Dealing with a narcissist is bad enough. It’s even worse when they’re one of your parents. Suddenly, setting even basic and healthy boundaries becomes a huge issue because they’re not used to being told ‘no.’ And they fight back. Every. Single. Step. Of. The Way. Got a problem with them cooking at 4 in the morning? How dare you challenge them!
One man vented online about how his entitled mother offered to visit and babysit his son, but ended up causing so many problems that he finally snapped. Keep scrolling to read what happened and to see what internet users said about the family drama.
It is exhausting to deal with a narcissistic parent who always puts their needs above yours
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A man went viral after revealing how his mother offered to visit and help out, only to cause problem after problem. Here’s what happened
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The man finally had enough and decided to call out his mother for her toxic behavior
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It is possible to move away from narcissistic tendencies, but it is a long and involved process
At their very core, narcissists see themselves as special and therefore better than you. So, they take issue with you whenever you disagree with them or enforce even common-sense boundaries. Their wants and needs will forever be placed above yours, and if you push back against their selfishness, they’ll lash out against you and anyone else in the vicinity.
So, for instance, they’ll demand to be picked up at the airport and driven back, they’ll interrupt conversations to take dozens of phone calls each day, and they’ll wake everyone up at 4 am to cook. They’ll pressure you to accept these things as ‘normal’ even though they’re anything but. When you invite yourself over with the pretext of helping out and babysitting your grandson, that should be your priority. It doesn’t count as helping if you cause problem after problem and constantly annoy your loved ones.
Recent research shows that narcissistic personality disorder, or NPD, affects around 1% to 2% of the general population. Individuals with NPD can certainly improve, however, this process is slow and gradual.
According to the recent study, motivation for coming to treatment for NPD is influenced by ultimatums from family, friends, or work, dissatisfaction with life, an inability to accomplish goals, a serious life crisis, etc. Many NPD patients tend to have other, co-occurring conditions, such as anxiety disorder, mood disorder, substance use disorder, and others.
Narcissism researcher Amy Brunell, a professor of psychology at Ohio State University, explained to Time magazine that people tend to be drawn to narcissists. At least at first! Our perceptions change over time.
“They’re charming, they’re fun, they’re energetic, and then over time, the negative qualities come out more and more.”
Not all narcissists are alike, even though they share some common features
There are three main types of narcissists. The first, agentic narcissists (the ones you’re likely thinking of) are aggressive, concern themselves with status and admiration, and see themselves as superior to everyone else.
Communal narcissists are driven by their desire for admiration and love, so they are exceedingly and excessively helpful and caring. Specifically, they can offer assistance when it isn’t needed or asked for. To be clear, this is not done out of altruism.
“Communal narcissists are self-enhancing. They think they’re the most helpful person—that no one can do as much good as they do,” Brunell states.
Meanwhile, vulnerable narcissists have low self-esteem. They are fragile, defensive, anxious, depressed, and socially inhibited. So, they overcompensate for these drawbacks with big egos, lots of arrogance, and plenty of self-centeredness.
“Vulnerable narcissists feel bad about themselves. They are chronically mad that they’re not getting what they think is due them, so they tend to be more hostile. For a while, I struggled with understanding why vulnerable narcissists are narcissists at all, except they share the core feature of self-centeredness,” the professor explained to Time.
According to Brunell, it helps when you’re direct with a narcissistic parent. That being said, it is vital that you also stress that the person is important to you, which is why you’re making the request in the first place.
“For a child, if you get a parent angry, they can take away all of your resources. I would suggest that rather than necessarily confronting the parent, they can approach them in a way where they say, ‘Mom, I really care about our relationship and making you happy,’ and then try to assert yourself,” she suggests.
If gentle confrontations and friendly boundary-setting don’t work, it might be time to escalate and leave the toxic relationship. However, the narcissist might try to worm their way back into your life. “If the narcissist calls you and you don’t want to take the call, that can be your boundary. I think feeling a little bit more empowered to make those decisions for yourself can be really important.”
We want to hear your perspectives, Pandas! Share yours once you’ve read the story and other people’s comments on the situation. What would you have done differently than the author if you were in his shoes? Who is the most narcissistic and entitled person you know, and how do you protect your boundaries from them?
The internet had a lot to say about the family falling out. Here are some readers’ perspectives
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