Families are often built on love, loyalty, and sacrifice, but sometimes, those very values collide with the practical realities of daily life. When caregiving responsibilities shift unexpectedly, siblings can find themselves facing impossible choices, with guilt and resentment never far behind.
This story captures exactly that struggle. It follows today’s Original Poster (OP) navigating the aftermath of her parents’ passing, her brothers’ conflicting needs, and the heartbreaking question of how far personal responsibility should stretch when caring for a sibling with special needs.
More info: Reddit
Family is often the first place we turn for love and support, but it can also be where some of life’s hardest responsibilities fall
Image credits: standret / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s younger brother is on the spectrum, and their parents were his primary caregivers until they passed away during COVID
Image credits: Fearless_Road785
Image credits: freeograph / Freepik (not the actual photo)
After this, their older brother took the younger brother in, but later admitted he was physically and emotionally exhausted from caring for him
Image credits: Fearless_Road785
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
He then asked her to take their younger brother in temporarily, but she declined, explaining she already cares for two young children and couldn’t manage his needs
Image credits: Fearless_Road785
When she suggested researching group homes as an alternative, the older brother called her “heartless”, leaving her questioning whether she was wrong
The OP grew up with two brothers, with the younger brother being on the autism spectrum and having had lifelong challenges. Their parents were devoted caregivers to him, but this often meant that both the OP and her older brother felt sidelined. While the older brother stayed close to home and worked with their father, the OP moved away at 18 and kept in low contact.
Unfortunately, their parents passed away during the pandemic, leaving the older brother to take full responsibility for the younger brother. For a while, he managed, but the strain of caring for him began to weigh heavily on him. Because of this, he asked her to take their younger brother in temporarily, hoping to ease his own physical and emotional exhaustion.
However, the OP, now a stay-at-home mom with two young children and a wife who works demanding hours, felt overwhelmed at the thought. She explained that she simply couldn’t manage her brother’s needs on top of her family’s. The older brother wasn’t happy with that answer and argued that the OP’s wife could afford outside help.
After talking it over with her wife, they suggested that they could look for a facility or group home and pay for it. However, when the OP told her brother, he was furious. He called her a “heartless monster” and “terrible sister” for even proposing the idea, and his words left the OP doubting herself, even though her wife reassured her that her brother’s anger was rooted in frustration, not truth.
Image credits: user18526052 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Being a caregiver for someone with special needs is hard, that true, especially if that someone is your own brother. Caregiving within families often reshapes traditional roles, which can create strain and even conflict. CareLink highlights that individuals taking on caregiving duties often experience difficult emotions, such as sadness and feelings of being overwhelmed.
Without proper self-care, the demands of supporting a loved one can escalate into more serious issues like anxiety, depression, or full caregiver burnout. Signs of burnout include chronic exhaustion, heightened irritability, and emotional distancing from the person being cared for.
For this reason, the Mayo Clinic advises caregivers to focus on what can realistically be done, rather than striving for perfection, and set small, achievable goals that make responsibilities more manageable. Finally, they emphasize prioritizing personal health in order to sustain their energy and provide effective, compassionate support.
They also recommend home support services, and Integrity Inc. builds on this. They acknowledge that while caring for a loved one with autism can be a rewarding experience, it’s not totally possible to be there for them for the rest of your life. They explain that home support services provide crucial assistance to adults with autism, helping them to live independently and achieve their goals.
Netizens sided firmly with OP, stressing that choosing a group home was not only reasonable but likely the best long-term solution for the younger brother. Others emphasized the unfairness of her older brother’s expectations, noting that the OP has her own family and cannot be forced to shoulder such a responsibility.
What do you think about this situation? Was the OP wrong for suggesting a professional care facility, or is the brother being unfair by demanding she take the younger brother in? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that she wasn’t wrong, highlighting that facilities exist to provide stability, independence, and professional care that family members simply cannot replicate
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