There’s only so much time each year we get to treat ourselves with a vacation. Naturally, you’d want to use that time to spend a week in the great outdoors or lounge around on your sofa. Whatever floats your boat! And while dedicating this special time to your loved ones is nothing but admirable, the thing with most families is: sometimes you get left out of the fun. Granted, sometimes you just have to put aside your feelings and suck it up. But being left completely in the dark and expected to do everyone’s dirty work while they’re having fun? Well, that’s a whole different case.
As it happened to u/FarPride841 who shared her story on the “Am I The [Jerk]” community. She knew about the commotion that was happening because of her aunt’s retirement getaway celebration. What the author did not know, though, is that everyone decided she would take one for the team and watch their kids – on her days off, which she took to spend time with them, not their little ones. Of course, she wasn’t fine with this double whammy and decided to use her free time to teach her relatives a good lesson in mutual understanding and respect. Which snowballed into a real drama that you’re about to read.
Being left out by your loved ones is never easy
Image credits: duallogic (not the actual photo)
Especially during your days off and with unexpected babysitting duties
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages (not the actual photo)
Image source: FarPride841
Although the author said ‘no’, many people find themselves in similarly uncomfortable situations where they eventually cave in
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
When it comes to finding a reliable babysitter, parents have long lamented the challenges of finding quality care for their little ones. Let alone when you have to do this very last minute, making it pretty much impossible.
But a deeper dive into the latest babysitting statistics reveals a paradoxical situation that has left many scratching their heads. Specifically, nearly 70% of parents report struggling to find dependable babysitters, while half of those same caregivers admit to not paying their sitters at all. What gives? Why are parents so reluctant to compensate the very individuals they rely on to watch over their precious offspring?
Well, it might just be possible that many exploit their one’s next of kin. And do it by assuming they will go along with it or simply cave in to the pressure. No wonder, then, that 81% of parents use their extended-family members as babysitters, according to Care.com data. Michelle LaRowe Conover, the lead editor of Nanny Magazine and award-winning nanny with 26 years worth of experience under her belt, believes this might be because people will always opt for trusted family members who are experienced with kids.
“Oftentimes, the family members with childcare experience are identified as the best childcare providers in the family! As such, they become babysitters in demand,” she told Bored Panda, adding that “when the expectation for free childcare becomes regular, it can become problematic.” Especially if you have a difficult time saying ‘no’.
According to Holly Parker, a lecturer at Harvard University, where she teaches the psychology of close relationships, people’s inability to say ‘no’ is the biggest reason why someone would exploit your generosity (and free time). “Saying ‘yes’ is so easy. Saying ‘no’ can be much harder because we don’t want to disappoint people or risk them getting upset,” Parker explained to Bored Panda in an email.
It’s only one little syllable and two tiny letters. And yet… “We imagine that someone will get more upset than they really will,” she said, “but the truth is that we humans are pretty good at handling a ‘no’ and other people’s boundaries. Boundaries are not only healthy for people and relationships – they’re essential.” Not to put too fine a point on Holly’s argument, but the award-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman, who won a Nobel prize for his work on saying ‘no’ to impulses (by changing the way we think about thinking), once said that “‘No’ is the new ‘yes’.” It’s an uncomfortable word, sure. But just “imagine what would happen if we never could say ‘no’?” Parker argued.
But even if you’re comfortable with saying ‘no’ or stating your conditions, there are many different factors at play of why it can and might be misinterpreted the wrong way. For one, you have to be clear about your boundaries. “After you’ve got a sense of what you’re open to doing (if anything), then it’s good to state this in a clear, calm, and matter-of-fact way,” told Parker. If a friend or family member assumes you’ll just watch their kids – just like it happened for unsuspecting u/FarPride841 – there’s a way to stand your ground without making anyone feel bad. “For instance, you might say something like, ‘Although I’m not going to be able to watch your little ones, I hope you’re able to find someone who can’,” she suggested.
Setting boundaries and saying ‘no’ to people who assume they can use you as a free babysitter is the ultimate act of self-care. It can be uncomfortable and challenging, yes. But when you’re a nanny, Conover explains, it’s the only way to “not get taken advantage of.”
The author was surprised by how supportive people were and added more context about the way her family is
Most people agreed that this woman should not feel bad about putting herself before her family
However, there were some that thought no one is a saint in this situation
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