You can’t go wrong with having some of the funniest dad jokes in your book of humor.
The good thing about these jokes is that they can be funny and corny. It’s a difficult balance to strike correctly, so it’s not a wonder why the funniest dad jokes of all time make us smile on the outside but feel a bit ashamed on the inside. May it be a Facebook meme or a quick Instagram post, dad jokes can be found everywhere, but for them to be funny, there has to be some effort put into them.
When it comes to the best dad jokes ever, they have to be a bit corny. It is where the humor and cringe part comes from.
Playing with the words said by children and other people, making fun of the event that just happened — nothing is safe from the humor of dads. Corny dad jokes make fun of the situation at hand to try and cheer up the people around. The cornier it is, the funnier it will be. While you might not laugh at what a dad says now, when the same situation comes up for you, the puns will come out of you, too.
Dads are not the only ones with a book full of funny and corny jokes — we have one, too. Below, we compiled some corny and funny dad jokes that you can tell your father or friends. Be sure to upvote the jokes and puns you think are funny. If you have your own to share, do so in the comments below and wait for reactions.
#1
“I’ve been a dad for 26 years, so this is the real deal: I was abducted by a group of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me.”
Image source: BallisticMarsupial
#2
“Dad at lunch.
Dad: ‘Do you have anything cheap cuz I’m not that hungry.’
Waiter: ‘Well, maybe the chicken strips for $6.’
Dad: ‘Well, maybe it does, but that doesn’t help my hunger.’”
Image source: Sjkxism
#3
“Dad: ‘Did you know that the people living nearby actually can’t be buried in that cemetery.’
Kid: ‘Why?’
Dad: ‘Because they’re not dead yet.’”
Image source: cupidadult
#4
“At the park with my girls: ‘Dad, can we go play?’
Me: ‘Sure, just stay away from those trees over there.’
Girls: ‘Umm… Ok, why?’
Me: ‘I don’t know… They look a little shady to me.’”
Image source: Fleurdelis502
#5
“I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
Image source: PlushArtist
#6
“Dad: ‘What’s a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?’
Me: ‘Aaaarrrgh!’
Dad: ‘No! Tis the C they love!’”
Image source: spd0327
#7
“Waitress: ‘Ok, well if you need anything, my name’s Jennifer.’
Me: ‘What’s your name if we don’t need anything?’”
Image source: mallad
#8
“Someone broke in last night and stole all my anti-depressants. I hope they’re happy.”
Image source: WhatAboutMason
#9
“Why did the scarecrow win an award?
He was outstanding in his field.”
Image source: Dota2IsBae
#10
“Why do graveyards have gates?
Because people are dying to get in.”
Image source: Vlaed
#11
“The only joke my dad ever uses: ‘I took up origami for a while, but I gave it up because it was too much paperwork.’”
Image source: reddit.com
#12
“If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?!”
Image source: sillywabbittrix
#13
“To the person who stole my glasses. I will find you, I have contacts!”
Image source: MythicalBeast1789
#14
“What’s black and bad for your teeth? A bowling ball.”
Image source: EasterChimp
#15
“Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.”
Image source: Sumit316
#16
“‘Did you get a haircut?’
Dad: ‘Nope, got em all cut.’”
Image source: kiddfrank
#17
“When I gave dad his 50th birthday card he began to cry and said: ‘You know 1 card really would have been enough.’”
Image source: henryletham
#18
“I went to buy some deodorant. They asked: ‘Ball type?’
I said: ‘No, it’s for under my arms.’”
Image source: reddit.com
#19
“Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well.”
Image source: mbacke22
#20
“What’s green, furry, has 4 legs and will kill you if it falls out of a tree onto you?
A pool table.”
Image source: IWillCube
#21
“I tell dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs.”
Image source: Moleskin21
#22
“Dad buying fake Christmas tree.
Cashier: ‘Are you going to put it up yourself?’
Dad: ‘Don’t be disgusting… I’m going to put it up in the living room.’”
Image source: HippieMermaid420
#23
“Dad: ‘Look at that flock of cows over there.’
Kids: ‘A HERD of cows.’
Dad: ‘Of course I heard of cows, there is a flock of them right over there.’”
Image source: ManOfLaBook
#24
“What’s white and interferes with your picnic?
An avalanche.”
Image source: ehrwien
#25
“What’s blue and not heavy?
Light blue.”
Image source: SleepyCriquet
#26
“Him: ‘How do you hide an elephant in a strawberry patch?’
Me: ‘How?’
Him: ‘You paint their toenails red.’
Me: ‘…that wouldn’t work!’
Him: ‘Well, have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?’”
Image source: svenarthus
#27
“I invented a new word today: Plagiarism!”
Image source: sillywabbittrix
#28
“What do you call a wingless fly?
A walk.”
Image source: Omtaii
#29
“Dad at breakfast: ‘I’ll have bacon and eggs, please.’
Waiter: ‘How do you like your eggs?’
Dad: ‘I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!’”
Image source: roman12325
#30
“What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam!”
Image source: picksandchooses
#31
“What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter.”
