Hark and listen to the sky! Join our boat o’ fun with these ‘ere charmin’ boating jokes!
Whether ye be a sailor, a gentleman o’ fortune, or a lord o’ unknown breeding, these ‘ere jokes will tickle yer jolly bone an’ see ye through a storm o’ laughter. Totally unscathed an’ safe, yet with jolly tears in yer eyes!
Okay, pardon us for this piratesque intermission – somehow it’s always the gentleman o’ fortune that pops into our heads when thinking about anything at least remotely related to the seven seas. Say, something like these sailing jokes here!
That’s right, it’s our collection of jolly good jokes about boats, and even if the sea for you is sandy beaches and vacations, there will be at least one of these hilarious jokes that you’ll feel deeply touched by. Meaning, of course, it will bring a gale of laughter! And might make you want to get a pet parrot while you’re at it.
Anyway, boat jokes are definitely not just for pirates, fishermen, and fancy people – they’re for everyone! And, if you feel these sail jokes will do you some good, too, then scroll on down below to check them out. Once you are done, give the best jokes your vote, and share this article with your friends!
#1
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumour is they’re working on a self-driving boat as well. They’re going to call it the iAye.
#2
Do you need a boat of biblical proportions built?
Because I Noah guy. I hear he’s a fantastic Arkitect.
#3
What was the name of the pirate that did not fear the tides?
Johnny Depth.
#4
What is the most crowded and caring boat called?
A friend-ship.
#5
How was the boat turned into a party boat?
Through pier pressure.
#6
What was the name of the boat filled with football players?
Sportsman-ship.
#7
What is the name of the fastest sailboat in the world?
Usain Boat.
#8
Which music band is not allowed to perform on a navy boat?
Maroon 5.
#9
Which movie do sailors like to watch the most?
The Codfather.
#10
What do you call a person specialized in boat chemistry?
Salter White.
#11
Why was ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ not allowed to play on the cruise?
Because of censor-ship!
#12
Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he’ll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
#13
Three guys are on a boat and they have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with. What do they do?
They throw one cigarette off the boat and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
#14
My boss said he races boats.
So I said, “Wow, you must be a fast swimmer!”
#15
The New York Times just contracted me to row a boat for a upcoming story.
I’m the Times’s new Row-man.
#16
I got a boat for my wife.
Best trade I’ve ever made.
#17
If the internet had a boat, where would they park it?
In Google Docs.
#18
Where do the sick boats go for checkups?
To the doc.
#19
Why could not the sailors play the game of cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck.
#20
What kind of detergent do sailors use the most?
Tide.
#21
How do sailors greet each other on the cruise?
They start waving.
#22
Who got a free movie ticket pass on the cruise ship?
Tom Cruise.
#23
What does Captain Jack Sparrow usually cook?
Pyrex of the Caribbean.
#24
What do you call a boat with AI?
Row-bot.
#25
A very nervous first-time crew member says to the skipper, “Do boats like this sink very often?”
“Not too often,” replied the skipper. “Usually only once.”
#26
What did the deck say to the waves that came crashing on board?
“Water you doing here!?”
#27
What do you call a ship that’s 50% off?
A sale boat.
#28
Felt wavy. Might as well seas the day!
#29
If your boat gets sick, I know a great dock.
It’s pier-reviewed.
#30
Making a boat out of stone would be a hardship.
#31
What did the water say to the boat?
Nothing. It just waved.
#32
Why did the Norwegian sell their boat?
They couldn’t a-fjord it!
#33
Hundreds of people lined up for the paddle sale at the boat shop.
It was quite an oar deal.
#34
I was nervous about meeting new people on a cruise… Until I realised, we are all in the same boat.
#35
I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in…
It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
#36
Why does the Norwegian navy have barcodes on the side of their ships?
So that when the ships come back into port they can Scandinavian!
#37
What do you call just over three rodents on a boat?
Pi-rats.
