One of the most important aspects of any romantic relationship is to be on the same page with your partner. In terms of your lifestyle. What kind of family you want to build together. Financially. Spiritually. And… intellectually. Many people think that what’s most important is someone’s heart (and we think it is!), but the lack of education and common sense can in some cases put a premature stop to any blossoming feelings of love. Not all the time, but it does happen.
Redditor u/Known-Pop-8355 sparked a lively and utterly hilarious discussion on r/AskReddit after asking people to share their “I’m dating an idiot” moments. We’ve collected some of the funniest stories to share with you, dear Pandas. Scroll down, enjoy, and make sure you’re not eating or drinking anything because you’ll be laughing and facepalming a ton!
Bored Panda got in touch with the author of the viral thread, u/Known-Pop-8355, who explained the inspiration behind the question and shared their thoughts on compatibility, as well as relationship red flags.
We also reached out to Steven Wooding, the co-creator of the Drake Equation for Love Calculator for his thoughts on educational gaps in relationships (spoiler alert: they don’t have to be deal-breakers!). Read on for both of our interviews.
#1
Had a girlfriend that tend to throw fits for everything.
One day she spotted me on a restaurant’s terrace on my campus having lunch with a lady. She came storming in like a fireball, started to scream at me, started to insult that poor lady she said was old enough to be my mother (come on, you understand already how could she not) and all.
When she finished I just said “So mom, this is X, my ex girlfriend”
My mom still brags about the fact that my ex believed she could pull a guy my age. At least she took it the right way lol
Image source: Ren1145, RODNAE Productions
#2
I mentioned that I might be interested in learning to speak Italian. He kind of scoffed and said, “Why would you need to learn Italian? That’s EASY!” Very confused, I said, “What?? Why do you think it’s so easy??” He said, “Italian is just American with an accent!” (Yes, he called it “American”, not English.) Took me a few beats and then I realized – he thought an Italian ACCENT was the actual language! Like, he thought “I’m-a gonna eat-a the spaghetti and-a meat-a-balls” was actual Italian. I could barely get the words out to explain to him how wrong he was because I was literally on the floor helpless, clutching my stomach laughing – I could not stop for at least a full 10 minutes. He was so mad at me for laughing at him but Jesus Christ, how could I not?? Later that day I snuck his phone and changed his ringtone to that Family Guy bit where Peter is talking jibberish to the Italian guy, thinking he’s speaking Italian – “Babada boopie? Beebada boobada babada!” He did not appreciate that, either lol
Image source: xQueenAryaStark, Polina Zimmerman
#3
We went to a science museum and saw a display of a carboniferous swamp and I casually remarked that the land would have been different back then due to plate tectonics. She had never heard that the continents moved so I explained how it worked with plates moving, earthquakes, and volcanoes. She still didn’t believe me. So I found the plate tectonics museum display that explained it all. And then she said she was amazed that I had enough pull with the museum to have them set up a display to support my lies.
Image source: inkseep1, John Englart (Takver)
#4
Oh man, my “high school sweetheart” whom I was with for four years. There are many instances of him being awful, but for time’s sake, I’ll pick one. When we would go to restaurants, he would do this thing before we left, where he would order a water, only to put a napkin over it, flip it over and leave it upside-down on the table, so that the bus boy or whoever cleared the table would then get water all over the place. He thought it was huh-lar-I-ous and I thought it was effing obnoxious.
Anyway, years later, I had just had my second child and was out with my SIL and her friends for an overnight at the beach where my ex’s family has a summer cottage. We walk in and there was my ex, working there. We were sat at one of his tables and after he brought our food, he grabbed a chair and sat down next to me to chat. It was fine until I mentioned my newborn son. All of a sudden he starts being snarky and saying rude things like, “I’m surprised you didn’t give him a stupid celebrity baby name” and then, “I’m glad I didn’t have kids with you because I want my kids to have *blue eyes*”.
Well, funny enough, I offered to pay the tip. First, I asked my ex for a new water. Then I dumped out all the loose change in my purse and all the ones I had and dumped them in my water. Then I put a napkin on top.
You know the rest. 🤭
Image source: AcornTopHat
#5
Phoned him up the day he moved into his first student flat (in the next country over – we were doing long distance). He said “I’m fine, just desperate for a cup of tea and can’t have one til tomorrow.”
“Why not?” I asked him, knowing very well he had pans.
“There’s no kettle here. We’ll have to go buy one.”
“If you’re that desperate, just boil water on the stove.”
“Oh! Yeah! Um… how do I do that?”
And I then had to talk a technically adult man through the process of boiling water.
