Why is it that the people we love the most are also the people who seem to cause us the most pain? In healthy relationships, our romantic partners, best friends and family members can make us feel safer and warmer than anyone else on Earth. But unfortunately, our loved ones are also capable of exhibiting toxic behaviors that can be detrimental to our wellbeing.
Reddit users have recently been calling out common actions and traits that many people don’t realize can be abusive, so we’ve gathered some of their thoughts below. We hope you can’t relate to experiencing these behaviors, pandas, but if you can, know that you’re not alone. And be sure to upvote the replies that you think everyone needs to hear.
#1
Reactive abuse. Basically, abusers will poke and prod their victim so much until their victim has an explosive reaction. The abuser will then use this reaction as justification for their abuse or to further manipulate and gaslight the victim.
Image source: HuggyMummy, Liza Summer
#2
Yelling. Years of walking on eggshells will damage a person’s nervous system.
Image source: OhSoSoftly444, Liza Summer
#3
When you ask them to not joke about X, and they say something like, “Well, I guess I won’t speak at all anymore.”
They’re making it so difficult to set a boundary that you’ll want to give up.
Image source: villettegirl, Ketut Subiyanto
#4
Neglect – neglect IS abuse
Image source: ZenythhtyneZ, Abir Joy
#5
Telling a child how they should feel.
“You should be grateful.”
“You should be happy.”
“You should be sorry.”
It shows the child just how little the parent actually cares about their feelings. The child is just a doll to them that they think they can control.
I remember my cat’s leg and tail was broken and my dad told me “You should be happy because I didn’t shoot her.” I will never forgive him for that
Image source: PocketGoblix
#6
Invalidating your feelings by making it about them and how you holding them accountable is upsetting them.
Image source: SunflowerGirl728, Andrew Neel
#7
Mothers who treat their sons like surrogate boyfriends/husbands. If their sons DARE to have a girlfriend or get married, these women act like they’re being cheated on.
Image source: Drink-my-koolaid, Kamshotthat
#8
trying to “test” people’s food allergies because they don’t believe them or trying to sneak a food someone doesn’t like into a dish to prove them wrong.
Image source: falsepossum, eat kubba
#9
Weaponized incompetence
Image source: PartyyLemons, Vlada Karpovich
#10
Not teaching your kids basic life skills to keep them dependent
Image source: mazioo1233
#11
Messing with someone’s sleep.
Image source: catlike_gag_reflex, Ivan Oboleninov
#12
Parentification. I recently learned in therapy that it wasn’t normal that I was cooking & changing my siblings diapers when I was 8.
Image source: ThunderTaker1992, Ketut Subiyanto
#13
Using personal things someone has told you against them when you are angry. My husband does this and tries to pretend he’s being “constructive”, rather than just cruel. And I’m working on getting my s**t together to get the f**k out because I’m tired of being painted as the bad guy when I get upset.
Image source: dixiequick, Alex Green
#14
Keeping you isolated. My ex tried convincing me that my parents and friends didn’t love me.
Image source: OddReputation3765, Alena Darmel
#15
Breaking things while angry with their partner/kid (punching a hole in the wall for example)
They may not be hitting you, but they want to.
Image source: gorhxul, Pixabay
#16
Taking away someones personal belongings, or selling them without permission. My mom would go through my room and trash or sell everything while I was at school. She’s sold or thrown away my deceased dad’s stuff, toys, clothes, pets, etc… and act like I shouldn’t be upset. My sister does this as well.
Image source: legendariiiii
#17
Sibling rivalry that goes unchecked by parents.
Man, I can’t believe how common/ignored sibling abuse is. Neglectful parents plus unruly children is a recipe for disaster.
Image source: One-Sandwich5588, cottonbro studio
#18
Not letting people express negative emotions because it’s ‘negativity.’
Image source: swooooot, cottonbro studio
#19
Toxic spirituality. I think a lot of mental health problems hide behind spirituality.
Like, maybe that person isn’t your soul mate/twin flame, you just need to deal with some Internal issues buddy.
Image source: Ok_Thanks_3868, RF._.studio
#20
Constantly reminding someone of their shortcomings/ past mistakes
Image source: Fancy__Mushroom__, EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA
#21
It doesn’t have to be violence, it’s the implication that something bad will happen if you don’t comply. Agreeing to pay for your kids college and pulling the rug out from under them over something petty like a political disagreement is abuse.
I left home to go to college. I was going to work and save up a decent amount of money and wait a year but I was told to not worry about it. I went and within a few months we had a disagreement and they stopped helping at all. I’m halfway through a semester at that point and don’t have a job or rent. The landlord was cool and gave me time to catch up.
I racked up a ton of credit card debt during this time. My parents were not hurting for money. I never would have done it if my dad didn’t tell me not to worry about it.
Image source: CaptainAwesom88, Carolina
#22
Showing favoritism – family related. Not by directly saying “I prefer x over y” but by the little comments, actions/inactions. It can really mess with someone’s self esteem, confidence, and overall thoughts of self and self worth.
Image source: SliverKai, Daria Obymaha
#23
Continuing certain behavior after the person you are affecting has (repeatedly) asked you to stop.
*But-I’m-Not-Touching-You*-ism is a short route to abusive behavior.
Image source: Mullet_Police, Ketut Subiyanto
#24
Manipulation under the guise of caring for what happens to you
Image source: First_Catch_3919, Mental Health America (MHA)
#25
Harnessing therapy speak to absolve oneself of accountability
Image source: Comfortable-Ear-9186, RDNE Stock project
#26
Comparing one child to another,cousin or friends. Why can’t you be more like them. It’s so toxic.
Image source: Deep_Classroom3495
#27
Uploading your childrens videos to youtube for fame.
Im looking at you, Pinnay and Brazillian mothers.
Theres wayyyy too many videos of girls doing trendy pool stuff in YT that get scavenged by weird men.
Image source: Spiceinvader1234, Christian Wiediger
#28
My favorite type that I seem to gravitate toward.
Telling people their emotional response is invalid or they shouldn’t feel a certain way.
By all the pantheons, I always find people that love pushing that into my brain, from parents to dating.
Your emotions are yours. You have them for a reason.
That doesn’t give you the right to use them to hurt others, but you’re allowed to feel.
I wish younger me understood that.
Image source: trashpanda4811
#29
Driving recklessly with you in the car
Image source: Littletexasginger, JESHOOTS.com
#30
Gatekeeping hygiene and not teaching your child about normal hygiene and personal care. I didn’t even realize it was a common thing with narcissistic parents until recently.
Image source: HealthyInPublic, Allan Mas
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