Infidelity can be one of the weirdest things that people are involved in. They could end things with someone, but they choose to cheat instead. Alas, some humans want the best of both worlds. But it’s really shocking how much effort they are willing to put into their affairs. In fact, some even lead double lives.
Well, they don’t always get away with it, but things can get utterly messy when they are caught. One netizen asked people to spill the tea on wild incidents involving their partners’ double lives, and they didn’t hold back. From heartbreaking to unhinged, here are the wildest tales that folks shared!
#1
Growing up we thought my dad had 4 kids (us, with our mom). Turns out he had families/mistresses on the side and had 13 kids total. Biggest giveaway was that there was a 30 year age difference between my mom and dad and he swooped in and married her on her 18th birthday soon after she got out of Catholic school. I’m almost 50 now with 2 kids and I’m still younger than he was when he married my then 18yo mom. He was almost 60 when I was born. With us he acted extremely prejudiced against a particular race, yet he had several children of that race. We found out late in life, when they came on a lifelong quest to meet their bio dad.
Image source: aiandi, Roderick Salatan / Pexels (not the actual photo)
#2
I’ve told this story before in a similar thread, but I’ll rewrite it.
I was 6 years old when my grandfather passed away. He was a great man. He owned and operated his own scrapyard and provided abundantly for my family when they came up from Mexico. However, he was apparently a bit of a player…
The day of his funeral, there was about 3x the expected turnout. And if you know anything about Hispanic families, that viewing room was PACKED to the brim of people.
A priest took the stand and began his eulogy, and at the end asked for all of Grandfathers children to stand up… yikes. In addition to my 3 uncles and 4 aunts, At least a dozen people arose from their seats, and soon low gasps and whispers started to flood the room. My grandfather had at least 2 other families we did not know about until the day of his funeral.
There wasn’t really any drama as a result. In fact, the entire family is actually closer. Our family gatherings are just much bigger now.
Tl;dr – Grandfather had 2 other families we did not know about until the day of his funeral. Awkwardness ensued.
Image source: EasyBrown, Jonathan Castañeda / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#3
I’m late to the party and this will get lost but I thought I’d share. I’m currently in the process of a divorce.
My husband told me his mom took him to a psychiatrist when he was 13 and he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. When I first learned about this, it was almost comforting because I myself struggle with depression. I figured he would understand when I had a depressive episode (spoiler alert, he didn’t).
Well, over time he became increasingly violent. He’d get mad and punch doors, walls, etc. eventually it was the dog, and then it was me. He’d always cry after, apologize and blame it on being schizophrenic.
I tried very hard to be understanding. I did know that mental illness could cause him to act in a way he normally wouldn’t, but I just didn’t understand why he wouldn’t get help. He swore medication affected him negatively.
Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. Well, after I left, his mom called me to figure out what had happened. She told me she was always worried he would be violent towards me (no idea why she didn’t warn me) and then she told me he has never even seen a psychiatrist. He was not mentally ill.
Ahhhhh. That’s why he never would get try and get help again. I was trying to help him treat something that didn’t exist.
He always swore he had a benign tumor on his liver. He would never see a doctor. I’d bet my left tit he was lying about that too.
Image source: Caitlink98, Paul Jai / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As a single adult working a 9-to-6 job, I can vouch for how exhausting it can get. Between keeping the house clean, cooking, grocery shopping, tending to my small garden, and juggling work, I barely get an hour a day to unwind. I honestly can’t even imagine all the extra responsibilities that married people with children have to deal with.
But it’s more flabbergasting to think about the folks who put so much time and effort into their affairs and even have double lives. What do you mean you have time to juggle both your families and even handle work? I often wonder how these people manage not to break under the pressure of hiding such dark secrets.
#4
Dated a man when I was fresh out of college who was about ten years older than I was. He was charming and funny, but very particular about his schedule. He didn’t like to be disturbed during certain times. We dated for about a year and a half.
I moved away and thought maybe we’d stay together, but a good friend called me and told me that he had met this guys other girlfriend. She had been dating him for two years. I was the other woman and didn’t even know it. Looking back, there was the time I found someone else’s birth control (“that’s from my last girlfriend”), the time I showed up and he came to the door breathless and half dressed and said he’d been taking a nap and didn’t invite me in, and all the many times that he was so picky about his schedule.
Years later he wrote and told me he “did some things he shouldn’t have” but wouldn’t even really cop to it.
Anyway, I’m better off now! Freed me up to meet other people and live my life and now I have a super cute husbo.
Image source: anon, Kirill Suntsov
#5
I dated a guy in University who told me pretty much right away that he had terminal cancer and had about a year to live. I really liked him so I decided that I would stay with him and support him through it. He never wanted to talk about it and when I’d try to check in with him he’d go quiet and change the subject. He told me that I was the only person who knew about it and that I wasn’t allowed to talk about it with anyone else. Well we ended up dating for three years, and I never once witnessed a doctor’s appointment or any type of symptom (and I was still the only person who apparently “knew”). He became incredibly emotionally manipulative and toxic, tried to isolate me from friends and family, and eventually became physically violent. Of course, whenever I would try to leave he’d use his “condition” to play on my emotions (and naivete) to get me to stay. He’d also physically block the door, pin me down, and do whatever he could to prevent me from physically leaving.
I’ll never forget the day I told him that he was such a good person with a good heart (something to do with how he was handling an issue with his alcoholic mother), and he mumbled “No, I’m really not”. I thought then that he was being humble, but looking back on it, it was probably guilt.
I’ve built a happy and successful life for myself now and have a wonderfully loving and supportive partner, but it still makes me full body cringe to think of how I spent so much time with what I consider to be pure evil.
Image source: on_whomes_authority, National Cancer Institute / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#6
Anxiety issues, acting out, overgeneralizing, filtering.
I started getting put down often, blamed for everything, even things not connected to me. Everything I did was “wrong” and the more I tried to fix things the more fights she would start. She could never accept that she was wrong in anything and was unable to have a conversation about it without acting out. “Anyone who thinks that way is a degenerate” was one of my favorites when discussing a simple choice in game we were playing. This I found out was her way of pushing me away to justify the affair, it was emotional at this point and then become physical. Intimacy dropped off, stopped letting me hug her, stopped kissing back then she stopped saying I love you back.
I had been trying to save my marriage when she was trying to justify an affair and this was the real conflict we had.
If you hear “we’re just friends”, start paying attention.
I recommend a book “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass for any couples and “The 5 Love Languages” as well.
Image source: Refervesco, Sven Kucinic / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Research reveals that various factors can lead to infidelity, affecting over 40% of married couples. However, a study of 495 individuals identified eight main reasons: anger, low self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, desire, and circumstance.
The research also explains that relationship frustration is a common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems, to no avail. It adds that they may have had second thoughts about getting married or been jealous of the attention given to a new baby, and neither partner had the skill set to communicate these feelings.
#7
Not exactly what you are asking but here goes.
