Have you ever asked someone, “Do you know what time it is?” and they just answered with a flat “Yes.” Technically, they’re right. They are also exhausting and insufferable. But these hardheaded technicality lovers have gathered under one roof, and it is a cringeworthy space.
The r/technicallytrue subreddit is where the loopholes live. Members post puns and screenshots that follow the rules of English so literally that arguing back is pointless. A hand is something you can always count on, and a wine order of “right now” answers the waiter’s question about the year. You can’t win these. You can only laugh, grumble, and send them to the friend who started it all.
#1 The Country With The Smartest People
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#2 She Did Say She Was A Big Country Fan
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#3 Bad Things Go Down Without Commas
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English is a very easy language to exploit, because nobody planned it. The word “set” holds the record in the Oxford English Dictionary with around 430 separate senses, and that’s one three-letter word. Add homophones like “flour” and “flower,” and almost every sentence has a trapdoor in it. Most of us step around them without noticing. The people in this subreddit go looking for them.
#4 Stupid Tooth
Image source: PsychoKatzee
#5 They Didn’t Wash Their Hands And Are Now Extinct
Image source: EndersGame_Reviewer
#6 Love, Do You Want Kids?
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Puns are the oldest version of this game, and people have been groaning at them for centuries. Shakespeare was a huge fan. In Romeo and Juliet, as Mercutio comes to his end, he jokes, “Ask for me tomorrow, and you shall find me a grave man,” with a fresh stab wound as his punchline. The poet John Dryden later called punning the lowest and most groveling kind of wit. Shakespeare is still on every school reading list, so the pun won that round.
#7 A Rare Photo Of Water On Mars
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#8 After More Time, This Still Needs Reposting
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#9 It Sort Of Makes You Stop And Think, Doesn’t It?
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Kids have been learning about literal-mindedness since 1963, when Peggy Parish published Amelia Bedelia. Amelia is a housemaid who follows every instruction to the letter. Told to “dress the chicken,” she puts clothes on it. Told to “draw the drapes,” she gets out a pencil and sketches them. Teachers still use the books to explain idioms. These memes are Amelia Bedelia for adults, except the modern versions know exactly what they’re doing.
#10 He’s Not Whining, It’s A Legit Answer
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#11 Try That For Size
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#12 Heavy Metal Music
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The darkest ancestor of the technicality is a 1902 short story by W.W. Jacobs called “The Monkey’s Paw.” A couple uses a cursed paw to wish for £200. The next day, a representative from their son’s factory arrives to tell them he perished in the machinery and that the company is offering £200 in compensation. The wish was granted perfectly and nobody was happy about it. Genie jokes still run on that logic, just with lower stakes and more grapes.
#13 Half Is Half
Image source: Semecumin
#14 I Kinda Like The Idea Of A `modesty Latch’
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#15 I’d Also Like To Thank My Legs For Always Supporting Me
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Sometimes the technicality is a legal defense. In 1973, the US Supreme Court heard Bronston v. United States. Peter Bronston, a film producer, was asked in a bankruptcy hearing whether he had any Swiss bank accounts. He answered, “The company had an account there for about six months, in Zurich.” He had held a personal account in Switzerland for years. He was convicted of perjury, but the Supreme Court unanimously overturned it. The justices ruled that a literally true answer isn’t perjury, even when it’s misleading, and that the burden is on the questioner to ask a better question.
#16 He’s Got A Point
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#17 It Is Pure Statistics
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#18 Tomorrow
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The most famous technicality of the modern era came in 1998, when Bill Clinton was asked about a statement his lawyer made during a deposition that there was no intimacy of any kind between him and Monica Lewinsky. Clinton told the grand jury, “It depends upon what the meaning of the word ‘is’ is.” His argument was that “is” meant the present tense, and nothing was going on at the moment the statement was made. Nobody was convinced, but the line is still quoted in law schools, and in comment sections whenever someone dodges a question.
#19 We Have Your Results, But You Can’t See Them
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#20 Soup?
Image source: RoyalMaidsForLife
#21 Irrefutable Really
Image source: Mundane-Addition-983
That brings us back to r/technicallythetruth itself, now home to millions of members who vote on whether a post earns its place. The bar is strict, and the best entries pass without anyone being able to argue. The appeal is that you get to be completely right in the most irritating way possible, and the only real response you can give is a groan and a share.
#22 I Can’t Get Over This
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#23 “It Would Be Totally Illogical To Make More Than One.”
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#24 Things To Say That Will Start A Fight
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#25 Small Truths
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#26 “Well, I Guess We Can Leave The Sign As Is.”
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#27 About Those Conductor Types
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#28 Infinite Time
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#29 “There Isn’t Any!”
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#30 Please Take The Stairs
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#31 I Heard That The Place Was Lit
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#32 Know The Difference
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#33 That Adds Up
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#34 Hippocrates
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#35 What’s Your New Year’s Resolution?
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#36 It’s Pretty Light
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#37 Arguments Against Wearing A Parachute
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#38 Frosty Is Picking His Nose
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#39 What Is Made Of Leather And Sounds Like A Sneeze?
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#40 Maybe My Day Isn’t So Bad After All
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#41 “But You Already Know How I Spent My Summer Vacation.”
Image source: EndersGame_Reviewer
#42 Exercise Tips For 60 Year Olds Using With 5-Lb Potato Bags
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#43 A Rock Group Where No One Sings
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#44 Faster Route Available
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#45 I Love “Tower Of Giraffes” And “Bloat Of Hippos”
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#46 Vegetables Are A Must
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#47 Check Out These Cool Rocks I Found
Image source: Far-Industry-7745
#48 It’s Not Really Even His
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#49 Honest Truth
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#50 Shame About That Ham
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#51 Mum Only Has One Leg In The Picture, Photoshop Guy Please Change That
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#52 What A Cheesy Keyboard
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#53 Just A Stool Sample
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#54 Logical Question
Image source: DivideLow1859
#55 Your Button Says `ask Me Anything’
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#56 How To Go From Rocking Out To Passing Out In A Single Letter
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#57 They’re A Light Snack
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#58 The Doctor Told Him To Burn Some Fat
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#59 That Wood Hurt
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#60 My Father And I Are Very Different People
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#61 No Strings Attached
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#62 For Sale, Both Boxed
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#63 Not Exactly The Latest Technology, But She Has A Point
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#64 Fork Lift
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#65 He Meets The Criteria
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#66 What’s A Forklift?
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#67 A Falcon Resting In A Tree
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#68 Take My Upvote
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#69 Hehehe I’m Breaking The Rules
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#70 It’s Not A Sale
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#71 It Did Tell Me
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#72 Yes, Yes It Is
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#73 Thanks, But Enough Is Enough
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#74 This Ford Looks Somewhat Lame
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#75 That Adds Up
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#76 One Way To Upload Files To The Cloud
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#77 He Did Nothing Wrong
Image source: Naeve-Jaguar
#78 The Dyslexics Got This One Right
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#79 Technically
Image source: mapleleafsrule9292
#80 Heavy Metal Music In A Church
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#81 Conjugal Visit
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#82 It’s Garlic And It’s Bread
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