She told me she worked at a bar and is use to intervening when she senses something isn’t quite right. I couldn’t have thanked her enough. 8 years later and that woman is now one of my best friends.
Image source: crystal_clear24
#29
I had a creep corner me in a bar once and tried to stroke my thigh. I dude I’ve never met before came up and said “hey sis I’ve been looking all over for you!” And he put his arm around me and walked me out. Thank you so much stranger.
Edit: since I’m seeing a lot of comments about this. It was pretty obvious they were not working together. The nice guy walked over from a group of friends (all college aged) and the creep was in his fifties. And when I said he walked me out, he just walked me to the door of the bar.
Image source: neva-electra
#30
This is a relatively new thing, but us girls have been doing some form of it for a long time.
Back when I was a bartender, I noticed a girl stumble into the pool table. She was crying and clearly very intoxicated. I went over to ask if she was okay, and some guy I hadn’t seen her with all night jumps up and says, “I’m her boyfriend, I’ve got her.” No the f**k you do not.
We got her to calm down and give us her phone to call her roommate so someone safe could take her home. It sucks that it’s necessary, but I’ll always love my boss from that bar because he threw that creep out, physically.
We saw her again. She didn’t have a boyfriend or remember that night.
Image source: floomsy
#31
Not exactly the question but where I live we once had an epidemic of pick up artists on every corner. There was this one guy who was incredibly persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer. When I told him I had a boyfriend he wouldn’t let me leave and said I had to give him one of my friend’s number. Thank god a kind girl noticed what was happening and came up to us while saying, “Well there you are! We have been looking for you! Come on let’s go the show is going to start!” She got me away from him and I was so thankful. To anyone out there please don’t ever do it. It’s such repulsive and scary behaviour.
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#32
Not a safeword, but Ive had to discreetly ask a bartender to help me get out of a bad situation while the guy was in the bathroom once.
I was waiting for the EL at the Diversey stop in Chicago around 10 pm on a weeknight back in 2013ish. Phone battery is dead. I get up to the platform and there’s a guy on the phone ranting and crying. He looks like an aging punk rocker (dunno how else to describe it, but he was wearing a jacket with patches and chains etc, and looked to be in mid to late 30s) and seems tweaked out with his movements and expressions. We are the only 2 people up there with no train in sight, so I try to keep my distance. After 10 min or so, I see the train and the guy moves towards me, still crying and now ranting to me. Sounds like he got dumped. I said I was sorry.
He asks if I can go somewhere and talk to him. I said I’m sorry, but I need to go home. The train is getting closer. He starts begging me to go somewhere with him to talk, and I say no, I really need to go home. Just before the train comes in, he leans in and says “I can f*****g k**l you” and kind of laughed. I felt he was strongly implying he’d push me into the train, but part of me wanted to believe he was making a bad joke. I said “ok lets go to X bar” that was very close to the train. I figured I’d be safer at street level and at a bar, so I went in and tried to act normal.
The guy immediately starts shooting hard liquor and was behaving extremely fidgety and jittery. It was like he was going out of his way to say things to make me feel uncomfortable and nervous. He wanted to play like weird psychological games that were meant to make me feel like he “knew” me better than I knew myself. It felt like a control tactic. I dont know how else to explain it. I wont get into every detail, but for example, I tried to pretend I was getting a phone call, and he told me he knew I wasnt and pushed my phone down. He then went on to tell me how he used to be an attorney, but was disbarred because he killed someone (I told him I was an attorney, which was true, and he definitely spoke easily about some things about attorneys that an average person would not have known, making me wonder how he knew that stuff ). He asked if I wanted to know how he killed the guy and I said no, that I was sure it was deserved or self defense and that s**t happens. NBD. I just tried to downplay it. Make it seem like I thought he was normal and that I sympathized with him.
He pulled out his hand, made a gun with it, pointed it at me and said, “I shot him.” I again tried to downplay it. He then shouts “JUST KIDDING!” But just as I was feeling slighty relieved, he jumps in and says “actually, I smashed his head into a table” and then kind of demonstrated how he did it and the circumstances behind it. So yea, the just kidding wasnt that he was kidding about killing someone; he was kidding about how he did it. I downplayed it again. At some point, for some reason, he gave me his full name.
He finally gets up to use the bathroom and I ran to the bartender and just said “I dont have time to explain, but I need you to help me get out of this. Please hail a cab and make sure I get in it.” Guy had been very weird and aggressive with thr the bartender earlier, so I felt like he wouldn’t doubt me. He comes out of the bathroom and sees me talking to bartender and starts getting even weirder and now possessive. I say I need to go, while the bartender (huge guy) sort of gets between us and says “ok time to go home buddy.” Guy follows me outside screaming at me telling me he I’ll regret this etc. He tries to follow me into my cab, while bartender holds him back until I take off.
When I got home, I was extremely shaken and googled his name and found his mugshot. I don’t think it was for murder, but it was definitely him, as he was pretty distinctive looking.
