There’s an old adage that encourages us to live each day as if it’s our last. But often, we don’t do really do that if we think we still have many years left to live. We sweat the small things, fight with loved ones, and prioritize work or possessions over precious moments. The following story serves as a reminder that our time on earth is limited…
A man has shared how he’s been told he has just months left to live. The 31-year-old has been dealing with a medical condition since he was a teen. He’s decided not to tell his wife the news, and is planning a trip abroad with her instead. He says he wants her last memories of him to be good ones, and doesn’t want them tainted by the constant thoughts of his time ticking down.
He’s been told that he has just months left to live, and he’s decided not to tell his wife
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
He believes she’s better off not knowing, so that her last memories of him will be happy ones
Image credits: Ahmet Polat / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: kaboompics / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: 500daystolive
Many concerned netizens tried to persuade him to tell his wife: “Don’t make it worse”
Some felt he was justified in not telling his wife, and they explained exactly why
The man gave an emotional update from his deathbed a year-and-a-half later
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: 500daystolive
It’s not uncommon for people to hide that they might not have long to live, and here’s why…
Back in 2008, researchers at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm surveyed nearly 700 Swedish men who had lost their wives to cancer in 2000 or 2001. More than 40% of them revealed that they were either never told their spouse’s cancer was incurable, or were only informed just before she passed away.
The vast majority wished this weren’t the case, with around 85% of participants saying that they, or the next of kin, should be told immediately when a spouse’s cancer is incurable.
“Sweden is not unique in this lack of communication,” said lead author Hanna Dahlstrand, an oncology resident at the Karolinska Institute. “It’s likely the same in nearly all Western nations.”
Of those who were told that their wife’s cancer was incurable, 79% said they received the news from the doctor. But there are times when doctors don’t, or can’t, inform someone that their spouse doesn’t have long to live. In the United States, for example, doctors cannot reveal health information without a patient’s consent. And if the patient says nothing, the spouse may find out too late.
“I’ve been in situations where I went in to talk to family members and the patient will ask their wife or their kids and loved ones to leave the room before we talk,” reveals Dr. Bart Scott, a physician at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. “Usually, it’s men who have been the leader of their family not wanting their wife or kids to know about their diagnosis.”
However, Scott says that when it comes to patients who are facing a grave diagnosis, Scott tries to steer them in a way that’s healthiest for them and their loved ones. The doctor says when dealing with end-of-life conversations, he’s as honest as possible.
Scott explains that typically, he will say something along the lines of, “This is what you can expect; you’re eventually going to become more debilitated, and it’s probably going to become obvious to your family members that you’re [passing away]. It might be worthwhile to initiate some conversations with them now so they’re not so surprised that this is occurring.”
The expert says that if a diagnosis is terminal and the family members aren’t prepared, there might be a lot more unnecessary treatments and therapy given because the family is holding onto hope. This is something he also explains to his terminally ill patients.
“Once they recognize that from an intellectual perspective, it usually switches the situation around, and it opens the communication to a family,” Scott says. “Because they’re not (staying secret) to be evil. They’re doing it with this misconception that they don’t want to burden the family members. But by keeping it a mystery it causes more stress than relief.”
“I was angry, but now I’m content and nervous”: he revealed more while responding to the touching comments
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