Many adults don’t realize how deeply small everyday interactions can affect a child’s emotional development. Things that may seem harmless in the moment like dismissing feelings, comparing siblings, or expecting children to “just behave,” can sometimes leave a much bigger impact than intended.
To better understand which common behaviors adults often overlook, we teamed up with parenting expert Celia Kibler, who shared insights into the subtle habits and reactions that can shape a child’s confidence, emotional security, and self-worth in the long run.
Scroll down to discover some of the most overlooked yet common behaviors that can affect children, and learn more about Celia and the interesting projects she’s currently working on.
More info: Instagram | Facebook | beabetterparent.com | dayofcalm.org | funfit.com
#1 Constant Yelling
Children eventually stop hearing the lesson and start absorbing fear, stress, or shame instead. In addition, constant yelling plants voices in their head that tell them they’re a bad kid, they do nothing right, and they doubt and second-guess themselves, among some of the inadequacies they start believing about themselves.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Malicki M Beser/Unsplash
Celia Kibler is an internationally recognized parenting expert, award-winning author of Raising Happy Toddlers, family empowerment coach, preschool teacher, and founder of Be A Better Parent and the Day of Calm Foundation. She is also the co-founder of Funfit® Family Fitness, a program focused on strengthening family connection through movement, play, and wellness.
With more than 43 years of professional and real-life parenting experience, including over 30 years of parenting a blended family, Celia specializes in helping families build calmer, more respectful, and cooperative relationships through practical tools, emotional connection, and intentional leadership without relying on yelling. She is especially known for her work supporting families through divorce, separation, co-parenting, and blended family dynamics. Her work has been recognized with both the Mom’s Choice Award and the International Impact Book Award for Parenting.
#2 Replacing Connection With Distraction
Children may remember a few minutes of focused attention far longer than expensive gifts or constant entertainment. Just 10 minutes of time spent one-on-one with your child will give them the knowledge that they are always important to you and won’t have to behave in negative ways just to get your attention.
Image source: Celia Kibler, __ drz __/Unsplash
#3 Using Screens As The Primary Calming Tool
Kids need human connection, movement, conversation, boredom, and creativity to develop healthy coping skills. Screens can be a huge cause of emotional dysregulation and many of the mood swings that parents struggle with.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Kelly Sikkema/Unsplash
#4 Overprotecting Kids From Disappointment
Disappointment is an important life skill that helps build resilience and emotional flexibility. Disappointment should be practiced, not avoided. When kids realize that disappointment is a part of life, they learn it is not a big deal and just requires them to rethink, possibly replan, and adjust if necessary. Sometimes, things just don’t work out, and that’s OK.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Suzi Kim/Unsplash
#5 Solving Every Problem For Them
Rescuing children too quickly can unintentionally weaken resilience, confidence, and problem-solving skills. Saving a child transfers what should be their responsibility to your responsibility and opens the door to your child blaming others and making excuses.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Natasha Hall/Unsplash
#6 Making Fun Of Children “As A Joke”
Even playful teasing can feel deeply personal to a child who is still developing self-worth. For a child without full brain development (human brains don’t fully develop until we are 25 years old), they aren’t equipped to understand not to take “a joke” personally. In addition, it takes years for children to develop logic, reasoning, and to recognize the difference between reality and fantasy, making what seems like an innocent joke to an adult be received as an attack against the child.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Daria Trofimova/Unsplash
#7 Ignoring Repair After Conflict
Conflict is not always damaging to relationships; lack of repair often is. We will have conflict in life, but we also need to learn how to calmly approach it and resolve it or sometimes agree to disagree. The way conflict is handled can affect everyone either in a positive way or a negative way.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Markus Spiske/Unsplash
#8 Never Apologizing To Kids
Apologizing teaches accountability, humility, respect, and relationship repair. In addition, it shows that no parent is perfect and the child doesn’t have to be either.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Vitaly Gariev/Unsplash
#9 Fighting Aggressively In Front Of Children
Children absorb tension in the environment even when adults think they “aren’t paying attention.” In addition, your relationship is what children see as normal, so if there is aggression, they are learning that normal relationships are aggressive.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Fotos/Unsplash
#10 Not Allowing Children To Help Or Contribute
Kids build confidence and responsibility when they feel capable, included, and needed. If you send them away when they ask to help, you are sending them a message that they are not capable and they should concern themselves with one thing: playing. Then, when you want them to help later in life, they won’t. Children should contribute as soon as they can hold a rag and help out. It may be messy, but the more they do, the more they master the skill.
