Alcohol and good decisions have never been best friends. Nothing shuts down spatial awareness and critical thinking faster than ten shots of tequila—which, as you can imagine, rarely ends well.
But if there’s one upside to a tipsy disaster, it’s the legendary story you’ll (hopefully) remember well enough to tell later or at least have a friend remind you.
From TikTok to Reddit, people have been spilling the worst things they’ve done while completely hammered, and the results are equal parts hilarious and mildly tragic. Scroll down to see them all, and if you’ve got a story to rival these, we want to hear it.
#1
Wrecked my car, woke up in the ICU with a tube down my throat and a thermometer up my a*s. Obviously got a pretty serious dui with a blood alcohol level of .366. The bright side? 2 days later, while I was still in the hospital, I called a treatment center and was accepted into their program. 1 year 5 months later I’m still sober.
Image source: shanep3
#2
Woke up with a matching tramp stamp with my best friend. We’re dudes.
Image source: afoz345, Gabriel Lara/Pexels
#3
Bouncer kicked us out of the club cause I looked too drunk so I did a cartwheel in my very short dress to prove I wasn’t. Flashed everyone.
Image source: Smammy🪷, MART PRODUCTION/Pexels
#4
Got drunk at my friend’s house and accidentally got into his parents’ bed w them.
Image source: courtneymason220, SHVETS production/Pexels
#5
I was at a friend’s house and i was hugging her dog for two hours while crying because dogs don’t talk. My friend had to call my then boyfriend and another friend to calm me down (her mom was laughing)
Image source: toofastforpoliz1a, Alin Luna/Pexels
#6
Drunk Me hides my things all. the. time. I wake up in the morning, head throbbing. Can’t find my keys or my wallet or my purse or my shoes.
Where’s my keys? Oh look, it totally makes sense that they’re in the freezer inside of the bag of frozen fruit. My wallet is in that bag of DVDs that I haven’t looked at since I moved into my apartment. One shoe is on the kitchen counter, the other one is tucked under a blanket by the front door. WHY do I even have a blanket by the front door?! WHO KNOWS.
Image source: thatgirlisaproblem, cottonbro studio/Pexels
#7
Most people get drunk at a bar and maybe blow some money in their wallet on drinks for their friends or girls. Maybe you buy a stranger a drink because you are feeling nice. Maybe you get real crazy and buy everyone in the bar a shot! Me? No. I BOUGHT THE BAR. Like literally. I owned a bar for about a week until the original owner decided he wanted it back and i gladly sold it back to him.
Image source: dillanf, QUI NGUYEN/Pexels
#8
Lost my keys, called a 24hr locksmith at 2am to get into my apartment, and then hooked up with the locksmith.
Image source: ann
#9
When the uber driver dropped me off I ripped my false lashes, gave them to him, and said good night and left🙂
Image source: nana banana 🍉, Nadia Dolce/Pexels
#10
Not the worst thing, but the most recent. I ordered wings last night and saved sober me some in the fridge. Sober me came downstairs this morning, opened the fridge and saw a to go box, full of bones. An investigation revealed I’d thrown away the wings and refrigerated the bones.
Image source: anon, Shourav Sheikh/Pexels
#11
Poured 2 containers of bubble bath into an inner city fountain before walking away and coming back an hour later to find it over flowing with bubbles. Then proceeded to skinny dip in said fountain.
Image source: HUNG_AS_FUCK, cottonbro studio/Pexels
#12
Walked into my neighbors LIVING ROOM (uninvited) to say hi because I noticed that their lights were still on. On a Monday night.
Image source: aurora, cottonbro studio/Pexels
#13
Climbed on someone’s roof, fell asleep. Woke up when the sun came up crying because I’m scared of heights and didn’t know how to get down 😂
Image source: Ally cee, Freepik
#14
Woke up to 20 dollars in my wallet, thought to myself “F**k yeah, I left with $60 so I only spent $40.”
Look at bank account and realize I took out $200 more throughout the night. D**n you drunk me, D**n youu!
Image source: anon, Martin Kesene/Pexels
#15
On a drunken shopping spree with my mate, I bought a sh**load women’s bras and panties – rushed home so I could try them on, and fell asleep pretty soon afterwards. Next day when my Girlfriend came to visit, I had a pretty tough time explaining I wasn’t cheating on her.
I am male.
I also had to explain why I bought these clothes. This was much harder. To this day, I still have no f*****g clue.
Image source: lucasdoesreddit, Elahe Rahimi/Pexels
#16
Lost the the keys for a car I bought the night that I bought it.