Edit just cuz: I did marry that idiot, but only after I taught him to cook.
Image source: MerylSquirrel
#6
I went on a couple dates with a woman who owned two large energetic dogs. When she bought them she was informed that she’d need to walk them every day to get them exercise and burn off energy. To save time, instead of walking them she’d take them for a drive and thought that accomplished the same thing.
Image source: diiejso, erika8213
#7
I dated a girl in high school and we were bored, hanging out at lunchtime, and we were looking at each other’s wallets and making fun of our ID card photos, etc. I found a card in her wallet that said, “This person should not be given a blood transfusion,” and I was like, “Oh no, please tell me you believe in dinosaurs,” and she said, “their bones were put here by God to test us,” and I was like, “oh no.”
Image source: impossible_apostle
#8
We were driving down the road, and she looks out the window to see a field full of cows.
She then asks, “Do they call it pasteurized milk because the cows were raised in a pasture?”
I married her.
Image source: Agile-Initiative-457
#9
When I mentioned I was on my period, he asked what my favorite flavor of tampons are. He genuinely thought the colors on the tampon packs were flavors, and that it would soak into my blood while inside and I’d eventually taste it.
I’m desperate to know the source of this information.
Image source: DaSavageDragon
#10
My partner isn’t a f*****g idiot, but she is impulsive and sometimes… that’s basically the same thing. It’s gotten to the point where we joke about her “Skittles moments”, so named because of the time she accidentally dropped a Skittle and didn’t realize it until it melted into her fitted bedsheet.
Without thinking and before I could stop her, she calmly grabbed a pair of scissors and cut out the offending part of the sheet. She was completely calm about it until she picked up the cut sheet piece and what she did fully sunk in. She was very sad, that was a favorite set.
Similar dubious decision making happens only every few months, but it is hilarious (and exasperating) every time
Image source: themixtape27
#11
Was just lounging about one Sunday and skiing came on the TV. at one point the commentator said that contestants reached 100 km/h at that point in the race. The ex literally shouted b******t at the telly. I looked at her and asked why..she replied that there was no way that they could tell how far they’d go in an hour since the race was only two minutes long.
Another time, “I have an aunt who lives in London, is that near England”
Image source: Allydarvel, Maarten Duineveld
#12
My brother in law was born on June 14. Way back when he was single, he was something of a stud. So one birthday he goes out to a club and a pretty woman starts chatting with him. Casually he mentions “It’s Flag Day – my birthday.” She looked at him with wide eyes “Your birthday is Flag Day?! Wow!” On the spur of the moment, he says “Well, I really like Flag Day. So I had my birthday legally changed. Went in front of a judge and everything.” She bought it, hook, line and sinker. Later, when they we’re heading back to her place, he realized he had a bottle cap in his pocket. So he did the “something behind your ear” trick on her that you do with little kids. “Oh my God! How long has that been in my hair! I’m sooo embarrassed!” He realized then and there that he couldn’t in good conscience go home with her. He gave her a peck on the cheek and wished her a good night.
Image source: eric02138
#13
He put a load of laundry in with mixed colour and whites… poured in bleach to whiten the whites… was shocked that the bleach bleached everything in the load…. I had to explain that the bleach will bleach everything you put in it as the bleach cannot discern what you want bleached or not… he was shocked, truly stunned and flabbergasted
Image source: hughjonk, https://www.pexels.com/photo/anonymous-woman-putting-clothes-in-washing-machine-7282378/
#14
How alcohol content percentage works.
We argued for months that 10% as alcohol content remains the same even if you halved the bottle.
She said nope, if you halved the bottle then the alcohol content would be 5%.
Engineer graduate that too.
She works for a software firm.
For 12 years.
Sigh.
Image source: baboyadobo, Edward Eyer
#15
I had just gotten back from the OB GYN and was talking about how they didn’t use metal speculums anymore and had plastic. Still uncomfortable but not as bad… Anyway, he was convinced that the plastic speculums must have felt good and made me orgasm 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Another time, we were driving through the historical part of the city we lived in and I commented about how beautiful an old house was. He told me that all we have to do was tell the owners that we are hard working people and they will just give us the house.
Another time he “didn’t drive home drunk” because he parked his truck down the street.
I filed for divorce after four years of his stupidity.
Image source: pennys_human102
#16
We drove past a windmill on a windy day. She commented how it was too windy out and they should turn the windmill down. She was dead serious…
Image source: ink4n3, Robert Gramner
#17
When he told me that god put different races on different continents to avoid mixed race breeding and that the cause of all physical and mental disease is mixed race relationships. We wouldn’t have diseases if everyone stayed on their own continents. I swear I didn’t know he was a racists piece of s**t before that lol
Image source: JJbuttheimer
#18
My ex didnt think it rained over the ocean because there was enough water there already.
