It’s one thing to see your friends do it but quite another to live it yourself.
Recently, one Reddit user submitted a question to the platform, asking moms and dads to share the funniest things child-free people have told them about their idea of parenting.
And they delivered.
From calling maternity leave “a vacation” to the classic “just sleep when the baby sleeps”, here are some of the phrases that let parents know you have no clue what they’re going through.
#1
When I was pregnant, I couldn’t sleep well because every position was uncomfortable. Well, my friend said, ‘You probably can’t wait to give birth so you can catch up on some sleep!’
Image source: Poekienijn, Dexswaggerboy
#2
I was getting a passport for my 3-week-old daughter, and the worker said I needed to sit her up on her own, then when I told him she couldn’t, he stormed off to get a manager.
Image source: ihaveabobbybaby, Kelly Sikkema
#3
This one was from my ex who I should have know would be a terrible parent.
In the hospital, I just had a baby and was struggling to breast feed. I went to the washroom and when I came out my ex was feeding my newborn applesauce. FREAKING APPLESAUCE. She was only hours old and 4 weeks premature.
Also he told me that I needed to wait for my 5 month old to calm down and self sooth before I fed her her bottle because when a baby cries when they are hungry that’s how they manipulate the parents.
God I hate him.
Image source: Life_with_lemonz, Solen Feyissa
#4
When we were working on our baby registry, my husband couldn’t understand the need for a stroller, saying, ‘I’ll just carry the babies.’ What makes it even funnier is that we were having twins!
Image source: bobafettwheremc, 66150062xws
#5
I was working from home with a 6-month-old, and it was hard trying to have conference calls and entertain her at the same time. Well, my husband said, ‘Don’t worry — it’ll get easier when she’s around 12 months old, when you can just sit her down for an hour or two with a coloring book.’
Image source: ada_grace_1010, Charles Deluvio
#6
When I went on maternity leave with my third kid, my boss said, ‘Enjoy your vacation.’
Image source: creaturecoat, Cparks
#7
Once, my child-free friend asked me if my 18-month-old would sleep in the next morning because it was Saturday. I laughed so hard!
Image source: bakocon, Pixabay
#8
Recently, we were visiting our friends — who are child-free by choice — and they really love my kid. When they heard my kid was into puzzles, they brought her a 1,000-piece one! She’s 3 years old.
Image source: Dosed123, Markus Spiske
#9
When I was pregnant, one day I realized my baby hadn’t moved as much as usual, so I told my friend I might need to go get checked. She replied, ‘Can’t you just tell the baby to move with your mind?’
Image source: Minxmallow, Candid_Shots
#10
I foolishly thought I’d have all this free time during maternity leave, and I actually suggested to my husband that it would be the perfect time for us to get a puppy because I’d have time to train it!
Image source: Chapnau, Alekon pictures
#11
I was pregnant at the time and working in a kitchen. My general manager caught me sitting down while prepping some potatoes for service and said “It must be nice to get to laze around whenever you want”. It took all of my will to not say something snarky. He did get fired 3 weeks later for a non related incident. Karma is a b**ch.
Image source: Ginger_feline0311, distelAPPArath
#12
My favorite is always, ‘Just sleep when the baby sleeps.’
Image source: katykat97, Free-Photos
#13
A thing I said before I had kids. “I feel like parenting is easier than most people make it out to be.” Said to my old boss with 2 kids. She laughed so hard she almost peed herself and then put that quote on her bulletin board to remind me when I had kids.
Image source: Scotchula, pixabay
#14
We took our baby to a wedding when she was 2 months old, and they had a place setting at the table for her — complete with a full set of metal cutlery and a highchair!
Image source: whoevenc4res, Shutterbug75
#15
My sister visited once and scolded me for letting my children take our couch cushions off the couch to make a fort. That’s the last thing I was worried about with three kids under 7 years old!
Image source: momhh434444, willholmes
#16
One of my relatives was always getting offended when she would call my baby to come to her and always get offended that the baby was ignoring her. The baby was 10mo., barely started walking at that point. I told my relative, “she barely knows that she is a person and has legs, she’s not exactly choosing where she is stumbling to.”
Image source: anjubsm , adhadimohd
#17
My favorite is always when people say, ‘When we have kids, it won’t change our lifestyle at all. We will just bring the kids wherever we go!’
Image source: Daddywags42, icsilviu
#18
I wish it was as humorous as a lot of the stuff I’m seeing but I have been told by far too many people (mostly without kids but a few with) that because I had an emergency cesarean I didn’t really give birth. It’s usually overly joking but still annoying as hell
Image source: Gl0ri0usTr4sh, neildodhia
#19
My friends used to hit me up at like 7:00 at night, asking me to come out that night — and then they’d be shocked that I couldn’t just ‘get someone to watch the baby!’
Image source: kay37892, JFGagnonPhotograhie
#20
My 22 year old brother telling me that instead of nursing my baby while we are together because it weirds him out, I can pump enough beforehand and feed bottles and then baby will be good all day. I explained that if I miss a nursing session then I would be really uncomfortable and have to pump during that time anyways so I usually only pump when I’m away from my baby. Sorry kid
Image source: Antibodysnatcher, Ben_Kerckx
#21
My wife and I told her parents that “We trained our dogs really well, kids can’t be that much harder…”
18 years later I’ve got good kids, but the dogs need attention.
Image source: ProudBoomer, Victoria_Borodinova Victoria_Borodinova
#22
I could never understand why parents had to plan around their baby’s nap. Well, fast-forward five years and two children later, and I now know that if you don’t, all hell will break loose halfway through your ‘fun’ outing!
Image source: mmathis00, Tim Bish
#23
My mate thought it was genuinely OK to pop out for a bit whilst your baby was having a nap. I think her example was going out for a meal.
Image source: rsjf89, Kevin Keith
#24
Someone I know suggested doing using maternity leave to do your masters.
Image source: Ninotchk, Alexandra Fuller
#25
My husband thought kids start talking at around 3 months, and he joyfully asked our friend whether her 4-month-old was already saying something funny!
Image source: Dosed123, Shalev Cohen
#26
When I was pregnant and picking out a bouncer, my husband said, ‘Is this really necessary? Why can’t we just put the baby in a chair?’
Image source: Trepidatious681, osseous
#27
When I had my son, the first child from that generation, my cousin straight up asked, “are his eyes open yet?” Like I had a kitten instead
Image source: Recycledineffigy, Peter Oslanec
#28
We were convinced that having a baby would have no significant impact on our ability to do things. So at seven weeks old when we got a message a relative was in our city for one night we said “sure we’d love to meet for dinner” and commited to a one hour train journey in each direction and dinner.
We got home at ten pm exhausted and saying “never again”. The meal was wonderful but the trip home was exhausting
Image source: BeardedBaldMan, Octav Cado
#29
At 32 weeks pregnant I had the nursery complete and set up. All one could ever need to provide good care for a baby was in there.
Childless people around me: ‘Oh, so early? Now you’ll have to wait so long for the baby! What will you be doing in the meantime?
I got hospitalised at 33 weeks for being in labour
Image source: Missa1exandria, Aditya Romansa
#30
I had to call in to my last job because my 4 year old was sick. My boss asked if I could just get someone else to watch her. As if someone else would be willing to take off work, risk getting sick, not to mention- I’m her mother, I’m the one people call to take care of MY child when she’s sick. I just told him no after a confused pause. My current job is sooo much better about this. I was frustrated at the time, but now I think it’s just silly.
Image source: Ashley777, engin akyurt
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