I have an uncle. His name is Brian. I am told by everyone that Brian has worked as a “pencil pusher” his whole life. Unsure as to what that meant, I asked around. Turns out his real job title was a civil servant. Pencil pusher is a term used to describe someone with a boring office job.
The thing is, Brian is rich. We live in Northern Ireland you see, and Brian only ever comes back home to march on the 12th of July. Every other day of the year, Brian is away. Sometimes he is in Spain. Sometimes London. Sometimes Vegas. Plenty of variety. He goes for months on end. And I mean that. He came to my aunt in January and gave her pre-arranged birthday cards for everyone until next January because he was taking the year for various holidays. Brian has been retired for quite some time, but somehow recently he received a personal invitation to the Queen’s birthday celebration via his ‘rich friends in London’. I am 100% genuinely convinced Brian works for the military intelligence or something of the like. My family thinks I am crazy, but his whole story seems too normal and boring to be genuine.
Image source: JoelKeys, TheStandingDesk / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#8
My college boyfriend had dropped out of college and I didn’t find out until a year later. We both went to different colleges (we met in high school) and every time I would ask about classes, he’d give me vague answers then change the subject. I was absolutely oblivious to it.
It wasn’t until someone from our friend group tried sending him an email from his college email only to find it was deactivated. He made her promise not to tell anyone. I do remember once I called him, asking him to pick me up from school thinking he had a morning class. When he picked me up, he was in pajamas. I asked, “You went to school like that?” He blurted out, “YEA I KNOW! I’M DISGUSTING!” He said that in kind of a jokey way so I didn’t think much of it.
It all came to a head when we broke up and he confessed he had kept something from me. Keep in mind, he wasn’t even working at the time. All he did was sit at home and wait for me to be done with classes so he could pick me up and we could hang out. His parents didn’t know either. They thought he was going to classes when really, he was hanging out with me. He did have a habit of gaslighting me but that’s another story.
He did end up going back to school and finishing but I lost track over the years. It’s been about 14 years since we last spoke but from what I do know, he ended up marrying that friend that found out he dropped out (she was my best friend in high school….long story) and she just had her second baby with him.
TL;DR: Ex boyfriend dropped out of college and hid it from everyone.
Image source: semprini23, AMIT RANJAN / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#9
Moved back to Nothing Dakota with my fiance. We were together for 5 years. He was an actor by trade and it was a lot harder to piece things together/notice them when he’s trained to lie. Started noticing he’d make phone calls late in the evening when I’d go to bed, then tell me he was talking to “a friend.” One I’d never heard of or met before. He’d chat on Facebook then quickly go to another screen when I walked by. Was generally more distant and less talkative. Turns out he’d been in another relationship with a guy 5 states away. They’d never met in person but would send dirty pics to each other and said they were in love. After I found out I confronted him. He continued to lie to my face up until I showed him proof, then he confessed everything right away. I broke up with him on the spot.
Image source: Crowscream, Liam Charmer / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
It further discusses the partner’s past. Perhaps they have childhood baggage (neglect, mistreatment, or a parent who cheated) that interferes with their ability to maintain a committed relationship.
It also notes that less often, the cheater doesn’t value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn’t care about the consequences. Well, no matter the reason, a couples therapist explains that it should never be confused with an excuse.
#10
Friend’s story about his WWII-generation grandfather.
Grandpa took off and left his wife and their nine kids in BC. Ended up in Alaska where he lied about his name, remarried and somehow ended up in charge of security at a local airport.
Then later one of his step-kids from his new marriage moved to BC and unknowingly got engaged to one of the kids from his step-dad’s first marriage.
There were fireworks at the wedding.
Image source: Daztur, Izzy Park / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#11
My husband Alfred and his twin used their identical appearance for a stupid magic trick. It was the “teleporting man” trick and he made big money off it.
The catch was his bro had to basically stop living his own life just to be part of Alfred’s trick. It pissed me off so much!
Along the way, my husband’s rival cloned himself a couple of times…
That was weird.
Image source: Chumunga64, frank mckenna / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#12
Not me but a family friend. This was a double life she has now after she married to an affluent family.
I grew up in a really nice rich gated community though we ourselves arent rich. My parents befriended this older couple and I was close to their grandkids, went to church with them and almost every month do a swim at the couples big pool.
The couple had a daughter that caught the eye of the son of a very powerful family that has some hold to politics AND religion.
Now this rich family lets call them the Powersons was like royalty. To marry into them means you have to follow a set of rules and public etiquette. I too as a kid was thought to be a candidate to marry into the family but my mom said I would be unhappy. It wasnt uncommon in that family to have bethrotal or arranged like marriages. I have spent time with the Powersons as a kid and already knew that thier life though luxurious is one that is shrouded in mystery.
Anyway the family friends daughter soon becomes engaged to the Powersons son. Soon after she was literally whisked away, she went through the necessary training to be a fit wife which includes sadly isolation from her own family. Even in the wedding, she had very limited contact with her family.
When her dad passed away, she wasnt allowed to see her dad (heresay) but I barely saw her visit at all. The rumors were, she literally had to beg the Powersons time to be able to attend her own fathers funeral. After that her mom has just accepted she lost her daughter to the Powersons.
Years later the Powersons was involved in a huge scandal, family was divided. It was all over news for some time. A lot of things surfaced about them using public funds for jets and the like and even a journalist suspected of getting offed by the family’s henchmen. We know nothing more what happened to the family friend’s daughter.
Image source: Sweetragnarok, Shoham Avisrur / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
While the reasons for cheating might be many, experts point out certain signs that reveal that someone is leading a double life. Odd behavior before leaving your presence is the first one they mention.
Not everyone who leads a double life has a psychological switch, but you might still notice odd behavior. When they suddenly behave differently, there could be a bigger reason. Also, when people hide their cellphone use or refuse to discuss it, experts believe that’s a red flag.
#13
Not me but my Mum and Dad.
So basically when I was just born my Mum and Dad where going through a rough time, I was their first kid so new parents still getting used to each other and their new baby.
I’m from Scotland and we have this thing called the West Highland Way, which is like this big long like hill walk thing that you do, and basically my Dad said he was going to do that.
It happens over the course of 5 days, my Dad was supposed to check in on like the second day and he didn’t. Now we live in the city and the west highland way is in the countryside as you would assume, plus this is 1999 so it’s really hard to get into contact with him of course. My mum is freaking out, my granny is freaking out and of course the thought going through everyone’s head is that he’s lying unalive in a ditch.
My mum ends up contacting all of my Dads friends in hopes of someone knowing something. One of them finally lets her know what’s going on.
My Dad has flown to Holland to visit his girlfriend who he’s been seeing for about 6 months, they met the first time he went to Holland like 6 months ago and she had visited him and he had visited her. My dad thought he would take the West Highland Way as an opportunity to see her properly for a longer period of time.
Safe to say my mum ended up breaking up with him and we actually almost ended up moving to America, but in the end they got back together and are still together now.
It’s just crazy to think what happened and what could have been.
