Anyone know that question, “What happens to superheroes as they get older?”? Well, with some heroes we’ve been able to find that out, but with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles it’s never really been assumed, has it? SNL apparently wanted to chime in on the answer since they developed a short skit about it as we get to see the Turtles in middle age. Julie Muncy of Gizmodo has her own opinion on this topic. Yeah, it’s not exactly a pretty picture. Obviously they’re well past their prime and not able to do the same things they once did, but on top of that Mikey is an aging hipster, Donatello is worried about his health, Raphael is kind of a deadbeat, and Leo, well, Leo and April look happy, kind of, but obviously aren’t doing all that well. In other words, once the hero days were over and the guys moved up out of the sewer it was time to face real life, and the hard facts of reality apparently landed on each one of the boys like a ton of bricks. Even trying to imagine the guys going up against a super villain at this point brings images of the Turtles wheezing and coughing while trying to work up the energy to get their weapons swinging and possibly fighting a muscle cramp here or there as the ninjas look on, wondering if the guys are even worth the effort.
A lot of us grew up with the Turtles being nothing but awesome since they were tough, they were skilled, and they had a sense of humor while they went about kicking the crap out of the Foot clan. Even back then though they had a tough time with the Shredder and other enemies since given how tough they really were, or are, the only enemies that could really give the guys a run for their money were those that were the absolute toughest that could be found. The Shredder kicked their butts up and down on screen from the first live action movie to their return several years ago, largely because they’ve been depicted as teenagers that still have a lot to learn and Shredder is the kind of guy that’s mastered his chosen style and is confident when wading into battle. In fact it was kind of amusing that the only one that could take Shredder one on one was Splinter, as he was tossing the metal-clad leader of the Foot clan all around the place until Shredder finally got the upper hand.
Watching them fight in this version would be just comical and kind of sad since it’s a little too obvious that the boys have been out of action for a while in this skit and the only fighting they’ve been doing is when it comes to fitting into their clothes. From a personality standpoint not much has changed since Leo is still kind of the conscience of the group while Mikey is the happy go lucky, carefree kind of guy, but with a little more attitude that’s kind of become surly and even a bit more sarcastic than usual. Raphael is kind of a surprise since being a deadbeat wouldn’t have been the first guess for a lot of people, but given that he has anger issues and doesn’t always do what’s best for himself it’s easier to start thinking that he might be kind of a problematic character. Then there’s Donatello, who’s the thinker of the bunch and sometimes a chronic worrier. Watching some of your favorite heroes get old isn’t always bound to be a fun experience but thankfully as a parody and a spoof this is something that’s more conjecture and for good humor than anything, though it does raise a few questions. How old would the Turtles live to be? It’s hard to see them surviving to the ripe age that some tortoises and sea turtles manage, but then again with a more human physiology it’s likely that something will change and they’ll be able to stick around for longer.
After all pet turtles can last for about 30 to 40 years, while bigger turtles and tortoises can last for 80 years to 120 years. Jean Marie Bahaus of Animals.Mom has more on this subject. Granted, we’re talking about different creatures and there’s no way to really compare the Turtles with real, live specimens given that there’s no substance on earth that could change an animal into a humanoid version of itself. But it does beg the question as to just how long the Turtles would live, which is something to think about since their teenage years might have been their middle age period, while they might be on the downward slide towards their final years. Yeah, that’s a little grim, but it’s an interesting concept since depending on what type of turtles the guys are they could be looking at only a few decades instead of what people might expect from a humanoid creature.
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