When it comes to family, you’re pretty much expected to go the extra mile, but sometimes that can go a bit too far. Entitled parents, siblings, and, in some cases, in-laws, can make you snap and say enough’s enough.
One teen was shocked when her parents told her they were planning a vacation, leaving her behind to babysit her rather young step-siblings for a whole week. Unhappy about taking on that level of responsibility, the teen refused. That’s when all hell broke loose.
More info: Reddit
You’re expected to be there for your family, but this teen’s parents tried taking things a bit too far for her liking
Image credits: albertyurolaits / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Planning on taking a week-long vacation, the parents let the teen know she would be babysitting her step-siblings while they were away
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With her step-siblings both being under 10, the teen told her parents there was no way she was taking on that level of responsibility
Image credits: prostock-studio / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Her parents proceeded to have a meltdown, calling her everything from “selfish” to “ungrateful” and saying they expected her to be more “mature”
Image credits: anonymous
They ended up canceling their trip and things have been tense at home ever since, so now she’s wondering if refusing to babysit for a whole week makes her a jerk
Sixteen-year-old OP lives with her dad, stepmom “Julie,” and Julie’s two energetic kids, Max (8) and Lila (6). While they’re not enemies, she admits she mostly hides in her room to escape the racket. Things recently took a dramatic turn, though, when her dad and Julie announced a weeklong anniversary trip, and expected OP to babysit.
At first, OP thought they were joking. She’d babysat for a few hours before, sure, but an entire week with two under-10s? No pay? No backup? And while juggling schoolwork? That’s basically a full-time job. Her parents called it a “family favor,” but OP wasn’t convinced and straight-up told them it wasn’t happening.
Julie got angry, calling OP selfish and spoiled, while Dad said he was “disappointed” and thought she was “more mature.” OP stuck to her no, and the trip was canceled. Now the house is icy. Julie gives her the cold shoulder, and even her step-siblings are asking why she doesn’t like them, which she admits makes her feel awful.
Some friends say OP was right; teenagers shouldn’t be forced into unpaid childcare for a week. Others say she should’ve just helped out to keep the peace. Now she’s caught between guilt and resentment, wondering if she’s the selfish one, or if her parents were just way out of line.
Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / Freepik (not the actual photo)
From what she tells us in her post, OP’s parents expect way too much of her at such a young age. Babysitting for a night would be reasonable, but a whole week is just plain parenting, especially considering how young her step-siblings are. Kids put in OP’s situation are victims of parentification, and it can do lasting damage.
In her article for TalkSpace, Reshawna Chapple writes that the term parentification was first coined by family therapist Salvador Minuchin in the late 1960s. It’s essentially a role reversal, where, as a child, you become your family’s caregiver. While it’s argued that it’s healthy for kids to have responsibilities in the home, they should be age-appropriate; parentification is not.
Of the two general types of parentification (emotional and instrumental), instrumental parentification happens when you’re expected to do physical or practical tasks beyond what’s expected at a given age. If you grew up as a parentified child, you may still be carrying some of that trauma with you.
According to Kendra Cherry from VeryWellMind, eldest daughters are typically given outsized responsibility for caregiving, household responsibilities, and emotional labor. They also often assume these duties at an early age, a burden that can negativeley shape personality, behaviors, relationships.
Whether she’s being parentified, experiencing eldest daughter syndrome, or both, we think it’s only fair that OP drew a line in the sand. Seems like she’s the only one acting like an actual adult.
What would you have done if you’d found yourself in OP’s shoes? Do you think she was right to put her foot down, or should she just have said yes to keep everyone happy? Let us know in the comments!
In the comments, readers agreed the teen was not the jerk in the situation and more than one said CPS would be very interested in her story if her parents tried it again
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