Change is scary. Our brains want to be certain about things or else they start making us anxious, overthinking about all of the various possibilities, especially right when you need to get a good night’s sleep. This change is especially scary when it’s related to your identity.
Trans Redditors sat down to discuss some of the things that changed and surprised them after transitioning to their gender. Here are some of the most interesting examples of the “culture shock” people experienced after their transition.
More info: Reddit
#1
I’m a game developer and probably know more about video games than most people. As a guy if I said I was a fan of this or that series it would basically be taken uncritically. Now, as a woman, in groups of mostly men when I say “I really like Metal Gear Solid” there’s a weirdly high incidence of dudes feeling the need to quiz me to prove that I’m a “real” fan.
I mean catcalls and generally not being as safe in public also sucks, but we all knew about that stuff. The weird part was just not being taken seriously anymore on stuff I’m actually quite knowledgeable on.
Edit: The handful of replies to this doubting these experiences are a case study in irony. Way to prove the point.
Image source: brainwarts, Julia Volk
#2
The lack of pockets.
Image source: bilvester, kelly
#3
As a man I could babble on about any number of b******t topics and people would listen intently. Now I’m surprised if I can even get a sentence in before I’m getting talked over.
Image source: zoey_will, Andrea Piacquadio
#4
I heard from a trans man that after he grew a beard he kept getting nods from other bearded men
Image source: GaloisGroupie3474, Sarmad Mughal
#5
The amount of women in my family, my female friends, and even female acquaintances now confiding every single deep dark detail of their life in me, or just openly talking about their every bodily function.
I became “One of the girls” way before I was comfortable with it.
Image source: anon, Mental Health America (MHA)
#6
Girls are so nice to each other, it’s seems so strange that a random woman in the metro might just compliment me on my clothes, just like that.
Also, women’s bathroom are dirty!
Image source: 3nderslime, Zen Chung
#7
Holy F**k some men are creepy. I know it’s definitely not all men… or even most of them. But some of the stuff they say to women, do to women, casual misogyny. It’s not just a rare thing. It’s an everyday thing.
The guy clearly trying to get a picture up my dress, the guy groping me in a crowded bar, the guys at the table next to me very casually talking about what sexual stuff they’d do to me, delivery drivers texting and hitting on me.
Image source: anon, Anastasiya Lobanovskaya
#8
One of my close friends (mtf) was shocked when she started taking hormones because she was suddenly getting hangry all the time. She said something like, “I thought I knew what hangry meant, but this is a whole other level. I’ve started carrying snacks in my purse and I am so sorry to all the ladies in my life if I didn’t take you seriously enough when you said you needed to eat. I get it now, it’s way more intense than I ever experienced before hormones.”
Image source: SnuzieQ, Daniel Frese
#9
male here. suddenly no one gives a s**t about me, i feel totally anonymous. no one makes any comments about me or double takes or smiles or anything. I’ll get a nod but that’s it.
Image source: Bonesaucer, ROMAN ODINTSOV
#10
Cis dudes do NOT have platonic intimacy. The only time you guys ever really express genuine emotions with your friends is during sports and during shares traumatic experiences (I’m thinking military and first responders here). You guys are so emotionally starved. Talk about your feelings with your friends. Tell them that color looks good on them. Tell them you’ve been lonely ever since you moved to the new city. Tell them you’re stressed about your sick cat and it’s keeping you up at night. Tell them you miss your ex girlfriend’s cooking and microwave hot dogs every other day is making you depressed.
And THEN, when your friend tells you he misses his ex’s cooking, come over and cook some chili with him (WITH him. He’s gotta learn to cook) and bring beer and listen to him cry about his ex and give him a hug (he’s probably so touch starved). You’ll both feel better after
Also unrelated but WHAT is with always giving each other a hard time? I feel like every conversation with a cis dude is a little bit of a competition and I don’t get it
Image source: Styro20
#11
I’m a scientist, and now that people see me as a woman they are a lot more dismissive of my appeals to ethos. I anticipated this, because I saw my colleagues deal with mild misogyny on a daily basis, but it still hits different when you’re the target
Image source: TransFormAndFunction
#12
Although I am from Korea, I have spent a few years studying abroad in the US.
Friends of the same sex are frequently affectionate and intimate with one another at home. When I was among my pals, we were often embracing, holding hands, wrapping our arms around one another, etc. Even platonically, touch is just the universal language of love.
Moving to the US was a major culture shock for a variety of reasons, but that one was almost the biggest. When I initially arrived here, I was already terribly lonesome.And even when I did make friends, it seemed so superficial to me because there is nothing here that I am used to doing to express friendship and care. Even with the closest American friends I have known for a while, I still feel quite cut off from them. It makes me sad because I am unable to express the affection I have for my pals.
In the two years I’ve known him, I think I’ve embraced my best friend from America about twice. And we were both drunk the two times. I find it hurtful that loving people is so disparaged and viewed as strange.
Image source: MountainHeat65, Pixabay
#13
Human nature seems to be to complain. I knew the bad s**t that women go through but I was caught off guard by a lot of the good. A lot of women seem to just instinctively trust each other, which I was not used to.
Part of this is just that I was lucky to be surrounded by great people, but I was accepted as “just one of the girls” really fast. I came out before my Senior year and on my first day back to school I literally had someone who I had just met ask me for a painkiller because she was on her period.
Image source: Digimaniac123, Wendy Wei
#14
Two things:
I am a mostly passable 42 year old mtf on HRT for 2 years. In the 40 years I spent as a man, never once did anyone ever call me aggressive, hot headed, or rude in a professional setting. It’s happened 3 times this year alone. I also get interrupted far more frequently.
