Going to court can be intimidating. Whether you’re guilty of a crime or not, you have to be careful about what you say. And it’s best to be extremely prepared, so you don’t flounder on the stand. A great lawyer can do most of the heavy lifting, but they can’t necessarily win a case for an idiotic client.
Attorneys on Reddit have been recalling the absolute stupidest decisions their clients have ever made, so we’ve compiled a list of their stories below. From flat-out admitting to crimes to sharing incriminating posts on social media, there are clearly no limits to what terrible decisions clients can make. Enjoy reading through these embarrassing fails, and be sure to upvote the ones that you find most amusing.
#1
“She has a restraining order on you. You absolutely cannot contact her any more.”
They moved in together.
Image source: dart22, Curated Lifestyle
#2
My dad was a lawyer in the navy. One of his first big cases was defending a guy accused of falling asleep at his post during Vietnam. My dad was all psyched, delivering what he thought was well prepared defense to the judge. The judge interrupted him, telling him to turn around and wake up his client.
Image source: anon, Esra Afşar
#3
My all time favorite is a client I had who was charged with Driving Under the Influence (DUI), who wanted to challenge the charges on the grounds he didn’t think he was drunk and the tests was administered improperly…who appeared at his court hearings rip-roarin’ drunk…twice…and then, both times, he got into his car and tried to drive away…and BOTH TIMES, the police promptly stopped him, administered a breathalyzer and charged him with DUI and related offenses.
We didn’t win that case.
Image source: CoJoetheLawyer, Ahmet Kurt
You might be an extremely likable and unproblematic person, but that doesn’t mean that you’re ready to be on trial. If you have an excellent lawyer, they’ll do everything in their power to make sure you look great on the stand and in the eyes of the court. But whoever you’re going up against will probably have a pretty great lawyer too. And they’ll do everything in their power to make you look terrible. So it’s absolutely crucial for clients to enter a courtroom prepared, composed, and careful.
According to King Law Offices, there are some important dos and don’ts for clients to know before entering a courtroom. First, they note that you must dress appropriately, arrive early, follow courtroom etiquette, listen to your attorney, and present yourself positively.
#4
Told a client “don’t say anything to the police, wait until I get there.” Confesses to a crime he wasn’t being investigated for.
Image source: anon, Ahmet Kurt
#5
Not my client, but I was on the prosecutor’s side when a defendant failed to appear for court. His attorney can’t reach him, nobody know where he is, so we all sit there for about half an hour, until the judge gets sick of it and moves on with the docket.
We found out later that day that the defendant decided to rob a 7/11 the night before and was sitting in jail two counties over when he should’ve been in court.
Image source: AngryPurpleTeddyBear, Johnny Ho
#6
Accidentally admitted to the crime in his *direct* examination. *Facepalm*.
Image source: etan_causale, Drazen Zigic
As far as what clients must avoid doing in a courtroom, King Law Offices warns against speaking without permission, showing disrespect, discussing your case outside of the courtroom, ignoring court orders or instructions, and displaying impatience or frustration.
We all know that it’s not exactly fun to have to go to court, whether you’re accused of a crime or not. But it will be even less pleasant if you don’t play the game correctly. The vast majority of the time, your lawyer knows best. So just follow their advice, and you should be able to avoid ending up on a list like this.
#7
Fortunately I was not the attorney in question, but:
Guy is convicted of some traffic-related offense, loses his driver’s licence (effective immediately), gets in the car and drives home. Along with his lawyer.
Image source: Domian, Getty Images
#8
I am not a lawyer but this worked out super well for me.
I was hit by this 65 year old drunk lady (who also happened to be on Methodone at the time…). The cops knew her husband who was a firefighter, and so they didnt breathalize or do any tests, and didnt charge her with DUI. My EMTs had said “that lady is so drunk, shes going to buy you a ticket to Disney world,” which is how I knew that she was drunk at the time of the accident, but I had no proof to bring to the table in the lawsuit because if the cops didnt charge or make notes then you cannot add it later.
So we get to MY deposition and she shows up. She argues with me the entire time over my points and her lawyer keeps having to tell her that she needs to be quiet. (mind you, this lady had ruined my friends and my lives. So I was becoming less than patient with her calling me a liar when she got off scot free.) She exclaims to my lawyer “Even the police report is wrong!”
