Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

One Coke can. One orange. Half a matchbox. A lighter and then some. Three fingers. A phone, but slightly smaller. And, for the perfectionists, one pound coin minus 10%. These are all real answers to one deceptively simple question: “How big would you like your tattoo?”

You might expect the answer to involve inches or centimeters. But tattoo artists have discovered a much more imaginative system of measurement in circulation, one where “roughly a matchbox” and “just medium” count as perfectly valid units. In the world of tattoos, apparently, almost anything can become a measuring device.

And honestly, we understand why. Most of us don’t think in measurements; we think in objects. You’re not thinking I’d like a design measuring 8.7 centimeters; you’re thinking I want it about this big. So when someone says “about the size of a Coke can,” they’re describing the picture already in their head. The problem is, that picture doesn’t transfer.

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#1 When The Phone Becomes The Ruler

Phones have quietly become another standard unit of measurement.

“My phone size.”

Again, there’s something refreshingly simple about it. The client has a physical object right there, so rather than trying to estimate inches or centimeters, they can simply hold it up.

Of course, there is a slight complication.
Phones come in different sizes.

And if the client gets a new phone next year, their tattoo will technically no longer be phone-sized.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

A Coke can is 66 mm across and 122 mm tall. Which of those did you mean? “Phone-sized” covers everything from a compact Android to a Pro Max – a gap of almost two centimeters, which on a forearm is the difference between a discreet piece and one you’ll see from across the room. And “not too big” means nothing until we’ve both looked at the same reference.

Every one of these needs a follow-up question, and those questions eat into consultation time we’d much rather spend on the design itself.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

#2 The Goldilocks Request

Perhaps the most relatable request is also the least measurable.

“Not too big, not too small.”

It’s hard to argue with that. Nobody wants a tattoo that’s unexpectedly enormous, and nobody wants to squint at their own design because it’s disappeared into a space the size of a postage stamp.

The challenge is that “not too big” means something different to everyone.

For one person, it might mean a tiny little design that can be covered by a watch. For another, it could mean something that comfortably fills the whole forearm.

Then there’s the slightly more mysterious one:

“Quite small.”

No numbers. No measurements. Just vibes.

Tattoo artists have become very good at translating those vibes, but it takes a few rounds of questions, and the answer always ends up being a number.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

#3 Sizing By The Fruit Bowl

Fruit-based measurements are surprisingly popular.

“The size of an orange.”

It’s immediately understandable, but it also leaves plenty of room for interpretation.

Because there are small oranges.

There are large oranges.

And there are those enormous oranges that seem to have been personally selected to make every other piece of fruit look inadequate.

Still, “orange-sized” gives an artist somewhere to begin, usually followed by “and roughly how many centimeters is that?”

And once oranges have entered the conversation, there is really no reason to stop there.

A lemon-sized tattoo.

A lime-sized tattoo.

A grapefruit-sized tattoo.

Although if someone asks for a watermelon-sized tattoo, the consultation may need to get a little more specific.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

So here’s what really helps.

Get a ruler or a tape measure. Hold it against the spot where the tattoo is going. Look at the number. Tell us the number – inches or centimeters, whichever you think in.

That’s it. Thirty seconds at home, and your quote, your stencil, and your appointment length all get more accurate immediately.

If you’re not sure how big you want it, measure the space instead of the design: “I’ve got about 8 cm of forearm to work with.” That’s genuinely useful, and it leaves us room to suggest what will fit best.

We’ll still happily translate from a matchbox. We’ve had plenty of practice. But every tattoo starts as a picture in someone’s head and ends up as a measurement on a stencil. Bring the number, and you’ll save us both a step.

#4 When Someone Gets Very, Very Specific

Most clients seem happy with an approximate comparison.

Then occasionally someone arrives with a measurement so precise that it feels as though they have been preparing for the consultation for months.

“About 10% smaller than a pound coin.”

This is brilliant because it’s simultaneously extremely specific and slightly impossible to visualize.

It’s not just pound-coin-sized.

It’s 90% of a pound coin.

Somewhere between currency and mathematics, we’ve arrived at a tattoo measurement.

You can almost imagine the conversation that led to it:

“I know exactly how big I want it.”

“How big?”

“Take a pound coin…”

“Okay.”

“…and make it 10% smaller.”

“Right.”

Perfect. For the record, that’s about 21 mm, which took roughly four seconds to work out.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

#5 Just Medium, Please

Then there are those who keep things beautifully simple.

“Just medium.”

There’s confidence in that.

No Coke can. No orange. No complicated percentages.

Just medium.

The artist then has to discover what “medium” means in this particular case.
But that’s part of the consultation. A good tattoo isn’t simply about taking a measurement and transferring it onto skin. Placement, detail, body shape, and the design itself all affect how large or small something should feel.

Sometimes the size that looks perfect on a reference image isn’t the size that will work best on someone’s arm, wrist, leg, or shoulder.

Which is why these comparisons are useful starting points. They’re just not the finish line.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

#6 Measured In Coke Cans

“About the size of a Coke can” is a classic for a reason.

It’s an object most people can picture immediately. You don’t necessarily know the exact dimensions of a Coke can, but you know roughly how big one feels in your hand.

It also opens the door to a fascinating question: which Coke can?

The regular one? The mini one? The tall, skinny one?

Thankfully, most tattoo consultations don’t require a forensic investigation into soda packaging. The comparison gets the conversation started. It just rarely finishes it.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

#7 A Very Specific Can Of Beans

Some clients don’t just choose an object. They choose a very particular part of an object.

Take the request for a tattoo approximately the size of the circumference of a can of baked beans.

That is impressively specific.

It also introduces a whole new problem: which brand, and which can?

Because if we’re going to use baked beans as an official tattoo measurement, we need standards.

Standard can.

Large can.

Family-size can.

The instinct here is exactly right, though. Someone figured out that “a can” wasn’t precise enough and reached for something tighter. They were one step away from just measuring the can.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

#8 Matchboxes, Lighters, And A Few Fingers

Matchboxes and lighters seem to have earned permanent places in the unofficial tattoo measurement system.

“Matchbox-sized.”

“About the size of a lighter.”

“Maybe a little smaller than a matchbox.”

These are particularly useful for smaller tattoos because they’re familiar objects with fairly recognizable proportions.

And then there is the most reliable measuring tool of all: the client’s own hand.

“About three fingers wide.”

“Two fingers tall.”

“Maybe the width of my thumb.”

It may not satisfy a mathematician, but visually, it makes perfect sense. The artist can see roughly what the client means, and then reaches for a ruler to pin it down.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London

#9 Yes, But Slightly Smaller

Of course, tattoo measurements rarely stop at the first comparison.

“About matchbox-sized, but maybe slightly wider.”

“Lighter-sized, but not quite as tall.”

“About the size of my phone, but smaller.”

“Bigger than a 50p coin, but not as big as a £2 coin.”

This is where the artist and client gradually arrive at a shared understanding. It works. It just takes three or four exchanges to get somewhere a single number would have reached immediately.

Our Artists Shared The 9 Funniest Ways Clients Explain How Big They Want Their Tattoos

Image source: Sacred Gold Tattoo London