Basketball Wives: “People who throw drinks can’t throw hands”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about reunions for reality TV, it’s that they’re usually not the best. Rehashing hot topics from the previous season always has the potential for explosive drama, but with commercials, video packages, and host commentary, we very rarely get a chance to go in depth about any one particular topic. As much as I would like to see a truly extended reunion, considering that the shows often tape crazy hours of footage that are reduced down to 42 minutes, I doubt it’ll ever happen.

Tonight’s Basketball Wives reunion, split into two parts like last season, may not have provided answers to the questions in my mind, partially because not much had changed in terms of the group dynamic, but it was entertaining enough having everyone in the same room again. We may not have learned much, but the reunion solidified several things for me.

Everybody hates Royce:
I sincerely think that the reason that the “circle” doesn’t like Royce is that she refuses to take their crap. For the past couple of seasons, we’ve seen everybody kowtow to Evelyn, Jennifer, and Shaunie, trying to be their friend and please the self-appointed goddesses of Basketball Wives in some futile attempt at popularity. Suzie sold her soul to Dulce, Meeka was extra thirsty when she walked onto the show, and Tami teeters between being a real chick and just another follower. But Royce has pretty consistently bucked against the other ladies and considering the control freaks that Jennifer and Evelyn are, you know it kills them that she hasn’t fallen in line. I kind of wish that Tami had stepped in to defend her friend from the drubbing she was taking, but Royce handled herself quite nicely. Her quotes tonight were absolutely killer, but my favorite had to be the (spot on) question to Jennifer about if she was sleeping with her new boo thing; the ladies constantly talk about Royce as if she’s spreading her goodies all over town, so it’s only right she shows what a ridiculous assumption all that is. Plus, the whole female-on-female slut shaming is tired and I hope it gets cut the hell out during season 4. Women have enough problems in the world without going after one another’s sex lives, especially on national television.

Suzie has zero self-awareness:
It constantly amazes me how Suzie has absolutely no idea how she comes off to people, especially since she’s been checked about it multiple times and the cast has seen the season before each reunion. A major plot from last season was the fact that Suzie doesn’t know how to shut her mouth and she has the nerve to constantly come for Meeka for doing the same thing? Please. Evelyn’s personal foot soldier, gossip, and shade thrower constantly espouses her hatred of drama and desire to have everybody get along, constantly pushing Royce to try to make amends with the circle, and yet a lot of the drama is on her. Meeka getting hit, Royce/Evelyn’s skirmish, and the Tami/Meeka polo brawl were all the result of Suzie either running her mouth too much or trying to make people who obviously can’t stand one another friends. Like I’ve mentioned previously, her disdain for Meeka comes down to the fact that if people start liking Meeka, there’s a bigger chance that Suzie ends up as the series pariah again, so she’s going to pile on when she can to snuff that possibility out with the quickness.

Evelyn will not be winning an Oscar anytime soon:
I try not to hate Evelyn, I really do. The stuff with her daughter this season was really nice and I appreciated the fact that she allowed her business with her dad to be shown on national television, though one could argue it was included to soften her image. But tonight, man, she was giving me a headache. The fake crying about Eric and Jennifer didn’t feel genuine in the slightest (it didn’t help that they were acting as if he beat her up instead of throwing a drink in her face); I buy that they’ve been friends for a long time and that maybe at some point she did cry, but it just looked so rehearsed on stage. It’s stuff like this that makes me doubt Evelyn’s other moments of vulnerability because who’s to say that what looked like genuine emotion wasn’t the result of careful editing and multiple takes? We also got the worst argument in reality TV history over some overpriced Dulce earrings where Evelyn just showed out for the cameras, yelling about security and non mf-ing factors and it was a disaster. The only reason she kept talking was that she knew nothing was going to come of it, so Miss All Bluster decided to keep barking to add to her “mystique”. It was giving me all kinds of New York vibes, except New York was fabulous. Also, how is everybody going to call Tami a hoodrat when Evelyn does as much hoodrat stuff as she does?