The second one is specifically regarding the Northeast: my work has me traveling from NYC to Maine and everywhere in between. Most people I run into don’t give a s**t that I’m trans. I can probably count on 1 hand any real transphobic comments I’ve received.
I never adjusted my voice after transitioning, so my voice does tend to cause confusion, and yet, rarely an issue. For this reason alone I can’t see myself ever leaving the northeastern US for warmer climates.
Image source: missvicky1025, Pille Kirsi
#15
As a “passing” almost fully transitioned male, ive been told to suck up my mental problems A LOT more (and by that i mean even more then a lot) then when i looked like a female
Edit: i get a lot of responses saying that i better get used to it and things like that; i am used to it its just very noticable
Image source: ash_he_him, Lukas Rychvalsky
#16
People telling me what I should be wearing. Like I was at work one time in a super market a customer was like. “So when are you going to start wearing a dress.” “I worked on the freezer aisle so … never? There are literally other women here right now, none of them are wearing a dress?”
Honestly the biggest surprise for me when I came out to all my friends. They were round for RPG night and I told them. They were all like “OK cool” apart from one who yelled “CALLED IT!” I had it in my head that there was going to be this hugely negative experience. That bit happened when I told my family. But you know what they say. You don’t get to choose who you are related too.
Image source: Artsygem87
#17
Maybe a less common experience but I’ve been told I have oodles of “internalized misogyny”. I’m a gay trans man so because I transitioned and I’m attracted to men, I apparently hate women. I didn’t expect people to assume that I’m being sexist for existing as myself.
Image source: mushturtles, Anete Lusina
#18
Getting compliments from other girls.
Image source: jettsd, Sebastian Arie Voortman
#19
FTM- people started listening to my opinions and taking my suggestions more often, and I get treated with more respect and talked to like an adult instead of like a little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing. Yet, my knowledge and abilities haven’t changed, it’s just that I present male now. Guess that’s male privilege.
Also, how little guys care about what people around them do. Never gotten even a side glance for going into a stall to pee, never had a man in the bathroom look at me like I don’t belong there, and my guy friends treat me like one of the bros no matter how feminine I look that day.
Image source: GeminiIsMissing, Andrea Piacquadio
#20
I transitioned really young (early teens). Even then I recognised the dynamic of adults treating me like a trouble maker when I was a boy, to almost going out of their way to protect me as a girl. For example teachers at school treating me like a nuisance to teachers in highschool really helping me with school work and my career aspirations.
Image source: indianabonana, 周 康
#21
i’m a trans dude and people actually find me funny now. it’s fantastic for me but sad to think about the root cause of that because my sense of humour hasn’t changed.
also, i’m still figuring out the handshake thing dudes do to greet each other. like are we gonna fist bump, are we gonna go for the clasp and hug, are we gonna just go for the business standard? there’s gotta be some rule for it but i am still mystified by it and f**k it up every time
Image source: kasimirthered, Craig McKay
#22
Female friendships are weird af
Guy friendships were just straight up bullying
eachother consensually they were so much easier
Image source: anon, Rachel Claire
#23
Woman here.
One of the first days I started presenting female I got hit on by an Uber driver.
That was kind of an awakening for me…
Image source: Mord42, Oleksandr Pidvalnyi
#24
The difference between being friends with people of same and different genders is shocking
Now that I’m out to my friends my guy friends treat me much differently. I’m one of them now, and it’s a lot different than being friends with guys as a girl, or even being friends with girls as a girl.
Image source: MyChemicalFoemance, Helena Lopes
#25
Benevolent sexism stings worse than I thought and it’s so, so pervasive.
Image source: wolfiewu, Sebastian Arie Voortman
#26
Men’s restrooms are weird slits in the fabric of the universe where social norms don’t make sense anymore. Do NOT look at anyone. Do NOT speak to anyone. Grunting and moaning (to a gentlemanly degree) is acceptable so long as you are actively pissing or s******g. If you make eye contact with someone, it feels like they’re looking inside your brain at your most tragic secrets and you’re doing the same to them.
Also, there’s a fine misting of p**s on every surface. Which imo is an upgrade to pads on the walls.
Image source: TyNyeTheTransGuy, Inti Tupac Liberman Ares
#27
Many women seeing me as a threat or feeling uncomfortable around me. That kinda stings. Before transitioning I had more female friends than male but now I feel it’s really hard finding new female friends. I miss those relationships.
Edit: For clarification: I’m a transman, aka ftm, I’m sorry, I didn’t make that clear.
Image source: Aldaron23, Bayu jefri
#28
Almost no touching by non family members. When I was living as a woman they would give hugs, touch my shoulder or arms, even stranger wasn’t always appreciated. As a man now they will shake your hand nothing else.
Image source: Dutch_Rayan, fauxels
#29
just how open guys are with other guys
and how trusting they are.
i never thought that guys liked sharing their emotions until people started counting me as a boy.
for example:
recently my bsf opened up about how scared he is about being a teen father (he’s 16, going on 17, and he accidentally got his gf pregnant.)
i helped him out and long story short i got asked to be the godparent.
Image source: UwUnity_
#30
The conversations I have between men and women I guess. I feel like conversations with women are often deeper and more vulnerable whereas topics with guys are very much surface level and secretive. There’s always more that should be said but never is when talking with guys. It feels limited in a way, but it is more than welcome by my social anxiety.
Image source: existential-mystery
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