Image source: ImInJeopardy
#32
“I haven‘t been to the gym in so long I‘ve gone back to calling it James.”
Image source: damndingashrubbery
#33
“You know Orion’s Belt?
Big waist of space, huh?”
Image source: MoonBasic
#34
“Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.”
Image source: merecido
#35
“What‘s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.”
Image source: semaj_ztak
#36
“My dad, on seeing my friend for the first time after getting her gallbladder out: ‘Oh, I almost didn’t recognize you without your gallbladder!’”
Image source: iceariina
#37
“‘What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to get down a hill?’
‘Walking.’
‘J. K. Rolling.’”
Image source: Sorry_Astronaut
#38
“Dad: ‘Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?’
Me: ‘I don’t know, why?’
Dad: ‘Because it is two-tired.’”
Image source: vpniceguys
#39
“Similar to when I show people around my house. When we reach the garage: ‘And this is my step ladder. I never really knew my real ladder.’”
Image source: TrainingDisk
#40
“‘If a child doesn’t want to take a nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?’ Asked by one of the guys at a volunteer event to a Sheriff.”
Image source: Achiles_Heals
#41
“I hate those people who knock on your door and say you need to get ‘saved’ or else you will ‘burn.’ Stupid firemen.”
Image source: ispilledmymilka
#42
“Dad: ‘Someone among us is an owl.’
Me: ‘Who?’
Dad: *Narrows eyes suspiciously*”
Image source: Prestigious_Pringle
#43
“Son: ‘The dog ate the confetti, and now he’s having a hard time getting it out.’
Dad: ‘I guess he’s a party pooper.’”
Image source: mbamoha
#44
“Cashier: ‘Is that all for you?’
Me: ‘Oh my gosh no! It’s for the whole family.’”
Image source: mildavw
#45
“Kid falls down.
Dad: ‘Are you alright?’
Kid: ‘Yeah.’
Dad: ‘That’s weird, you should be half left.’”
Image source: [deleted]
#46
“Do you know how to make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it!”
Image source: Zeyn1
#47
“What’s pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff.
What’s blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding it’s breath.”
Image source: gtd887a
#48
“What’s the last thing that goes through a bug’s mind when it hits the windshield?
It’s a*s.”
Image source: zmf525
#49
“I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back.”
Image source: akaShadezz11
#50
“You know why you never see an elephant hiding in a tree?
Because they’re very good at it.”
Image source: Fo_eyed_dog
#51
“Dad: ‘Nice shirt, is that felt?’
Not Dad: ‘No.’ Dad reaches over and touches sleeve: ‘It is now!’”
Image source: Cheese_Pancakes
#52
“Why do flamingos lift up one leg?
Because if they lift both they would fall.”
Image source: ChicoChocomilk
#53
“‘Do your socks have holes in them?’
‘No.’
‘Then how’d you get your feet in them?’”
Image source: Xophlia
#54
“Do you know why I never trust stairs?
They’re always letting you down.”
Image source: SvenParadox
#55
“A man walks into a library and goes over the the counter.
He tells the librarian: ‘I would like a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake.’
Librarian replies: ‘I’m sorry, what?’
Man says: ‘I would like a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake.’ Librarian says: ‘I’m sorry sir, this is a library.’
Man whispers: ‘Oh, sorry, I would like a cheeseburger, large fry and a chocolate shake.’”
Image source: beaushaw
#56
“‘You know why the queen never waves with this hand?’
Waves purposefully with left hand and waits for someone to say the queen is right handed.
‘No… Because it’s mine.’”
Image source: Piece_Maker
#57
“What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.”
Image source: Ex-President
#58
“How do you know when a joke is a Dad joke? When it’s apparent…”
Image source: gampeegamp
#59
“‘Would you like the milk in the bag?’
Dad: ‘No, thanks, you can keep it in the carton.’”
Image source: Captain-Yesh
#60
“Dad: ‘Are you feeling cold? Sit in the corner, it is 90 degrees.’”
Image source: pwningprincess
#61
“‘Did you hear about the celebrity who stabbed her husband? Reese… Reese… Um…’
‘Witherspoon?’
‘No, with her knife.’”
Image source: Belazriel
#62
“What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.”
Image source: reddit.com
#63
“What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?
A woolly jumper.”
Image source: grumpy_young_guy
#64
“Dad reading the paper: ‘Did you hear about the guy who got his left arm and left leg cut off?’
Me: ‘No.’
Dad: ‘He’s all right now.’”
Image source: reddit.com
#65
“Dad: ‘Is your refrigerator running?’
Me: ‘Sigh, yes.’
Dad: ‘Well, you better go catch it.’”
Image source: JammyPotato1546
#66
“Speaking of trees, you know how you can always recognize a Dogwood tree?
By its bark…”
Image source: Trimanreturns
#67
“You know those stair lifts for old people?
Those things really drive me up the wall.”
Image source: reddit
#68
“Dad: ‘What’s white, looks like a fridge and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?’
Me: ‘A fridge.’
