One thing we need to state right off the bat is that therapy is no joke. It is as much of a medical treatment as going to your dentist or getting prescription glasses. Unfortunately, in some cultures and societies, therapy is still seen as something shameful, and those in need of therapy either hide it from people around them or, even worse, get angry at themselves for not being able to “get a grip.” But think about this: if you break a leg, everyone will tell you to go to the hospital, so if you have trouble coping with stress or trauma and there is an actual doctor who can help you with that, why would it be any different?
Having said that, a little bit of funny therapy memes won’t hurt. Mental health specialists confirm that laughter is a great coping mechanism, so if you feel anxious about talking to a therapist, a good counseling joke can help reduce that anxiety. But therapist humor is not only for patients. Therapy professionals love joking about their work just as much as anyone else does. Jokes for psychologists, psychiatrists, and other mental health professionals can be very elaborate and include psychology puns, therapist memes, and tons of other jokes.
We hope you enjoy our joke collection, but don’t forget, therapy and psychology jokes are only a small share in your well-being and are by no means a permanent solution. If you or someone you know are in need of professional help, do not hesitate to talk to a professional. Mental health is as important as physical health, and what might seem like an insignificant issue to one person can turn into a daunting problem for another. Enjoy our collection and stay safe!
#1
Thought all these voices in my head meant I was crazy, but one of them is a therapist. And he says I’m fine.
#2
My therapist set half a glass of water in front of me. He asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist. So, I drank the water and told him I was a problem solver.
#3
My therapist told me write letters to the people who you hate and burn them later. I did that. But now what should I do with the letters?
#4
Therapsit: Love yourself.
Patient: I’m not my type.
#5
Therapist: Your wife has complained that you never buy her flowers, what do you say to that?
Patient: To be honest, I had no idea my wife even sold flowers.
#6
Therapist: We need to deal with this constant need of yours to please others.
Client: Sure, if it makes you happy!
#7
My therapist told me I have multiple personalities.
Now she charges me a group rate.
#8
I told my therapist that no one understands me.
She said, “What do you mean by that?”
#9
There are only two times I feel stress: day and night.
#10
What do you call Mark Zuckerberg getting therapy?
Tech support.
#11
My therapist recommended that I write in a diary to help my low self-esteem.
“Dear Diary, sorry to bother you again…”
#12
My therapist told me I am quite self-aware.
I already knew that.
#13
My therapist thinks I’m kleptomaniac. He didnt say it to my face, though. I read it in his notebook when I got home.
#14
How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, the light bulb will change itself when it’s ready.
#15
How many narcissists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. All he has to do is hold it in place while the world revolves around him.
#16
Therapist: So your parents both blame you for the divorce.
Patient: Nah, I was just a kid.
Therapist: That wasn’t a question. I see them twice a week.
#17
My therapist says that I have revenge issues.
We’ll see about that, won’t we?
#18
Trying to be honest with my therapist but not so honest that I get involuntarily hospitalized.
#19
I used to have super powers but my therapist took them away.
#20
Client: I can’t explain it. It’s like I’m not sure about anything in my life.
Therapist: And how does this make you feel?
Client: I’m not sure.
#21
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
#22
Therapist: I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know the symptoms?
Me: I can’t say I do.
Therapist: That’s one of them.
#23
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
#24
Actually, I became a therapist because the voices told me to.
#25
Client: Shouldn’t I tell you all about me?
Therapist: Not necessary. Just show me your Facebook ads!
#26
My therapist told me my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.
#27
My therapist says I have schizophrenia. Jokes on her I don’t even have a therapist.
#28
Patient: I’m terrified of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Patient: ‘Screams’
Therapist: Oh I see.
Patient: ‘Screaming intensifies.’
#29
Therapist: Do you get anxious?
Me: When I’m awake, yes.
#30
In a psychiatrist’s waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, “Why are you here?” The second answers, “I’m Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here.” The first is curious and asks, “How do you know that you’re Napoleon?” The second responds, “God told me I was.” At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, “No, I didin’t!”
#31
A psychologist breaks his leg whilst skiing. At the hospital the doctor says to him, -“Don’t worry, it’s all in your body.”
#32
I told my psychologist I am scared off living in tall buildings. Apparently it’s an Apartment Complex.
#33
Therapist: I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Don’t read it.
#34
I got kicked out of schizophrenia group therapy yesterday.
I was just trying to be polite but I guess it was wrong to say “Don’t mind me, guys. Pretend I’m not here.”
#35
My therapist just told me I might be a chronic procrastinator and that it will seriously affect my life. I’m not worried though I’ll figure out what procrastination means later.
#36
I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours.
He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.
#37
I confessed to my therapist that I’ve been stealing other people’s Bitcoin.
He says I’m his first cryptomaniac.
#38
What did the therapist say to her husband after they got home from vacation?
There’s a lot to unpack here.
#39
How many Clinical Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but there’s a six-month waiting list. In the meantime, here’s a leaflet on how to cope with darkness.