“What do you mean its wrong?”
“It has me coming from the wrong place!”
“Where were you coming from?”
“My friends Bar!”
“…Really…Did you have any drinks at this bar?”
“Well yeah…”
“How many?”
“I dont know, they dont charge me they just keep refilling my class…”
Cue her lawyers face palm as this is all on tape.
**TLDR**: Lady exclaims that she was drinking and driving when she could have gotten off scot free.
Image source: cagetheblackbird, Negley Stockman
#9
My law teacher would tell stories about a juvenile court he used to work in in one of the more questionable areas of California. Apparently they had a real problem with defendants coming in with sagging pants and court officials showing up in beach clothes. The judge finally got so fed up with it that he kept a box of rope (for an impromptu belt) and a box of neckties behind his desk, and he’d begin court proceedings by lobbing ample amounts of both over his stand at anyone he felt was in need of them.
Image source: anon, spoopy_elliot
Are you enjoying these amusing and facepalm-worthy stories about lawyers’ clients, pandas? Keep upvoting the ones that leave your jaw on the floor, and let us know in the comments below if you’ve ever witnessed anything similar in real life. Then, if you’d like to read another article from Bored Panda featuring stories from lawyers about difficult clients, look no further than right here!
#10
I worked for the Public Defenders office and met a client in jail for a line-up that he had adamantly demanded regarding a crime with multiple witnesses. I met the client for the first time in a separate room to let him know how it would go down and what to expect. This is the kind of line-up you traditionally see on television where there are a number of similar looking people standing shoulder to shoulder in front of mirrored glass. They pull the people for the line-up from the jail population and despite their best efforts this is not a huge population. I walk in to meet the client and he has a stye on his left lower eyelid the size of a golf ball. It was the most identifiable mark on a human’s face i have ever seen. He still demanded the line-up and was identified instantly by every single witness without a shred of doubt in their mind. He still demanded a trial and the stye was gone by the time the trial commenced.
Tl;dr: Guy with golf ball sized lump on face demands comparative line-up.
Image source: BR0WND0G, throwaway7383942
#11
Story from a friend of mine – he was defending a guy in court, don’t remember what he was charged with.
The main witness for prosecution was on the stand, and was asked if she could identify the defendent. She was scanning the courtroom & seemed confused – my friend was already silently celebrating because if she couldn’t identify him, he could probably get all charged dropped.
As he was mentally adding this case to the ‘win’ file, he happened to glance over at his client, who had just helpfully raised his hand to make it easier for her to identify him.
Even the judge facepalmed on that one.
#12
I used to represent patients who were involuntarily committed because of a mental illness. So I wouldn’t describe them as dumb, but still…
Clerk: “Do you swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth?”
Client: “No”
This happened a dozen different times.
Image source: JackEsq, Ivan Lapyrin
#13
My high school best friend’s father is a lawyer, and I remember him telling me this story years ago.
He gets a client who was being charged with a DUI. He asks the client what happened and the client states that he had two drinks, gets stopped, and the police wrongly charged him with driving under the influence. My friend’s dad then looked over the evidence as any good lawyer would do. Come to find out, there was video evidence from a dash cam! Awesome!
His client on video was visibly drunk, and he described it as being you’d be stupid to think he was sober. He was convinced there wasn’t much he could do with this. There’s icing on the cake though. When the police officer went to give him the breathalyzer his client is heard stating, “I’m too drunk to use this thing”.
#14
My client tried to pay a fine with counterfeit money.
Image source: mikeyloo, Sasun Bughdaryan
#15
The case had gone on for years. Client was badly injured in a car accident and was about to win millions. Then she posted a Facebook status about her doing something very active and thus negating the entire case. Had to settle for $100,000. Years of work down the drain in one Facebook status.
Image source: garishbourne, Anton Be
#16
Probably will get buried. But it happened to my dad, where he was at the court house to meet with the judge and when going through security he had his wallet stolen. Well, this genius of a fellow who took his wallet was already being tried in court that day on, you guessed it, charges of theft. Yes, this brilliant man stole from the security line at a court house in direct view of cameras. People are great.
Image source: rawrandrauk, Curated Lifestyle
#17
On a site inspection with opposing counsel’s experts:
Expert: “Can we please see the bolts that failed, causing the plaintiff’s demise?”