Image source: optimismgoggles98, Thomas Bormans / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#14
My friend was married to a man who traveled a lot for work for several years of their marriage. One day, she was watching the news that had a live broadcast of a wounded soldier returning to his fiancé of several years. It was my friend’s husband. He wasn’t in the military. Or wounded. And boy, was he surprised that his ‘future in-laws’ called the news station. He’s in prison now. I don’t know the details, but it had to do with defrauding the government
Image source: Tynebeaner, Diego González / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
#15
My parents were friends with a younger couple; they never got out to do much because the husband worked in nautical repairs/engineering for the Coast Guard. They had one car, lived out in the middle of nowhere, and the wife was stranded because he took the car up and down the coast repairing vehicles. The flip: The dude actually made incredible money; it was just spread thin between his two families. He has a second family with kids. It was wild. I was 14 when this happened and didn’t know this was something humans could do.
Image source: RealLiveLawyer, Vitaly Gariev / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Experts say lovebombing is another sign someone may be leading a double life. When endless flattery and compliments don’t feel right, there’s usually a reason. The last one they speak about is stress and depressive or dependent behaviors. If someone without narcissistic tendencies is engaging in a double life, the stress and guilt will add up, they note.
They also advise, “Keep an eye out for how someone behaves in certain situations. If they’re consistently drinking too much, or seem particularly anxious or depressed around a specific time of day, it could be a sign that they have something to hide.”
#16
Retired lawyer here. I once represented a widow who was seeking survivor’s benefits from her husband’s military pension. Turns out, the old goat was a trigamist who somehow managed to juggle three families without any of them learning about the other two — although there were enough unexplained absences and such that none of the three were terribly surprised
Image source: anon, Specna Arms
#17
I was with a guy for about 6 months who would get really awkward when this one friend of his would call. He’d clench up when I’d ask about her and we’d always end up in a fight. Obviously, he turned it around and said I was insecure and jealous. He broke up with me pretty abruptly and didn’t give me much of a reason. Turns out I was the mistress and she was the girlfriend. They’re getting married this year.
Image source: lukester15, Hassan OUAJBIR
#18
Just trust your guts.
When you found that your girlfriend send a photo of her in underwear (a one you haven’t got yourself), confronted her and she said that because she has taken some weight (not much) she has confidence issue and that guy she sent the photo to is boosting her confidence because he is nice… Yeah she’s cheating on you with that guy or is planning to.
No you don’t want to give her a chance. It’s only gonna be worse.
Image source: MoredhelEUW, Jonas Leupe
While there are many reasons why people lead double lives, their infidelity can have devastating impacts on their partners. They might even feel like they are grieving because the pain is so intense.
They can also struggle with long-lasting issues such as anxiety, depression, and difficulty trusting others. As these signs are similar to PTSD, mental health professionals have coined the term post-infidelity stress disorder.
#19
Constantly accused me of cheating or wanting to cheat or trying to cheat.
If I went to the bathroom and didn’t answer the phone I was cheating.
If I crossed the street to check out a store when I told him I was only going out for groceries I was cheating.
When I had a conversation with a mutual friend in front of him we were secretely being intimate with each other.
When I was pregnant with his child I was going to cheat.
The doctor who delivered my baby had to be a woman because a man would be looking at me and I would probably cheat. I am not exaggerating or joking in this last one or any of the previous ones.
I stayed with him because I didn’t know what normal was. My mom’s a narcissist and my childhood was emotional hell. Family is everything and all that stuff.
I just didn’t know to run. Fast and far away a long time ago.
We split. Of course he himself was a cheater.
Image source: Lfalias, Vitaly Gariev
#20
Throwaway because this is a distinctive story… So my dad’s best friend lives in a city a few states over and they call each other pretty regularly (they’ve been friends since the 80s). One day his friend calls him kinda annoyed and says he saw a guy that looked just like him the other day in the city, and if my dad was visiting, why not come over and say hi? My dad says no, I was never in that city, I’m sat at home right now in Nowhere (my glorious hometown). His friend says huh, well this guy looked just like you, he could have been your brother.
Fast forward a few years and my dad is chatting with his dad (my grandpa) who is a WW2 vet and generally a pretty “keeps to himself” kinda guy. They were talking about how growing up, they didn’t have two beans to rub together and my dad was always admiring his friends’ fancy houses when he went there after school. As an adult he realised something literally didn’t add up because my grandpa had a very well paid job as an executive and made a decent salary. So out of the blue his dad sits him down and says son, there’s something you should know. The reason we were so poor when you were growing up was because before the war, I married in a bit of a rush to a lady in the city because she was expecting, and we had 3 kids, and when I got back from the war things didn’t work out and we got a divorce. In those days a divorce was pretty unusual and seen as shameful, so it was a totally clean break, and he had no contact with the family ever again except for paying regular child support for each of his three kids. Meanwhile he met my grandma and had 3 kids with her, and hence, the lack of beans. Suddenly my dad realises that this doesn’t just explain why they were so poor, it also explains the weird phone call from his friend. The guy his friend saw probably was his actual brother. My grandpa kept quiet about this for almost 40 years, not a word to anyone.
tl;dr: dad’s friend sees guy who looks like him in his city, turns out to be his long-lost secret half-brother.
Image source: DifficultIncident, Chi Lok TSANG
#21
I caught my boss cheating on his wife. We ran a really small screen printing operation and it all started with these “business trips”. The first few times it was just a week or two, then over the span of a year the trips would become longer and longer and more frequent. I ran the business when he left. He wouldn’t answer customer calls while he was there and never brought back any new clients, so i started to get suspicious.
One day he slipped up and sent an email to our work inbox that i used daily to correspond with customers. It was a receipt for a flight to new York for him and another woman… On his wedding anniversary… He never even called his wife that day. Now at this point I was not interested in outing him or meddling but I was the only one that talked to him daily. I loved his wife and when she came to me asking if I heard from him because he didnt call her on their 23rd wedding anniversary and didnt know where he was, i may have mentioned that he was in new york and maybe that was why he didn’t call. She asked how I knew that and i told her there was an email in our work inbox.
I absolutely do feel guilty about being the one to lead her to finding out the truth but it ended up being what he wanted anyway. He didnt have bravery to tell her what was going on and wanted to get caught. They split and he now lives with the other woman. His ex wife is happier than she has ever been considering the wake of lies he left her to deal with.
Image source: daisy_st_patience216, Hunters Race
They also highlight the effect a person’s affair has on their children. When a kid finds out that you cheated, it can cause many ripple effects:
- Your child may side with and trust your partner more than you.
- They may experience confusion, anxiety, abandonment, and isolation not unlike the partner who was cheated on.
- They may have trust issues with future romantic partners.
- They may form negative perceptions of infidelity.
- Children may imitate infidelity modeled to them in childhood in adult relationships.
#22
After the birth of our son I had really bad PPD, but I was unable to talk about it, even though I wanted to do so. Instead I actively planned and thought about an escape route where I left and I’d be untraceable. Probably the only single reason I didn’t follow through was b/c I couldn’t figure out the correct time to leave. The entire time my husband and family thought I was fine and happy and not struggling with any of these things. I’m better now; 100% better – but man that was a dark time in my life.
