Few things can reveal family dynamics quite as quickly as a blackout. When the lights go out and the phones drop to 12%, the gloves come off. And heaven forbid one person is able to provide some power, things get nasty. “Family doesn’t keep score” is a lovely sentiment, and it’s usually said cheerfully by whoever isn’t holding the gas can.
One man bought a generator after a brutal ice storm and soon learned how much comfort a single machine can provide. When the next storm warning rolled in, he added one little accessory to his generator, and his father-in-law had some strong opinions about it.
When the power goes off, and resources get scarce, people show their true colors
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A father-in-law was invited to wait out a blackout at his daughter’s house, but decided to make himself a little too cozy
jet-po / magnific (not the actual photo)
He turned on so many heaters that the gas ran out way too fast, but he refused to pitch in for refils
But when his son-in-law needed some help in a moment of need, the entitled man simply told him to sort himself out
When the next blackout hit, the son-in-law locked up the generator, firmly laying down the law in his own home
Start with the math, because the generator did. A standard US space heater tops out around 1,500 watts, which is the most a normal household circuit can handle. Three of them is 4,500 watts, and that is before the fridge, the furnace blower, and a big TV that ran all day.
Portable generators burn through fuel faster the harder they work, and plenty of mid-sized models use about half a gallon an hour at moderate load. Three full gas cans vanishing in two days is just what happens when a machine bought to run one heater gets asked to warm a sunroom nobody sits in.
The heaters also pose a safety risk, and fire officials don’t like the setup. The National Fire Protection Association says space heaters account for a small share of home fires but the large majority of home heating fire casualties. Running one in an empty guest room is a gamble, and running one in a garage to keep tools from rusting is a very expensive way to protect a wrench.
The “family doesn’t keep score” line has some twisted psychology behind it. Psychologists Margaret Clark and Judson Mills described two types of relationships back in the 1970s. In exchange relationships, people track who owes what. In communal relationships, where close family falls, people give based on need and don’t count.
dragonimages / magnific (not the actual photo)
It’s a lovely system when everyone runs it. The catch is that it only works if it goes in both directions. The same man who wouldn’t lend a shop vac or a truck to a flooded basement, and told his son-in-law to figure it out like an adult, was keeping score all along. He just kept the scoreboard facing one way. Reciprocity is among the best-documented norms in the social sciences, and it doesn’t stop applying just because someone said the magic phrase.
The wife has a point: a conversation would have been the gentler option, and it did happen. When the OP asked him to chip in for the next fill, he laughed and said he wasn’t counting pennies at his age. It’s hard to call a lock a surprise ambush after that. It also says she thinks her husband should have talked it out, while offering to pay for none of the fuel.
Money disagreements between relatives are common, and they tend to go best when the rules are spelled out before the crisis. The rules here are easy to say out loud: heat the rooms people are in, run one heater per occupied space, and bring your own can if you want more.
None of this leaves anyone freezing. The fridge and the heater still run, and every phone gets charged, which is more than many people get during an outage. Emergency officials advise storing fuel carefully and rationing it because gas stations go out during big storms and the open ones have lines around the block.
The OP waited an hour for gas; he then watched it burn in empty rooms, and he is being called the villain for guarding a limited supply. With another system due soon, the only thing standing between his father-in-law and a warm garage is a small cap with a key, and most people don’t see anything wrong with that.
People in the comments were in shock over the father-in-law’s entitlement, saying the author did exactly the right thing
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