In relationships with yourself, as well as with other people, you should try to be as honest as possible, without denying your identity, otherwise it can only do harm. The wisest people of mankind have been talking about this for many years, decades and centuries, the main world religions have been tirelessly repeating this…
However, it is one thing to declare, and quite another to recognize in practice. This is especially true of ultra-religious communities and the attitude of their members towards, for example, LGBTQ+ representatives and everything connected with them. So it turns out that people, fearing condemnation from the public around them, hide and deny their identity – and this does not lead to anything good.
A similar story is told, for example, by a TikToker named Abe (@comingofabe), who in his youth also had to face the manifestation of his identity, and who, trying to deny it, eventually harmed himself and his wife as well. Abe has recorded a series of videos that have gone viral with nearly 3M views combined and urged people not to follow his own sad example.
More info: TikTok (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)
The author of the video comes from an ultra-religious family and had to marry a girl despite realizing he was gay
Image credits: Carl Campbell
So, Abe comes from a religious family that belonged to an evangelical church, and from childhood he was forced to follow all the requirements of his religion. While still at school, he met a girl, became friends with her, and from there it was assumed by everyone that they would eventually get married and live happily ever after, having given birth to many children. At the same time, few people asked Abe himself about his opinion…
Image credits: comingofabe
Image credits: comingofabe
Abe once met a guy on Chatroulette and kept on talking with him
And the guy at the same time began to gradually realize that he likes men – although in a religious environment, it was quite dangerous to confess, and Abe admits that he was afraid for his health, forced to hide his preferences. As a result, he proposed to his future wife – but in the process of wedding preparations, he met a man on Chatroulette and started talking with him.
Image credits: comingofabe
The groom-to-be gradually realized that he loved that guy, yet did not find the bravery to cancel his wedding
As the TikToker himself admits, over time he realized that he loved that guy – and meanwhile the wedding was approaching. It would have been honest, of course, to tell the girl everything about his identity, to cancel the wedding – but this would mean a public coming out, which would have meant mass condemnation from all relatives and friends.
Image credits: comingofabe
In general, Abe did not find the courage to take this step – and who could blame him, especially since he was then in his early twenties. The wedding took place, and after only three weeks of marriage, everything just collapsed… The fact is that the husband kept on talking with his lover on Skype, and one fine day the wife found this out.
Image credits: comingofabe
Three weeks into marriage, Abe’s wife found out he was cheating on her
It happened while Abe was in college. One day, he saw eleven missed calls from his wife on his phone. No messages, nothing else – just missed calls. The guy immediately realized that something serious had happened and, leaving the building, just stumbled upon his own wife, in tears and completely devastated.
Image credits: comingofabe
As it turned out, Abe simply had forgotten to close the dialog box of his communication with his lover on Skype, and the wife accidentally saw it. Opening the dialogue history, she understood everything. And then Abe once more faced a dilemma – to tell her everything, which, again, probably meant a public coming out and people’s condemnation, or to compose some kind of lie.
Image credits: comingofabe
The man once more lacked bravery to come out and just told her that he made it all up
And once again, the man did not have the courage to reveal his true identity. He lied to his wife that he just made it all up, tried to calm her down here and now in order to avoid any future problems. A cowardly decision, Abe admits – but that was many years ago, and he really understands that he did the wrong thing then.
Image credits: comingofabe
Subsequent events only confirmed that he was wrong. The family life of Abe and his wife did not work out, they divorced, and only after several long conversations were they able to come to some kind of mutual understanding. The man himself eventually left the evangelical church, broke off relations with many acquaintances and left for another city, starting to live as openly gay.
Image credits: comingofabe
Abe doesn’t want other people to follow his example so he decided to tell this sad story as a warning
Now Abe is happy with his life, but he is haunted by guilt over the woman he hurt in the past with his lies, and he honestly wants to warn other people – just do not hide who you are, and do not follow his example. It’s better to be honest on the spot, no matter how bad the consequences might be. White lies are sometimes inevitable, but certainly not in such cases.
Image credits: comingofabe
Of course, Abe’s revelations caused a lively debate in the comments to his videos. Some of the commenters condemned him for lying to his ex-wife, some praised the guy for the courage with which he still came out and told this tale. Be that as it may, Abe’s intentions, his desire to prevent other people’s similar stories by telling his own, is more than noble.
If you have already made up your mind about this particular story, please feel free to leave it in the comments below this post. And if you have ever witnessed some kind of a similar case, then your own narrative might be really useful and helpful for another people.
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