Image source: _Pebcak_, Anthony Tran
#23
Not me, but a family I used to work for and have known for a few years. Dad always worked overseas, often only coming home at Christmas. Even then he would only stay for a few nights and would be quite quiet and keep to himself. I’d worked for this family for some time and only met the Dad 3ish times. Mum put it down on the Dad needing to provide as she looked after one of their sons with learning disabilities and worked part-time.
Apparently the guy had another whole family going in a different country, wife, few kids. I was shocked to find out but not completely surprised.
Image source: ChanSungJung, Compagnons
#24
Ex was saying to me I should spend more time with my friends and playing video games as I don’t get to do this enough. In reality she was wanting me out of the flat more (we shared with one other person) as she was sleeping with the upstairs neighbour and didn’t have the heart to break up with me.
I found out when my gaming night got cancelled one night after uni and I walked in on both of them in bed together.
Should have connected the dots when my other neighbours were making comments about him going out a lot in the evenings and when she went from wanting to spending lots of time with me to wanting me to spend time with other friends.
I hate that jerk, but I am happy now.
Image source: ab9603, Florian Olivo
Sometimes, people are willing to forgive their partners’ cheating and decide to work on their relationship instead. And while that has worked for some couples, it doesn’t work all the time. In fact, a study by the University of Denver examined the behavior of 1,600 individuals across relationships.
The researchers found that someone is 3 times more likely to cheat if they have done so in the past. Also, a person is 2 to 4 times more likely to be cheated on if they have been cheated on or have suspected it in a prior relationship.
#25
I don’t want to go into too much detail but I should’ve paid more attention when my partner at the time would never let me near her phone. She would do anything to lure me away from it.
Turns out she had explicit messages to other dudes, I don’t know if she ever did anything physical but I felt the same amount of betrayal. This was in a long committed relationship of 2+ years.
Image source: LobsterHandsForFeet, Brooke Cagle
#26
This question has a very narrow answerable audience, but I’ll answer anyway. My girlfriend and I were driving down the road in her hometown and she pointed out a restaurant that she use to work for. She mentioned that she still has a dish from there because her boss gave her a dish with a bunch of cookies on it around Christmas, and they closed before her next shift in the new year. Then she went on and on about the dish for about 5 minutes.
I asked why they closed so suddenly, and she tells me that the woman who co-owned the restaurant with her husband discovered that he had a second life on the west coast with a separate family there. He was able to get away with it because he was also a pilot in the army or some stuff and took long trips pretty often.
Anyway, I spent the rest of the drive making fun of my girlfriend for going into such detail about the dish and not bringing up that exciting detail until I asked.
Image source: Seamlesslytango, SJ 📸
#27
When he says they were just talking, don’t believe it. Especially when the love letters found says otherwise. Oh, and if he has a blonde hair on his face, and you are a brunette, question it.
Image source: Kuhhhresuh, Ire Photocreative
Well, it’s genuinely heartbreaking that people don’t really consider how their actions can affect their partners and children. As it’s clearly evident from this shocking list, many people must have been hurt to find out that their spouses were leading a double life.
What did you think of these stories? Also, have you ever heard of something similar? Let us know in the comments. And if you are looking for more such tales, check out these wild stories of people whose double lives eventually caught up with them!
#28
When I was in college I dated a guy from work and we eventually got engaged. He had been married before but got divorced shortly before we started dating. Aside from that he had a lot going for him. Graduated from the air force academy and flew for them, played for the academy’s basketball team while he was in school, played classical piano, had gotten two bachelor degrees in biomedical engineering and chemistry, and was currently attending medical school. I was young, stupid, and had just gotten out of a serious relationship so I ignored about a million red flags. My mom wanted to see a document proving the divorce was finalized, but it was at his parents house. I wanted to hear him play piano, but he would always refuse or make me close my eyes while he did it. My sister tried to find him on the basketball team’s old rosters, but couldn’t. He claimed that his parents were against our relationship so I couldn’t ever meet them or they would be absolutely brutal to me. Can you guess what happened next? A week before our wedding his conscience finally caught up to him so he came clean. He did go to the Air Force academy, but he wasn’t on the basketball team or a pilot. He had never even graduated with one bachelors degree, let alone two. He had gone to the trouble of buying med school textbooks and having me drop him off on campus, even met up with my sister who was in nursing school for lunch. He would tell me what they had learned in class that day. He wasn’t in med school. And that divorced wife? Nope, they were still unhappily married. And his parents couldn’t meet me because then I would have found everything out. Oh, and he had also been in the process of converting to my religion since that was important to me. What’s wrong with that? He was already a member, had just gone off the rails inactive, and rather than confessing to that and turning his life around, he had to pretend that his less than ideal habits were out of ignorance and so now he could be better by “converting”. All of this should have been glaringly suspicious at the time, but I didn’t want to see it. He had thrown an element of emotional toxicity into the relationship as well that made me feel like I was completely worthless without someone as amazing as him. Guy was a piece of work. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is. And if multiple people come out and express concerns about the relationship, you should probably listen…
Image source: katie_eighty, UX Gun
#29
Sigh. I learned he had gotten married while we were long distance dating. That was about one year in, and I didn’t learn until 3.5 years in. In retrospect he always accused me of flirting with others/cheating on him so that should have been a sign since he was projecting his guilt onto me. Just glad I found out before we had kids or something.
Image source: somethingsmartwitty, Sandy Millar
#30
This is the first time I feel i can actually contribute to this sub. Long story short, my girlfriend of 6 months turned out to be married. I found out when i didnt get a response through text for about 2 days and “found her on facebook.” Below are the signs I should have noticed.
1. “I dont use facebook” (she used facebook but im not into social media much so I didnt ovethink
2. Saw odd photo of her and her husband who she told me was her cousin. It was family portrait style of the two of them, and just figured they were close.
3. No PDA of any kind whatsoever, not even hand holding, in front of friends. Understandable, people generally dislike PDA
4. Not introduced as BF to her friends.
Numbers 2 and 4 are the ones I kick myself for. Really shoulda pieced it together at that point, but I was head over heels. Love can blind. Dont overthink these things, as mentioned, this is in hindsight. Dont assume the worst if you see these things in your significant other.
EDIT: words.
Image source: SirLuckey, Jeremy Wong Weddings
#31
My college ex was a compulsive liar. Like literally could not stop lying when he tried to, lying about completely inconsequential stuff. The biggest one was he dropped out of college and pretended he was attending classes for a whole semester and as a result pretty much everything he said about his day to day life was a lie.
When I found out I realized so many conversations we’d had that didn’t make sense to me and I’d assumed I was dumb or crazy—I realized every time it wasn’t me, it was that he was lying. One from over a year before he dropped out was I asked him how he liked his geometry professor and he told me he wasn’t taking geometry but I could have sworn he said he was. Turns out he had been taking it but dropped it part way through the semester and didn’t tell me.
