The best friendships are those where everyone puts in effort and treats the other folks with genuine care and respect. Unfortunately, not all people do that, which might lead to some one-sided friendships, where just one person has to put in most of the work.
This is the kind of situation a woman found herself in after more than a decade of being best buddies with her friend, Leah, who was actually using her for emotional support. The problem is that she realized a little too late how unbalanced their friendship truly was.
More info: Reddit
It can be tough to know how to deal with a close buddy who just keeps taking and doesn’t reciprocate at all
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster shared that even though she had known her best friend, Leah, since they were teenagers, the other woman always treated her as a backup plan
Image credits: pvproductions / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The one-sidedness in their friendship became obvious whenever Leah got a boyfriend, as she would cancel plans with the poster and only call for emotional support
Image credits: eugeneshemyakin9 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Once, after ghosting the poster for a month, Leah called her crying and stayed over at her place, as her boyfriend broke up with her, but she still got back with him after that
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Eventually, the poster told Leah she was tired of being her “emergency contact,” but this angered the other woman, who called her a “fake friend”
In the beginning, it seems like the poster and her best friend had been quite close, as they were well integrated into each other’s families and knew one another’s deepest secrets. Over time, though, things began to change, and it seemed like Leah only contacted the OP whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on.
Although most people might want to hold on to a long-time friendship like this, therapists also state that it’s important to take stock of it from time to time to see whether things are becoming one-sided or not. This is especially true if one person keeps reaching out only when they want something, and never does the same for their buddy.
This is what was happening to the poster, who was being treated more like Leah’s emotional support animal rather than her bestie. The OP didn’t want to believe that their friendship had changed so much, but she found it harder to ignore the times when her buddy ghosted her or reached out only when she had a fight with her boyfriend.
According to psychologists, you can tell if someone is using you if they expect you to drop everything whenever they are in trouble, but never have your back. You might also notice that whenever they need something, they behave much nicer, but change their behavior or ghost you otherwise.
Image credits: Freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Despite Leah’s entitled behavior and the fact that she had gone ghost for a month, the poster still held on to the hope that their friendship would survive. That’s why when her bestie reached out in a panic one day, the OP jumped to her rescue and let her stay over and vent about her relationship issues.
Unfortunately, it seems like Leah was just using her again, because the next day she casually mentioned that her boyfriend had texted her, which meant that she was going to get back together with him. That’s when the poster finally snapped, as she realized that her bestie had been using her the whole time.
In situations like this, it might feel good to blow up at a bad friend or go over every mistake they ever made, but experts state that it might be better to just set boundaries instead. Rather than going on a tangent about everything they did wrong, if it seems like they genuinely don’t care about you, it might be best to just set limits on the friendship and move on.
It’s clear that the OP wanted to tell Leah exactly what was on her mind, which is why she revealed how she felt like the other woman’s backup plan rather than her best friend. This angered the other woman, who ended up calling the poster selfish for speaking her mind.
Obviously, after such harsh words, it might be tough to salvage the friendship, but maybe that might be in the best interests of the OP, who will hopefully get a better friend. What do you think about this situation, and do you feel the poster’s blowup was justified? We’d love to hear your thoughts on this story.
Folks sided with the woman and felt that she did the right thing by confronting Leah and calling her out
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