Here’s a hard one for you, dear Pandas: how many different dinosaurs do you know? No Googling! Look, we don’t wanna show off too much, but we know someone who can name over 30 of them! If that’s not worth bragging about, nothing is.
When we were kids, many of us probably had way more confidence than we do now. We didn’t overthink stuff—we simply said what was on our minds and did what we wanted to do. And ‘flexing’ in front of others, whether at school, in the playground, or at home, was very different than humble-bragging at work or university. Kids would flex about the most unusual stuff. Like having cool toys, being able to count really high, and (yes!) knowing a ton of dinosaur names.
The parents of Reddit shared their funniest “weird flex, but ok” moments they’ve ever seen from their kids in a roaringly witty viral thread. We’re sharing the best stories with you, Pandas, to give you something to smile about—and to remind you to bring back a bit of that confidence most of us had when we were little. Got any similar tales to tell? We’re all ears! Drop by the comments and out your digital quills to work.
Bored Panda wanted to learn about the right balance to have between confidence and humility, and how to help keep your kids active, curious, and engaged with the world as they grow, so we reached out to Lenore Skenazy for a few insights. Skenazy is the president of Let Grow, a nonprofit promoting childhood independence and resilience, and the founder of the Free-Range Kids movement. She was kind enough to answer our questions.
“We all want our kids to feel confident, even cocky—but we don’t want them to be smug jerks. Is there a way to make sure the good side of feeling self-assured doesn’t become, ‘I’m better than you, little peon’? Yes, and it’s simple: Give your kids some time for free, unsupervised, unstructured play,” she said. Read on for our full interview with her!
#1
Not a kid but when I was 5, I had a mad crush on the 20 yo. daughter of this wealthy family friend of ours. I had asked for her hand in marriage and she agreed willingly. Playful to her but fully serious on my part, she was carrying her soon to be groom when her mother confronted me.
“you need to have money if you want to marry my daughter”.
I looked right into her eyes and without missing a beat reached into my little pockets and tossed her a penny. Her face priceless, my smirk flawless.
My game never peaked again.
Image source: kaz6199, Gabriel Tovar
#2
When my kids was potty training, he was in a phase where he loved temporary tattoos. We used tattoos as a reward for a successful potty trip. He got so he was covered on both arms, back and chest. We didn’t think much of it, living in Seattle, until one summer day we took him to the wading pool. For one of the first times in public, we took his shirt off, and he strode out into the pool with his toddler abs, and Thomas the tank train shorts, looking like he had just finished a hard set of reps at the free weights in the prison yard.
Image source: THSSFC
#3
My 5 year-old son woke up with his voice hoarse from a cold.
Me: oh, you’ve got a cold.
Him, solemnly: no, I think i’m a man now.
Image source: sparksparksparkle, Annie Spratt
#4
My son, 4 at the time, was (I guess) trying to impress the 6 year old neighbor girl. He leaned casually on his arm and said, “I have lots of accidents. Pee and poop accidents.”
I hope for his sake his pick up lines improve.
Image source: Ishnian, saeed karimi
#5
My 8 year old son’s doctor was trying to make him comfortable during an EKG by telling him he had to leave his ear with the doctor. They went back and forth for a while and finally the doctor said he would trade him the ear for a lollipop. My son said he would not give up his ear but wanted the lollipop. The doctor said, “What! That is not a fair trade. What will you give me for the lollipop?”
My son answered dead serious, “I get the lollipop and you get my respect.”
Image source: anon, Ricardo Vergilio
#6
When my son was about 5 we went to visit relatives in the Washington, DC area. We were on the Metro when my son eyed a very pretty professional young woman. “I’ve got a lot of blocks,” he told her. “If you come to my room I’ll show you.” Then he made motorcycle noises for about 10 seconds.
Image source: estrogyn, Caleb Woods
#7
When my son was 5, a waitress at Applebees asked him how old he was, to which he exclaimed, “I’m 5 and I pooped today!” I think everyone within 4 tables of us was very impressed.
Image source: DeathHopper, shawnanggg
#8
My daughter (3) can poop in the back yard without anyone knowing. I picked it up for weeks wondering why the dog’s poop looked so weird. I looked out of the sliding glass door one day while my girls were playing. I saw my 3 year old pooping in the middle of the yard. Her older sister (5) sprayed her with the water house as soon as the log hit the ground. It was a spectacular scene, and I will never let them forget it.
Image source: ONCETWICENEVER
#9
Sassy Niece after 1st day in school: “I learned how to count to eleventy today, I bet you can’t!” Weird flex but… wait.
I indeed cannot count to eleventy.
Image source: VincenzoSS, Jonathan Borba
#10
While leaving a family gathering, my cousin asked my little boy for a fist bump. My child refused, cousin said ‘come on, why no fist bump?’ My kid, 5 at the time, looks him straight in the eye and says ‘I don’t want to break every bone in your arm’.
Image source: dark__star, Ashkan Forouzani
#11
My three year old said she wanted to be a scientist.
I was so proud.
The next day we were driving and she says “Dad! There’s a scientist!”
It was a guy on a street corner spinning a sign for a pizza place.
A sign-tist.
Sigh.
Image source: jrhaberman
#12
My son told me he doesn’t need school because he already knows the name of 10 dinosaurs.
For anyone who wants to know, my son’s favorite dino is the Spinosaurus.
Image source: reddit.com, Terricks Noah
#13
My son was in the tub and asked exactly how old he was.
Me: “Ummmmm…about 4 years, 10 months, and 4 days.”
After a few moments of deep thought, I heard him say quietly and reverently to himself:
“…and I haven’t been bit by a single wild animal.”
Oh man. Still kills me.