Another one that had bugged me but I couldn’t put my finger on why: we went to a monthly dance event very regularly. One month I couldn’t make it but I told him to go and have a good time without me, and he said he’d gone and seen such and such people and they’d played this and that song, great. Then I ran into another regular who said she’d missed us there. I told her Ex had been there but I wasn’t and she awkwardly said “…maybe he and I just missed each other?” Turns our he didn’t feel like going but didn’t want me to think he was a shut in without me.
Image source: Ectophylla_alba
#32
My mom and stepfather were together for 21 years (never married). He was a good guy and raised me like is own daughter. A few years ago he had a heart attack. While me, my mom, and his daughter (mich older then myself) where in the hospital his daughters best friend showed up. Me didn’t think much of it until he went into surgery for a triple bypass. His daughters best friend confessed to my mother that her and my stepfather had been dating secretly for 11 years and that they were in love and he had been promising to marry her for years. My mom had a good cry then we left the hospital and never saw him again. The man raised me from 6 years old to 27. He calls me ever fauthers day, not to say hi or anything but just to ask where is stuff is and to threaten to get a lawyer involved to get his stuff back. It’s been 5 years. My mom sold everything of his the second we got home from the hospital.
Image source: rodeeoqn
#33
Obligatory not me, but my parents caveat
My dad was working out of the country in a pretty senior role, and he was coming home less and less, spending loads of time in his room, or on his phone. During this period my step-mother (dad’s first wife) tells impressionable teenager me about the time my dad cheated on her, and when he left her with two young infants. When Dad comes home next, we’re in the kitchen and I offhandedly mention that I didn’t know this stuff about him, and how my stepmom was telling me about this other woman, and all of a sudden his phone rings. He screams at me to not touch it and to just hand it over to him. I even made a joke about how it might be because it’s another woman, and he laughed. He left my mom shortly thereafter.
Now I don’t know if my stepmom had a gut feeling and was trying to hint at things for me, or if it was merely coincidental, but my dad’s reaction sure makes a lot more sense now. As you may guess, he isn’t a pillar of fidelity…
Image source: CouldBeWorseCouldBeA
#34
Still pretty sure that an ex of mine lied about how badly injured he was in a workplace accident. The worker’s comp physical therapy “just wasn’t working” and he acted like he could barely move, then after they settled with him (for a princely $10k) all of a sudden he was making huge progress in physical therapy, felt so much better, etc. Went from hobbling to reasonably competent. He’d also had a previous injury in that area and the moment the accident happened he forbid me from talking about it. He framed it as they might pretend it was all pre-existing and not pay him, but, yeah. This was also supposed to be his dream career–and he refused to work with the company, quit, and threw a lawsuit at them.
I had always known and accepted that he was poor, but this fiasco really made me see that he was in a state of learned poverty and helplessness that wasn’t ever going to get better. He was aching for the quick payout–and as you might guess, that 10k lasted maybe 2 months, tops. We were actually engaged by then, because I was an idiot, but I realized that if I married him I’d be drowning myself. Breaking up with him saved my life.
Image source: childishinquiry
#35
My ex wife had two affairs. Some things I overlooked the first time:
Emotionally distant
Lowered participation at home (she was a stay at home wife and started neglecting everything)
Shifting sleep schedule
Paranoia (started locking her computer when she went to bed, started going through my phone when she thought I was asleep)
Social engagement only when the person was physically present.
The person was my best friend and supervisor at work. Only reason I found out was his wife saw messages they were sending and made him tell me.
The second one was was worse. She was making plans with another person to leave me, and even to this day I wrack my brain trying to find signs that I missed.
Only reason I found out about that one was she admitted it to me during a conversation about her finding work.
I think I’m going to avoid any relationships with anyone who wants to be a housespouse for now.
Image source: Sydneydragon93
#36
He lied. About almost everything. Habitually. Including about being sober, which he’d used to manipulate me into doing things. But he was also charming, loved gaslighting, told horrific tales of toxicity to gain sympathy….. I didn’t realize any of this till several years in. I started going back over some of the stories he told, and with the power of the Google, was able to fact-check a lot of them. I was able to recall several specific instances over the years where I now realized he’d been gaslighting me. He once claimed to be in a fugue state, didn’t remember who I was, didn’t know where he was, didn’t know why his (ex) wife wasn’t there, etc. he was also completely dependent on others. Couldn’t “adult”. Or wouldn’t, idk. Couldn’t hold a job.
It made so much more sense when I found out/ realized what was going on-he was a sociopath. I tried for several years to get him to go to therapy, meds, etc. he refused. When he clearly had no intention of helping himself, I threw in the towel. I was able to look at him more shrewdly, and call him on his lies. It ended explosively, but I was able to get away in one piece. He messed me up mentally for a good while. There’s some things.. violence.. I’m still getting over.
Image source: vulchiegoodness
#37
A friend of mine was born and raised in another country where kidnapping is prevalent. He grew up knowing that his mother, who always worked very high profile jobs for their government, was kidnapped at one point and held for ransom. Years later it turns out his mother was a con artist from the beginning, and her “kidnapping” was staged as a way for her to give some people the slip. She conned her way through several countries, borrowing thousands of dollars from people on bogus business deals with foreign entities. Her kids, to their absolute credit, somehow never knew her story and worked hard in school and made great lives for themselves, with no help from her. Her story finally came to light and she skipped town. They severed all ties with her and a lot of things made a lot more sense to them.
Image source: sippysippy13
#38
I once dated a guy that crashed his car on purpose causing 40k in debt. However he told me it was an accidental car crash that wasn’t insured. I believed him fully and he often provided a very un necessary detail account and physical reenactment of the event unfolding. I guess that should have been a red flag but I guess I didn’t think anyone would intentionally mess up there lives like that I was wrong and also had debt collectors calling ME!.
Image source: Trollydollyx
#39
When your spouse who works out of town every week in construction, while you stay at home raising the three wonderful sons you have and working as a nurse, comes home dishing the sordid details of all the other guys having affairs at their hotel, realize that he probably didn’t want to feel left out of all the action.
Image source: SheWhoComesFirst
#40
I dated this guy who was taking care of his terminally ill aunt. He only had a home health aid for the week and had very little support during the weekend so dating was hard. We would talk all hours of the day. Text and phone call. We used to go for walks at the park by his house and one time I asked to use his bathroom and he acted really weird. Saying I would disturb his aunt. But the aunt that had her own room and slept all the time. He would talk about getting married and having kids but something wasn’t right. It wasn’t until he got into a car accident that I started to ask questions. His story did not add up. He said he lost his license due to insurance going up too much after the accident but the accident wasn’t his fault. Long story short I dropped him off one day after a date and after we said good bye I get a call from a random number. I answer it and it’s his wife. She found out about me because she looked at their phone records and saw my number. He never was in an accident. He is an alcoholic and had a DUI and apparently he has been in two relationships with people and told both of them he had a sick aunt. OMG. I was the idiot.
Image source: birdie1784
#41
I found out my ex girlfriend was in another relationship the last six months of ours. I had my suspicions, but she always denied it.