Dad: ‘Okay, then smart guy, what is white and blue, looks like a fridge and if it fell out of a tree, would kill you?’
Me: ‘What?’
Dad: ‘A fridge wearing a denim jacket.’”
Image source: KingBurgzz
#69
“Grandpa: ‘Geez, it’s cold. Don’t you ever wonder why it gets so cold here?’
Dad: ‘Yeah! Do you know why?’
Grandpa: ‘Yep. Lack of heat.’”
Image source: thepiratecelt
#70
“‘Did you take a bath?’
‘No, why, is there one missing?’”
Image source: Jaderosegrey
#71
“Why does Snoop use an umbrella? Fo’ drizzle.”
Image source: magical-leoplurodon
#72
“What do you do if your dog has no legs?
Take it for a drag.”
Image source: TheJellyBean77
#73
“Q: ‘What do you call a man with a rubber toe?’
A: ‘Roberto’”
Image source: viennawaits88
#74
“Dad putting car in reverse.
Dad: ‘Ahh, this takes me back.’”
Image source: Hkatsupreme
#75
“My Dad was talking to some friends introducing me.
My Dad: ‘This is my pride and joy, my only son… I think.’”
Image source: Legendairy71
#76
“‘Ok, I just took the photo.’
‘Well that’s rude, you should give it back.’”
Image source: UnKnOwN769
#77
“Anyone can get buried when they die, if you want to be cremated you have to urn it.”
Image source: ticklemypickle19
#78
“Dad: ‘Do you know how many people are buried in that cemetery?’
Kid: ‘No.’
Dad: ‘All of them.’”
Image source: Gucci_money_
#79
“‘Dad can you make me a sandwich?’
Dad walks over, grabs two slices of bread comes and comes back. Places bread over my ears.
‘There, now you’re a sandwich.’”
Image source: emorg182
#80
“Do you know why I never trust stairs?
Because they are always up to something.”
Image source: guyinAmerica1
#81
“Me: ‘Woah look at all birds.’
Dad: (Unimpressed) ‘That’s not all the birds.’”
Image source: kjarkr
#82
“What’s the stupidest animal in the jungle?
The polar bear.”
Image source: reddit
#83
“Waiter: ‘How would you like your steak cooked?’
Dad: ‘On a grill.’”
Image source: -Redditeer-
#84
“Grandpa: ‘Hey a train just went through here.’
Me: ‘How can you tell?’
Grandpa: ‘You can still see it‘s tracks.’”
Image source: reddit.com
#85
“Dad gets in an elevator.
Dad: ‘Have you heard about the elevator business?’
Everyone in the elevator: ‘…’
Dad: ‘It has its ups and its downs.’”
Image source: Kaiser_cookinbowls
#86
“What did the fish find at the base of the dam?
Bass turds.”
Image source: SameBroMaybe
#87
“What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”
Image source: Juan_spicy_boi
#88
“My dad is kind of a square because he’s never been around.”
Image source: Jollybeard99
#89
“Wife: ‘I just ran in to Karen at the store.’
Me: ‘You should watch where you’re going.’”
Image source: FergusKahn
#90
“A man goes to the doctor and says: ‘Doctor, it hurts when I press on my body here, here and here.’
Doctor says: ‘I know what ails you.’
Man: ‘What?’
Doctor: ‘A broken finger!’”
Image source: Mortlach78
#91
“Mom: ‘If you won’t stop making dad jokes I’m leaving.’
Dad: ‘Hi leaving, I’m dad.’”
Image source: ineverknewmyfather
#92
“‘I need you to choose between me and your compulsion to show people doors.’
With tears in eyes: ‘Well, there’s the door.’”
Image source: Aperture_T
#93
“Every time someone says: ‘If I don’t see you again, have a great weekend.’
I respond with: ‘Well what kind of weekend should I have if you DO see me again?’
It cracks me up every time. Them? Not so much.”
Image source: anonymous_pete
#94
“Well, my dad told me I was his favorite joke, so.”
Image source: RandomRedditIdiot
#95
“‘Peat and Repeat are walking on a bridge. Peat falls off, who’s left?’
‘Repeat!’
‘Ok fine. Peat and Repeat are walking in a bridge…’”
Image source: TropicalSlim
#96
“Daughter: ‘Mexico measures distances in meters because they don’t use feet.’
Dad (me): ‘How can they walk if they don’t use feet?’”
Image source: WestMap
#97
“Dad: ‘Did you know that the people living nearby actually can’t be buried in that cemetery.’
Kid: ‘Why?’
Dad: ‘Because they’re not dead yet.’”
Image source: cupidadult
#98
“Dad: ‘How do you make a tissue dance?’
Me: ‘How?’
Dad: ‘Put a little boogie in it.’”
Image source: C-McCain
#99
“Dad: ‘Where’s the nearest town?’
Me: ‘13 miles, a place called Newcastle.’
Dad: ‘Huh, I wonder what happened to the old one.’”
Image source: kap166
#100
“The first ‘dad’ joke I ever was told was: ‘Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.’”
Image source: This_User_Said
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