FML.
Image source: anon, Kaboompics.com/Pexels
#17
I wandered off from the club into a social club for old people that was all playing bingo, they had food out of the table so I ran in took loads in my hand starting shouting bingo numbers then ran off.
Image source: Shan 🎀, Joshua Hoehne/Unsplash
#18
Got drunk, went to a taco shop, loudly exclaimed “f**k these tacos are awesome!” and then wrote a $400 tip on the tip line of my receipt. I honestly don’t remember if I meant to actually tip 400 since the tacos were so good, or 4.00 and forgot the decimal, but I was able to get the charge reversed luckily since I was a poor college kid who didn’t even have $400 in my account. S**t a brick when I woke up to overdraft alerts on my phone though.
Image source: anon, Vinícius Caricatte/Pexels
#19
I woke up recently with an unopened btl of vodka and a perfectly preserved Big Mac in my sock drawer.
Drunk Con normally looks after sober Con lol.
Image source: anon
#20
Thought I was keying a car that belonged to a bully from high school (this we a year after highschool) but i ended up keying a car belonging to my boss at a job i worked at. He comes in raging someone keyed his car and then i saw it in the parking lot.
Image source: killkrazy, Ron Lach/Pexels
#21
I thought I was Meredith grey and kept telling everyone about med school (never been) and people started to think I had schizophrenia.
Image source: Ponies1982, cottonbro studio/Pexels
#22
Ubered myself to my ex’s house without permission and he came home from work and I was just in his bed.
Image source: lena, Andrea Piacquadio/Pexels
#23
Went to my ex’s house, took his phone left mine there, and accused him of stealing my phone.
Image source: fantastiquejaque, Alex Green/Pexels
#24
my ex called the cops on me to check on me.. they came in my room and i tried to flirt with them 😔
Image source: jae
#25
I had just passed out and I must have gotten up to go pee, but the only thing I remember is being in the attic squatting and when I stood up my foot fell through the ceiling.
The next morning I woke up with scratches and bruises all down my leg and a huge hole in the ceiling with a pee stain around it. I honestly don’t remember how I got up there.
What’s crazy about it is, you had to walk through our closet on the other side of the room and climb a flight of stairs to get to the attic. The bathroom was 4 feet away from where I was sleeping.
Image source: wydidk, cottonbro studio/Pexels
#26
I thought my Xbox broke cause it wasn’t ejecting the disk, and drunk me thinks he’s a technical genius, so he tried to fix it.
Sober me found my Xbox in pieces the next morning, and spent $60 to get it repaired. Oh, and there was never even a disk stuck in it.
Image source: IccyOrange, muxin alkayis/Unsplash
#27
I had an interview for a job I thought was cool and it was really close, I’m talking walking distance. I had a bad day the day prior so I decided to drink A LOT. I got the most drunk I’ve ever been and decided to go for a walk and some fried chicken. I sit down at a random company’s outside lunch area (I live near an industrial kind of place. Lot of companies and no houses) and just talked to myself and ate the chicken until a security guard kicked me out. Fast forward tomorrow, to my horror, my gps takes me to the same exact place and the security guard on duty is the same guy. I didn’t get a call back from them.
Image source: stingraymenace, cottonbro studio/Pexels
#28
My friend and I were at a party where the host happened to have stick n poke tattoo stuff. We couldn’t come up with a best friend design to get, so we decided to not get tattoos. A little while (and more tequila) later, I see my friend on the couch getting Nicolas Cage’s initials on his hip. There was no way I was getting that, but I did get a small triangle on my arm in solidarity. Reason I got a triangle? I wanted to connect my freckles. Luckily sober me wasn’t mad and I still laugh about it 5 years later.
Image source: jadecourt, Pavel Danilyuk/Pexels
#29
Got so incredibly drunk I ended up knocking over a row of motorbikes (more specifically, scooters; The ones they have all over Asia). Not my proudest moment. Attempted to make a get away, and while in my head I thought I’d got away scot free, I only crawled roughly 4 meters from the scene of the crime, and attempted to hide behind a bush that was much, much smaller than I was. Needless to say, got punched, and had to fork over some cash.
Image source: KingKongsBong, Jimmy Liao/Pexels
#30
When I was in college my ex girlfriend and I were really drunk at a house party at the campus house of a few guys I knew and ended up writing on the walls with permanent marker.
I found out the next day from a mutual friend what we had done and immediately went over, apologized, and promised to come back later to get it all off.
I bought a bunch of cleaners and spent a few hours getting every thing off their walls, even if I didn’t do it, because I felt so bad.
