When you see a fortune cookie, it’s not the cookie you’re craving; it’s the fortune. There are plenty of baked goods out there, but how many also act as a fortune teller or pretend to be one? On the other hand, is there a better fortune teller and hidden message carrier than a tasty one? Some of these fortune cookie messages, however, are so surprising they catch people completely off-guard.
Bored Panda has compiled a list of some of the funny fortune cookie sayings found by stunned customers to prove that Confucius isn’t behind all of them. From rude insults to questionable dares, the people who had the weird luck of discovering a funny fortune cookie definitely had a hard time swallowing them. Scroll down to read the hilarious list!
#1 He Sat And Watched Me Eat Chinese Take-Out For Half An Hour. Then This Happened
Image source: Lincie
#2 Definitely The Scariest Fortune Cookie I’ve Ever Gotten
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#3 Didn’t Expect My Fortune Cookie To Be So Insightful
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#4 Best Fortune I Have Ever Got In A Fortune Cookie
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#5 Fortune Cookie
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#6 My Wife And I Received Matching Fortunes At Dinner This Evening
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#7 My Ironic Fortune Cookie
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#8 My Coworker Just Came Back From Sick Leave; He Had A Heart Attack. To Celebrate We Went For Chinese. These Were In His Fortune Cookie
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#9 Take That Big Step
#10 My Wife’s And My Fortune Cookies. Hers Is On Top
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#11 Just When I Thought I Got A Good Fortune Cookie
Image source: Vladamar
#12 Don’t Expect Much From A Cookie
#13 Well Screw You Too Fortune Cookie
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#14 My Wife And I Also Got Some Fortune Cookies
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#15 This Was In My Fortune Cookie Last Night… Should I Call Somebody Or?..
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#16 Faster Than The Bear
#17 Two Fortunes In One Cookie – Aaaaand I’m Offended
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#18 When A Fortune Cookie Finally Speaks Up
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#19 I Think This Wins The ‘Worst Fortune Cookie Of All Time’ Award
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#20 I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me
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#21 My 3 Year Old Nephew Asked Me To Read Him His Fortune
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#22 The Best Fortune Cookie Fortune Ever
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#23 What A Tease Haha
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#24 How Did The Cookie Know?
#25 This Fortune Cookie Is Too Real…
Image source: thewerdy
#26 My 9 Year Old Daughter Got This Fortune, I’m Happy For Her
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#27 My Friend’s Misprinted Fortune Is Kinda Dark
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#28 My Fortune Cookie Has Either Seen Or Done Some Sh*t
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#29 Worst Fortune Cookie Ever
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#30 My Fortune Cookie Fortune Is Strangely Distraught
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#31 Avoid Gambling, But Hey, These Numbers Are Lucky!
#32 I Spent 30 Minutes Trying To Get My Fortune Without Breaking The Bag Or Cookie
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#33 Which One Of You Bastards Works In The Fortune Cookie Business?
Image source: hawkshaw
#34 My Friend Got Rick Rolled By A Fortune Cookie
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#35 Thank You Captain Obvious
#36 Our School Fortunes Use A New Kind Of Motivation
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#37 Oops
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#38 Pretty Sure My Fortune Cookie Is Telling Me To Masturbate…
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#39 So Honest
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#40 My Fortune Cookie Sounds Like Satan Trying To Give A Motivational Speech
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#41 Unusual Predictions
#42 I Think My Fortune Cookie Just Threatened Me
Image source: lijamez
#43 My Pet Is Planning What?
#44 Good To Know
#45 The Amazingly Accurate Fortune Cookie
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#46 We Got Three Fortunes With Our Meal. I Have Now Learned All I Ever Need To Know Now In Chinese
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#47 Deep
#48 So I Heard You Liked Fortune Cookies (From Scotland)
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#49 Haha Is This A Good Fortune?
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#50 Nice Try, Fortune Cookie
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#51 Depends On The Muppet
#52 Was Looking For Wisdom And Got This… Though Very Accurate, Completely Useless…
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#53 My Dads Fortune Cookie Paper Has Misaligned Print
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#54 My Fortune Cookie Disagreed With Itself
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#55 Didn’t Expect The Same Fortune In My Second Cookie
Image source: ABucs260
#56 Hungover As Hell, I Stumbled Into A Chinese Buffet And Ate Five Plates. Then I Get This Fortune
Image source: DoctorMcTits
#57 My Friend And I Just Opened Fortune Cookies Together
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#58 Nice Try, Fortune. Still Not Gonna Try Anal
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#59 Abort, Retry, Ignore
#60 Thought I’d Be Cool And Take The Fortune Out Of The Cookie Without Breaking It
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#61 This Fortune Cookie Was Getting Really Philosophical With Me
Image source: JezuzFingerz
#62 Fortune Cookie Is Eliminating The Competition
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#63 My Fortune Cookie Was Rather Blunt
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#64 Chef Grinned After I Opened My Fortune Cookie
Image source: Wrobbler
#65 Is This Not The Creepiest Fortune Cookie You’ve Ever Seen?
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#66 I Got A Political Fortune Cookie Yesterday
Image source: Jacob_Brave
#67 This Cookie Really Sees The Future
#68 That’s Oddly Specific Fortune Cookie
Image source: Merp_Derpster
#69 Of All The Possible Fortune Messages To Get Multiple Of In A Single Cookie…
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#70 These Are Horrible Fortune Cookies
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#71 My Fortune Cookie Fortune About Being A True Patriot
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#72 Went Out For Chinese Food Last Night. How Is This Even A Fortune?
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#73 My Fortune Cookie Doesn’t Make Sense
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#74 The Most Important Word To Learn For Beginners?
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#75 Got This In My Fortune Cookie Today
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#76 I Think My Fortune Cookie Is Trolling Me
Image source: RetianFes
#77 You Don’t Say
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#78 That’s My Fortune?
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#79 I Don’t Like The Fortune Cookie My Wife Got For Our Anniversary
Image source: PinkStretchyPants
#80 Fortune Cookie
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#81 Umm… Instructions Unclear, Fortune Cookie
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#82 After Eating Delicious Chinese Food. My Fortune Cookie Decided To Be An Asshole
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#83 Maybe Next Time
#84 Moms Know Best
#85 Worst Fortune Cookie Ever
Image source: Christyx
#86 One Of The Best Fortune Cookie Fortunes I’ve Ever Gotten
Image source: gregpoulos.com
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