They dated and we got back together, only to break up again and her message me weeks later asking me to lie to him after she left her Facebook open on his phone and he read our messages.
I probably should’ve known just because of how many stories she had for that “one week” relationship.
Image source: Rev_5
#42
A close friend of mine lives not a double, but multiple life. At any time, he has at least 6 girlfriends, not including Craigslist “dates”. He kept them all in the dark, and he would have an average retaining rate of 6 months. Because after that, they would pick up signs, and almost always, it would end with them stalking his house all day until they found out they were being played. In the end it ended up catching up to him, because he really fell for this one girl, but he was so deep into other multiple relationships that he couldn’t just back out of the other relationships. Long story short, it ended up catching up to him, the one girl he loved found out and ended it. He really hasn’t been the same since. But I wish I could say the whole thing changed him for the better, but it didn’t. He is back out there in the dating world with more girlfriends than I could ever count. He said the lesson he learned was to never put his heart on the line. I hope he shakes this way of thinking one day, because he isn’t really happy. At least not long term. I can say that I am, though, but people like him laugh at me, because I have been with the same girl for over 7 years.
Image source: dragon1125
#43
My SO’s dad had a second family for years, and I honestly can’t believe they didn’t find out sooner. He never stayed home on the weekend. He always went to the “hunting club” with his “boys”. This went on for years and his wife never questioned it. He also never spoke to his family or me. During the 4 or so years I was dating his daughter before he divorced and left, he only ever said hello to me once during that whole time, not a single word other than that. I never saw him smile or laugh or do anything. Turns out he had a second wife with two kids the whole time. He was married for over 25 years to my SO’s mom.
Image source: Dinosaur_Repellent
#44
I never was sure. Still can’t be sure. There were just a bunch of little things, over years. Dishes would go missing.
I would ask if she’d broken it accidentally. Complete denial. Then, sometimes weeks later, I’d find a fragment of it under the fridge or the stove or something.
Then I found another man’s clothes in my closet.
In retrospect, I caught her lying about things. She broke away from her friends, who I never saw again. Became good friends with my friends. She got them in the divorce, mostly.
Image source: atchafalaya
#45
He was working on the other side of the country for a year helping with a project. Come to find out he was living a whole other life with another woman out there. Not answering my phone calls as often. Refusing to let me come visit him because the town he was working in at the time was really boring, so he would come visit me instead. The visits became less often and shorter. He randomly bought a really expensive motorcycle.
Image source: HuskyMeekah
#46
Way late to the show but my best friend was dating a guy for multiple years. Had a baby with him and their son is about to tun 3. last year she found out he went and got married behind her back. NEVER told her or his wife. Played it off as “I have a kid with this chick…I need to spend time with them” Wife never questioned it. My friend found on facebook a post she had where she
1) changed her last name and
2.) mentioned how great her hair dresser was for the wedding.
3.) left a review on the wedding favors she did.
He still denies it almost a year later. She caught him. Thank god she got a new boyfriend and is happy without his lying person….
Image source: Jaci_D
#47
“He’s not cheating on Sharon with Elissa. She’s just his muse so they hang out a lot and he photographs her.”
3 months later:
“Guess what guys…”
And then I deleted everyone I knew from my life. No ragrets except the impending alcoholism.
Image source: Darth_Waiter
#48
I was the one keeping a secret. One of my sons is actually our nephew. My wife never found out. She always thought he was the product of an affair I had and was horribly bitter toward him. I had to keep his identity secret or Bobby B would have bashed his head in.
Image source: ned_stark97
#49
Me: I used to be a compulsive liar. I have no idea why I would lie, I just would just find myself in a situation where it was happening and it was just coming out of my mouth. Afterwards I would feel extremely guilty about it, but it was always little things so I just would ignore that it happened and move on. Then I told a whopper. A big one. One I had to keep up for a few months because I felt like I had no choice at that point. It ended up hurting a lot of people around me once they found out. From that day forward have tried extremely hard to keep it in check, I still till this day find little lies coming out here and there, but I try really really hard to control it now.
Image source: cvep
#50
Looking back I realized I missed times they each mentioned things to me about the other that they wouldn’t know unless they were talking privately. My husband and my friend. I knew they were friends so each incident I put down to them maybe running into each other in the neighborhood or something. Discovered later over 18 months of long 2am emails etc. detailing time spent together etc. really changed how I feel not just about them but all people.
Image source: lizquitecontrary
#51
None. Nothing. This man was a career criminal…so very good at what he did. Everyone loved and adored him, all my family and friends. I hate when people say ‘well, at least you learned something.’ I don’t think so. I could fall for it all over again…that’s how good he was.
Image source: cjldvm
#52
My grandfather live for about 30 years with a secret family. He was a truck driver and often blamed long absences on having to drive across the country. My father would tell me stories of how they had little money when they were kids even though my grandfather worked so much. In retrospect he was paying for two families with 3 kids each. This went on for about 30 years until my grandparents finally got divorced and all the details came out. My grandmother knew about the affair but was unaware of an entire second family.
Image source: Tacodeuce
#53
He would go to the bar, and then not come home. He wouldn’t answer his phone either. His friend lived two houses down from the bar and he would tell me he slept at his friend’s house. He would always accuse me of cheating. After our relationship ended, he dated a woman who lived in the house between the bar and his friends house. He never has admitted he was sleeping with her while he was still with me, but I know better.
Image source: springsummerfall2016
#54
When my husband passed away, I found out he hadn’t told his family we got married. They knew about me and they knew he loved me, just not that he ever got married.
At the time post here.
In retrospect, it was weird I never met anyone he knew, but I knew he was really easily embarrassed by things in general and the idea seemed to terrify him. I think that’s why he never told them.
Image source: smartlypretty
#55
Not my SO, but my father. He had a family outside of the marriage with my mom, and I wish there were more obvious red flags, but there weren’t. The only thing that I saw is that my mom had that gut feeling that something was wrong, when I was a kid I remember her telling him that it doesn’t matter that he cheats on her and gets a girl pregnant, as long as the baby is given to her and to be raised as her own instead of living with another (not so good) family. I never looked up to that, and I actually felt offended that my mom would think that my dad was cheating. Turns out she was right, and now I have a sister in another country that I’ll never probably meet. So when your gut is telling you something, trust it.
Image source: twinval
#56
Ex GF broke up with me abruptly. Like, one day we were fine, the next she told me she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Found out a week later that she’d been having an affair of sorts with a dude overseas. Sending him explicit pictures, calling him for hours on end telling him how much she loved him. I didn’t see the signs, but apparently she was sending videos when she was on the phone to me, and doing stuff from my house when I was out. And looking back, I can see that she was being secretive and avoiding me at points. Love can make you not see things straight:/.
Image source: LaughingGhost-
#57
Not me personally but a friend of mine’s boyfriend told her that he was in college, and was getting almost straight a’s, member of a bunch of clubs etc for about three years. Apparently he was also telling his parents this, and my friend and the guys family were all in the dark until his sister found out. Apparently the guy is a pathological liar and has done things like this his whole life, just never on that grand of a scale until a few years ago. They’re still together though.
