Infidelity is never acceptable, regardless of your gender. Yet, according to studies, many women find a justification to cheat on their partners. Some don’t even feel bad after doing so because they need to have “all their needs met.”
Take a look at these stories shared by a handful of men on Reddit, as they reveal some of the cheating red flags they missed. Some of the cases are so blatant that you’d wonder how someone could be so callous toward a person they vowed to spend the rest of their lives with.
Gents, if you have similar experiences that aren’t too abrasive to recall, feel free to share them in the comments.
#1
She suddenly became super protective of her phone and would flip it face down whenever i was around. at the time i thought she was just being private but looking back that was definitely sus.
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#2
Projection. She started to be really aware of any time I was having a text conversation with someone she didn’t know, started asking me where I was going more often, things like that. Eventually turned into her accusing me of hiding parts of my life from her. It was very frustrating because I was hiding nothing and had not changed my behavior at all from the past 15 years.
I never would have believed it if I hadn’t gone to a therapist who asked me if these things were happening before I even had a chance to point it out.
I’d heard of projection before but I didn’t know it was a normal thing that sane people do. My ex sucks, and she was in a bad place mentally, but she’s not an insane or crazy person.
Image source: Mysterious-Web-8788, Vitaly Gariev
#3
Looking back I think the very first sign was that she suddenly got in touch with a lot of her old college friends even though she’d not spoken to them in years and the first couple of times she met up with them we went as a couple, then she’d meet up with them at least once a week and I thought there was nothing in it because I’d then met them all and they all knew she was married etc..
Turned out the only times she’d actually met up with them at all were those two times with me there and after that she was just telling me she was going out with them again every week and really she was going out with a mate of mine from work.
When we divorced she married him pretty much instantly and then ended up cheating on him too. Think she’s on her 4th marriage now all down to the same thing – she’s just not a faithful person.
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#4
Suddenly stopped going to bed at the same time each night. Just wasn’t tired, didn’t feel like sleeping, wanted to finish the TV show or the book or the work emails etc. turns out it was so she could text him in peace.
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#5
She started growing distant, stopped trying in the relationship. Everyone has bad days or gets tired so it’s easy to write off as that, but even on your bad days you’ve got to make an effort even if it’s a half a**ed one.
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#6
She has been working at Romano’s Pizza(night shift) for three years.
Romano’s Pizza closed three years ago.
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#7
Staying up late at night unusually listening to the same song on repeat. i came to like the song, once i found out the song made sense. if your other half wont give you her phone to look at with reasonable cause then its game over in this day and age its hard to find/trust a loyal woman.
Image source: AlteringEnzics4Fun, Blake Cheek
#8
1. Started buying new underware or lingerie that they never wear around you.
2. Suddently “working late”, having “girls night” with coworkers.
3. Intimacy goes from hot to cold. Not wanting it all for weeks or months to suddently wanting it real bad.
4. Guilt projection. Accusing you of cheating to the point of gas lighting.l you into believing that it is all your fault.
5. Suddenly becomes secretive of phone.
Image source: Smithme2g, Mathilde Langevin
#9
You gotta be careful when your partner gets in great physical shape for the first time in awhile.
That’s not to say lifestyle changes to better yourself are a certain sign of infidelity. A lot of us get married, get fat and then get tired of being fat and tired, so we change.
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#10
I experienced one that I think most people don’t have:
She fully admits to cheating then tries to claim she was just joking. .
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#11
Emotional distance.
My ex and I were always talk to each other about anything and everything. One day, the conversations stopped. When I would ask why, she got annoyed and started being her phone more often.
That’s when she started dressing up a lot more.
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#12
Looking back, the fact that she cheated on my friend with me should’ve been the giant warning sign. But I was too young and reckless to see it for what it was.
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#13
This is my time to shine.
1. Buys a privacy screen protector for their phone
2. Shows up at home hours late after their work shift is over
3. Spends 3 hours to go “tanning”
4. Your kids continuously ask “Where’s Mom” day in and day out because she leaves as soon as you get home
5. Sitting in a room for over an hour together in silence while they smile at their phone the entire time
6. You notice the neighbor’s car always arrives home within 15 minutes of your wife’s
7. Those driveway beers you used to have with the neighbor stop for no reason at all
8. Neighborhood get togethers turn into awkward silences because your mind is consumed watching ‘them’
9. You lay in bed awake until 2am
10. The kids say “so and so are going to get married” because even they see through their lies.
Trust your gut gents….