Image source: -eDgAR-
#31
YEA! Finally! Anyway. I was drinking with my cousin and we had way to much I can’t remember anything but I woke up in a Buddhist temple in robes none of my normal clothes any were to be found. Apparently they found me walking the streets naked with a rose trying to chat up a car… My cousin woke up 150km away at his parents house in his swag with a sun flower and a post from a white picket fence… Good times
Edit: still have no idea where the sunflower or picket fence came from but I did find my phone! It was at the bar where we started :/.
Image source: Nexus333, Mehmet Turgut Kirkgoz/Pexels
#32
Jumped out of a moving car because I was being forced to go home.
Image source: sandra, Sehjad Khoja/Pexels
#33
I found a tire in the parking lot of my apartment complex, I carried it to my neighbors door, knocked, and rolled it in when they opened the door and ran.
Image source: gibs, Raúl Gómez/Pexels
#34
Unironically decided to speak in a posh British accent for the rest of the night, stayed out until 8am, got home and threw up in my washing basket 🥲
Image source: lucas
#35
Cried so hard, about a guy I had just met that night in nashville, that the cab driver let us go for free🤭
Image source: Shannon
#36
Climbed onto the roof of a random person’s garage cause they were having a house party and I thought if they saw me on the roof they might invite me in 💀
Image source: Soph ⎕
#37
I used to have a bar of dove soap that I kept in a drawer, and I would take a bite out of it every time I got drunk, and then forget about it the next day (until the next time I drank) 😭
Image source: mads is confused, Sephina Cornwall/Pexels
#38
My drunk friend called my teacher who lives next door to invite him to hang out with us. His wife picked up and wasn’t very happy about it.
Image source: Pea Peuška Jancová
#39
Heard a random person playing loud music at 4am and asked if i could join them…went into the flat and just hung out with a stranger.
Image source: flo
#40
Got in a legit fight with a good friend. Like punches thrown after he dragged me out of the car for messing with him too much. He was hammered too.
All things good now, this was years ago in college. He had me in his wedding and I’m heading over to his house tonight to cut up a tree that fell in his backyard due to a storm last night. Gotta have the place looking nice for our July 4th party next week!
**EDIT:** Just to add, neither one of us were driving. I was in the trunk of a 4 runner and he was in the passenger side back seat. We dropped him off at his place and he dragged me out of the trunk. We got into it and after it was over, he was walking in to his apt and I was told I was yelling horrible things at him as he walked in. This was at like 3 in the morning.
Image source: Experimentzz
#41
Last time I went out drinking by myself I lost my wallet, my glasses and me eCig.
The time before that that I went out drinking by myself, I lost my phone and my hat.
A couple of years ago, I sent a message to the hot woman at work about how much I liked me.
Image source: TomasNavarro
#42
Invited a sibling I cut ties with to my house, for a family thing with other siblings. I did not want them to come and am honestly fine with never seeing them again. Stupid drunk me thought I should give them a chance. Fool.
Image source: stopstealingmyname
#43
Stuck me with an expensive hotel bill and taxi ride.
I was on a trip to Kandas City with one group of friends and had been drinking all day when I ran into a guy and his wife that I also am friends with. They were going to go to the downtown part district where their hotel was and my other group of friends was just wanting to go back to the hotel in another part of the city. I decided to continue drinking and everyone agreed that we would meet up at the baseball game the next day so I could ride back home with the people I came down with.
The problem was I kept drinking and ended up walking off by myself and lost track of where the husband and wife were. I stumbled around the streets looking for their hotel and thought I had found it (a Marriott) but actually was at an Embassy Suites. I was hanging out in the lobby when I was finally told that I needed to get a room or leave. I got a room and woke up at about 11:30 the next morning to a horrible hangover and huge bill.
Keep in mind that this was before cellphones, so I couldn’t just call or text everyone. I tried calling both hotels where I knew my friends were staying, but they had already checked out because of the time. I had to call a cab to take me to the baseball stadium, while trying not to dry heave the entire time.
Some guy outside the stadium took pity on me and gave me a ticket to the game, but I had no idea where any of my friends were sitting. I was just trying to figure out how to make contact with someone when I heard my name from behind me. Turns out the original group of friends I came down with had bought tickets that day that ended up being a few rows behind the free one I was given.
Disaster was avoided, but I think i saw about 2 of the 15 runs that were scored in the game because i spent most of it dry heaving in the bathroom.