Client: “No, those are broken. They were made out of cheap metal. That’s why they failed!”
I almost slapped my client. Frankly, I’m sad I didn’t.
Image source: _Vici_, Siavash Ghanbari
#18
My lawyer brother once got a “contempt of court” charge dismissed against his client by begging for mercy, using a Forrest Gump-like defense “Mah client is not a smart man….”. Immediately after the charge was dismissed, the client turned and in front of the entire court punched my brother in the mouth, yelling “Who are you callin’ DUMB?!” Client was promptly re-arrested.
Image source: MastadonBob, Saúl Bucio
#19
Cashed in their retirement while in bankruptcy. When it is cash, it is not protected.
Image source: Legalbegallove, Mufid Majnun
#20
Not a lawyer here – still in law school, but assisting lawyers with cases. One day, we got involved in a care taking debate for an old woman. Her daughter and an attorney were declared legal guardians for her, due to dementia and her high age. Her niece got us involved questioning the motives of the daughter as an assigned legal guardian. Long story short: Her motives were definitely questionable, she stole ten thousands of dollars and even her mom’s vaccuum cleaner and silver cutlery (which resulted in the poor woman eating with her fingers) and the case seemed to be a piece of cake for us. Then the niece, our client, took the old lady away to a senior citizen home to guarantee she was taken care well of. Her intentions were gold – unfortunately, daughter & attorney were still legal guardians and had the right to determine the place of residence. In the end, our client was charged with kidnapping and we lost the case. Moral of the story: don’t ever do anything case related before talking to your lawyer. Seriously. Don’t.
Image source: StillNotSnowflake, Getty Images
#21
My ex-wife’s lawyers (yes, plural) would be perfect for answering this thread. She hasn’t followed a court order yet.
In fact I’m on my way to court now because she still isn’t following the court’s orders.
Edit: I can’t put any details until the hearing is done. I will update in a few hours.
Edit #2: here’s one i can say: lying to her attorneys. They certainly did not enjoy being embarrassed in court when I showed proof of what she had done after she swore up and down it wasn’t true.
Edit #3: Speaking of edit #2, her attorney just found out about the website where she bashes all the judges who have heard our cases in the past. Needless to say, her attorney had no idea about it. And is upset about it.
Edit #4: Here is a summary as promised. In the past 4+ years she has opened numerous CPS investigations, has filed police reports accusing me of various offenses (falsely), has had me detained with my son because of these false reports, has tried to kick in my front and back doors of the house, has followed me home randomly, has accused several people in my life of mistreatement towards our child, has started a website whose sole purpose was to bash me and every judge who we have ever seen. On top of this, she has blatantly ignored several court orders including failure to pay child support as owed. She has repeatedly lied to her attorneys (or maybe to herself too who knows) and told them she is a victim and I am the devil, etc. she has consistently neglected to mention a lot of the stuff she has done or has admitted to doing, so her attorneys are constantly being ambushed by the truth. Finally, she has a history of not paying these attorneys so they aren’t exactly thrilled to be representing her and quit the first chance they get. She is up to about 10 attorneys now.
On the flip side I have spent/borrowed over $100,000 now to keep my same attorney. I probably will never be able to afford a college education for my child or maybe even able to afford having any future children because I am not sure I will ever be able to pay these attorney’s fees off. Especially considering it is still going on and I am racking up fees faster than I can pay them.
Image source: The_Phasers, pressahotkey
#22
“I got your domestic violence charges dismissed” – goes home after hearing and beats up wife.
Image source: legaleagal, Curated Lifestyle
#23
So I’m a law student, but I work at a volunteer desk that helps people complete the forms for court. The awful part is I can’t give any legal advice since I’m not a lawyer, which means I can’t tell these people they don’t have a case. However, the stories are great.
There the lady who sues celebrities. She asked me to help her sue Robert De Niro. Someone else helped her with a suit for Mathew McConaughey. She was doing it on behalf of her kids and their fathers for “in excess of $100 million dollars.” she didn’t even know how to spell their names.
Then, there’s the guy who is suing DirectTV, CNN, Fox, and who knows who else. Apparently, he’s the one you have to thnk for putting color on your TV shows and adding animation. He was suing because they hadn’t paid him… ever.
