Have you ever been stuck at a family gathering pretending to enjoy a conversation with someone who has the emotional range of, say, a houseplant? You smile, nod, try to make small talk, and they respond like they’ve just woken up from a coma, if they respond at all. It’s the social equivalent of walking into a room and realizing you’re the only one wearing a costume.
That’s exactly the situation unfolding in today’s Original Poster’s (OP) life, as she took to the internet to ask whether she’s being unreasonable for quietly resenting her sister’s boyfriend for not being anti-social.
More info: Mumsnet
There’s something exhausting about being around someone whose presence just doesn’t sit right
Image credits: stockieimage / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The author’s sister’s boyfriend planned a surprise birthday dinner but changed the date without informing her, then assumed she was uninvited
Image credits: summerdreams19
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
She skipped the dinner to avoid drama, and neither the boyfriend nor her sister followed up afterward
Image credits: summerdreams19
Image credits: Stockbusters / Freepik (not the actual photo)
At a family BBQ, the boyfriend was present and acted withdrawn and eventually left without speaking or thanking anyone
Image credits: summerdreams19
Not a fan of his behavior, she began avoiding her sister and nieces due to his constant presence, which she couldn’t stand anymore
It all started when the OP’s sister’s boyfriend tried to plan a surprise birthday dinner. He had reached out to her and she gladly accepted the invitation, except he didn’t tell her that the date had changed. The OP only found out by accident through a friend, and feeling awkward, she skipped the dinner and stayed silent so as not to ruin the day.
However, the boyfriend’s obliviousness didn’t stop there. He didn’t notice her absence nor did he follow up afterward. Her sister didn’t mention it either, raising eyebrows about whether she even knew about the invite in the first place. Fast forward to the next family event, which was the guy’s second time meeting the family, and let’s just say he didn’t leave a glowing impression.
After a couple of drinks, he turned super quiet and eventually ghosted the gathering entirely without a “thank you” or “goodbye.” To make matters worse, the OP’s sister seems oblivious to how uncomfortable things have gotten. She keeps inviting her to hang out with them, however, she has started avoiding them entirely, just to keep things civil.
The more she dodges, the more her sister pushes, though. The OP explained that it’s not that she wants to sabotage the relationship, however the tension is affecting her bond with the entire family because she never wants to be where her sister’s boyfriend is.
Image credits: lgolubovystock / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Mayo Clinic provides some insight into the situation and hints that social anxiety may be at play as it involves intense fear or anxiety in social settings, often leading to avoidance behaviors that can interfere with everyday life.
They explain that people with social anxiety often fear talking to strangers, worry excessively about being judged or embarrassed, and may experience anxiety well before a social event even occurs. During interactions, the fear can become overwhelming, making it difficult to engage or communicate.
Social anxiety is often misunderstood due to cultural expectations that value extroversion and sociability. Amaha highlights that this misunderstanding fuels stigma, making people label individuals with social anxiety as aloof, rude, or disinterested, when in reality, their reserved behavior stems from anxiety, not arrogance.
This is why making assumptions can be dangerous, as Health For Life points out. They state that when people assume instead of communicating clearly, it can create misunderstandings, emotional distance, and resentment. Furthermore, differing perspectives may be ignored, and negative patterns can form, sometimes even becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.
Netizens insisted that the OP was overreacting and making unfair assumptions about her sister’s boyfriend. They suggested the incidents she described didn’t justify such strong dislike, acknowledging the awkward behavior but urging open communication.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think the sister’s boyfriend is just awkward or is it a red flag in disguise? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens insist that the author was being completely unreasonable and that her reasons weren’t justifiable as to why she should resent her sister’s boyfriend
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