Ugly Betty 3.19 “The Sex Issue”

Guest starring are Sarah Lafleur as Molly, Daniel Eric Gold as Matt, Ralph Macchio as Archie, Lawrence Saint-Victor as James and Heidi Marnhout as Felissa.

Whooooo… an episode about sex? Read on for an Ugly Betty recap of last Thursday’s episode.

The show opens with Matt and Betty having a serious discussion… about pizza. They bet a dollar and when Betty holds her hand out for her payout, Matt puts a surprise box in it. It has a hairclip and Betty is charmed that he was thinking of her. It’s their one monthaversary! They go in to kiss each other and Ignacio beans them both with the door. Apparently Ignacio is a D/B shipper too. Ha. Archie walks Hilda all the way inside and after an awkward kind of kiss with him and Hilda…. Ignacio beans them with the kitchen door too! Hilda doesn’t like him like him yet.

The scene switches to Wilhelmina who hears Connor singing ‘You are my Sunshine’to the baby. She dashes through her apartment to find him holding the little tyke…only of course it’s a dream. Looks like poor Willie is having trouble sleeping.

Daniel is trying to fire everyone up for the Sex issue. It’s MODE’s first ever and we all know how important it is that they do well. Wilhelmina is nodding off, and yawning in the meeting. She sheepishly confesses to having, ‘a late night.’Betty has a great idea to get the word out on MODE’s upcoming issue, and the meeting breaks up on a high note. Later, Marc comes in and catches Wilhelmina sleeping…. With her eyes open! ACK! (I don’t know about you, but that can really creep me out.) She hasn’t slept in weeks, and while Marc is straightening up her desk he sees the picture of … yep. Connor. Looks like Willie’s secret is out of the bag. He agrees to hire her a night nanny.

Betty is wearing her new hairclip, and while walking back from the meeting, Amanda asks her why in the heck she and Matt haven’t slept together yet. Amanda walks off, Betty touches the clip and kind of smiles. In the next scene Hilda and Betty are walking, and Betty tells her sister that she’s kind of hoping that… ‘Tonight will be the night.’Hmm. Hilda is hilarious. She advises that sometimes, guys need a little push.

Justin and Ignacio are going on a camping trip. Poor Ignacio tries to find out if anyone is going to be around for a very early breakfast in the morning. Hilda says that she should be- Archie will have her deposited to her door and in bed by 9. Betty hems and haws for a bit about where she’ll be until Hilda finally bursts out with the fact that she’ll be spending the night… with her boyfriend. Even Justin figured it out before Ignacio- Betty is wearing lip gloss.

Molly wants to do a poetry slam, and Daniel encourages her to go for it. Daniel confesses that in high school he had a rather scarring experience- Daniel played guitar and was laughed off the stage during the Battle of the Bands. Ha. Daniel with 80’s hair. I would have paid to see that. Awww she and Daniel look so cute together.

After their date Matt kisses Betty and says that he should find her a cab. Betty suggests that she come upstairs instead. Matt pretty much shoves her in a cab and waves good bye. Just in case the audience missed it- the cabbie even weighs in with a comment about how Matt couldn’t wait to get rid of her. Darn it Matt- I was just starting to like you. A bit. A smidge.

Betty and Hilda are talking together after their dates. Archie calls to check up on Hilda and she complains that he’s too nice. Betty basically tells her to stuff it- that if she doesn’t like the fact that Archie is so thoughtful then she should break up with him. Snap! Hilda thinks she may be right. Hilda doesn’t do the “nice guy thing”. She asks Betty what is wrong, and suggests that Betty is perhaps being a little bit too subtle.

Amanda offers to “personally show her some no-fail sexy moves.” She says that it will be great for their article. Betty agrees, and Amanda’s victory dance is interrupted by an employee-wide text by Daniel who wants to drum up an audience for Molly’s Poetry Slam. Betty was, naturally, a whiz at poetry and she offers to read Molly’s poem. It’s called “Softly Caressing Waves” Betty is surprised at some of the imagery in the poem- and explains to a charmingly clueless Daniel that it’s about her and Daniel being intimate together. Uh-oh. Daniel thought it was about an ocean. He snatches it back from Betty and rereads it, somewhat horrified.

Betty shows up for “just us girls” Operation Betty Sexfication. Matt is going to be there in two hours, and what follows is a completely hilarious montage of Amanda and Marc trying to remake Betty over for her date. Normally I wouldn’t say this, but if you can catch this scene you really should. Seriously. I laughed so hard I almost fell off my couch. Amanda and Marc being “sexy” and Betty’s reactions are hysterical.

Wilhelmina wakes up her dark bedroom hearing strange growling noises. She goes out with a bat to meet the intruder and finds out that it’s a completely hot male night nanny that Marc hired. Hmmm. After watching has he bends over the crib, Willie gives him a look that suggests that changing diapers won’t be his only nighttime duty.