She was shocked it rained when we were on a cruise.
Image source: 1_disasta, Matt Bennett
#19
I introduced him to my stepsister. He said, “weird, you guys look nothing alike.”
Image source: Saminotsammy, Priscilla Du Preez
#20
She didn’t know how to get to my house from anywhere but her house. Her work was about halfway between my house and hers, but she had to drive home first every time before she could drive to my house.
*this was pre-smart phones
Image source: CampoPequeno, Kampus Production
#21
He told me he had a lot of “inventions” and how rich he will be when one sells. I asked him to tell me more. He says his best “invention” is eye drops that (with just one application mind you) eliminate the need for eyeglasses. The guy is a mailman. Not a doctor. Not a scientist. And he wears glasses. So I said “if these eye drops work why do you wear glasses?” The eye drops don’t exist yet. But when someone else actually formulates these fantasy eye drops my mailman friend thinks he will get the money because he “invented” them by dreaming them up. EDIT: I dated him very briefly years ago. He didn’t have any patents. Just misguided dreams. Nice guy. Just….well a special kind of small former coal mining town kind of idiot.
Image source: butitsnotfish, Nathan Dumlao
#22
It was when vampire-related shows and movies were in the height of their popularity. He became obsessed with vampires. When we would go outside, he started to act like the sun was hurting him, and he would shield his face with his hands while groaning in pain. Think of Jim from The Office with his vampire prank… only he was more dramatic… and serious
Image source: not-a-real_username, furkanfdemir
#23
It was the most obvious one… they can NEVER lose an argument. No matter what facts are presented, no matter how insignificant them being wrong would be, they will not give up on being right. I could offer them irrefutable proof on something, and they would ignore it. Let me just give you a hypothetical example of how far it can often go.
Them “cows are so skinny”
Me “you mean fat?”
Them “that’s what I said”
Me “no, you said skinny”
Then “I know what I said”
Random person in back seat “you said skinny…”
Them “oh, so both of you heard me wrong. Yall need your ears checked. Yall seriously don’t know what you’re talking about ever. ”
Me “here’s the dash cam footage, let’s just listen to it”
*video of them literally saying cows are so skinny*
Them “see, I told you I accidently said skinny”
Me and 3rd person “WHAT?”
Them “what?”
Me “you’ve literally just been arguing the opposite this entire time!”
Them “no I haven’t?”
We go through checking the footage and proving them wrong again and they eventually give up the cycle by changing the argument to me being an a*****e. That’s how it ends with the simplest and most complicated of things. It’s a really clear defense mechanism of an idiot.
Image source: B3RS3RK_CR0W
#24
My ex thought he could play hockey and found what he thought were the holy grail of skates. He bought them for $200 (I don’t know the price as it was a long time ago). His friend, who lived in a city an hour and 20 minutes away, told him he got the same skates for $195. So my ex, in his old Camaro that cost $50 in gas round trip, returned the skates he got for $200 and drove 1 hour and 20 minutes to get the skates that were $5 cheaper. That should have been the biggest red flag. But sadly, it turned out I was the f*****g idiot who stayed with him for a few more years..
Image source: Flipgirlnarie, Vilnis Husko
#25
Dating this gal and we go out on a double date, she’s kind of Goofy, but more lacking common sense vs like dumb as a box of rocks…..until that night.
So double date is BBQ, we all order she gets ribs, so we are eating she says what part of the cow is this from? We chuckle, she stares at us all (her sister included), and says “Did you not hear me? What part of the cow does this come from?” We, in unison say, ribs! She responded *”I KNOW THE NAME FROM THE MENU, BUT WHAT PART OF THE COW IS IT??”*
I was done.
Image source: scorpiogre, Liza Summer
#26
He was trying to make cookies and kept opening the oven for extended periods of time, letting out all the heat. When I told him he was letting all the heat out by opening the door wide open and staring at the cookies, he told me I didn’t know how ovens work because the temp setter said 400 so it was 400. Took an hour to bake 1 sheet of cookies and said “I don’t know why it’s taking so long.”
Also insisted on doing this on Thanksgiving, tying up my oven and was pissed off when he found out the turkey would take 3hrs to cook. As I’m sure you can imagine… Did not work out.
Image source: pocket4129, Tyson
#27
“Do you think getting drunk so often while I was pregnant was bad for him?”
She said this about her son who was five years old and had yet to speak a single word yet. She was not the primary caregiver.
