Nobody said that marriage is going to be easy. But that’s far from the only thing nobody tells you when you’re unmarried.
Would it change your mind about tying the knot if you knew some of these things earlier? Well, you don’t need to reply just now, but rather scroll through some of the very genuine thoughts about marriage from people who have been there and done that.
“Married people of Reddit, what’s something you wish unmarried people knew?” somebody asked on Ask Reddit and sooner than you knew it, the thread turned into an illuminating read that makes you wonder big time.
#1
Common values matter way more than common interests.
Image source: wwplkyih, Helena Lopes
#2
Saying “let me ask my wife” doesn’t mean I’m asking permission. We’re a team, we make decisions together. Also, if it’s about going to or doing something, I’m really forgetful and want to make sure we haven’t already made plans.
Image source: Salty-Director538, August de Richelieu
#3
BABIES DON’T FIX RELATIONSHIPS! If you were struggling before then a baby is going to make those struggles even harder. Babies make fantastic relationships harder! Don’t have a baby if you’re having problems! Don’t have a baby to “fix” things! Don’t have a baby to try to keep your spouse from leaving! IT WONT WORK
Image source: mrsbebe, Kelly Sikkema
#4
Spending time with my wife is neither a burden or a chore. She was my best friend before we even started dating, of course i enjoy hanging out with her.
Image source: rusty_L_shackleford, cottonbro
#5
It’s not you vs spouse. It’s you and spouse vs problem.
Image source: Capital_Ad_2489, Priscilla Du Preez
#6
It’s better to stay single forever than to marry the wrong person
Image source: Bhappy-now, Andrea Piacquadio
#7
For the love of God don’t go crazy with how much you spend on the wedding day. It’s ONE day and it’s over in a flash. Try to keep costs down as much as you can; that money you saved can go towards a house or into savings for when you’ll truly need it
Also, the whole “don’t go to bed mad” thing is absolutely b******t. Go to bed mad! When you have both slept on it you may see things in a different light and tensions have calmed.
“Happy wife, happy life” is toxic to a marriage as well. You should be concerned with each other’s happiness *equally*. It’s a partnership
Image source: DrPeterVankman, Rose
#8
It’s okay to use two blankets. No one likes to wake up with cold a*s cheeks because your spouse stole the blanket.
Image source: sparklingshanaya, Pavel Danilyuk
#9
My heart always hurts when I hear people say “I gotta pin that man down” or “I’m going to make him put a ring on it” or other things implying that the woman is coercing the man into marrying her.
If a man doesn’t WANT to be married to me, then by God, I don’t want to be married to him either! If he requires that much convincing, he’s not the man for you.
Image source: SnappyCappie, cottonbro
#10
It’s okay for your relationship to look the way you want it to. Don’t worry about stereotypes or society standards. If you enjoy separate hobbies, great. If you want to play video games together well into your 40s+, go for it. As long as you’re not being abusive towards one another I really do think there’s no right or wrong way to do marriage. It took me a few years to realize I didn’t need to fit some “wife mold” due to the way I was raised and I’m so much happier now that we live exactly the way we want to.
Image source: readyplayer_zero, cottonbro
#11
Lots! Been married 29 years.
My wife is my best friend. She comes first.
Its not my money or her money. Its our money.
Big financial decisions have to be joint decisions.
If I want to go out and buy a midlife crisis car, my wife gets one too.
We have TV shows we watch together and ones we watch alone.
Life is so much more fun when you share hobbies.
Share the chores. You both eat and mess the bathroom up.
There is no I in team
Go out on dates.
Treat them like you like to be treated
You will get old together
Health issues are a team effort
You both are getting wrinkles
Image source: notevenapro
#12
A gracious heartfelt apology goes a long way.
Image source: Iarmuman, cottonbro
#13
Compromise is not a sign of weakness. It is done out of respect for your spouse.
Image source: Rich-Diamond-9006, Emma Bauso
#14
The wedding is just one day and does not fix any issues. It goes back to the exact same relationship afterwards. And if you’re lucky, that’s a good thing.
Image source: No_Yard_7363, Mikhail Nilov
#15
Being married shouldn’t take away from having a good relationship with yourself.
Image source: Electronic-Cattle993, Ron Lach
#16
Sleeping on the couch isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sleep is important. If I’m sick, have insomnia, snoring, etc., I’ll go to the couch so that only one of us is sleep-deprived and grumpy the next day, rather than both. It’s totally ok to use the bedroom for fun sexy times and then go separate places to actually sleep.
Image source: charleychaplinman21, Pixabay
#17
It’s ok to do things or spend a full day doing stuff that you enjoy by yourself.
Image source: Present-Skill-4114, bady abbas
#18
Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Get help if things seem too hard. My wife and I both carried a lot of childhood trauma into our marriage. A councilor helped is both understand that and gave us tools to handle it. We’re would have divorced without the help.
Image source: Spidey209, Heather Mount
#19
Find someone who is your biggest cheerleader and vice-versa, no matter what, life is so much easier
Love my wife!
Image source: SteliosCnutos, cottonbro
#20
If you tell me something, you’re also telling my wife, and vice versa. I’ll keep your secret from the rest of the world, but you can bet your a*s I’m spilling the tea to my wife as soon as I get home.
