Perhaps the most terrible thing in a relationship – excluding, of course, the most extreme, cruel situations – is when complete indifference sets in. When people who once swore eternal love before God now simply perceive their partner as just another random guy that’s around…
Unfortunately, this happens literally all the time. So here’s a story for you: the narrator, faced with obvious alienation from her husband, began to plan for her own financial and family independence. Okay, let’s just cut to the chase here.
More info: Reddit
Many people, alas, prefer to have double standards in family life, expecting their spouses to be involved way more than they themselves are
Image credits: pressfoto / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The author of the post is married with kids, and she says that her husband usually doesn’t lift a finger around the home or family
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
The woman even threatened a divorce, and the guy admitted he was wrong, but in a few months, he returned to his “default settings”
Image credits: namii9 / Magnific (not the actual photo)
So the woman started making plans to have financial stability for her and the kids after leaving him in the future
Image credits: helljumper1123
The only thing that was on her mind was whether she was acting “mean” towards her husband
The Original poster (OP) says she’s 27 years old, her husband is a year older, and during their 6 years of marriage, she’s suffered greatly from his ambivalent attitude toward family matters. On the one hand, he never lifted a finger around the house, but on the other hand, he always tried to have the final say in family decisions.
The woman was about to leave him, but the problem was that they had kids, and the eldest was diagnosed with autism, so she also shouldered the brunt of the childcare burden. Then, a couple of years ago, the couple had a serious talk. The woman voiced her concerns, and her spouse admitted he needed to be more involved in family matters.
He lasted a couple of months, after which everything returned “to default.” And so, our heroine gradually began making plans behind his back to organize her single life for the future. She began studying in a professional field, with the goal of eventually getting a decent job and, after some time, filing for divorce. Just to handle everything on her own.
From this perspective, it was even better for the woman that her husband had recently switched careers. Now he’s away from home for 5 days at a time, only coming home on weekends. Previously, this would’ve been a problem for the woman. Now, she’s just glad her husband knows less about her plans. The only thing that torments her internally is the doubt: is she being mean to her husband?
Image credits: Drazen Zigic / Magnific (not the actual photo)
“Even if the threat of divorce only had a short-lived effect on this woman’s husband, just a few months, then her plans to leave him don’t seem mean, but rather rational,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist with whom Bored Panda contacted for a comment here. “And it’s entirely reasonable that she wants to provide for herself and her children for the future.”
Here, the expert apparently sees a kind of double standard on the husband’s part. On the one hand, he wants to always be the head of the family, making decisions and controlling all processes; on the other, he wants to always be able to distance himself from everyday life. But that shouldn’t be the case, and it seems far more mean toward his wife.
“In any case, I do hope this woman will be able to find ways to provide a decent life for herself and her children even after separating from her husband. Especially considering that her eldest child requires special care, and her father, as far as I can tell from her words, is unwilling to help with this anyway,” Irina Matveeva summarizes.
People in the comments almost unanimously sided with the original poster, assuring her that she’s definitely not doing anything mean to this man. Everyone wished her the best of luck, noting that caring for herself and her kids should be her priority right now. So what do you, our dear readers, think about this case? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.
Most commenters just praised the woman for having such decisive plans, and wished her and her kids only luck
Follow Us