Image source: TGSWithTracyJordan
#58
Late to the party, but when he flat out asked if was jealous or had a problem with the fact that his best friend was a girl.
They carpooled to work and were obviously close, but I trusted him. After all, we’re both engineers so naturally by contrast most of my close friends, aka coworkers, were men….so I understood that you can be close to the opposite gender without it being inappropriate.
I never thought to be worried until he asked and even then he made me feel like my own insecure fault for ever doubting. It wasn’t until the day after we broke up finally and he posted countless snapchats of them together that I realized. For reference, up until that point he in insisted they didn’t hang out together alone except for the carpooling.
They’re engaged now. For her sake, I hope he’s changed. But he’s always done this. He left his ex only because we were already dating (going into it, he promised they were over…then it came to light that there was significant overlap but I was naive).
There were so many warnings and I’m glad to have learned them now. But he was a master at making me doubt myself and feel guilty for ever doubting him.
Image source: xxjulzmariexx
#59
Around year eight of my marriage, I met my then-husband’s girlfriend of nine months. He told me he was working doubles on his night off, but he was bunking at her place those nights and crawling out of her bed at 5 a.m. to ‘come home from work.’ I was packing him lunches for his sleepovers with her.”
“Once she and I knew about each other, we swapped photos and stories. Her apartment was full of photos of them together; she even had him on her insurance plan. She had ZERO clue he was married; she thought they were endgame, the whole thing. Once I filed for divorce, I let her know he was all hers, and apparently, they stayed together for about two months… Then, he cheated on her with the next one
Image source: anon
#60
With my ex-husband, the first sign something was off was a receipt for a meal for two that he swore was just him being really hungry. As his parents had an ‘understanding’ about his father’s girlfriend and his mother’s spending, I think he thought we’d get there, too, if he eased me into it. WRONG. I’ve avoided wealthy people ever since. Most messed-up family I’ve ever known
Image source: LaffItUpFzbl
#61
My husband was cheating. I knew something was wrong, but I never imagined that. He always had his phone; it was never out of his sight. When he came home from work, he would be sitting in the driveway on his cellphone for a while before coming in. Intimacy started getting sparse… So many little things that I never even worried about, because I thought they were normal marriage ups and downs, became huge ‘AHA’ moments after I connected all the dots.
Image source: /MadMadGirl
#62
In the mid 2000s/2010s, I worked for a major bank. I was shocked at how many men had second families, that we usually discovered when one of the poor, unsuspecting wives would call us after coming across banking paperwork that didn’t match any of their family’s accounts but was in her husband’s name. She would be confused, call the bank wanting to know what was going on; I’d be able to see exactly what was going on, straight away, but wouldn’t be able to say anything to the wife because her name wasn’t on the account, etc., so I’d just have to assure her it was a legitimate account and gently advise her that she might like to discuss this account with her husband. Oof!
Image source: LemonElectrical3359
#63
I found out my husband had been opportunistically cheating for our entire relationship, was in a secret satanic cult, had a long-term girlfriend in Texas (also in the cult), and was essentially leading a double life. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, had been a lie. I was just the bank. Within a few weeks of the divorce, he married the girlfriend. Now she’s the bank, and he’s already cheated on her, too
Image source: anon
#64
He told me he owned a cabin and was financially stable. He told me he didn’t have any debt besides his vehicle. I was planning to get a camper for my kids and me and had money set aside for something small. He already had a camper, but it was too small for us to take the kids, so he said he would sell his and use the money he got for it to go in on a bigger one with me. I found a bigger one and paid cash for it (with the little money I had), with the understanding that when he sold his, he would pay me half the cost and we would both own it 50–50. Finances mattered to me because I was going to lose my alimony and gain a house payment by marrying him. I knew he didn’t make a lot of money, and that was okay, but I was not prepared to find out he lied to me.”
“After the wedding, we went to the bank to refinance my house (I had to pay my ex his equity in the house) and found out that my new husband did not own a cabin; it was his aunt’s that he had been living in. He had $9K in credit card debt. His credit was in the 600s, so we couldn’t get a good rate on the mortgage. He owed more than his camper was worth, so he would never pay me the half he said he would. He said he would split the new one, and his car payment was almost $800 per month. He said he didn’t tell me because he was embarrassed to be 48 years old and have nothing but debt and zero assets. I also found out he had stolen all of his mom’s pain meds for her back. This was one of the most frightening times of my life.
Image source: Bubbly_Management144
#65
A college friend’s daughter is the biological child of my ex-husband. They were hook-up buddies when they didn’t have other options in the months before he and I met. She was on-again-off-again with her own partner, and they had one last tryst before we went exclusive. Fast-forward 11 years, the girl is blood typing in school and, through the lesson, realizes she couldn’t have the type she has with the parents she knows. That’s when my ex sat me down to tell me that, while we were solidly childfree, he had a daughter with our friend.
He didn’t want to be a dad to her, but she may want something from him, and he wanted me to be cool about it. I used that as an excuse to leave the otherwise horrifically toxic relationship I had justified through the sunk-cost fallacy
Image source: anon
#66
When he was younger he beat his sister so badly he put her in hospital. She was always rude to him at family gatherings and he would never react. He would never be part of family conversations. We would all sit around the dinner table chatting and joking after dinner but once he had finished eating he would move over to the lounge and sit there alone. He would rarely talk about his past.
He did the same to his exwife. Not to the point of putting her into hospital but he did enough and often enough for her to leave him.
I found out about these things from some of his family after I left him because of, guess what, domestic violence. I felt so betrayed and hurt that no one, who I thought had become my family too, had the decency to warn me about him when I was with him. Not his parents, his sister or any of his extended family. I have kids with this guy now. I have a life time ahead of problems.
So yep, his withdrawal from family social interactions even when present and the absence of stories from his past were big red flags.
Please people, don’t protect the guilty.
Image source: allfumbs
#67
Husband was cheating. I knew something was wrong, but I never imagined that. He always had his phone, it was never out of his sight. When he came home from work he would be sitting in the driveway on his cell phone for awhile before coming in. Intimacy started getting sparse…. So many little things that I never even worried about, because I thought hey were normal marriage ups n downs, became huge “AHA” moments after I connected all the dots.
I still hate to see anyone who can’t let their cell phone out of their sight or gets mad if their SO picks it up. It makes me immediately suspicious.
Good luck, I’m sure you’re asking for a reason.:(.
Image source: MadMadGirl
#68
I used to live with them. They we went long distance for work. It was temporary, the timeline set in stone. Couple of months max and we’d be back in the same city.
Then I said hey I’ve got some holiday should I come back and visit? And they say no, no it’s okay…. and they really really don’t want me to come back..
That means there’s someone else living in your old house and sleeping in your bed with your mrs.
Image source: 136win136
#69
When she said she was in a city that she never goes to, but that guy she knew was from there. Took me back a second but figured it was nothing now I regret that I never asked why she was there. But hey the truth always comes out sooner or later.
