People move abroad for a fresh start. It’s a chance to build an independent life and step out of their comfort zone, which means being away from their loved ones.
While most relatives and close kin support such major decisions, some can’t cope with the new reality. This woman seemed unable to handle the idea that her son and grandchildren would be on a different continent, leaving her in disarray.
So much so that she has taken drastic measures, which have since caused problems for the couple.
For some parents, being away from their children can be distressing
Anna Shvets / Pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman already had a difficult time when her son and his family moved a few hours away from her
Yunus Tuğ / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
So bigger problems arose when she found out that they were moving abroad
Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her anxiousness has left the people around her in a state of distress
MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It is unnatural for parents to distance themselves from their children, and it can cause empty nest syndrome
The mother-in-law in the story isn’t the only one who couldn’t live with the idea that her son and grandkids would be far away. For people like her, that distance feels like their world is falling apart.
Experts say these strong emotions are normal. According to Cleveland Clinic psychologist Dr. Adam Borland, this is how empty nest syndrome begins.
“A large part of one’s identity often becomes defined by their role as a parent. And suddenly, there’s this recognition that a significant change is about to occur, that time has flown really quickly,” he explained.
Psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson echoes this sentiment, stating that a child is an extension of a parent, which is why having this much distance can feel unnatural.
According to Dr. Borland, people who are going through unhealthy episodes of empty nest syndrome may feel fear, sadness, hopelessness, loneliness, and powerlessness, all of which the mother-in-law showed.
The author described her as crying on the phone and desperate to keep everyone near her, as if it were the end of the world for her. Unfortunately, it has also created issues with her son’s family, which can lead to bigger problems if left unaddressed.
RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author ended her post by asking whether the root of the problem is our ability to set boundaries, and whether we should do it better. This is a problem many people face.
According to psychotherapist Rich Oswald, boundaries stem from how we view our value as a person.
“Boundary-setting can be challenging at first, especially when your education, training, or personal experiences may have led you to establish unhealthy boundaries,” he wrote.
Oswald advises mapping out boundaries for various aspects of life, but he also says it takes time and diligence. One first step is to ask difficult questions, such as “Do I feel mistreated or taken advantage of?” or “Do I need to adjust my responsibilities with the law of relationships?”
Many people may find it hard to answer these honestly, which can also make it difficult to communicate their boundaries. This is why Oswald encourages developing a long-term action plan.
It can include practicing saying no in a firm yet kind way, or choosing to distance yourself from those who refuse to respect those boundaries.
“Regularly review your actions to ensure you are following the boundaries you’ve created, especially during stressful or busy times,” Oswald said.
The author may need to have a serious yet respectful conversation with their mother-in-law about the current issues, and their husband should be included. Do you agree? Drop your comments below!
Commenters didn’t hold back with their responses
Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author shared an update
Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
As it turns out, the mother-in-law was serious about uprooting her life and following them
Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Commenters shared the same frustration with the author, as some offered advice
Follow Us
