Every family has its fair share of drama. But while some disagreements are little more than a headache, others can cost you a lot more than just a few nerves.
One couple bought a house that had belonged to the husband’s late grandmother, a purchase his mother had strongly encouraged. However, they soon realized why she had been so eager for them to get it. Read the full story below.
One couple bought a house that the husband’s mother had strongly encouraged them to get
Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
But they soon learned why she had been so eager for them to own it
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Drazen Zigic (not the actual photo)
Enmeshed families often mistake being involved in every part of each other’s lives for love and closeness, but blurred boundaries can make these relationships toxic
One of the great ironies of family life is just how complicated it can get. The people closest to us are often the very same ones who make us want to pull our hair out. They know us better than almost anyone, which means they also know exactly how to get under our skin.
Throughout history, family feuds have been fierce enough to bring down entire kingdoms. They’ve also provided inspiration for some of the greatest TV shows of all time, from The Sopranos to Succession.
Fortunately, most of us aren’t fighting over royal inheritances or criminal empires. Still, even an ordinary family disagreement can make life pretty miserable for everyone caught up in it.
One reason family relationships can become so difficult has to do with something psychologists call enmeshment. The concept was developed by Argentine-American psychiatrist Salvador Minuchin, who studied how families function together and explored his ideas in his 1974 book Families and Family Therapy.
He was particularly interested in what happens when relatives become so involved in one another’s lives that it’s difficult to tell where one person’s responsibilities end and another’s begin.
Essentially, enmeshment describes families with poorly defined personal boundaries. It’s often mistaken for closeness or intimacy, since family members may see their constant involvement in each other’s lives as a sign of love and care.
However, everyone becomes so caught up in each other’s affairs that individual wishes can take a back seat to what the family expects.
Parents might continue making decisions for their grown children, for example, or expect them to take on responsibilities they never agreed to. And when someone objects, they’re often made to feel guilty for supposedly letting the family down.
Timur Weber Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
Sadly, enmeshment can be passed down from one generation to the next, making it hard for families to leave these habits behind
But where does this behavior come from? According to psychotherapist Sharon Martin, these patterns often begin during childhood.
A parent struggling with loneliness or insecurity might start depending heavily on their child for emotional comfort. The child gradually learns to put their parent’s feelings first, and this expectation can remain long after they’ve grown up and started families of their own.
In some cases, these patterns can even be passed down through generations. After all, if you’ve spent your entire childhood watching relatives interfere in each other’s decisions, you might grow up thinking that’s simply how families work.
Martin explains that illness or difficult family circumstances can also contribute to enmeshment. Sometimes, what begins as an attempt to protect a vulnerable family member can turn into excessive involvement in their life.
And the consequences can be quite serious. A 2024 review published in Psychological Bulletin examined 478 studies on blurred boundaries between parents and children.
Researchers found that enmeshment was associated with greater emotional and behavioral difficulties in children. This doesn’t mean every close-knit family is unhealthy, but it does show why respecting individual boundaries matters.
Looking at this particular story, it seems the family might be dealing with some degree of enmeshment themselves. The mother-in-law apparently expected her son and his wife to provide permanent accommodation for his brother, even though they had never agreed to it.
She also admitted that having him move into her own home would threaten her marriage. Yet she seemed to have little trouble expecting the couple to make that same sacrifice.
Of course, the brother-in-law’s circumstances complicate matters. According to the author, he is autistic and needs considerable assistance with everyday activities, meaning independent living may be difficult without additional support. He reportedly doesn’t want to remain in the house either.
Finding suitable accommodation for him is therefore an important part of the situation, regardless of the disagreement between his relatives.
Ultimately, this raises an interesting question about how much responsibility we should be expected to take for our relatives.
Families often depend on one another, especially when someone needs extra care. But deciding how that care should be provided can become complicated when everyone has different expectations.
Who do you think is in the wrong here? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
Readers had plenty of opinions and questions about the situation, so the woman responded to some of them in the comments
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She later returned to her post to clear up several points that kept coming up
Scott Webb (not the actual photo)
Allan Vega (not the actual photo)
Readers were divided: while some felt the couple’s expectations were perfectly reasonable, others thought they hadn’t communicated clearly enough or handled things maturely
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