Image source: cake4chu
#70
Onion rings. I always assumed she liked them. When I ordered them at a restaurant and she would eat one two and leave the rest to me. I always thought she was just being kind cos I like them so much and I’m a bit of a fat person. Then one day, a decade into our relationship she tells me doesn’t like them and she never has. I have no idea who this person is anymore.
Image source: g_junkin4200
#71
Not me, but my wife’s former boss found out a few big secrets right before she married her husband. It all started when they went to apply for a marriage license and it was revealed he was still married to his “ex” wife. Turns out he never signed final divorce paperwork and was “shocked” when they found out. Okay unfortunate as it might be it’ll only take a little bit to finalize and move forward with their wedding she thought. Once that was resolved the next issue came up. When going to pay for the wedding DJ she found their joint account had a $20,000 withdrawal. She freaked and called her fiance thinking it was fraud. Nope. Turns out he had substantial debt with his now ex wife that he forgot to tell her and wanted to pay off before the wedding. Now I don’t know about you, but for me that would have been a deal breaker, if not then I would have at least postponed the wedding, not for her I guess. Then just two weeks before the nuptials she found his 12 year old daughters (who only stays with them once a week) soiled underwear hidden in her overnight bag. When she asked the daughter about it she confessed that she does it all the time. A 12 year old that ISN’T POTTY TRAINED. He swore that he remembers potty training her when she was little and doesn’t know how her mother let her defecate herself and hid it from him for years.
This woman was pretty intelligent. She was the GM of a high end hotel/inn/wedding venue. Was definitely a hard working, have your things together type person. I cannot fathom how she still ended up going through with the wedding. They’re still together a few years later so I guess it worked out. Don’t know if the daughter ever learned to use the toilet. Last I heard a doctor didn’t know if her bowel muscles could relearn how to function properly and she might need surgery or be incontinent for life.
Image source: PigmentlessTwit
#72
He said to remember how happy he made me because at some point I was going to hate him. I thought he was joking…
Image source: megatron336
#73
Certain mannerisms while lying, avoiding the topic or changing the narrative when it was needed. I observed these things, but thought it was nothing much. Later, it turned out that wasn’t the case.
Image source: InnocuousCyanide
#74
Everything had an answer.
What did you do this morning? was never “nothing much.” It always was a detailed response.
You don’t always remember what toothpaste you bought or what temperature you set the oven to.
Image source: DigNitty
#75
My brother looked at his and his wife’s bank account one day and an usually withdrawal was shown. $300 for (I don’t remember the name of the company). He asked his wife and she said it was the new gym she was going to. She had been losing weight, eating better, and look much healthier than before so he brushed it off.
A few weeks later she said she needed to start working Sundays. She was in the Kitchen and Bath industry so with all the trade shows and summer home renovations, he let it go.
Long story short, she was cheating on my brother. The $300 monthly payments were the guys ankle monitoring fees and the Sunday’s she worked, she was driving up to the prison close to us, seeing ANOTHER guy.
Image source: GingerBeard73
#76
People don’t generally go to brunch with their cricket buddies.
To be fair, by that time I was over it and waiting for the lease to be up.
Image source: anon
#77
A cousin of mine met a guy and got pregnant after a couple of months of dating. He then suggested they should go and live together. She ends her lease and finds a new place for the both of them closer to his working place, which was basically an hour drive away from her own job. The guy never moves in with her and the relationship gets horribly rocky, she basically ends up being a single mom with a parttime dad. After some good digging around she finds out that he lives with his girlfriend of 10 years and has 3 children with her.
In hindsight there were so many red flags; she never went to his place because he said he lived with his uncle who was terminally ill and he didn’t want to stress the old man. But what really got me angry for her was that his entire family was acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. His mother and sister even helped us to organise the babyshower for them.
She is doing great now but I always feel bad for her thinking about what she went through.
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#78
When your mom’s close family friend doesn’t want to tell her about the father of her kids.. maybe that’s because he’s also your father.
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#79
She told one guy I was okay with their relationship, he sent edible arrangements to the house and contacted me bc she lied and told him she was in the hospital for some reason. I started tracking her finances and recording calls. And I eventually found out about the multiple boyfriends and the reason she abandoned her daughter everyday for two years was a boyfriend in the next state so she could play mommy to his son who had brain cancer. And the boyfriend looks like a younger version of her dad. He didn’t know about me either until I contacted him and he still doesn’t know about the other guys she has been entertaining.
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#80
Sensitive about me reading anything of his. Locks computer from me. Stuffing bills in places he didn’t think I’d find. Having pretend conversations with his fake boss and having his fake shifts constantly change. Outlandish unjust stories about everyone out to get him and so many bad things that happened are someone else’s fault. Countless suspected lies which became more outlandish all the time. Never admitting faults.
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#81
When I was questioning my own sanity/intuition even though all the facts and clues were right in my face. Ex: daily calls/texts from his “ex” for which he excused as “I’m all she has” and “i feel bad not responding because shes all alone.” I didn’t want to be the crazy controlling girlfriend so I swallowed my concern and held my tongue. Then I went through his phone and found very affectionate language being used. THAT should have been the big give away but nope! He gave me some other lie that I somehow chocked down bc I didn’t want to believe someone could do that to me. Absolute giveaway was when she answered the phone one morning when I was on my way to pick him up. Apparently he had been with this girl for 3+ years and with me 1+ year. I found out that I was the other woman.
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#82
He told me I was being jealous and paranoid and I just trusted him that we were monogamous and he turned out to be a lying loser.
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#83
I’ve dated several. My biggest lesson is that when you’re gut is telling you it feels wrong, it’s always wrong. Trust yourself!
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#84
My ex husband is bipolar, and doesnt take medication. Im retrospect, his depressive episodes should have tipped me off. He refuses to take anything, and i didnt find out til a week before i found out he was creating.
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#85
Randomly disappearing for the night and texting in the morning saying he fell asleep. Not talking for days at a time to come back and say some emergency came up. Not adding me to any social media accounts because he claims he doesn’t use them. And I was surprised when I found out I was one of at least three women. And a wife. I fully take responsibility for that stupidity.
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#86
Not me but a former friend.
I stayed with them for a few weeks when I moved to their city. Her boyfriend was cheating on her.
For me the sign was he claimed he was out late at the gym but I saw no gains.
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#87
I saw all the signs of my husband being in another relationship but chose to not believe them because I didn’t want to seem like a crazy person.
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#88
My now-ex-husband forgot to tell me he had a daughter until we had been married for about six months. He never saw or mentioned her.
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#89
An old coworker had a husband who worked out of town. They had children together. He went on to have not one but TWO other children with two different women out of town. Women he had entire fake lives with — fake name, lied about having a wife and kids, everything. She ended up staying with him and went on to have another kid with him. SMH
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#90
My first husband and I got married pretty quickly because I got pregnant. After we were married, I learned he had a wife in another state and that we were only in our state for work
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#91
About a week after we got married, I learned he’d been cheating on me for our entire relationship up until the point when I found out. So that was fun
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