Parents are supposed to be the ones who fight hardest for their kids, whatever it costs. Most of them do, and they would empty a savings account without a second thought. Favoritism is the awkward exception, the thing families whisper about at holidays and rarely say out loud.
When money gets involved, and one child’s needs start competing with another’s, even people who swear they love their kids equally can end up doing some very uncomfortable math. Months into her fight with leukemia, a young woman got a text from her mom about the cost of her and her sister’s dreams. It came with a Bible verse and a request she never saw coming.
Money talks, and apparently it can tell you which sibling is the favorite
A young leukemia patient was told by her mom that her sister’s Dartmouth tuition was more important than her cancer treatment
Vlada Karpovich (not the actual photo)
The mother even quoted from the Bible, saying sacrifices had to be made
Just a small correction. John 15:13 is Jesus talking about his own choice to lay down his life, and the whole point is that it’s something a person decides for themselves. Nobody gets to lay down someone else’s life for them. The same book also has 1 Timothy 5:8, which tells people to provide for their own household, so the scripture shopping here was pretty selective.
Her mom also said she’s “the one who will choose” where the money goes, and that doesn’t match how medical decisions work. A competent adult has the legal right to accept or refuse treatment, and a parent can’t cancel an adult’s chemo for her. If she’s still on her parents’ health plan, the ACA lets young adults stay on it until 26.
Most compliant plans also cap yearly out-of-pocket costs for in-network care at $9,200 for an individual. That means the “we can’t afford both” math may look very different once someone gets the real numbers from the insurer.
The Dartmouth side of the equation is also less either/or than her mom made it sound. The sticker price runs around $90,000 a year, which is scary, but the school says it’s need-blind for US applicants and meets 100% of demonstrated need.
Financial aid offices also take medical expenses into account when families ask for a review. Her mom could ask a financial aid office whether the family’s medical costs change the picture before asking her cancer patient daughter to step aside.
Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
The money fear itself is real, though. KFF has estimated that around 100 million people in the US carry some form of health care debt. A 2013 study by researchers at the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Center found that cancer patients were more than two and a half times as likely to file for bankruptcy as people without cancer.
So her mom isn’t imagining the pressure. But the usual answers involve a hospital financial counselor, the financial assistance policy that nonprofit hospitals are required to have, and groups like the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, which runs its own assistance programs. None of those involve ending treatment.
Overall five-year survival for leukemia sits around two-thirds, according to the American Cancer Society, and it swings a lot by type and age. A prognosis like that should come from the oncologist and not from a text message. It’s also worth finding out who the beneficiary is on that updated life insurance policy and having a lawyer or legal aid group look over the repayment contract. Several cancer organizations run free legal help lines for situations like this.
Nothing in the post says what Michaela thinks about any of this, and a lot of people wouldn’t want a college fund built on that foundation. OP asked if she’s overreacting for refusing to smile and say okay. She isn’t, and her reply sounds like someone who has decided to keep fighting, which is her call to make.
Many people offered solid advice in the comments, helping them understand the various options available to keep getting treatment
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