Although it may be difficult to admit, some parents struggle with saying ‘no’ or correcting their children’s behavior. While it’s understandable that they want to make their kids happy, without discipline and a few ground rules, children can become entitled, which not only turns into a headache for parents but also for anyone around them.
Since this woman’s niblings were allowed to do everything they wanted, they became so spoiled that she and her whole family refused to babysit them. This made her mom furious, as she was left to deal with the chaos on her own.
Some parents struggle with saying ‘no’ or correcting their children’s behavior
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As did this mom, whose kids’ behavior got so out of hand, her family refused to babysit them
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Poor behavior of kids is the result of bad parenting
Kids who exhibit poor behavior, like those in this story, aren’t inherently bad—it’s simply a result of their upbringing. For this and other reasons, many experts refrain from using the word “spoiled” to describe the aftermath of permissive parenting. Such a type of parenting tends to be very loving yet provides a few guidelines and rules.
Parents should know that they can start setting the stage for poor behavior by the time their little one is around 2 or 3 years old. So if they give in to their toddler’s tantrums, don’t correct their behavior, and don’t set ground rules, their child can become entitled (aka spoiled). This often happens because parents want to provide happy memories and childhood experiences for their children, not because they don’t care about their behaviors or manners.
“Parents want to be liked, in addition to loved, by their children. So instead of staying consistent, clear and firm on structure, rules and boundaries, parents are cutting their kids too much slack, giving dozens of warnings and chances and inadvertently overly empowering the next generation to believe they have an equal or stronger vote than the authority of their parents,” said family psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish.
If parents continue to avoid setting boundaries and disciplining their children, it can lead them to demonstrate low self-control, aggressiveness, self-centeredness, impulsivity, rebellion, and a domineering nature. “They demand, push their parents and have full-blown tantrums until one parent collapses in exhaustion, frustration or pity and submits to the child’s demands,” Walfish adds.
What may encourage this behavior even more is the sadness and fear the kids feel inside because they are more in control of their lives than their parents, and that’s very scary for little ones who are just starting to experience the world.
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Luckily, kids can be ‘unspoiled’
The good news is that there are ways to ‘unspoil’ kids. One approach is to encourage autonomy.
“This means not doing for your child what they can already do for themselves, guiding and encouraging them to do what they can almost do, and teaching and modeling things they are not yet ready to do,” Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the “Raising Good Humans” podcast, said. This could include things like getting dressed, putting on shoes or making a snack.
Another strategy that experts suggest is setting boundaries and enforcing them consistently. They’ll likely push back when faced with a ‘no’ or a rule, but it’s important to stand your ground while at the same time acknowledging their feelings and frustrations.
“Listen attentively and lovingly,” parenting coach Traci Baxley said. “We want them to know their voice and opinions matter. Stay consistent with your established values, so they know what your family’s guideposts are and they learn how to be accountable for their words and actions.”
In addition, parents shouldn’t reward their kids for everyday tasks and instead nurture their long-term motivation. What’s more, they should allow their children to own up to their mistakes rather than running to their rescue.
During the ‘unspoiling’ process, parents have to understand that it might get tough at times and that children will get upset at them. They might even say they don’t like you, but parenting isn’t about being popular or liked all the time. It’s about helping them to understand family rules and boundaries so everyone can be respected and supported.
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Commenters supported the woman standing up for herself
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After the update, commenters shared some useful advice with the woman
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After the last update, readers urged the woman to keep up the good work
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