People tend to get attached to their pets, double so if it’s a rescue one has had around since it was tiny. But for family members who, for one reason or another, don’t have this connection, the animal might be an annoyance, which can all culminate in a conflict that once more reinforces the importance of good boundaries.
A man turned to the internet for advice when he discovered that his pregnant, adult daughter secretly took his elderly cat to a shelter because it, in her mind, would be a risk to the baby. Naturally, he was not entirely happy about this. We reached out to him via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
No one wants someone other than them to make decisions about their pets
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
So one dad was angry and distraught when he learned his daughter sent his cat to a shelter
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Yue WU / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Zinkevych_D / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prostock-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: AITAthownaway
It can be hard to set good boundaries with grown up children
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After retrieving his cat and paying the shelter fee, the father gave his daughter one month to find new housing. Now family members are calling him heartless, saying he’s prioritizing a pet over his child and potentially condemning her to homelessness during a vulnerable time. The situation raises uncomfortable questions about entitlement, boundaries, and what happens when adult children living at home make unilateral decisions about their parents’ lives. The issue isn’t simply that an adult lives with parents or that parents help their children when needed. The problem arises when that adult child is not autonomous and has no desire to be, when they’re unable to solve problems independently and demand that parents take responsibility for them. In this case, the daughter didn’t ask her father about rehoming his beloved pet. She simply decided and acted, treating his home and his possessions as her own to dispose of as she saw fit.
Creating healthy boundaries with adult children maintains parental sanity and helps them confront the realities of adulthood without relying on parents as rescuers. If parents try to save their adult child every time they’re in trouble, they may be making things worse in the long run. The daughter’s assumption that her father would simply accept losing his cat reveals a deeper pattern. She expected accommodation without discussion, resolution without compromise. When challenged, she couldn’t provide a single instance of the cat behaving aggressively, yet continued insisting on her unfounded fears.
Some adult children don’t feel like guests in their parents’ home, and that’s often where problems start. They may have a sense of entitlement about what parents should do for them and what they deserve. The father’s response, giving his daughter a month to leave, wasn’t about choosing a cat over his child. It was about refusing to accept that his property, his companion, and his life decisions could be overridden by someone living in his home. Having clear boundaries encourages adult children to be responsible for their own lives. By setting limits, parents ultimately help them make their own decisions, solve their own problems, and learn from their experiences. The daughter is pregnant and divorcing, circumstances that undoubtedly make finding housing difficult. But difficult doesn’t mean impossible, and more importantly, her challenging situation doesn’t grant her authority over her father’s household decisions.
When parents enable their child well into adulthood, they may think they’re helping them, but they may actually be holding them back or increasing their sense of entitlement and turning them into entitled adult children. Had the father simply accepted the situation, retrieved his cat quietly, and said nothing, he would have communicated that his daughter’s comfort takes precedence over his own attachments and that unilateral decisions about his life are acceptable. Parents can set boundaries regarding personal choices while still showing respect for an adult child’s autonomy and decision making. Parents do not have control over an adult child’s choices, but they can set boundaries when adult children are in the parent’s presence or home Healthline. The daughter is free to avoid cats in her own home. She’s free to raise her child however she chooses once that child arrives. What she’s not free to do is dictate which living beings her father keeps in his own house.
Managing adult kids at home can be complicated
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
About one in three Americans between ages 18 and 34 live with their parents, with adult children increasingly staying in the family home for longer or returning after living independently due to changing economic circumstances including the increasing cost of living. This trend makes boundary setting more crucial than ever. When multiple generations share space, clarity about authority and respect becomes essential to preventing resentment and conflict.
It’s important that parents and children continue to have open and honest ongoing conversations as they live together because issues and challenges are inevitable. If there are consistent boundary crossings, if parents feel anxious and stressed most of the time about the living arrangement, and begin to feel angry and resentful, these are signs that something needs to change. The father’s anger wasn’t really about the cat, though he clearly loves the animal. It was about the violation of trust and respect that the act represented.
Setting boundaries and limits with adult children will contribute to the good health of the relationship and minimize conflicts in the home. When adult children are living under the same roof as parents, critical areas of conflict need to be negotiated. The father offered his daughter housing during a difficult transition. She responded by making a major decision about his life without consultation.
The grandmother and other family members arguing that the daughter should come before a cat are missing the point entirely. This isn’t about ranking family members against pets. It’s about respecting the person providing the home. The daughter’s pregnancy and divorce are unfortunate circumstances, but they don’t erase her responsibility to treat her father’s home and possessions with respect. Sometimes the most loving thing a parent can do is refuse to enable entitled behavior, even when doing so creates short term discomfort. The message the father sent was clear: living in his home is a privilege that comes with expectations of basic respect, and those expectations apply regardless of age or circumstances.
He gave some more clarifications in the comments
Most thought the daughter was out of line
Some thought everyone was to blame
A handful also thought he overreacted
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