Image source: zuck_my_butt
#21
You can’t find instantly happy or perfect match, you have to build it.
Image source: RoundProfessional95, SHVETS production
#22
Don’t get lazy with sex. Now that you’re monogamous, it’s time to explore and grow together. A single partner you can trust and no worries about disease or unwanted pregnancy can lead to the best sex of your life. Marriage is not a sentence to play with yourself for decades. It’s a license to get filthy with your partner! Now that I’ve had a vasectomy and she’s had a hysterectomy, we are having the best sex of our lives because no babies, no periods, no worries!
Image source: PNWBoilermaker2019
#23
You don’t have to argue or “fight”. You’re different people and it’s OK to not agree on everything. It would be weird if you did!
I see a lot of people “fighting” because they’re always trying to get the other person to come around to their point of view. Accept that you’re different and have fun together. In addition to loving each other, you should *like* each other.
Image source: whatyouwant22, MART PRODUCTION
#24
Your single problems will be your married problems. Marriage and your spouse can’t fix you. Work on yourself as much as you can before you get married. For yourself and for your spouse.
Image source: happyharborgirl, Liza Summer
#25
Love is a choice. Once you choose to commit to your partner, choose to keep loving them. Choose to respond with love and compassion. Choose to put them first, and vice versa. There are definitely exceptions to this, like abuse and cheating.
If you go into marriage with a self-centered focus and telling yourself you can leave if things get hard, then you will. Marriage isn’t transactional, where if they don’t meet your needs 100% then you should leave. Marriage really should be a partnership where you are both trying your best and recognizing that what your best is will vary based on your circumstances.
Image source: Dinonugget1801, Ketut Subiyanto
#26
It’s okay to sleep in different rooms. Really. We still have plenty of intimacy, but we both sleep much better and are able to have different schedules.
Image source: nevernom
#27
Getting married WILL NOT help solve any issues in your relationship…
Image source: LoveBaby67, Liza Summer
#28
You can feel lonely as F still being in a relationship. You have to love yourself first.
Image source: AdImpressive836, Gian Cescon
#29
There are good people out there, you can be loved consistently, deeply, and with kindness.
Image source: tara_amma, Toa Heftiba
#30
Sex really does get better the longer you work at it.
Image source: elchignacio, Womanizer Toys
#31
Marriage changes nothing about a relationship. You’ll be exactly the same after marriage as you were before. Kids on the other hand….
Image source: taylor52087, Tim Mossholder
#32
Marriage (and long term relationships in general) are a lot less work if done with the right person.
It seems obvious, but looking through a lot of these comments, I’m seeing disasters of relationships leading to the idea that marriage is a ton of work, or that fights and insults are just something to be expected, or that you have to have a plan for therapy and constant apologies and reconciliation – my wife and I have none of this in our marriage. We’re compatible: we enjoy each other’s company, respect each other’s boundaries, and get along easily.
It seems to me that the tricky part is finding the right person, so that you don’t end up with the tricky part of averting divorce and disaster while married to the wrong person. I don’t know that there are any magic bullets to that trick, but I can tell you that issues like sitting down with a marriage counselor or learning how to reconcile after a screaming match don’t have to be part of navigating a marriage if you’re not that incompatible to begin with.
Image source: CAustin3, Emma Bauso
#33
You never marry a girl you marry her whole family.
Image source: Green-Mango-More
#34
Divorce is awful and terrible and painful. Before you enter into marriage, realize that the only way out ( except death I guess) is a very painful, public, and traumatizing experience. If you don’t truly believe you can make it work for the rest of your life, don’t do it unless you can handle the train wreck that is divorce.
Image source: Listening_Heads, cottonbro
#35
That the butterflies in the tummy, the wibbles when you see them, the fairytale romance of it all is a big lie. Don’t marry that person, it won’t end well. And don’t have a list of requirements that can change in an instant: good job, money, a certain physique or hair colour, house, car, etc. Three paychecks can change all that. If you must have a list then make it on qualities: kind, funny, tender, honest.
Marry someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, the person you want at your side to share in triumphs and disasters alike. Marry the person who will stick with you for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Life is very different in your 20s and 30s than it is in your 70s and 80s. Will you clean up their vomit? Will they wipe your backside when you can’t? Do you feel you have to hold back on what you tell or show them? Can you fart in front of them? Do you see yourself wiping up their eye gunk in 50 years time?
It’s OK to have deal-breakers, but make them good ones. Ours are cheating and hitting. Anything else we can work out. A disagreement does not mean the end of our marriage, it means we need to talk and work out *together* what we’re going to do about it. And if it’s not the right time for a discussion then say so, talk when you are both well rested, fed and watered, not when you’ve both arrived home tired and hungry after a shocker of a day in work. Admit that there is a disagreement, but that it doesn’t stop you loving each other.
We’re 4 and a half years married, 7 years together. We have never had an argument. We disagree sometimes, but we talk it out and know that our disagreement doesn’t mean we don’t love each other, so if our talk is postponed because I am tired or he is stressed with work, we support each other with those things and talk it out when we’re ready to.
Image source: MadWifeUK
Follow Us
