Trust is the pillar at the center of every relationship, and once it cracks, it’s very hard to mend.
For this woman, that moment came when she found out her boyfriend of seven years had secretly gone through her phone. To make matters worse, he dug into nearly everything he could—browser history, emails, sensitive information—and even took photos of what he saw.
Heartbroken and embarrassed, she turned to Reddit to ask if this was reason enough to end the relationship. Read the full story below to see how it all unfolded.
The woman was shocked to discover her boyfriend had gone through her phone behind her back
Image credits: DaniDG_ / envato (not the actual photo)
The betrayal left her wondering if it was time to end their 7-year relationship
Checking your partner’s phone might cost you the romance
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / envato (not the actual photo)
In today’s digital world, we share more of ourselves online than ever before.
Social media alone can paint a detailed picture of our lives. But when it comes to smartphones, the personal information available at the tap of a screen is on another level—from messages and photos to browsing history and emails—the very things the author’s partner went through. No wonder the temptation to snoop can be so strong.
Unfortunately, many people in relationships do give in to that temptation. A survey by Pew Research Center of nearly 5,000 U.S. adults found that about one in three people in committed relationships have snooped on their partner’s phone without permission.
The breakdown shows women are more likely to admit it—42 percent compared to 25 percent of men. Yet, interestingly, around 70 percent of respondents agreed that snooping is rarely or never acceptable.
It’s not exactly shocking that the numbers are so high.
Boundaries around privacy have changed as technology has advanced. Decades ago, the only way to reach someone was by calling their landline, or even further back, by writing a letter. Now, we communicate instantly and share much more of our lives publicly. For some, peeking into a partner’s phone feels like an extension of that constant access.
Still, that doesn’t explain why people feel the urge to check in the first place. Often, it comes down to a lack of trust, though sometimes plain curiosity can play a role too. But psychologists warn that snooping won’t bring the comfort or reassurance you might think it will.
Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, PhD, a New York City–based psychologist and advisor for the Hope for Depression Research Foundation, told SELF that scrolling through your partner’s phone is unlikely to make you feel more secure.
If nothing suspicious turns up on their device, you’re likely to be left feeling guilty, he explained. But if you do come across something small, like a text from an unfamiliar number, it can lead to anxiety, frustration, and an even stronger urge to keep checking.
Before long, you may find yourself going through their phone again and again, convinced there’s something more to uncover.
Besides, constant surveillance chips away at the romance. Healthy partnerships need boundaries, independence, and trust. “It’s normal to want to keep some things private,” Lira de la Rosa emphasized, adding that “a reluctance to give up their phone or password doesn’t automatically mean your partner is hiding something.”
Even if your suspicions come from past experiences, like your partner previously lying or cheating, snooping won’t restore the closeness you’re hoping for, nor will it give you the reassurance that they’ve changed.
“Trust is so important for any relationship to thrive, and if you breach it by going behind their back, your partner will understandably feel upset, frustrated, or disappointed,” Lira de la Rosa said.
And once your trust is broken, your partner may stop trusting you too, fearing you’ll keep invading their privacy. That kind of distance can slowly erode the intimacy that keeps love alive.
Instead of giving in to suspicion, Lira de la Rosa encourages people to reflect on where the urge to snoop is coming from.
Are you feeling insecure in the relationship? Are there old wounds or unresolved betrayals you haven’t fully processed? By identifying what’s fueling your doubts, you can approach your partner with honesty and start a real conversation—one that brings you closer, not further apart.
Many readers speculated that the boyfriend was projecting his own infidelity, and plenty urged the author to leave
In a follow-up, she revealed how she decided to move forward
Image credits: throwRAfrostybid
Follow Us