#40
Therapist: If you don’t want to talk about your mother, do you mind if we talk about mine?
#41
Therapist: I think you may have a ‘Narcissistic Personality Disorder.’
Client: I bet I’m the only person in the world who’s got it.
#42
You can’t choose your family. But you can choose your therapist.
#43
When someone tells me that therapist work isn’t even that hard, that it’s just talking to people, then hell is just a sauna.
#44
Therapist: Anyways.
Patient: ‘Anyways’ isn’t a word. You mean ‘anyway.’
Therapist: Anyway, we were talking about your difficulty making friends.
#45
I’m seeing a therapist for my kleptomania.
I’m taking away something valuable from each session.
#46
“Doctor,”- said the receptionist over the phone, “there’s a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.”
“Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
#47
At first I thought my therapy for Stockholm syndrome was useless.
But now I kind of like it.
#48
My friend told me that he was sent to a therapy group for procrastinators.
They haven’t conducted the first session yet.
#49
I don’t need therapy.
What I need is these squirrels to stop singing Pink Floyd.
#50
Socks are like unhappy couples in therapy.
Always trying to break up, only to be reunited by a third party.
#51
My therapist says I’m narcissistic.
How can someone who’s perfect be narcissistic?
#52
My therapist asked me what I’d feel if I shot someone.”Recoil”,- I calmly answered.
#53
Therapist to his nurse: “Just say we’re very busy. Don’t keep saying, “It’s a madhouse.”
#54
My therapist after I tell her about my week: “She was a Disneyland of mental problems.”
#55
What did Santa Claus say to therapist?
“When I was a kid, my parents told me I didn’t exist.”
#56
Therapy in 2030: Show me the emoji that best describes how you are feeling today.
#57
Client: I’m afraid of Rick Astley.
Therapist: Don’t worry, I’m never gonna let you down.
#58
Client: I have depression.
Therapist: You should go outside more.
Client: I was on the beach. Tropical depression.
#59
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dust bin.
Therapist: Don’t talk such rubbish!
#60
Who makes the most money from Father’s Day?
My psychologist.
#61
A man was walking in the street one day when he was brutally beaten and robbed. As he lay unconscious and bleeding, a psychologist, who happened to be passing by, rushed up to him and exclaimed: “My God! Whoever did this really needs help!”
#62
I saw a doctor’s office that does proton therapy.
I never thought that subatomic particles would need therapy, but I guess it’s not easy being positive all the time.
#63
When is the Speech Therapy Class?
It’s hard to say.
#64
My therapist said my hyper-independence was unhealthy.
I then realised I didn’t need a therapist.
#65
I have a friend who has hallucinations.
I told him he should talk to a therapist, but he said he is already seeing people.
#66
I told my psychologist I was thinking about killing myself. He said,- “How can I help?”
#67
Why did Waldo go to thearpy?
To find himself.
#68
My therapist says I’m bi-polar. I hate being bi-polar but it’s awesome!
#69
Why is it so hard to make a schizophrenic pay for private therapy?
Because they can’t manage their invoices.
#70
Why did the electron go to therapy?
It couldn’t be positive.
#71
I joined a loneliness therapy group.
No one showed up.
#72
My therapist said I could book 10 sessions in advance for £6000.
She must think I’m crazy!
#73
Sure, I like music, but accordion to my therapist, I’m obsessed!
#74
Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
Because when it’s time to go back to childhood, a man is already there.
#75
At a job interview for a new receptionist:
“I see you used to be employed by a psychologist. Why did you leave?” “Well, I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I was anxious. And if I was on time, I was obsessive.”
#76
Today, I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than, “I told you so.”
#77
Patient: *says something self-deprecating*
Therapist: “So who’s talking right now?”
Patient: “Technically, you were talking just now.”
Therapist: *face-palms*
#78
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog!
Therapist: Well lie down on the couch, and we’ll talk about it.
Patient: I can’t! I’m not allowed on the furniture!
#79
Therapist: The next time your wife says, ‘Why must you always have the last word?’ – don’t answer her.
#80
Every time you call your boyfriend ‘Daddy’, Sigmund Freud’s ghost becomes a little stronger.
#81
What did therapist say to the wolf?
Give yourself permission to express your feelings by howling even when there’s no moon.
#82
Why were Pavlov’s curls always so luscious?
He used classical conditioning.
#83
My therapist says I’m paranoid.
He didn’t actually say that but I know he was thinking it.
#84
What did the skier say to the therapist?
“My life is going downhill.”
#85
What did the therapist say to the depressed dog?
“Life is ruff.”
#86
How’d the session go with your new therapist?
It was a waste of time. He just kept showing me pictures of my parents fighting.
#87
My therapist says I have a problem trusting people.
Or at least she claims she’s my therapist.
#88
Definition of a psychologist:
A man who goes to a topless bar and looks at the audience.
#89
What did dog say tho therapist?