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#14
She started complaining at me for no reason. Every little thing about me started bothering her and justified a fight.
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#15
She started going to the gym more and dressing nicer. I guess by nicer I mean that it was a little more revealing than usual. We were also young and had very different schedules, which gave Her enough time to do what she wanted without me thinking anything nefarious was going on. Ultimately, she told me after sleeping with her vice president for six months. That led to an immediate break up with her begging completing that we get back together. Six months and I had no clue! This was pre-cell phones or any tracking/social media stuff.
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#16
She was “tired, exhausted” every day for 2 weeks then she left.
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#17
1st time: Our intimate life had dwindled down to almost nothing. I kept thinking it would bounce back, but the signs were clear it wasn’t.. Also, despite being together 3.5 years, our relationship in retrospect was toxic.
2nd time: She told me she had a history of falling for a guy fast, moving in with him, and then it not working out. We fell in love fast, we moved in together faster, and yeah.. She gave me her playbook and I ignored it.
Image source: artnodiv, Curated Lifestyle
#18
She started talking s**t about some of her friends, and how bad they were treating their husbands. Turns out she was sleeping with the husbands.
Also a sudden interest in working out. Shopping for new clothes. Protective of her phone. Many of the usual things.
I knew it was happening after she took a trip to “visit her parents”. Then her Dad called our house to talk with her (back when landlines were still a thing).
In the end, turns out she was sleeping with just about every man she could. At least eight different men were confirmed, and I suspect at least another six.
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#19
She started hanging out with her coworker that was a close friend of ours more and more. First it was to go birthday shopping for a mutual friend, then it was hikes every weekend while I was home with the baby. I started getting a sick feeling in my stomach and asked her to not spend as much time with him because our daughter and I missed her. Then a week later they were out until almost midnight and she came home to give me the talk I was dreading.
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#20
She became really cold and treated me like I was bothering her about trying to schedule a date and like she not only didn’t love me she didn’t even care or like me.
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#21
Keep in mind my ex was a “tradwife” and never worked or wanted to work for the first 22 years of marriage.
* Out of the blue she wanted to go to college to be a nurse. I thought it was a good idea for her to earn some money to pay into Social Security so when she hits 65 her checks would be more since she had not paid into the system since 1987. I did not need her to work I made plenty, but I still thought it was good.
* Second semester she started wanting to have girls’ night out and trips with her “college friends”.
* She started locking her cell phone
* She always left her phone screen down.
* She was really protective of her phone.
* She started drinking.
* She started cursing.
* She stopped going to church.
I discover her cheating after I had invested 24 years, 5 months, and 22 days on her,.
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#22
This was before cell phones. We all had landlines.
Every time the phone rang she’d yell “I got it!” And rush to answer then walk into a different room to talk.
Lots and lots of “girls nights”
Constantly questioning me, who I’m talking to, where I’m going etc..
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#23
She accused me of cheating. Randomly, no evidence no rationale. I was absolutely perplexed. The lesson learned was if your partner ever accuses you the chances of them actually doing the cheating skyrocket. I wish I knew that I’d have dumped her on the spot, unfortunately I rationalised that she had trust issues from previous relationships and accepted that I had to help her heal.
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#24
1. She accuses you of cheating ( this is projection to justify their own cheating and feel less guilty. They can never be the bad guy in their own story so they have to make you the bad guy first)
2. The kisses and affection suddenly felt empty, dry and emotionless (another guy is getting it)
3. She’s always on her phone. Leaves the room to use her phone.
4. She’s all of a sudden interested in all your whereabouts and plans for the day. Encourages you to go out or spend time without her.
5. CHANGES IN APPEARANCE: weight loss, changes hair style hair color, new wardrobe ( mine lost weight and immediately started cheating).
6. She suddenly starts complaining and starts arguing about everything. You’re always fighting.
This next one is not a sign but more of a trigger:
– Big changes in lifestyle: new job,/promotion, new car, new house etc.
Once they level up they feel like they can do better.
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#25
Extreme jealousy and impulsive behavior.
