Supporting family during challenging and emotional times is important, but sometimes it’s hard to fully empathize with them.
When childfree Reddit user Jazzlike_Editor_639 listened to her sister vent about the struggles she had flying with her two young children, the woman wanted to say something that would make her feel better.
But as she learned about the kids’ nonstop crying, she found herself siding with the annoyed passengers. Ultimately, the Redditor chose to offer some tough criticism instead, but her words only made it worse.
Few things test people’s patience as much as an overnight long-haul flight
Image credits: EyeEm (not the actual photo)
Especially when kids are crying the entire way
Image credits: user25451090 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jazzlike_Editor_639
Writer Vicki Broadbent, author of the upcoming children’s book Greek Myths, Folktales and Legends, says parents who prepare well for flights with children can make the whole experience much smoother
Image credits: Honest Mum
We got in touch with Bored Panda’s parenting expert and bestselling author Vicki Broadbent, who, among other things, is raising three kids and running the popular family blog Honest Mum, and asked how she prepares for flying with them. “I like to pack what I call a Mary Poppins-style bag for flights, which works for all ages from babies to teens,” Vicki told us. “I include a first aid kit in case my kids get temperatures, antiseptic cream, antihistamine, plasters, cuddly toys, iPads with films and cartoons downloaded in advance so they have their comforting shows on there, card games, healthy snacks, and water (I was once on a flight from London to LA without kids, thankfully, where water was scarce and learned my lesson).”
“For my 3-year-old, I pack several changes of clothes and items I can layer in case she’s hot or cold and a blanket. Don’t forget wet wipes too for spills. Cotton wool for ears is useful to block out noise and aid sleep, as well as soft sweets or fruit to chew for takeoff and landing to help with pressure changes and potential earache. Breastfeeding your baby or giving them bottle milk if you’re not nursing can help too.”
As for arrangements surrounding the plane itself, Vicki recommends prebooking seats with extra legroom and those closer to the front of the plane, near the galley and toilets, where there tends to be more space and less noise from the aircraft. However, “access to the bathroom is crucial.”
Other useful things to know include that you can often find seats equipped to attach a bassinet, while older children usually prefer window seats to enjoy the view outside.
Generally, “distraction goes a long way, as does feeding them healthy choices and staying away from sugar (which leads to sugar crashes and less ability to manage emotions and tantrums). Playing white noise from your phone to help calm them works well, too.”
If the ride isn’t bumpy and the seatbelt sign is off, you can also walk up and down the aisles, gently rocking the child. “I like to add lavender oil drops to my youngest’s clothes to help her relax too,” Vicki, who has a teen, tween, and three-year-old, said. “Prepare so as not to despair, but also know you can do everything you can, and your child might still feel unwell on a flight or unsettled, and they have every right to exist in spaces with adults, just as much as everyone else.”
“Consider fast-tracking check-in and weighing your bags before,” she added. “Be prepared essentially, as everything takes twice as long when traveling with children who will invariably be out of routines, more tired, and thus prone to meltdowns and tantrums. Try and be as understanding as possible.”
“Whilst no one has a right to be rude to you as a parent, I’ve found the ‘charm to disarm’ tactic useful in these situations,” Broadbent said
If your kids are making things difficult on board and you’re getting dirty looks from others, “empathizing with the person who is frustrated and perhaps not used to hearing children upset, and communicating with them—where possible—is key,” the Honest Mum noted.
“Of course, it goes without saying that being proactive and soothing your child is important, as I’m sure you will be doing, but also explaining to others that you are trying and apologizing for the noise. Most of the time, fellow passengers are looking for acknowledgement that you understand prolonged crying is frustrating.”
Also, keep in mind that the scenario described in the Reddit post isn’t the norm. Vicki has found people to be mostly understanding and helpful on flights, not confrontational.
She also believes this particular case is portrayed a little too one-sided. “The mom must have felt drained and defeated with a crying child for so long, but equally, she doesn’t seem to understand that this will also affect and upset those around her too.”
“Yes, a little help and empathy from the other passengers would have gone a long way, and it’s sad we seem to be living in a world that often lacks empathy when it comes to parents and children, but it sounds like the experience is still raw to her; hence, her feeling triggered by her sister. Again, that’s understandable.”
But we childfree flyers should remember to be gentle with parents. Many times, they’re there because they have to be. “Raising kids is the hardest thing anyone will do physically and emotionally, and the first few years for mothers are especially hard with sleep deprivation and tumultuous hormones,” Vicki Broadbent said. “I try to opt for short haul flights where possible to make mine and my kids’ lives easier, but I know this isn’t always possible.”
Some people who read the woman’s story thought she didn’t do anything wrong in the way she addressed her sister
And some felt she should’ve showed more empathy
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