Think your computer, laptop, or phone spying on you is scary? Think again because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years! HA. It’s so lame, yet so bloody brilliant. Suppose you enjoy this kind of humor; the Greatest of All Webs has blessed (or cursed) you to land on this page. Okay, let’s be honest here. It wasn’t the web or the Google algorithm. It was all you. There is no point in going to your search history and deleting it. We know it. You like geek jokes, computer puns, and all things tech. Well, buddy, so do we, so your secret is safe with us and preserved in a secure ZIP folder.
A rather niche topic, isn’t it? But it’s amusing and enjoyable nonetheless. And although some IT jokes might require more knowledge than what you were taught in computer science class, you don’t need to be Bill Gates or a tech junkie to enjoy a good collection of IT jokes. And you know what the best part is? There are ample computer jokes on the web that will crack you up with no hacking tools required.
To simplify life, we have gathered all the funny programmer jokes and puns about computers into one place for all tech-savvy peeps to enjoy. Prepare to crack a smile, brace yourself for some cringe, and enjoy all the geekiest tech jokes we have assembled below. Did any make you chuckle or facepalm? Let us know!
#1
Autocorrect can go straight to he’ll.
#2
What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.
#3
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
#4
Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888. So when someone asks for it, tell them it’s 12345678.
#5
I’ve got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He’s going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.
Edit: Apparently he’s stuck in traffic and he’s going to be here in 6 hours 54 minutes.
Edit2: He’s making better progress than thought, he will be here in 12 minutes.
Edit3: Apparently it will now take him 5 days.
#6
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.
#7
My computer said my password is insecure.
Well maybe if it wasn’t forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
#8
“Debugging is like being the detective in a crime movie where you’re also the murderer.”
#9
What do you call a computer mouse that swears a lot?
A cursor!
#10
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
#11
If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer… Oh wait, he does.
#12
My Internet stopped working for 5 minutes.
Met my parents. They’re nice people.
#13
If Apple made a car, would it have Windows?
#14
How many symbols do you need to type on a keyboard to make a heart?
Less than three.
#15
I tried to say, “I’m a functional adult,” but my phone changed it to “fictional adult,” and I feel like that’s more accurate.
#16
An Apple store near where I live got robbed.
$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
#17
There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
#18
When the person who invented the USB drive dies they’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.
#19
What chemical is released in your brain when you see something funny on the internet?
Dopameme.
#20
Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!
#21
Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they can’t C#.
#22
Saw “IT” last night…
Far less “computer networking” and so much more “murderous clowning” than anticipated.
#23
I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
#24
Do you know the keyboard shortcut to help you not have to go the bathroom when you’re working or playing PC games?
Ctrl P.
#25
Where did the software developer go?!
I don’t know, he ransomware!
#26
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
#27
Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.
#28
What does Steve Jobs like to order from McDonald’s?
A big Mac.
#29
If the Internet had a boat, where would they park it?
In Google Docs.
#30
If you think that your computer, laptop, and phone spying on you is scary then think again,
Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years.
#31
How can you tell when the NSA is monitoring your computer?
The power is on and you’re connected to the internet.
#32
I dropped my laptop on the ground, and it broke!
I guess it didn’t have much HP.
#33
I was having trouble with my internet at the farm, so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable wifi.
#34
PATIENT: Doctor, I need your help. I’m addicted to checking my Twitter!
DOCTOR: I’m so sorry, I don’t follow.
#35
“Knock, knock. Who’s there?”
very long pause…
“Java.”
#36
“When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi hotspot…
…that way people visit more often.”
#37
My internet router is in my basement.
You could say that I come from a LAN down under.
#38
Where does the USA keep its backups?
USB.
#39
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
#40
“Whoever said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results has obviously never had to reboot a computer.” — William Petersen
#41
Have you heard of that new band “1023 Megabytes”?
They’re pretty good, but they don’t have a gig just yet.
#42
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screen shots.
#43
A SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, “Can I join you?”
#44
I’d love to give the man who invented Incognito mode a cookie.
Sadly it was erased.
#45
Where are dead computer hackers buried?
In decrypt.
#46
Why was the JavaScript developer sad?
Because he didn’t Node how to Express himself.
#47
Somebody stole my new Microsoft Office last week and they are going to pay!
You have my Word!
#48
How does a computer science major pick up girls?
…whoops, I thought this was Google.
#49
Why do most programmers use a dark theme while coding?
Because light attracts bugs.
#50
My laptop is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
#51
I get anxious whenever I have to use the default Microsoft web browser.
Using Chrome helps take the Edge off.
#52
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
#53
If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
#54
There’s no place like 127.0.0.1
#55
Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
#56
What happened when the computer geeks met?
It was love at first site.
#57
What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer?
The space bar.
#58
Why doesn’t the elephant use the computer?
It was afraid of the mouse.
#59
What’s the best way to learn about computers?
Bit by bit.
#60
My boss calls me “The computer”.
Not because of my calculation skills but because I go to sleep when left unattended for 15 minutes.
#61
What’s it called when it takes you a while to find RAM for your computer?