#38
How do you get a blind man to see?
By boat.
#39
Have you ever had the theme from “The Love Boat” stuck in your head?
Now you have. You’re welcome.
#40
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe.
Canoe, who?
Canoe answer the door, please?
#41
Why are pirates really cool?
Because they arrrgggghhh!
#42
What do you call four Spanish guys in a capsized boat?
Quatro sinko.
#43
Pretend you are on a boat surrounded by sharks. How do you survive?
You stop pretending.
#44
Where did Bugs Bunny decide to park his boat?
At the “What’s-up dock!”
#45
What kind of vegetable is not allowed on ships?
Leeks.
#46
What was the name of the dentist’s office, which got opened on a boat?
The tooth ferry.
#47
What was the discount rate at the boat store?
A two-for-one sail.
#48
Why did the dolphin chase the boat?
To find its porpoise!
#49
How to make a boat feel healthy?
Just give it some vitamin sea.
#50
What was the name of the optometrist who came on the boat?
A see captain.
#51
What does BOAT stand for?
“Break out another thousand.”
#52
How was the sailing business going on in the boat?
The sails were going through the roof!
#53
Why did the sailor suddenly jump into the sea?
To test the water.
#54
Where do the most deadly creatures like zombies go for sailing?
To the Dead Sea.
#55
What is the name of the sail that has only two corners?
“I do not have a clew!”
#56
What is so fascinating about the iceberg named Bluetooth?
Any ship that will go near it will sync!
#57
What music system did the sailors use the most?
A boat player!
#58
How many sailors does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because there is no right size available onboard, and the marine store doesn’t carry that brand, and moreover, the mail-order has them on back-order.
#59
From where did Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
#60
What is the name of the most joyful ship?
The laughter-ship.
#61
Why are pirates so bad at learning alphabets?
Because they always get stuck at C.
#62
What was the sailor worried about this time?
To not go overboard.
#63
What ship is most liked by all the vampires?
Blood vessel.
#64
Why was the kid so happy about dreaming of sailing in a sea full of soda?
Because it was just a Fanta-sea.
#65
Why did the laughter-ship sink very often?
Because the anchor took a break!
#66
Let’s fish upon a star.
#67
Worry less and paddle more.
#68
How do you make luxury yacht charters look younger?
Boat-Tox.
#69
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off the boat?
Because if they fell forward they’d still be on the boat.
#70
What did the boat say at the funeral?
“My gondolences.”
#71
What do you call it when one boat follows another boat too closely?
Sailgating.
#72
What do you call a pirate that skips class?
Captain Hooky!
#73
What did the canal say to the cargo boat that passed through uninvited?
“You can’t just barge in like that!”
#74
I can’t think of any more boat puns.
Canoe?
#75
A group of friends were on a boat in Munich when the hull was breached.
They quickly called for the German Life Guard yelling “Help we’re sinking!”
The Life Guard asked, “Ja, vat are you sinking about?”
#76
Two sailors are talking:
Sailor A: “I hear fish is good brain food.”
Sailor B: “Yeah, I eat it all the time.”
Sailor A: “Well, there goes another theory!”
#77
Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.
“What’s this?” asked the skipper, “It looks as if someone is drowning!”
“No,” explained his crew, “It’s just a little wave.”
#78
Why shouldn’t boats hit certain islands?
It takes atoll on them.
#79
I bought a sail for my boat on Amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it’s not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it’s too late.
That sail has shipped.
#80
H. Clinton and D. Trump are In a boat and the boat sprung a leak. Who is saved?
The world.
#81
Why did the chess master throw up on the boat?
He got c6.
#82
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
“I just had a new winch installed on my boat today,” the guy tells the bartender.
“Ship just got reel.”
#83
What did the ship’s captain say when he got stuck trying to navigate through a narrow channel?
“We’re in dire straits!”
#84
I just managed to swap my boat for a new model I hadn’t seen before.