My husband encouraged me to report it to the police, but I had a work trip early the next day. I asked a colleage who is a former chicago cop whether I should have reported it, and he shrugged it off and told me that since I willingly went with him, it would look bad for me.
Tldr: had to ask bartender to help me out after being quasi-kidnapped at the EL by a tweaker who threatened me and told me that he’d killed someone before.
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#33
Another time I was in a bar in the states, I had been a regular here for a little bit and I knew the bar staff. A new guy comes in and starts hitting on the bar tender. At first she seems to just play along with it so I ignore it, not my business. Time goes by, he’s starting to leave he starts getting more and more aggressive on hit hints at her. He wants her number, but she’s giving him excuses like “my phone is broke right now” and eventaully she says, look enough no.
At this point I’m paying attention, and he says she’s just shy and she knows he would she would like it. She gets upset, she asks him to leave, I tell him he should leave, he ignores me and still trying to smooth things over with her. Manager comes who is also a woman and tells him he needs to leave. I tell him he needs to leave now, by this point there was a group of 3 construction guys who had gotten him up and come on over to the bar and he was told he needs pay, and leave right now or we the guys will take care of him ourselves.
At this point he decides to pay and leave. Manager gave us all a round of free drinks. Guy came in again the next day, when the owner was there. The owner called the police and trespassed him.
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#34
I work as security at a couple bars in my city. The one I was at for the longest was often referred to as having “the best looking staff in the city” (I was not included in that grouping) so we had this issue come up a lot with our staff actually.
Being the security manager there I decided we needed a “safeword” to make sure no customer took it too far (previous incidents). One of the servers decided on “Domino’s” (ex. Hey wanna get Domino’s after work?) since we could play it off. If they said it to me I would come in & play the 5-minute boyfriend or remove the offending party if it got too egregious. Only happened a couple times but always fun! After the bar shut down we all scattered around the city but still keep in touch.
One night I was working at a bar on one end of the city & the same server was now a bartender at a bar on the other. I get a text from her that just says “Domino’s.” Obviously I can’t get there & I let her know this & ask what’s going on. She explains there’s a creepy guy at her bar & its only him & her in the building & he’s getting more aggressive & everything short of begging me to get there. Thankfully there’s a bar I used to work at about a block away from her so I was able to text one of the guys there to see if he can go check on her. He was the first person that came to mind once I realized I couldn’t personally help so it was nice he was so close. Tiny by bouncer standards, absolutely terrifying human being, one of my favorite people!
He gets there, creep apparently swings on him for “talking to his girl” & he removes the creep from the property. I asked for details but neither of them will tell me the full story. I wanna press the issue but I also don’t wanna be an accessory after the fact. As far as I know he & the bartender are together now which is awesome! Modern day Romeo & Juliet
Edited for clarity.
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#35
Pulling a classic Reddit, and telling a story kind of related. I was the server in this situation.
Around 3pm (dead period between lunch and dinner) a guy comes in, says he’s meeting someone, but he’ll take the table now. He’s a little awkward, kind of frumpy, and I wouldn’t describe him as a GQ model. He gets a water as he waits. In walks this woman who is absolutely gorgeous, and I immediately think there’s no way she’s meeting this guy, but he see’s her walk in and calls her out by name. I figured they were probably friends or coworkers, but it was much too awkward and you could tell they had never met. They mill over their waters, and order calamari or something to share. She asks where the bathroom is, I tell her and walk away not thinking anything of it. I came out of the kitchen and she’s standing outside the bathroom, grabs my arm, and asks if there is a back door, or any way to get her out without being seen by the guy. I don’t remember if it was a blind date or internet match, but she wanted out. It wasn’t what she thought, and just wanted to leave. The only back entrance was through the kitchen, so I walk this woman in heels out through the kitchen as all the cooks stare wondering what the f**k is going on. I bring the guy his food trying to play it cool and he’s not really phased, thinking she’s still in the bathroom. He’s picking at the food, I ask if everything is ok, and he says he’s just wondering where his date his. I have a female server go in the bathroom and check, and report back she’s not there. I ask if he wants the check or to keep waiting, and the dude must have waited around for a half hour before he asked for the check and left.
She definitely wasn’t in any danger, but she was way out of his league and it was painfully awkward. I’ve been setup like that before, and if I could have had someone sneak me away from the situation I would have, so I felt ok about helping her out.
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#36
I was in a hotel bar and started talking to two gentleman (I’m 31, creep was maybe 45, hero 50). Creep was clearly drunk. Each time he went to the bathroom hero would lean over and say “he has been chatting up every lone woman all night”.. so hero and I get up to leave around 11 and get in the elevator.. he says he’s going to 6. I say I’m going to 10.. creep comes running up to catch us. We ask what floor and he says 10.. hero says “oh me too!” So floor 6 comes up and I take the hint and get off. I wait a couple minutes and hero comes back and tells me, “he is in the room right across from the elevator”.. I literally was in the room RIGHT NEXT TO THIS CREEP.. I thanked him and snuck to my room.. thanks hero!
