Renowned poet William Blake once said, “It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend.” Especially when something as profound as betrayal is involved, any form of reconciliation would be out of the question.
A man knows this feeling all too well when his best friend stole his wife from him. As he was about to pick himself up, the person whom he had as the best man at his wedding tried to pull the same treacherous stunt with his current girlfriend.
Worse, the messy situation left their friend group in shambles, as the author tries to figure out what to do next.
Betrayal is a sure-fire way to ruin a long-term friendship
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A man had his marriage ruined after his bestfriend stole his wife
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Unfortunately, Judas is trying to do the same thing with the author’s current gilfriend
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Betrayal affects the brain and body significantly in multiple ways
The author experienced betrayal twice from the same person —someone he once referred to as his best friend, no less. Apart from the trauma he went through, his brain likely suffered from the same psychological injury.
Relationship psychologist and author Dr. Kathy Nickerson detailed what happens to the brain in an article on her website, beginning by explaining how the threat system activates. It then triggers the fight/flight/freeze response, causing a spike in heart rate, tensed muscles, and rapid breathing.
“People often describe feeling shaky, numb, panicked, or like the ground has been ripped out from under them,” Dr. Nickerson wrote, comparing the trauma response to being in a car accident.
Dr. Nickerson further noted that the hippocampus — a.k.a. the region of the brain responsible for memory and learning — goes into overdrive. It records every detail of the betrayal, leading to intrusive memories that reactivate whenever specific cues appear.
She adds that the hippocampus “struggles to timestamp” such awful memories as a thing of the past, which deceives the person into feeling like the traumatic event is currently happening.
The compounding effect of betrayal manifests in PTSD-like symptoms, which Dr. Nickerson says emerge over time.
“Our research on over 3,000 betrayed partners found that 94% reported post-infidelity stress disorder symptoms,” she added.
Reconciliation between friends after a betrayal can only happen through genuine forgiveness. As licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Patricia Dixon tells Very Well Mind, it involves clearly communicating expectations for the friendship moving forward. The goal is to establish a “foundation of trust and respect.”
However, the author experienced betrayal from the same person twice. Not only did it ruin his marriage, but it may also have caused some trust issues. Moving away from the friend group and distancing himself from Phoebe may be the best option for him, for his own sake.
Commenters had mixed reactions to the story
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The author shared a lengthy update to the story
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Despite clearing things out with Phoebe, his feelings remain unsettled
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Readers were more forward with their reactions to the update
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