Image source: man_mayo
#44
Ate a fruit salad consisting of red and purple berries. I then got so drunk that I couldn’t make it to the bathroom, so I leaned over the edge of my bed and puked up pink vomit on my white carpet. I was also too drunk to clean it up, so I put a towel on top and left it for Sober Me to clean. Sober Me also woke up to a black eye, which I apparently gave myself by hitting my face on the side table while puking.
Image source: paddyspubofficial
#45
I put a glass half full of vodka next to the bathroom sink and forgot about it. The next morning, while hungover, I thought it was water and took a swig. I promptly started vomiting all over my bathroom.
Image source: chunkyasian
#46
Called a friend and said some really nasty kinky stuff to her. I don’t remember what but our relationship changed after that call. That friend even kissed me on the neck the next day. She never told me exactly what I told her.
Image source: anon
#47
Got so drunk freshman year I puked in my residence hall and had to ride in an ambulance to the nearby hospital (after already throwing up all the alcohol before getting in it) – Sober Me was not happy with Drunk Me after seeing all the hospital bills for literally just sitting there at 3am.
Image source: IncorgnitoPorg
#48
Oh god… I have plenty. Two Comes to mind specifically.
1. Going through a terrible breakup with my now ex of 7 years. My best friend invites me over to his house to play cards with some other pals. I get obliterated drunk, lose a couple hundred dollars, and swear they took advantage of me. I then went to his kitchen opened his fridge and pissed all over his vegetables. He took me to a local store rolled all the windows and turned on my ac and left me in the parking lot. I deserved it. We are still best friends.
2. Leaving my friends house blackout drunk, ran over a horse shoe stake in yard for playing horse shoes. It was a 10 minute drive from my house to his on back roads. I was unaware of the hole in my tire. Was driving with a terrible shaking in my truck. Was thinking “man i gotta get this transmission looked at”. There was cd’s falling down from my visor terribly bad vibration. I made it home, wake up the next morning and there is no tire on my rim. WTF.
Image source: anon
#49
Very loudly announced to everyone at the kebab place that i was gonna pay for my friend’s €9 meal and then my card declined.
Image source: nouk
#50
Locked myself in a bathroom drunk instagram DMd an old situationship telling him it was going to be us in the end and he responded saying “no it won’t be” and blocked me.
Image source: liv
#51
I thought my cousin Mary (don’t know anyone called marY) was stuck in the wall and proceeded to pull off the plaster of the bathroom wall in my uni hall for an hour😍😍
Image source: moniqueee
#52
decided to chase a pigeon in heels still waiting for the bus home and fell flat on my face, it was 8am it was daylight people were out doing their morning food shopping 😭😭
Image source: courts🫶🏼🤍
#53
I started just walking up and down the street at 11pm ish and saw a pigeon and shushed my friends so that it could walk past.. 😭
Image source: Iz<3
#54
I couldn’t see the moon in the sky and starting crying and telling everyone the gru stole the moon.
Image source: obee
#55
At my Bach party it was last disco themed and someone asked what that meant and I told him I was dying and it was my last day on earth 🧍♂️🧍♂️
Image source: Emma
#56
Got drunk on an island, lost my phone in the middle of the island, passed out in my camp chair woke up and realised the tide came up, was knees deep in the water. 😃
Image source: em
#57
I was at a friends birthday party and they wanted to put me in the car to sober up a little and i started screaming so loud “help me i’m being kidnapped”😭
Image source: zara ;)
#58
Throwing up into my crush’s mouth while we were making out. That was the first and only time he brought me for a drink.
Image source: islamabell
#59
I came home super wasted and my roommate saw me laugh and say this a*****e will never find this as I threw my wallet against the wall making it fall behind the couch.
Image source: meta_uprising
#60
I drunk-texted my ex-girlfriend after getting extremely p**s-drunk off brandy and iced tea. It led to us getting back together and a very bad, a*****e relationship that followed.
Image source: SolidVirginal
#61
Underage drinking: at aged 16 i got drunk and scared my parents would catch me so i locked myself in the bathroom, evidently vomited **everywhere** and promptly fell asleep in my own vomit.
I woke up at around 6:00am, saw the absolute mess i had created and proceed to clean up whilst still drunk.
An hour later i was pretty happy with my cleaning and decided to go to bed, upon waking up a few hours later my mum said to me “so you vomited all over the bathroom?!?”
Turns out i barely cleaned before passing out again.