I thought it was worth a punt.
#85
Old sailors never die, they just get a little dinghy.
#86
Why aren’t boats equipped with artificial intelligence?
Nobody wants to get on a thinking ship.
#87
I crashed my rowing boat.
I suffered a broken scull.
#88
Where did the flying boat land?
At the air-port.
#89
Why did the students go on the boat?
To get their scholar-ship!
#90
How did the wedding on the boat go?
They had a ferry-tale ending!
#91
How do you get a good deal on the boat?
When there is a sail on it.
#92
What is the name of the boat that is famous among people?
Relation-ship.
#93
What happened when the boat carrying red paint crashed against the boat carrying blue paint?
The crew got marooned.
#94
What kind of music do fishermen love to listen to on their boat?
Pond-tunes.
#95
What is the name of the boat made of stones?
A hard-ship.
#96
Why were the ship owners so sad about buying the new ship?
Because it coasta-plenty to them!
#97
Why are boats not weirded out by another boat and their activities?
Because they respect whatever floats each other’s boats.
#98
Why did the sailor fall sick after looking at his boating test score?
Because he got C-sick.
#99
How were the goods transported through the ship?
With the help of car-go.
#100
What do the sailors use to clean their noses when they have a cold?
Anchor-chiefs!
#101
What do you call a ship that blinks a lot?
A lighthouse.
#102
What happened to the Spanish guy who was on a cruise ship?
He got lost at ‘Si.’
#103
What did the captain tell the passengers on the boat?
“It’s going to be a cruizy ride!”
#104
What did the boat say to the other boat?
“Can I get a free pass on row-mance?”
#105
What was the sailor getting ready to do?
To warship!
#106
What activity do zombies like to do on a cruise ship?
They like to shuffle-board!
#107
Why did the sailor fall asleep?
Because he went for snore-kling!
#108
I’m sorry, but this boat is knot for sail.
#109
What did Gotye say after he sold his boat?
“Now you’re just a boat that I used to row.”
#110
What’s the world’s most efficient bilge pump?
A scared man with a bucket.
#111
When the bottom of a cargo ship got a hole, it had one hull of a problem.
#112
What is the name of the captain of a boat made of cork?
Bobby.
#113
How do you get fresh milk from a boat?
By pulling on its rudder.
#114
What did the empty boat say when he was asked why he wasn’t leaving the dock?
“I haven’t got a crew.”
#115
How did they label the boxes of snails that were loaded on the barge?
S-cargo.
#116
What race doesn’t require running?
A regatta race.
#117
What happens when a boat passes near a sleeping duck?
It’s a wake.
#118
Boating sounds like a terrible idea on paper.
But it’s a thousand times better on water.
#119
Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?
That makes it capsized.
#120
A catamaran sailing in the frostbite series race lost its mast and was nearly overturned by a large wave.
The headline in the club newsletter the next day was, ‘Cata-frostic Dismaster.’
#121
Why did the Pirate give his ship a coat of paint?
Its timbers were shivering.
#122
What do you call a boat full of mean potatoes?
A dictatorship.
#123
What does Mike Tyson do when his boat starts leaking?
First, he thinks for a while… Then he dethides to thwim.
#124
My husband told me I could choose the name he’d paint on the back of his new boat with the condition it be nautical themed.
So I named it… “For Sail.”
#125
My great-grandfather sunk 7 U-boats during WW2.
Some say that he was the most incompetent captain in the Kriegsmarine.
#126
Before my operation, the anaesthesiologists asked if I wanted to be knocked out via gas or boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
#127
Just bought a really expensive barge pole.
I thought I would push the boat out.
#128
I saw a man trying to juggle ten rowing implements.
It was truly oar inspiring.
#129
I’m not one for buoyancy, but you know, whatever floats your boat.
#130
One of my friends was cooking in a wok on the back of a boat.
He was making a stern fry.
Follow Us