Jennifer can dish it out but can’t take it:
We’ve seen it all season, but tonight proved no different, as Jennifer seems to have a knack for being able to point fingers and throw insults without the thick skin necessary to take it from other people. She did it with the Evelyn tiff, she did it with Eric, and she did it with Royce the entire season, including tonight. The fact that she can write hateful things about Royce on her twitter but when Royce finally fights back she’s turned into a ghost is ludicrous beyond belief; not only that, she acted offended when Royce asked if she was sleeping with her new man when the finale showed Jennifer flaunting condoms, tonguing down not gay-Will, and having the condition of her ladyparts discussed. If you open up a part of your life to television, you have to be prepared to either defend yourself or just let it slide, especially in today’s internet age, and Jennifer does neither.

Meeka shouldn’t come back for season 4:
Over the course of season three, I’ve went back and forth on Mrs. Claxton, but at this point, I feel more sympathy for her than anything. Yes, she ran her mouth too much, especially for someone new just walking into a situation, but the utter contempt that the rest of the cast treats her with is something to watch. It’s that mob mentality that makes reality TV both a frustrating and fascinating watch, because you get to see just what people will do to assert their dominance and/or protect their social status. On one hand, you have the inner circle trying to “initiate” her and show her who the queen B’s are around these parts, mostly through the use of their henchmen. Said henchmen have other motivation because, in true Gretchen Wieners fashion, being close to a social monster is better than being ignored and/or a “target”. If I were Meeka, I wouldn’t come back for season 4, as I can’t imagine taping all this for hours is much fun; since I know she’ll likely be back, I say that she needs to pull a Royce and just throw shade, sip your drink, and don’t pay these other women any mind.

Thoughts, Quotes, & Observations:

• If you want another take on the finale aside from my thoughts on how this has been Jennifer’s season, check out the ultra fabulous Funky Dineva. Thank me later.
• Where was Al Reynolds tonight? I missed the zestiness.
• VH1 has posted a Basketball Wives personality quiz. (For those curious, I’m a Royce that secretly wants to be a Tami.)
• Jennifer apparently doesn’t wear panties that often. Do with that information what you will.
• If you’re curious about Evelyn’s set visit to Law & Order: SVU or her reaction to the Jennifer/Eric fight, VH1 has you covered. Fun fact: the drink toss happened before the divorce party. Shady, shady VH1 editors.
• New weaves galore! Best: Royce’s dark hair was a nice (and needed) change of pace. Worst: Shaunie’s faux 80s side-swoop with the blonde streaks. Really, girl?
• How juvenile was the “do you hear something” garbage that Jennifer and Evelyn were pulling?
• Prediction: Royce won’t be a regular cast member during season 4 and she’ll eventually join Ashley on the “Hey, remember me?” train. Her reduced role this season has been ridiculous.
• Even though I have stronger negative feelings toward other cast members, Shaunie is by far the most useless member of this show. I wish she’d just move behind the camera permanently because the only thing she added to tonight’s reunion was a tacky, ill-fitting dress.
• In Basketball Wives: LA news, Laura’s already throwing shade. I, for one, am shocked and appalled.
• Better diss: “Meeka Liar Claxton” or “Tami Hoodrat Roman”?
• Everybody disses Royce’s style, but Jennifer’s coffee filter dress from last week doesn’t get brought up? Hmm.
• Here’s some backstage information from the reunion and a poll for your favorite wife. Currently, Tami’s in the lead with Royce and Evelyn on her heels. Last place? Suzie, with 1.68% of the vote.
• I hope part two of the reunion addresses Ocho Cinco’s trade to the Patriots. Evelyn’s already been to some Red Sox games, so it’ll be interesting to see how much she immerses herself in Beantown.
• Speaking of Evelyn, can we move on from “non mf-ing factor”? I’ve been over that mess since around the third time she said it.
• Tami and Meeka interviews (for Rolling Out and Essence, respectively) can be found here and here. Good reading material for next week, class.

What did you think about part one of the reunion? Did anything that happened surprise you? What do you want to see from part two?