Image source: Achaern
#28
I dated a really manipulative and horrible person for a bit who would hide behind his weird interpretation of the Bible, “I can do anything I want as long as I ask for forgiveness after. I can’t go to hell no matter what I do because I’m “saved.”
So one time, we were having a conversation about how he let’s his friends bully me so I didn’t wanna hang out with them anymore. The kind of healthy talk in relationships where you’re just trying to feel understood. I mention to him that if I ever saw people mistreating him I would come to his defense because I cared about him. He says, “But I’m not you. Just because you pee sitting down doesn’t mean I have to pee sitting down.” In that moment I realized what I was getting myself into and broke it off immediately. Also, I had seen him pee sitting down. Just wanted to add that.
Image source: BrittaniaSky
#29
She would always ignore the idiot lights in her cars, until they broke down. We bought a car that actually tells you when to bring it in for service. She came up to me, really frustrated, complaining about the car being noisy. She said “There’s this big flashing message that says “BRING AUTO IN FOR SERVICE” and I can’t get it to turn off. What should I do?” This person has a PhD too.
Image source: scrubjays, Welcome to Switzerland backstage!
#30
Flew across the country to visit family. We took his brothers dog for a walk and all the family members said “don’t let the dog off the leash.” Towards the end of our walk, he says “I’m gonna let the dog off” and I begged him not to. Eventually I said, “if you let the dog off the leash and it goes badly, I will break up with you”
It went badly. I did break up with him.
Image source: cmc24680
#31
He kept applying for jobs and getting denied instantly. At the time, I didn’t understand and was upset for him. Come to find out, this 26 year old was applying for jobs driving armored trucks for banks. With a record for stealing money from cash registers. I didn’t know at the time that he had ever been arrested, but this man literally had robbery and theft on his record, and couldn’t understand why an armored truck company wouldn’t hire him.
Image source: cathherine
#32
Dated a guy with hemmrroids who swore that every time they bled he was just having his period.
Image source: rowenaravenclaw0
#33
When he left the window open in the middle of summer because the air conditioning made the house too cold. He didn’t turn off the air conditioner and argued that it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Edit: I want to clarify that he argued having the window open wouldn’t make a difference as to how much the AC ran. I got home and the house was warm and very humid. The AC had been running constantly.
Image source: Lovable_Minion, Alistair MacRobert
#34
She was visibly upset (tears and quiet sobs) while we were watching District 9… She turns to me and whispers ‘when did this happen?’ ………as in the mistreatment of space aliens actually happened..
Image source: DontLook_Weirdo
#35
Kept telling me not to fall for online scams.
She fell for a scam that was so clearly a scam even a brain-dead monkey could see it was a scam.
She lost 15k and tried to sue everyone who told her it was a scam.
She also thought that when the chefs light the food on fire they add gasoline. She tried to do just that.
Image source: illogicalfuturity, Andrea Piacquadio
#36
When she asked, “How long does it take for a boy to grow a new testicle after intercourse?”
Image source: latent_energy
#37
I watched her wrap a potato in aluminum foil and toss it into our microwave. I spoke up and said you can’t do that, because of ,ya know, microwaves. (She was 25) looks me right in the eye and says “my mom does this all the time, she taught me”
As nicely as I could I explained how she must be mistaken. She digs in, five minutes of passionate arguing result in me saying “try it”
She forced herself not to react to the volley of sparks and zapping sounds for the first few seconds, just in case it stopped.
Looked me in the eye and said “well it always worked before”
Image source: WeTheIndecent
#38
I had to explain to a grown woman that 20% is not always $20 when converted to currency.
Image source: DahvRom, Karolina Grabowska
#39
I came home from running errands one evening to him running out of our fenced backyard to grab the hose with a look of panic on his face. He yelled for me to grab the fire extinguisher.
He’s pretty calm and collected so to see him riled up means s**t’s going down.
So I grab the fire extinguisher out of the garage and run out in the backyard where there is a huge fire burning in a pile of leaves up against the fence.
We manage to rake it away from the fence and hose it down enough that it was under control. Finally got the chance to ask him why the f**k the fence was on fire.
He tells me that he was making some rockets and wanted to test one so he put it in a vise and it took off.
God dammit, you know how to make f*****g rocket fuel out of raw ingredients but you can’t f*****g figure out a test jig and f**k near burn down our house.
8 god damn years we’ve been married. It hasn’t gotten better.
Image source: littleredhoodlum
#40
I was the f*****g idiot. I thought a French press worked by putting the coffee on top of the plunger, lowering it in, and then pulling it out.
My girlfriend really wrestled with whether she could keep dating me after that one.
Image source: RollinDeepWithData
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