Finally, there’s the lady who is suing her former employer for giving her too much money on her last paycheck. She told me they did it because they liked her and wanted her to come back. There was maybe 60 extra dollars on the check. She was suing for $10,000.
Image source: UntimelyOccurrence, CBS Sunday Morning
#24
I work as a legal aid lawyer in a Canadian province. I have had many dumb clients, who did many dumb things
– One of my first clients was a delirious hobo. When we were meeting at my office, he was ranting and his dentures fell out and landed on my legal pad. He picked them up and put them back in his mouth and continued to rant as if nothing happened.
– Same guy appeared in court a few weeks later and refused to let the security detail inspect his hobo bindle. He told them he wasn’t going to appear without his bindle and left. He was arrested that afternoon for failure to appear.
– Guy came in and said he wanted to sue Oral-B because their toothbrushes kept cutting his gums. He asked if I wanted to see his evidence. I said no, but he still proceeded to dump a grocery bag of used, slightly bloodied, toothbrushes onto my desk.
Another good one:
– Doing a trial for client in a circuit court about an hour outside of the city I operate in. Client decides to get a cab out there and tells the driver they’ll pay them when they arrive. Client arrives in this community and gets the driver to stop at local convenience store across the street from the courthouse. Client proceeds to attempt to steal five 26 ounce bottles of rum and is promptly arrested and taken into custody. Trial is postponed as we spend the day (unsuccessfully) applying for bail.
Image source: legalaidthrowaway, pressfoto
#25
I’m not a lawyer, but the optometrist that I went to had an officer manager that was marking on people’s accounts that they got refund checks and crediting the balance, then cashing them herself. She took $50, 000 in a year and got caught. When asked why she did it, she said “no one told me I couldn’t.”.
Image source: digitalstomp, Getty Images
#26
During a divorce, the ex-husband claimed that he didn’t make much or any money and wasn’t able to pay the child support we were asking him to pay. A few hours after receiving this information he posts a picture on his public Facebook of a wad of cash talking about how ‘Ballin’ he was. Needless to say his claim didn’t hold up after that.
Image source: dawsonscreekrox, Aejaz Memon
#27
Not a lawyer but my good friend is a social worker and one of her clients had to go to court. This particular client is a transsexual transitioning from female to male. Let’s call her Rose. Rose is obsessed with cats. Not sure how to describe her obsession with cats but she never goes anywhere without wearing those crazy coloured CAT EARS and a TAIL. She wants to work with cats too.
Anyway, she broke the la and had to go to court. She was found guilty and when the judge pronounced the verdict, she got down on her hands and knees and meowed.
Image source: Blondiebibi
#28
My dad is an attorney, and these stories are somewhat relevant….
Backstory: Father’s office is robbed and the guy took a bunch of our ID’s, passports, social security cards, ect that we kept at my dad’s office.
A few years/months later (not sure of the timeline) my dad is in court for another case/meeting.
Guy enters the courthouse, going through security for a hearing for some unrelated charges. My dad gets called from his meeting and the security guys were laughing, “hey get a load of this Mr. Spretty21’s dad, this guy says he’s YOU!” I believe he was then charged with robbing my dad’s office.
Another story. My dad is in a meeting with some guys who were unaware that my dad fluently speaks their native language. They were telling him one story in English, then would switch to their native language to confer about covering up the truth. My dad let them go on like this for a while before finally cutting in, in their language, and asking them about the real story. They were extermely dumbfounded and busted.
This will probably stay buried, but hey, it’s out there :).
Image source: Spretty21
#29
I represent clients before the IRS. Had a couple who owed around $250,000 in back taxes. We had no defense, so the only thing to do was have the clients meet with the IRS and plead for leniency. Well, the wife got arrogant with the IRS agent, and at one point stood up and screamed at the IRS agent (who was a pretty decent person, making a very middle class wage) “you’ll take away my Mercedes over my corpse!” Then she stormed out of the conference room.
Needless to say, she lost the Mercedes.
Image source: riverrat36605
#30
A client in a PI case claiming damage to their lower back posted pictures of themselves to their Facebook page riding Jetskis and horses. The defense subpoena’ed the client’s Facebook page.
Image source: Pisshands
#31
My sister is a public defender. She recently had a shoplifting case where the defendant was caught in possession of stolen goods which happened to match a list (also in his possession) entitled “Things to steal from Walmart”.
