Mothers won’t always approve of their sons’ romantic partners, nor are they expected to do so all the time. However, they also have no right to step in and try to sabotage the relationship.
This woman callously did the latter by sending spiteful messages to his son’s girlfriend. What made it worse for the man was that he learned of the backstabbing in secret, which understandably enraged him.
Desperate for solutions on what to do next, he sought advice from the Reddit community.
It would be downright sadistic for any parent to try to ruin their child’s romantic relationship
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A man learned that his mother had been sending his girlfriend hateful messages about him
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
It was a heartbreaking discovery that also enraged him
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Riddled with utter disdain and confusion, he asked the internet for advice
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The man provided more information in the comments
People willingly shared their input and pieces of advice
The author provided a promising update
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He also learned a few new things about his mother
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Mothers who try to sabotage their sons’ romantic relationships are often driven by personal issues
Anytime a mother tries to sabotage their son’s romantic relationships, as the woman in the story did, it is likely due to a variety of personal issues. According to Cambridge Therapy Centre clinical psychologist Christine Schneider, one plausible reason is their fear of losing their position in their son’s life.
“When a new partner arrives, it can feel like a shift in loyalty or attention, even if nothing has actually changed,” Schneider told Bored Panda, also stating that others may be projecting unresolved anxieties about abandonment, trust, or their own past relationships.
In some cases, it may be a byproduct of how they raised their son as children, where the mother may develop jealousy. According to licensed marriage and family therapist Maggie Hollinbeck, jealousy may also be combined with arrested development and/or narcissistic traits.
“It comes back to an enmeshed relationship between mother and son that goes back to childhood; when the son was little, mom put all of her emotional investment into the son, usually to the detriment of her own marriage,” she explained.
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So, what would be the best course of action when dealing with this kind of parent? Schneider is all about having a calm conversation. As Schneider noted, the goal is to establish understanding, above all else.
“It’s also worth acknowledging that some mothers behave this way because they’re struggling emotionally themselves, and naming that gently can reduce defensiveness,” she said.
Meanwhile, Hollinbeck specified the type of boundaries one must set with a parent who seems intent on ruining your relationship.
“It’s also worth acknowledging that some mothers behave this way because they’re struggling emotionally themselves, and naming that gently can reduce defensiveness.”
However, some scenarios are not worth tackling alone. You may need to seek professional assistance, which Bonnie Lambert, LMFT, advises.
“You should avoid attempting to handle this situation by yourself,” Lambert said. “The therapist needs to intervene to identify basic family patterns that lead to self-protection method development.”
At this point, the author would benefit from creating distance between himself, his mother, and his partner. It seems like his mom is intent on causing damage, and it may be best to move away from all that toxicity.
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