Context is everything. It’s a good thing if you’re willing to stand up for others, but there are common-sense limits. If you’re outraged on someone’s behalf when they’re perfectly fine with something, then you’ve got to take a step back and reassess your worldview. Maybe they don’t need ‘saving’ like you thought they did?
Internet user u/UpbeatMacaroon1230 asked AITA to weigh in on an argument she had with her sister-in-law. The author uses a couple of cute pet names for her husband that he enjoys. However, her SIL, upon learning about them, was beyond mad on his behalf. It all led to a major argument. Scroll down to read all about it and to see what advice the net gave the woman. Bored Panda has also reached out to the author for comment, and we’ll update the post once we hear back from her.
Lots of loving couples have cute nicknames for each other. However, they might sound odd to outsiders
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One woman shared how her sister-in-law went ballistic after realizing the nicknames used in their relationship
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Image credits: UpbeatMacaroon1230
Being respectful of your partner’s boundaries is the core thing you need to get right. If they’re fine with the pet names you use, embrace that
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Fundamentally, when it comes to pet names, what’s important is that you respect each other’s boundaries.
You have to look at what both you and your partner are fine with. If you call them something that they’re not quite comfortable with, it would be rude to continue doing so.
On the flip side, if they start calling you names that you’re not okay with either, you’ve got to be open about it and ask them to stop.
To be blunt, if you’re both perfectly fine with the cute names you use for each other in private, then it shouldn’t really matter what the rest of your extended family thinks.
Sure, they might not get it… but do they have to? It’s not like you’re making comments about the pet names that they use in their romantic relationships. You have to be very careful about when exactly it is that someone else actually needs your direct support.
It’s very important to have that respect for other people’s personal lives and not poke your nose in their business when you don’t need to. Don’t call someone a bully when you know for a fact that there’s no bullying happening, and that your relative actually enjoys being called a playful pet name.
If you’re worried that something’s not quite right in a loved one’s relationship, have an honest chat with them in private
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That’s not to say that you should stay silent at all times. Absolutely not. Obviously, if a loved one is not fine with how their partner addresses them, talk to them about the situation in private. Ask them about how they’re feeling. Explain your worries. Ask them how they think you could help them solve the situation.
Though some people are malicious (let’s not be naive, not everyone is a saint), often, it might be a big misunderstanding. Maybe you never spoke up about disliking a pet name your partner gave you. Maybe they’re not that great at picking up body language and tones of voices, so they don’t realize they’re making you uncomfortable.
At the end of the day, open and honest communication and healthy boundaries are what strengthen relationships. If you’re uncomfortable with someone’s behavior, communicate your boundaries to the person.
Explain how their actions and words affect you. Don’t blame or judge them, but also don’t shy away from being direct. List the consequences of their actions if they don’t change their behavior. And then, very importantly, follow through with those consequences if they continue to disrespect your boundaries.
Many people think that using nicknames can actually strengthen their romantic relationship
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According to Preply, the most popular nicknames for partners in the United States are babe, love, and honey.
Americans living in New York, Virginia, and Nevada are the most likely to use pet names, while those residing in Minnesota, Colorado, and Massachusetts are the least likely.
Somewhat surprisingly, nearly a quarter of Americans think their partner is upset with them when they call them by their first name, instead of their pet name.
A majority of Americans (69%) actually believe that using pet names strengthens their relationship. Rather scandalously, a third of Americans admit that they use the same pet names for their current partners as their past significant others.
What do you think, Pandas? Do you think that the author’s SIL overstepped her bounds, or was she right to be concerned? What nicknames do you and your partner use for each other?
Where do you personally think the line is between a cutesy pet name for your partner and something that might be bordering on offensive? What are some small ways that you let your partner know you love and appreciate them? Let us know in the comments.
The vast majority of readers thought the author wasn’t wrong to call her SIL out. Here’s their perspective
As always, some folks weren’t quite on the same page as everyone else. Here’s how they saw the issue
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