Steve Guttenberg Weighs in on the Biblical David Being a Good Bowler

Is there a time when we use silly hypothetical questions just for the sake of being silly. When asked about who he would go bowling with Steve Guttenberg was pretty honest when he said “Oh, easy. Moses, David, God, my grandmother Kate, and my grandfather Sam.”

I’m over here kind of dumbfounded at the question and the reply all at once. I love silliness, it makes life go by a little easier and without as much stress, but questions like these that seem to come out of the blue just kind of make my mind short circuit now and again. It’s usually worth asking someone who they would go bowling with for many reasons, but to name three big personalities such as this and your own grandparents suggests that 1) Steve Guttenberg is a pretty religious guy, 2) he loves his grandparents like a lot of us, and 3) he doesn’t feel challenged by off the wall questions.

Just to prove that point he goes into talking about who would be the best bowler. When the interviewer decides to state that it would probably be God, Steve tends to disagree and says “Do you know what skill it takes to throw a rock from a slingshot about 50 yards at a target about two inches in diameter?”

He’s got a point really, but then again I could have sworn we were talking about bowling and not an old-fashioned sling used to fling rocks. I get where he’s going with this and can understand just why he would say such a thing but  the dynamics of using an old-fashioned sling and hefting a bowling ball are pretty different. His aim wouldn’t be as much use as Steve seems to think for one reason only, the weight of the ball.

Remember we’re being silly now, so don’t judge too harshly.

The average weight of an old-fashioned sling as they would have used in the time of David was measured in ounces, not pounds. The only real weight to weapon comes when it’s loaded with a stone ready for throwing, and even then you wouldn’t want a stone that was much heavier than a little under a pound in your sling or it might take too much force to get it moving and then fling it away. Think of it this way, if you’re trying to throw a rock you generally go for the lighter stones and pebbles that can fit your hand and be launched with a fair amount of ease. It’s the same concept for a sling, if the stone is too heavy then it’s not going to fly as far or as well.

Then you have the motion of the action. A sling was usually whipped around up high or to the side. It’s not unheard of to see it launched underhand, but the likelihood of hitting a target seems to go down just a bit. This is why David would not be as good as a bowler as Steve seems to think. The weight of the ball, which is anywhere from six to sixteen pounds, would overwhelm David to start with, and the act of throwing it like a sling wouldn’t afford him any chance to use his unique aim, especially since according to legend he had to shoot from a greater distance and his aim had to be in an upward motion, not level or downward.

Nice try Steve, but even for a modern-day David bowling would be a stretch.

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