Schitt’s Creek is a loveable show for a whole lot of reasons. This is, apparently, a fairly popular consensus, considering that the show was the first in history to win all seven comedy awards at the 2020 Emmys. From Moira’s fashion choices (and wigs!) in a small farm town, to Twyla’s stories about her mom’s boyfriends, to David’s snarky comebacks, everything about the show is a hilarious delight. However, one of the most fun parts of the show is hearing Alexis’s tossed-away lines about the strange things she did in her previous life as a socialite. She had some bizarre adventures! The fact that none of them are ever explained in detail, but just tossed out as one- or two-liners just makes the scenes that much funnier. Here are ten of Alexis’s craziest adventures that she mentions off-hand during the show.
1. Season 4, Episode 8: She learned to play pool under questionable circumstances
Alexis goes on a date with a veterinarian who is a rival to her ex-boyfriend, Ted. When he compliments her pool game, she responds, “You learn pretty quickly when you’re in a Ugandan diamond smuggler’s villa, playing for your friend’s freedom.”
2. Season 3, Episode 7: She casually dated Prince Harry
When Alexis goes back to high school (she never graduated, thanks to a “famous soccer player and, like, a ton of mushrooms”), she gets involved in a class discussion about Marie Antoinette and has her own point of view to contribute. “It’s just that she never said ‘Let them eat cake.’ I asked Kirsten Dunst who played her in the movie. That line was actually written years before Marie Antoinette allegedly said it, and um, Kirsten also told me at the premiere that she was jealous of my bangs. My friends used to call me Marie, but that was mainly because I was casually seeing Prince Harry, so there was the whole like, ‘Is she going to be a princess thing?’ but it was also because we were going through this dark phase where we were just… partying too hard.”
3. Season 2, Episode 1: She was taken hostage by pirates
At the end of Season One, David leaves Schitt’s Creek, so the next season begins with the family dealing with him missing. Alexis has had enough. “Oh my God. Ever since David left, you two have been so dramatic. Do I have to remind you of the time that I was taken hostage on David Geffen’s yacht by Somali pirates for a week and nobody answered my texts?”
4. Season 5, Episode 6: She let her boyfriends date famous women, but with a catch
David allows his boyfriend Patrick to go on a date with another man, figuring Patrick hasn’t dated much and it will be good for him to see exactly how great David is. Alexis asks David about the ground rules they set in place ahead of time: “Every time I did that with a boyfriend, I’d send them off with someone who isn’t a threat, like Pippa Middleton or Rihanna… What are the GRs? The ground rules? This is why you have ground rules, David. Josh Groban has a thick leather-bound binder full of them.”
5. Season 5, Episode 8: A Little Bit Alexis
In this episode, we learn that Alexis once (very briefly) had her own reality show. She had a hit song, “A Little Bit Alexis” which she performs in her audition for Cabaret.
We also learn in this episode that “Bab Streisand’s vocal coach quit the business after just two lessons with our sweet Alexis.” Don’t worry, though, she gets a part in the play. Fun fact: The song “A Little Bit Alexis” actually became a legitimate hit, and went viral on TikTok after the episode aired.
6. Season 1, Episode 4: She once got a DUI
Of course, being Alexis, she got a DUI in the most hilarious way possible: “I drove into the Prada store on Rodeo Drive. In fairness, it did look like the entrance to a parking garage. And I was high at the time.”
7. Season 2, Episode 8: She experienced traffic stops in Johannesburg
- Alexis, Johnny, and Roland smuggle raw milk, and are worried about getting busted at a traffic stop. She attempts to calm Roland down by reassuring him:
- Alexis: “I’ve been through tons of these in Johannesburg. It’s like a drive-thru except everybody has a gun.”
- Johnny: “When were you in Johannesburg?”
- Alexis: “I don’t know. I remember I just got my braces off.”
- Johnny: “You were FOURTEEN?? In South Africa??”
8. Season 5, Episode 12: She has a tattoo
We learn in this episode that Alexis got a back tattoo that says “That’s Hot” in Cantonese while she was in Hong Kong. She defends herself by saying, “I was twelve years old!”
9. Season 2, Episode 5: Her first kiss was Jared Leto
David asks Alexis’s opinion on the sweater he’s wearing, and she responds, “I mean, I like it because Jared Leto gave it to you, and he was my first kiss, but I don’t know if I like it like it.”
10. Season 1, Episode 1: She has relationship trouble
In the first episode, after the Rose family discovers all their wealth is gone, Alexis discovers her fiance has also abandoned her. She turns to David for comfort. “As if I didn’t see this coming. He’s broken up with me five times already. Like there was that time that he never met me in Rio. And remember that time when he gave me his ex-wife’s engagement ring? And then there was that time last summer when he left his molly in my glove compartment and then I got arrested.”
Man. There could be a prequel about every single one of these episodes.