Image source: ephantmon
#32
A, B and C are drinking and playing cards. A shoots B with a crossbow (just happened to have one); B staggers out into the street where, naturally, he attracts some attention. A flees. Police follow blood trail back to the scene to find C, my eventual client, mopping up the blood, placing the crossbow bolt in a garbage bag, and generally tidying up. Charged with tampering with evidence. I never understood why his internal housewife took over and kept him from calling 911.
Image source: duckshoe2
#33
Not a lawyer but in court for a ticket. Apparently the cop lost the ticket book so there was no “official” evidence. The judge said, the next 15 on the docket (I was luckily one of the 15) just needed to say not guilty since there was no evidence. One moron got up there and started to argue that he was only going 5 mph over not 10. The judge looked at him and said “son, just say not guilty”. The guy again said but I wasn’t going that fast. The judge laughed and repeated again. Son, just say two words for me, not and guilty. The guy, confused mumbled not guilty in the form of a question, the judge said dismissed.
Image source: JohnnyBrillcream
#34
Defendant is at a preliminary hearing for a domestic battery charge. Alleged victim, his wife/girlfriend/whatever, failed to show up, so the prosecution dropped the case. The judge told the defendant it was his lucky day and asked if the defendant had anything to say about that.
Defendant starts to explain his point of view on what happened and just about talked himself right back into that domestic battery charge. Indeed, if the judge hadn’t been in such a good mood, he might have.
Rule of thumb: if your charges get dismissed, STFU and GTFO.
Image source: rdavidson24
#35
NYC criminal defense attorney here. All inmate phone calls at the city jail (Rikers Island) are recorded. I remind my clients on a regular basis that somebody is listening to all their calls, and that they should never discuss the case or call anyone related to the case from jail. I had a client who was charged with stalking and harassing an ex girlfriend. The thing about these charges was that this was the first and last time I had seen a legitimate case of double jeopardy (defendant being charged with the same crime twice). The defendant had already pled guilty and done a small amount of jail time for the same incidents. I walked into court on our first appearance supremely confident that my client would be walking out of court a free man.
To my surprise there was a second indictment charging new crimes. My genius client had called his ex-girlfriend and the DA had recordings of him threatening to beat her if she came to court to testify against him. We took a plea right there and he served 3 years for witness tampering and contempt.
If my client had only listened to my advice and let me do my job he would have gone home three years earlier than he did.
Image source: Impudent
#36
Client was an accountant for a good size company. During the recession she was laid off and filed for unemployment where claimed she made 200k+ salary. Real salary was 60k. The company received the unemployment claim, investigated, and found out she embezzled millions.
Image source: vctunnel
#37
Actual case I defended: woman using drive through ordered a regular sized value meal at McDonalds. The restaurant had run out of smaller soft drink cups, and without telling her first gave her a large soda. Rather than saying thanks she sued claiming the unexpected weight of the large soda tore her rotator cuff. Litigated it for two years. We settled after two years of fighting it out. Didn’t pay her though, agreed only to waive our costs.
Image source: gaajiwaaih
#38
Not my client, but I saw this. Accused bank robber at a bail hearing was told by the judge his bond was set at $100,000 and explained to him that meant he could post $10,000 in cash to be released pending trial. He asked the accused if he had $10,000 for bail. The accused replied “Judge, if I had $10,000 I wouldn’t have been robbing the bank.” The US attorney asked for a copy of the transcript, easiest conviction ever.
Image source: JME_123
#39
1. Guy robs bank, flees scene. His clever getaway plan is to jump into the nearest taxi. Yells at the driver “I just robbed that bank, now drive!”. Driver turns around. Is cop. In haste robber has mistaken Police car for taxi (in my country taxis are white, so it is feasible but EXTREMELY dumb).