Image source: LasagneLifestyle
#62
Probably the worst thing was losing my entire wallet including my driver’s license and military ID in college, when I was an out of state student. I had to get my passport mailed to me so I could fly home for Thanksgiving break 700 miles away and get a new driver’s license at the DMV. In today’s world getting new debit/credit cards is so easy but losing all of your identification is a b***h.
Image source: uptonhere
#63
Signed up for one of those record clubs that keep sending you CDs and charging you for them when you didn’t order them.
Image source: TheLightningCount1
#64
Drove a car.
I came out of the darkness after I hopped a curb and hit a tree going 45. My airbag didn’t go off but I was wearing a seatbelt. If I wasn’t wearing it I’m sure I’d be dead. I feel lucky every day because that easily could have been a car with a family in it. I should be in jail.
In short, there’s never a good reason to drive drunk. Take a cab, have a DD (a real designated driver not a designated drunk driver), or walk. One night of fun isn’t worth killing other people or yourself. You could end up regretting it for the rest of your life.
Image source: anon
#65
I was smashed one night in Cancun and walking back to my room on the floor of the hotel where I was staying. The windows were completely open, without glass, and I noticed there was a narrow ledge, let’s say a foot wide, between two of the windows.
They were about 50 feet apart, with an obtuse angle on the route between them. I thought, “I bet I could walk that ledge.” So I did.
It was a four- or five-story drop, and if I’d slipped at all–and again, I was three sheets to the wind that night–I would almost certainly have just died.
I still shudder to think about it.
Image source: senatorskeletor
#66
Screamed across the bar at a 50 yr old man calling him an outfit repeater bc I had seen him the weekend before in the same outfit.
Image source: Emily, MART PRODUCTION/Pexels
#67
I once got drunk when I was super into binging vampire diaries and was at a bar in the bathroom telling my friend my humanity was off.
Image source: Tessa
#68
Went speed dating and fell off the bench onto the floor in the first half and all the men ran to help me up.
Image source: Kayleigh Gregory
#69
got into a taxi and i forgot where i lived ( 1 hour + drive , and the distance from the club to my house is 4 miles ) remembered where i live, went inside to get money and fell asleep in the couch.
Image source: Karim Ha
#70
I’m just getting flashbacks of when I was pressed up against the glass in the kebab store exchanging what could only be described as souls.
Image source: Sayitomyfaith
#71
Got my heel caught in a drain and tried to casually walk off and took the drain cover with me and continued to walk 😂
Image source: Sammi
#72
I once got drunk at hibachi restaurant and tripped on my way to the bathroom and fell through their wall.
Image source: Emily🤍
#73
I was fighting w my bf, he dropped me off his place n drove off. i walked into the wrong aprtmnt n used the washroom thinking his aprtmnt got renovated. luckily no one was home when i just walked in.
Image source: 𝕭🦋
#74
Completely ripped my bathroom door out the wall Frame, hinges, and trim included. I was just trying to open it😔
Image source: Apocalyssa
#75
I was staying at that big convention center by the Grand Ole Opry about 7 years ago for a business trip. I was struggling to find my room after a long night of drinking (if you’ve ever been there, you know that place is friggin huge). I had a turtle head poking out and I couldn’t take it anymore. I took the fastest dump of my life in a hallway garbage can and ran away. I still feel kind of bad for whoever had to find that, but it also makes me giggle a bit too.
Image source: JohannReddit
#76
A tie between:
a) Lying down on a road to prove to a friend that we didn’t have to wait for the little green man to let us cross. Got busted by the cops. Didn’t fine me though.
b) Openly engaging in under-age drinking in front of a police officer at the races.
Image source: BlackCaaaaat
#77
I have since addressed my deviant ways.
One of my tendencies when drinking is to take off shoes and functionally act as though I am home alone-no shame with nudity, privacy etc. Naturally, this only amplifies my innate desire to pee wherever I want around the house that works. Once, I even laid down on a roof and peed while supine.
The second drunkest I’ve ever been was at my relative’s apartment party. I wasted little time crawling out of my sleeping bag at 3am, pushing aside the curtain, and relieving myself in the shower. It wasn’t until the next morning that my brother told me I stumbled into his closet, owed my way through his clothes into the corner, and had a glorious pee. According to him, my only response was, ‘Everything’s cool man.’ Then he showed me the toilet.
Image source: course_correction
#78
Threw cold pizza at server and got arrested.
Image source: SVS
#79
I’ve sent some mean messages to friends about various things. Sober me lost some friends.
Image source: Gas_Ass_Trophy
#80
I got too drunk one day and pissed all over the place in the bathroom. Im talking about on the ceiling and places that took me days to find.
Image source: useacoster
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