Image source: Celia Kibler, CDC/Unsplash
#11 Interrupting Children When They Speak
When we constantly interrupt or don’t give a child a chance to finish, over time, kids may begin believing their thoughts and feelings don’t matter and feel invisible and dismissed. This will lead to a child not feeling safe as they grow to come and talk with their parent, especially in the teenage years.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Tyson/Unsplash
#12 Forgetting Children Learn Through Repetition
Learning life skills takes practice, patience, mistakes, reminders, and consistency. This is why consistent routines create mastery, independence and confidence, and end the need to micromanage your kids. This is also why your child loves to read the same book over and over; they’re learning and retaining what they’re learning.
Image source: Celia Kibler, sofatutor/Unsplash
#13 Overloading Schedules With Constant Activities
Children also need rest, free play, creativity, family time, and opportunities to simply be kids. Overloaded schedules cause everyone to rush, add stress, and often lead to disappointment and tears.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Jyotirmoy Gupta/Unsplash
#14 Underestimating The Power Of Play
Play is not “extra” for children; it’s one of the primary ways they learn almost everything they need to know and builds confidence, communication, cooperation, and emotional regulation. Play should be a part of everyday activities.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Vitaly Gariev/Unsplash
#15 Focusing Only On Behavior Instead Of The Child Underneath It
Behavior is communication. Often the real need is connection, support, guidance, skill-building, or feeling understood. Often a child is acting a certain way due to an underlying struggle that they don’t know how to handle. Sit, ask questions, be a good listener. Always let your child know you love them regardless of how they are acting.
Image source: Celia Kibler, yang miao/Unsplash
#16 Comparing Siblings
Comparison often creates resentment, insecurity, or competition instead of connection. It leads to a child believing that they are not capable and will never be good enough.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Josue Michel/Unsplash
#17 Using Fear To Gain Cooperation
Fear may create short-term obedience, but connection builds long-term trust, influence and cooperation. You are merely putting a very temporary band-aid on a symptom and not affecting the core problem.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Denis Lesak/Unsplash
#18 Dismissing Feelings With Phrases Like “You’re Fine”
Children still need help understanding and processing what they feel, even when adults believe the problem is small. What might not seem important to you, the parent, is still important to your child. Discussing feelings and how to react to them creates teaching moments for your child. Take advantage of them; don’t dismiss them.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Zahra Amiri/Unsplash
#19 Demanding Respect While Modeling Disrespect
Children learn far more from what adults consistently model than what adults repeatedly say. If you demand they stop doing something the minute you ask, and yet you ask your child to wait until you’re finished with something before you help them, that is asking them to respect your time while you don’t respect theirs. If you’re yelling at a child, that will never teach respect (it may teach obedience, not the same thing), because yelling is not and never will be respectful.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Jithin Murali/Unsplash
#20 Using Embarrassment As Discipline
Humiliation may stop behavior temporarily, but it can damage trust and emotional safety in the long term. Embarrassment will drive a huge wedge between you and your child and destroy trust and respect.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Caleb Woods/Unsplash
#21 Treating Movement As Punishment
Exercise and movement should feel empowering and joyful, not something associated with shame. Humans are made to move, and children need to burn energy. Encourage it, don’t stifle it.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Mick Haupt/Unsplash
#22 Constantly Rushing Children
Living in a constant state of hurry can increase stress and dysregulation for the whole family, plus it increases irritability and results in a lot of yelling. Create routines, slow down, and don’t overschedule; you all need downtime.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Ladislav Stercell/Unsplash
#23 Expecting Instant Emotional Control
We are not born with emotional intelligence; we learn it from our parents and years of growth. Children learn emotional regulation through guidance, modeling, practice, and time, not pressure. If you have difficulty regulating your emotions, your child will learn to model how you respond, and that will be what they do.
Image source: Celia Kibler, J W/Unsplash
#24 Forgetting How Much Laughter Matters
Shared laughter helps create emotional safety, connection, bonding, and positive family memories. Laughter really is the best medicine.
Image source: Celia Kibler, Xavier Mouton Photographie/Unsplash
#25 Underestimating The Impact Of Calm
Calm leadership helps children feel emotionally safer, think more clearly, and learn more effectively. Calm is not just a feeling; it’s leadership. When you’re stressed out, your child is too. When you’re calm and responding calmly, you are teaching your child to do the same. It is important to remember that children don’t need perfect adults. They need connected adults who are willing to be intentional with the way they parent, learn more, grow, repair, and lead with calm, consistency, and compassion. A great family motto is “progress over perfection.”
Image source: Celia Kibler, Bethany Beck/Unsplash
Celia and her team are currently relaunching the Be A Better Parent app, now supported by professionals in psychiatry, family medicine, and neuroscience alongside Kibler’s decades of parenting expertise. The app is designed to help families navigate every stage of parenting, including traditional family life, neurodivergent parenting, divorce, separation, co-parenting, and blended family dynamics. For anyone interested in trying it, Celia has kindly offered our readers a 20% discount with the coupon code PANDA.
Follow Us