Hilda and Archie are having dinner together. Hilda is bored and getting ready to break up with him, when lo and behold an old girlfriend of Archie’s shows up and joins them for dinner. Hilda is suddenly the one holding hands and smiling at Archie and it looks like the breaking up isn’t happening….

Daniel and Molly are together. Daniel offers to give her an editorial, professional opinion of the poem. Looks like Daniel is a little embarrassed at the softness of the poem, and isn’t comfortable with it being read in front of everyone he is going to be working with. Molly offers to just read something else.

Matt arrives at Betty’s old apartment and the scene is set. Candles, music, huge purple feather… and Betty dressed to kill in a cleavage-baring dress. She tries her very best, flipping her hair, winking, suggestive comments, and boldly sitting on his lap and kissing Matt. He is obviously uncomfortable and seems nervous. Matt jumps up and practically runs out of the door, saying a pithy “It’s not you… it’s me…” as he leaves. Betty is left standing there, rejected and crushed.

The night was a little more… entergetic for Hilda and Archie. He thought she was going to break up with him, and asks Hilda what made her change her mind. Archie is hurt that she wasn’t going to even give him a chance until she saw that another woman was into him. He leaves, telling Hilda “Thanks for a memorable night.” Hilda is confused as she watches him leave, having no idea what the heck just happened.

Wilhelmina is irked that Marc hired this beautiful person as a “qualified Nanny” and Marc causally mentions that since he keeps Willie’s appointments, he noticed that she hadn’t gone for a “car wash” since before Connor, and that the Manny might help with erm…. her “car.” (??lol!) Hilda decides that James (the Manny) can stay…. for now.

Amanda and Marc are surprised that their fail-safe moves didn’t work for Betty, and they quickly decide that he’s either gay, a virgin, or a woman. They goad her into going to talk to him, after she buys them lunch of course, and tag along behind Betty as she confronts him. Aparently, Matt isn’t working through lunch as he told Betty, and Marc suggests that she follow him. Another montage this time that leaves the three behind some mail boxes. Matt meets and greets, a beautiful… blond woman. Shock! Gasp! While the audience is lining up to lynch Matt for cheating on Betty it turns out that Matt is seeing the blond woman… his therapist. Matt has.. (dun dun duuuuuh) a sex addiction.

Betty tells Daniel that she feels strange about the fact that she is dating a guy who has been with hundreds of women. Hello, irony. She tells Daniel that the car will be ready for him to go to the poetry club, then calls him an ass for being such a wimp about the letting Molly read her poem. She says that Molly is sick, and she’s brave enough to write a poem about how much she loves Daniel… so Daniel should be brave enough to hear it.

Hilda and Betty talk about their respective evenings, and Betty confesses that she’snot sure about Matt now… she feels like one of hundreds, and not very special. They are interrupted by the doorbell, and it’s Felissa… Archie’s ex! Bring on the cat fight! Alyssa starts destroying Hilda’s shop and Archie walks in on them.

Willie manages to set her own scene set for romance… starting a fire, sexy nightgown and seductive walk. She eveng get’s James’ shirt off of him, offering to do a load of laundry.When she comes back, James is singing the same song to William that Connor used to sing… “You Are My Sunshine.” Uh-oh. She starts to cry! James is horrified, wondering if she’s okay. He comforts her, and she says that she just needs to have sex. James disagrees, and suggests that she get some closure with Connor so she can focus on her baby. Wilhelmina then kicks him out since they won’t be having sex. (haha.)

Betty and Matt are sitting in the poetry club and Betty sees Matt waving at a girl across the room. Daniel tells Molly that he loves her poem and would be honored if she read it. After the waitress whispers something in Matt’s ear, Betty starts to see numbers on everyone- imagining that he’s slept with all the beautiful women there.She rushes off to go say goodbye to Daniel.

Archie gets rid of Whatshername, and they talk things out. Turns out that Archie looooves having two women going at it over him.Turns out he’s not always such a “nice guy.”

Betty and Matt are walking outside, and she tells him the truth. She’s freaked and doesn’t feel special- she feels like just another number. Matt tells her that she’s the first girl that he feels a connection to. He wants her to come home with him. Turns out, they’re both nervous.

Molly comes out of the shower and sees a picture of teenage Daniel (my new desktop wallpaper, thank you ABC.) She giggles and hears the strumming of a guitar. Looks like Daniel has gotten in touch with his inner Rock Star. He sings her a song and we see Molly completely in love with him, Willie finally sleeping with baby WIlliam besides her, Hilda and Archie sharing some popcorn and a couch, and Betty goes up to Matt’s apartment.

The episode ends with the Sex issue completely bombing. If it doesn’t sell, then they don’t make money. Wilhelmina and Daniel are desperate. He shows Betty a file entitled, “Personnel Downsize Plan.” Uh-oh…..