When people get married, they make a lifelong commitment to love, honor, and serve their partner, but the problem is that some folks don’t uphold their share of the bargain. Instead, they expect their significant other to make all the effort, which can cause resentment.
This is exactly what happened to a woman who began to find her decade-long marriage extremely one-sided because of her husband’s thoughtlessness. She even confronted him about it, but he had a long list of excuses ready in order to avoid responsibility.
More info: Mumsnet
When people stop making an effort for their loved ones, it can slowly erode their relationship over time
Image credits: namii9 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that she and her husband had been having problems for a while, and the root of it all was how thoughtless and inconsiderate he was
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman was shocked after she got her husband a gift for Valentine’s Day, but he just gave her a card and claimed that the flowers he ordered never got delivered
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster confronted her husband about his lack of effort, but he explained that he didn’t have the skillset to be thoughtful and that his head was always full of other things
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The woman couldn’t understand how her husband could say he loved her, but not make even a tiny effort to make her happy
It seems like the OP’s partner had always struggled to put her needs first, and generally didn’t seem that considerate. Even though they had been together for over a decade, he never bought her flowers, chocolates, or thought about the little things that she would like, which made her feel sad.
In long-term relationships like this, experts suggest that people should learn about their significant other’s love language. This will help them understand what kind of effort they should put toward making their partner happy, and they can start by doing simple things that fall under that category.
Unfortunately, the man didn’t seem to realize that his lack of consideration was causing his partner so much pain. He also never did anything to work on his behavior, and even on Valentine’s Day, he just bought his wife a card and told her that something had happened to the flowers he had ordered.
It can be difficult to live with a minimal-effort partner, especially if the other person goes out of their way to do thoughtful things for their loved one. That’s why professionals explain that when dealing with a thoughtless person like this, it’s important to keep sharing how their actions make you feel and to guide them on what they need to do to improve the situation.
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The poster even confronted her husband about his lack of consideration for her, but he just brushed the issue off and started making excuses. He said that he didn’t have the ability to be so thoughtful and that it was a skill that seemed to naturally come to his wife, which she didn’t agree with.
The OP knew that the only reason she made such an effort for her husband was that she loved and cared for him. She couldn’t fathom why he wasn’t doing the same thing for her, even though he always claimed that he loved her so much, which left her feeling frustrated.
In one-sided relationships like this, family experts advise being honest and vulnerable with one’s partner about how their lack of effort truly makes you feel. If this kind of communication doesn’t work over time and they don’t change their ways, it might help to go for counselling so that a professional can help sort the situation out.
The OP had tried talking to her husband about the issue, but when nothing seemed to change even after a decade of marriage, she felt like she couldn’t do it anymore. The last straw for her was the low-effort Valentine’s Day gift she had received, and that’s why she desperately asked people for advice on what to do about the situation.
What would you do if you were in the poster’s shoes? Do share your thoughts in the comments below, and let us know if you’ve ever dealt with an inconsiderate person like this.
Folks sympathized with the woman and told her that if her husband was still not putting in any effort, then she should probably not put up with his behavior
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