2. Guy is being questioned at scene of recent burglary, as suspect. When asked for occupation he says “Burglar”.
Image source: bezufache
#40
Gonna get buried, So a little while ago I was doing a traffic hearing for another lawyer at my firms client (I don’t do a whole lot of traffic hearings, but when it comes up I’ll do them). So we get there and the cop doesn’t show up. He was charged with careless driving (rear-ending another car) and was adamant that he didn’t do it (3 car accident he said the car that hit him pushed him into the car in front of him). I’m like “score easy win”. I look at him and say “you don’t say anything got it?”, he agrees
So we do the hearing, the witnesses testify, but because there is no cop nobody can put my client at the scene or behind the wheel. So the judge goes “Well in light of all the evidence I’m going to have to find Mr. (name)…” and then my client goes “Your honor I have some pictures I took at the scene”… I just give him a stare. The judge says “Sir, do you pay your attorney for a reason?” He says “yes”, “Did your attorney tell you to talk”, he says “no”, “well until you opened your mouth nobody could put you at the scene and I was going to dismiss the ticket, but now you did that yourself”
Dude literally talked himself into a ticket.
Image source: citizenkane86
#41
“The judge ordered you not to touch anything in the storage unit where your husband’s stuff is. So don’t even go there.”
*Breaks into the storage unit and pours bleach over everything*.
Image source: anon
#42
Wasn’t my client but I saw this happen:
Defendant moves to remove his public defender, apparently listening to advice from a cellmate.
Def: “Your Honor, I would like to represent myself.”
Judge: “Very well, will you be changing your plea?”
Def: “Yes, I would like to plead not guilty by reason of insanity.”
Judge: “Do you have a mental disorder?”
Def: “No.”
After a brief chat with his former attorney, defendant reinstated the public defender as his counsel. My guess is defendant listened to counsel when he said that pleading not guilty by reason of insanity means admitting you did indeed perform the acts of which you were accused.
Image source: shocolatemilk
#43
Call me every day for 30-45 minutes at $175/hour asking the same questions each time just for reassurances on his case. His bill was over $10,000 prior to trial.
Image source: VegaDark541
#44
While these aren’t as flashy as most of the stories told here, I see them from my clients almost every single day.
1. Criminal – Confess to police immediately following arrest. Every single day.
2. Civil – Pay me thousands in retainer and then refuse to do even miniscule things to further their case. It would amaze you the amount of times people have complained about their billing but have paid me hundreds of dollars an hour to fill out simple forms for them (i.e. simple name/address/social security forms and to go through credit card statements and bank statements to list the account numbers on a divorce property statement etc.) simply because they are unwilling to do it. I have to call and conference with them and go through each blank on the form because they simply won’t do it and return it in a timely manner. In more involved divorces this can cost them thousands when all they need to do is sit down and list their assets/liabilities… You hire an attorney to do the legal work. You can save yourself a TON of money by taking care of everything that doesn’t require legal expertise on your own.
Image source: SpaghettiSaber
#45
I’m not comfortable that it’s appropriate to tell stories about my own clients.
So:
I prosecuted a bank robber. I think he pled guilty mostly to avoid having my show bank surveillance cam photos to the jury. See, he robbed a bank while wearing sagged pants. When the tried to leap over the half-door that separated the teller area from the customer area the pants came off and tripped him and he fell on his face. The cameras captured, in exquisite detail, the change in his facial expression from bravado to concern to terror as his pants came off.
Image source: KenPopehat
#46
This happens constantly: Guy hires us to defend him against charges by an ex-girlfriend that he is stalking/harassing her. We get girlfriend to agree to drop the criminal charges if our client agrees to have a restraining order entered. This prevents the client from having a criminal record and/or risking jail time. After this is all worked out, and the restraining order has been entered GUY CONTACTS GIRL.
Image source: d0k74_j0n35
#47
Remember when Burger King had those commercials that featured a guy with little hands who didn’t want to be seen eating a whopper? I had a guy come in to my office and wanted to sue Burger King for defamation because he had little hands. To the guy’s credit, he did have little hands.
Image source: chio182
#48
Ram the arresting officers car after misdemeanor court. Turned a fine and court costs into a 15 year sentence.
Image source: orsodrwilybelieved
#49
A friend if mine is seeking child support from her ex husband. He keeps claiming to have no money. Every week he spends money on Microsoft points. How does she know? When they set up his xbox live account, they used her email. She gets every single confirmation of pay email. Every week.
I’m excited for the next court date, to say the least.
Image source: il_vekkio
#50
My dad once had a guy get caught for vandalizing and he was caught on tape. This guy wore the same exact clothes into court that he wore on the video….
Image source: undercover_seaturtle
Follow Us