Image source: yxe1982, Andrik Langfield
#14
Had an Amber Alert hit my phone one night while my then 6yo was playing a game on it. She asks what that was and I explained it’s a message that gets sent out of a kid gets kidnapped. She looks at it again and sees it’s for a town over two hours from where we live. She then asks me why they sent to if it’s so far away. I said because they want everyone to look and find the kid, wouldn’t you want everyone to look if you got kidnapped? They want to find the kid so they don’t get killed. She leans over close to my ear and whispers “I’m very difficult to kill”
Image source: sweetxexile, bruce mars
#15
Was playing with figures from Pixar’s Cars with a five and a three year old. The five year old was Lightning McQueen and was narrating the story. It was super mundane stuff like “Let’s go get groceries” and “We need to fill up on gas” until this exchange:
>Five year old: Look, there’s a hitchhiker.
>Me: What should we do? Are we going to pick him up?
>Five year old: No. We’re going to eat his skin.
I haven’t looked at that kid the same since.
Image source: shaknataf
#16
My 7 y/o daughter didn’t want our houseguests to go in her room because that might see her awards (good grades, tae kwon doe belts). She worried they would think she was famous.
Image source: Gatorphan, Kenny Eliason
#17
My wedding day. The ring bearer (5yo) is meeting one of my groomsmen (19yo) for the first time ever. Ring bearer walks up, is introduced and he responds by going “I know where your nuts are. And, I’m the perfect height to just punch them!” Then he just stood there.
Image source: psychotrshman, Heather Miller
#18
A friend of mine had two young boys. The older one,
maybe 5, was sitting with him and pointed at a white hair and said “what’s this papa?” My friend said “oh it just means I’m getting old” and his son looked at him dead serious, looked at his brother and said “Well. I guess it’s just us and mom soon, huh?”
Image source: dearyoudearyou, Lance Reis
#19
My 7 year old said “ I know everything until you ask me a question”. Whelp, … ok.
Image source: not_another_drummer, Ben White
#20
Tonight my 3-year-old stopped midway up the stairs and turned slowly to me and said, “Mom. Earlier. While you were out. I. Put. On. My. Pants. All. By. My. Self. “. I have no idea why he emphasized every word, but then he smirked and turned and kept climbing the stairs. Big day. The kid is really going places.
Image source: frankiesaypanic, Daiga Ellaby
#21
My 6 year old son recently put his foot down letting me know it was not OK for me to tell him what he could wear or not because he is allowed to have “his own fashion”. Ok, fine. Shorts, sandals and one black sock it is.
Image source: Hefty_Detective, Markus Spiske
#22
“Kati, you have to eat 3 more green beans before you’re excused.”
“No! No more”
“3 more.”
“I’m gonna eat 4 more!!”
Oh no you got me good.
Image source: ThePrevailer, Gaby Yerden
#23
‘I farted…say thank you’ – 4 year old
‘Don’t you mean excuse me?’ -Dad
‘SAY THANK YOU!!!’ – 4 year old
I thanked him
Image source: WedgeShaped, Alexander Grey
#24
“There are lots of members of our family tree, and I’m probably the prettiest one, don’t you think?” – my daughter (to me), age 7
She is an identical twin, so kind of a weird flex.
Image source: andante528, Tim Bish
#25
My toddler just threw her dinner on the floor, started clapping, yelled “HOOOOOOORRRRRRRAAAAAYYYYY!” as loudly as her little lungs could possibly allow, then looked right at me holding up her palm for a high five.
Image source: anon, Don Starkey
#26
When my brother was two or three he rolled down the car window to get the attention of the gas station attendant and shouted “hey mister, I got a penis!” He had a mullet, if that helps paint a better picture.
Image source: PrincessOtterpop
#27
My nephew is 4 and thinks he’s cooler than everyone else because he can tuck in his shirt by himself.
Image source: rollllllllll_, MI PHAM
#28
When I was an after school tutor for primary school kids, I excused a boy to the bathroom. He came back telling me he made the ‘biggest poo’ in the world. He intentionally didn’t flush so that I could come look at it. I told him that was great, but it was art time. He said his big poo was art.
Image source: manlikerealities, 99.films
#29
When I was young, my little sister nearly failed *kindergarten*: she didn’t know the alphabet. In fact she didn’t bother trying to learn it. When asked why she said: “I don’t need to learn my letters because I’m *pretty*.”
Image source: ZephyrLegend
#30
When my son was about 6, he was in the back seat with a friend, and he boasted that he had once thrown up his entire Chinese dinner on his bedroom carpet and you could see the food and everything.
Image source: ThaneOfCawdorrr, Nathan Dumlao
#31
My son kept asking me something and I said “You have already asked me that twice ” and he said “I will ask three times”.
Image source: goddess_of_fear, Iana Dmytrenko
#32
I have been told that years ago when my SO’s daughter was around 5, he had gotten a serious back injury that put him into the hospital.
She went to visit him and told him to “Suck it up, Princess”
Image source: Iamaredditlady
#33
~Obligatory not a parent disclaimer~
When I was in kindergarten, one of the boys came up to me and said, “I’m so strong I brush my teeth without water”.
It’s always stuck with me because I was genuinely impressed. I ran around all day sharing the news as if it were some miraculous superpower or something.
Image source: Princessleiahhh
#34
My daughter had a paper from school that she brought home. On the paper it said “If I had a million dollars I would…” and all the kids had to put their answer. My daughter wrote that she would pop out her eye balls. When I asked her about it later she explained how she wanted to pop out her eye balls and replace them with chocolate eyeballs.
Image source: SunnayDaayyz, Hannah Tasker
#35
My oldest told me she used to control me from the inside when she was in my tummy.
Image source: NobodyBallad, Devon Divine
Follow Us