Short-term memory loss.
#62
Why did the software developer go broke?
Because he used up all his cache.
#63
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
#64
Finding the perfect mouse for your PC sounds like a hard thing to do, but once your hand gets comfortable using a mouse, it just clicks.
#65
Why shouldn’t doctors prescribe antibiotics to cure sick computers?
Because antibiotics have no effect on viruses.
#66
If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.
The rest of them will all write Perl programs.
#67
After a life of cybercrime, how did the hacker get to heaven?
The password hadn’t been changed in 2000 years.
#68
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They told me I wasn’t putting in enough shifts.
#69
Person 1: Do you know how to use Outlook?
Person 2: As a matter of fact, I Excel at it.
Person 1: Was that a Microsoft Office pun?
Person 2: Word.
#70
What’s a computer geek’s favorite snack?
Microchips.
#71
Why couldn’t the computer take its hat off?
Because it had its CAPS LOCK on.
#72
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
#73
Why does Task Manager use the phrase “Kill the Application”?
Because they are all executable!
#74
Why does x86 have so many instructions?
Because having too few would be too RISC-y.
Image source: reddit.com
#75
Why did the functions stop calling each other?
Because they had constant arguments.
#76
Why do app developer’s have such high insurance rates?
They’re always crashing.
#77
If two video game developers date each other… Is it a Unity or Unreal?
#78
What is it called when computer programmers taunt and make fun of each other on social media?
It is called cyber boolean!
#79
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
#80
Writing a horror screenplay. It starts off with a ringing phone. The person answers, and it’s their mum saying “I have a computer question.”
#81
Why is the computer keyboard working so hard?
Because it has two shifts!
#82
What do you tell a hacker after a bad breakup?
There is plenty of phish in the sea!
#83
Did you hear about the computer that kept rebooting?
It was terminal.
#84
Why did the database administrator slice a tree stump in half?
He needed a binary log.
#85
Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?
They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.
#86
What do you get when you cross a dog and a computer?
A machine that has a bark worse than its byte.
#87
I would tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it.
#88
Why are laptops like air conditioning units? They stop working properly when you open too many windows.
#89
As for punishment, where naughty disk drives are sent?
They are always sent to a Boot camp!
#90
What’s the second movie about a database engineer called?
The SQL.
#91
I don’t understand how IT people don’t end up in hospitals frequently. They are always touching the firewalls, aren’t they?
#92
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were Prime mates.
#93
Don’t use “beef stew” as a computer password. It’s not stroganoff.
#94
What should you do after your Nintendo game ends in a tie?
Ask for a Wii-match!
#95
We’ll we’ll we’ll… if it isn’t autocorrect.
#96
Where do computers keep their money?
In a data bank.
#97
A SEO couple had twins. For the first time they were happy with duplicate content.
#98
How do you know you are using Linux?
Your computer only has 4 modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot!
#99
How does a network administrator nerd greet people who come to his house?
Welcome to 127.0.0.1
#100
How do computer programmers make extra money in the summer?
They take on part-time jobs helping campers get rid of bugs!
#101
What do you call an iPhone that isn’t kidding around?
Dead Siri-ous.
#102
Today I made my first money as a programmer.
I sold my laptop.
#103
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
#104
My mother asked if I could change the DNS server settings. I told her ICANN.
#105
What’s the first symptom of a computer is getting old?
Memory problems.
#106
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
#107
My computer suddenly started belting out “Someone Like You.” It’s a Dell.
#108
Why did the computer cross the road?
To get a byte to eat.
#109
Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its websight.
#110
Why did the computer sneeze?
It had a virus.
#111
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
A Macintosh.
#112
What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte.
#113
Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection.
#114
These two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
“Please excuse my friend,” the second string says, “He isn’t null-terminated.”
#115
How did the boy break the school computer?
His PE teacher told him to kick the ball in the net.
#116
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
#117
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-O.
#118
I have a CS joke, but it doesn’t compute.
#119
What computer language do Spanish programmers use to make jokes for people?
Ja-Ja-java script!
#120
What’s a programmer’s least favorite Pixar movie?
A Bug’s Life.
#121
How would a computer describe a small piece of cotton?
Micro soft.
#122
You can really get your parents fooled by pretending their smart phone screen or yours has been cracked. You can download images or even find online apps that will make…
#123
Why did the computer show up at work late?
It had a hard drive.
#124
What do you call a computer superhero?
A Screen Saver.
#125
What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant?
Lots of Memory.
#126
Why was the computer so angry?
Because it had a chip on its shoulder.
#127
Where do computers go to dance?
The disk-o.
#128
Why did the computer squeak?
Because someone stepped on its mouse.
#129
Why couldn’t the dinosaur play games on the computer?
Because he ate the mouse.
#130
Why can you never trust spiders?
Because they post stuff on the web.
#131
How are elephants and computers similar?
They both have large memories.
#132
Why can’t computers play tennis?
They try to surf the net.
#133
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
#134
Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.
#135
Why did the spider take a laptop to the beach?
So it could surf the web.
#136
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
“Stop it! It hertz so much!”
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