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#37
I had no idea safe drinks existed, so this doesn’t exactly answer your question, but I have had bar staff follow me into the bathroom and discreetly ask if everything was ok and if I needed help. Everything was ok – I was there with my BF, but I wasn’t feeling well so I think I looked anxious and uncomfortable. He’s many years older than me so people always make assumptions. That, along with my demeanor probably made them concerned. Honestly I appreciated them picking up on it and asking. Even though everything was ok, it’s always better to be safe than sorry.
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#38
A little different but I’ve had it happen multiple times oddly enough, a girl will run up and hug me or act like they know me and immediately ill notice the creepy dude behind her or nearby so I’ll play along for her benefit until dude leaves. Im guessing its because im a bigger guy, but it’s nice to be able to help out. Even had a girl walk up and kiss me, then pulled me in for a hug and said “please play along the kiss was your thank you”. I was just thinking to myself the dude must of been a real creep for her to do something that extreme, but we actually ended up dating for about 4 months afterwards.
Image source: skizpizzi
#39
Not exactly a “safeword” drink, but some strip clubs will have an “alcohol free” code phrase for the dancers that don’t want to get hammered and don’t want to refuse drinks. For example, “with an extra lime wedge”. The guy still gets charged for a normal drink so he’s none the wiser.
Image source: nmxh
#40
Something opposite happened to me.
This strange much older guy wouldn’t stop talking to me (I was in my mid-20s). I was shy so I tried to act polite towards him but I was visibly upset.
A female bartender came up and asked if this guy was bothering me. I nervously chuckled, “Yeah, kinda,” and gave her a look.
The bartender laughed and said, “Leave the girl alone,” or something similar to him in a joking voice then walked away. The man said I was rude and walked away, only to come back and bother me a few more times.
A couple days later a friend who frequents that bar said the bartender told him my story. She says I hurt the older guy’s feelings and the bartender didn’t appreciate it because he’s kind of kooky but a regular and “means no harm”.
I don’t go to that bar anymore.
Image source: Cant_Remember_Anyway
#41
I’m a guy and this would’ve been helpful for me a few weeks ago. Was at a bar with a few friends, waiting for my girlfriend to arrive. Friends go to the bar and bathroom while I stay in the middle of bar because I don’t drink and didn’t have to pee. Random girl comes to me, starts dancing, I step away and say “no thanks” with a smile. She comes again, asking my name, who I’m with, and why not. I say I’m with my girlfriend but she ignores that. I kept trying to move away. Finally a friend comes back from the bathroom and literally runs to us from 15ft away and just pushes her away, not hard, but on a way that basically leads her like 20ft away as he just keeps saying “ NONO NO NO NO NO”. That part was funny. But my girlfriend wouldn’t be having any of that when she came, so good on my friend to end the situation.
However, that girl then starts to tickle my friend and ask him to sell him c*****e, which he does not have. Then she left and we didn’t see her anymore.
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#42
I worked as a VIP Host at a exclusive resort and we had ear pieces like the Secret Service. We had a code phrase; ”Blacktie affair.” If a woman (or I suppose a man, but it was never used by a man when I was there) was uncomfortable with a guest they would say the code either directly (if they could do so discretely) or in a sentence (emphasizing blacktie affair) into their mic and us guys would drop any and everything to locate the female employee. We had every shape and size males, from a huge Samoan, a scrappy Salvadoran, and a bunch of capable white and black dudes. I mention ethnicity because it was great being so diverse and we could kind of relate to all clientele from different backgrounds and regions. Some of us were stern and others social defusers, but it worked great and the female employees loved having it. Highly recommend all businesses have a code word.
* EDIT: I know I didn’t help OP, sorry for the tangent, but I thought it could help people drum up ideas for real life.
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#43
I was at conference this week. One night I was hanging by myself in my room. Went to the designated smoking for a cig, and got into a conversation with another smoker. He says let’s go to the bar and have a beer. It seemed inocuous. About 10 minutes into our conversation i felt something was off. I called him out, and left, but asked the bartender for help before going back to my room. The bartender himself gave me an escort to my room. Amazing hotel staff, and i am thankful.
Image source: Shawnee83
#44
Being raised with Italian sisters whose concept of ‘safeword’ is “F**k off you weirdo or I’m going to stick this fork in your eye”, I wasn’t always totally in tune to this sort of thing… so in college, standing at a bar getting a drink, girl being hit on by a dude, obviously uncomfortable, leaned over to me and said “get me out of this”.
I was puzzled, asked out loud “What do you mean?”
She cringed, dude looked over at me, then back at her, then it dawned on me what was happening, so I basically told him to f**k off and leave her alone or else I’d stick a fork in his eye.
He left, she said ‘uh, thanks’ and then she left too.
That was kinda embarrassing, tbh, but always swore up and down that if I ever caught that signal again, I’d totally play along.
Image source: anon
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