For some reason, food intolerances are more frowned upon now than ever before. Suddenly, boomers no longer believe allergies exist and act like they have hypothetical medical degrees based on their personal beliefs.
And yes, I’m salty that strawberries feel spicy to me, yet my family insists I eat them all the time. And I do, because they’re delicious, but they also hurt me. In today’s story, however, it goes well beyond discomfort: a woman discovers she has a life-threatening allergy, yet her own mother-in-law doesn’t seem to take it seriously, to the point of continuing to cook with the very ingredients she’s allergic to.
Read more: Reddit
Some food intolerances are more severe than others, but somehow, for older generations, that is a concept they often find hard to believe
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A woman discovered a life-threatening fish allergy right before her wedding, and with this newfound fear also came a list of other potential allergens she should avoid, which included wine
Image credits: Freepik / Magnific (not the actual photo)
Her mother-in-law, however, questioned this new wine allergy, and one day decided to head on over to their house and prepare dinner for them
Image credits: nightunter / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The woman’s wife realized her mom had added wine to the food, and instead of telling her mom not to use it, she just warned the allergic woman, who then had to eat leftover food
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After the MIL left, the woman and her wife argued, as it was clear the older woman was trying to test her potentially life-threatening allergies, but the wife refused to believe that
Coming to us from the Original Poster (OP), who is none other than the allergic person herself, the story begins with her explaining that, right before her wedding, she ate fish and had a severe allergic reaction. It was so serious that doctors told her she was lucky she was alive in the first place. After that, she developed some serious trauma surrounding allergic reactions and anything food-related.
As a result, she began seeing an allergist, who compiled a list of ingredients and foods she should avoid because they could potentially trigger another severe reaction and put her life at risk. One of those ingredients was wine, since it can be filtered using fish bladders. When she informed her mother-in-law about this, the older woman immediately snickered and questioned if her wine allergy was even real.
One day, the MIL appeared to have a plan to prove the allergy was fake and went over to the OP’s house, insisting on preparing dinner for them. However, the narrator’s wife noticed that her mother had added wine to the food and warned her spouse. At that point, the OP chose to eat leftovers instead, knowing that the meal her MIL had prepared was not allergen-safe.
However, her wife never confronted her mother about it, or even called her out, before the woman added wine. Instead, once the couple was alone, an argument broke out after the OP criticized her mother-in-law for being inconsiderate. In response, her wife called her a jerk and claimed that her mother might not have known about the allergy, even though she absolutely did.
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While retelling the story, the OP also mentions that, during therapy, both she and her wife were told that the mother-in-law may show signs of borderline personality disorder. Psychologists suggest that a core aspect of BPD can involve testing relationships as a way to try to control their environment, often as a coping mechanism for anxiety and fear of rejection. However, this may not be the only explanation for her behavior.
At the same time, research shows a broader trend highlighted in recent discussions about allergy skepticism: some non-allergic people struggle to believe allergies are real since they are often invisible conditions. In some cases, they even confuse life-threatening anaphylactic allergies with milder food sensitivities like lactose intolerance, or assume people are simply being picky eaters. Figures.
With all of this in mind, what can the OP actually do? Some experts suggest that when family enmeshment collides with a life-threatening medical condition, the priority is to establish clear boundaries. That could mean something as firm as going no-contact with the mother-in-law, or, in a less extreme approach, simply making it non-negotiable that she will never eat food she prepares.
Unsurprisingly, most netizens decided that the OP was not the jerk in this situation. Many pointed out that being called “inconsiderate” hardly compares to the seriousness of her allergy. Others also noted that the wife seemed to be prioritizing her relationship with her mother over her partner’s health and safety. So, what do you think the OP should do from here on out?
Netizens were shocked that the woman would mess with her daughter-in-law’s health like that, and didn’t believe that it was at all accidental
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