“I’m telling you I’m not paranoid! Sometimes he only pretends to throw the ball just to make me look like an idiot!”
#90
Therapist at the party:
Not sure if that ENFP is flirting with me or just being an ENFP.
#91
Sometimes the best part of therapist job is that the chair swivels.
#92
What Hulk say to therapist?
It’s a burden always having to be incredible…
#93
What did the psychologist say to the man who felt misunderstood all the time? “What are you trying to express?”
#94
Patient: There’s a chance I might be bipolar.
Therapist: What’re the odds ?
Client: 50/50.
#95
My therapist told me its not healthy to pretend I have a therapist.
#96
Therapist: You’re in the safe place to spill the tea.
#97
My therapist just told me that I’m completely incapable of expressing my feelings. Can’t say I’m surprised.
#98
My massage therapist got fired. I guess she rubbed too many people the wrong way.
#99
My girlfriend was born without her little toe and the sight of her foot makes me physically ill. My therapist said I’m lack toes intolerant.
#100
My new therapist is British. The first thing he asked me was ‘UK’?
#101
I went to a group therapy meeting for those suffering from the imposter syndrome.
If they only knew that I did belong there.
#102
Two psychologists pass each other in a corridor. One greets the other: “Hello! You’re fine. How am I?”
#103
Therapist: Wanna hear a joke?
Client: Yeah go on.
Therapist: And how does that make you feel?
#104
Client: I could kill for a good cup of coffee right now.
Therapist: You have Latte Homicidal Tendencies.
#105
Client: I never really thought my problems were very interesting before.
Therapist: …
#106
What did astronaut say to the therapist?
I’ve been under a lot of pressure, lately, doctor.
#107
Why do driving instructors make good physical therapists?
Because they can teach fine motor skills.
#108
What did the ghost tell the psychologist at his first therapy session?
“I used to know who I was, now I just feel like I’m drifting through life.”
#109
I am paranoid. Am I paranoid enough?
#110
My therapist tells me I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
#111
I tried to start a therapy group for people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
They’ve assured me it’s me who needs the group and I’m getting enrolled next week. I’m so grateful for their help.
#112
I wasn’t surprised when they told me my electro therapy was free.
I was shocked.
#113
Have to take my son to speech therapy.
Easier done than said.
#114
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she wants to have sex with me.
#115
My therapist said the best treatment for depression is to vigorously rub salt into my skin in order to draw out excess moisture. Wow thanks I’m cured.
#116
My wife is studying to become a massage therapist. All she wants to do is study and practice. I’ve got to cook, I’ve got to clean, it’s tough. But I have to say, at the end of the day, it does feel nice to be kneaded.
#117
Two psychiatrists pass in the hall. The first says, “Hello.”
The other thinks, “I wonder what he meant by that?”
#118
What did the psychologist name his scared cat?
Freudy cat.
#119
Client: Everything these days is dot-com this and dot-net that! I just can’t stand it anymore!
Therapist: I know the website that can help you.
#120
Why would Gwen Stefani make a bad physical therapist?
She has a strict ‘Don’t tell me cause it hurts’ policy.
#121
What’s the physical therapist’s favorite movie?
Empire Strides Back.
#122
“I’m walking home from school and I’m watching some men building a new house. And the guy hammering on the roof calls me a paranoid little weirdo… in Morse code.” – Emo Philips
#123
My therapist told me that “Denial” is “not just a river in Egypt.” But he then went on to describe the river’s role in the regions economic and agricultural history in scrupulous detail. I should probably stop getting “therapy” from my cab drivers.
#124
Therapist: Last week I broke a finger. On the other hand, I was okay.
#125
Went to my psychologist and told him I feel like a pack of cards. He said “I’ll deal with you later.”
#126
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life. I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
#127
The therapist said I can get over my fear of buffets. But first, I’ve got to want to help myself.
#128
My therapist refused to help me with my fear of backing up my car. She said she would under no circumstances perform reverse psychology.
#129
My therapist warned me that I’m getting addicted to downhill skiing. She said, “It’s a slippery slope.”
#130
There is a therapy group at school for kids who are bullied.
I’m helping new members join.
#131
I saw my therapist today, and said “You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren’t you?” She said yes.
I said “I knew it!!”
#132
A woman went to see a psychotherapist and said she was troubled by having no friends. The therapist asked, “What do you think might be causing the problem?” The woman said, “What, are you lazy and want me to do your job for you? If I knew already, I wouldn’t be here, would I, you fat ugly twit!”
#133
A professional baseball player comes into the clinic with a limp. “What’s wrong?”,- asks the therapist. “I took too many walks.”
#134
Therapist: You’re overthinking.
Me: What if…
Therapist: Don’t!
Me: What if…
Therapist: No.
Me: What if everyone else is underthinking?
#135
What it’s like being therapist?
You talk nonsense while making wise and meaningful faces.
#136
Therapist? You mean bartender?
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