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#26
It’s all about changes in their normal routine. Here are some that I noticed.
Bathing habits. She always took a bath either right before bead or first thing in the morning. Then she started jumping in the bath right after getting home and usually with some weird explanation.
Grooming habits. She made drastic changes to hair style. Down below was always either bushy or shaved clean but then she started trimming and shaping. She was always a cotton panty person and started buying Lacey s**y stuff that I never saw her in but started hitting the laundry.
She was always hated shopping and what would have been a half hour trip would turn into hours but she would only buy 1 or 2 things.
I figured out who it was because she started mentioning him more in casual conversation.
The list goes on but people are creatures of habit. Any sudden departure from the baseline is telling.
Edit to add: she also became much more interested in what I was doing. It first manifested in her being suspicious of what I was doing like others point out. This also helped her establish my whereabouts so she could plan. I started to pinpoint when she was up to something because she would volunteer and over share what she had planned. When I finally pieced it all together and called her out on it she finally admitted it. We got past it and are still together. That being said she only admitted to one time. She still doesn’t know that I know of at least 3. Be careful to not reveal your methods or they will change theirs.
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#27
It’s the distance that appears. To go from being someone’s closest person, to barely ships in the night. I was just happy that she was around, in my life, etc… didn’t notice it until it was too late and I’m finding receipts for pregnancy tests in my car and WE haven’t had s*x in…longer than it should have been before I realized what was happening.
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#28
She started wearing matching bras and panties.
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#29
First, I’m no angel so not gonna blame or disparage her. We both should have known it wasn’t a good match (big age difference, different stages in our lives, etc) and we both strayed. As for the specific questions:
– increased self care eg waxing and such.
– she’d proactively would give me location information to throw me off (wasn’t even thinking there was an issue just thinking of plans for evening). She’d say “still at work” and oddly show me a location marker. Then she probably took off.
– when I definitely knew she said she was going to the mall and I was like “cool I’ll go with you” and she lost it lol. That’s when I was like “that’s just weird something’s up”
– I called her friend and just asked and her friend said, “you need to talk to her”.
– I sometimes helped her draft emails so just logged onto her email and saw deleted videos. Just confronted, and it was over. I also came clean btw
We both had no business being married and it led to both of us straying.
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#30
A slight change in her behavior toward you could signal the beginning of the end. She may start checking out, becoming distant, questioning you, comparing you, or even making small jokes that never happened before. These were all strong indicators.
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#31
I like him I am going on a date with him. No joke.
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#32
Asking questions and accusing you of cheating, i.e., projecting.
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#33
The early signs I noticed and I got gaslighted into thinking I was being controlling, jealous or I must be the one sneaking around.
In hindsight I got played for the fool that I was. Lesson learned 😎.
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#34
Telling me she couldnt stand the dude and projection.
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#35
Avoiding physical intimacy, not holding hands in public if they used to earlier, being on phone all the time.
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#36
Mostly just lying about other important things. Which should have been a sign of lack of respect for me. Which means if she is the type to cheat she definitely will.
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#37
Changed her clothes entirely, constantly asked what i would do if she left. Alot of projection calling me a parasite and living off of her ( i paid 80% of the bills).
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#38
This was early in the days of Facebook when I was in college and listing your relationship status was a big deal. She had just broken up with a guy she’d been with for 2-3 years and he apparently took it really hard, so she wouldn’t list me as her boyfriend on the site because she didn’t want to hurt him. It seemed odd, but whatever. I figured it’s just Facebook, and what matters is our actual relationship.
I don’t think she ever physically cheated on me, but I don’t think she was ever really “with” me. Psychologically, she was still with him and loyal to him. It really shouldn’t have been a surprise six months later when I got a call on the afternoon of Christmas day saying she was breaking up with me to go back to him. We had made plans for her to come down and attend some of my family Christmas parties, so I then got to spend the rest of my winter break answering awkward questions about why she wasn’t there.
Years later she broke up with him for good and she started sniffing around again. At that point we were both out of school and had jobs and the whole nine yards. She was passing through my area and asked to get dinner so I said yes. We’d been friends for a couple years before we dated, so I thought it would be nice to catch up. Then at the end of dinner she asked to come back to my place and I was like NOPE. Sorry. I have some things to get done this evening.
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#39
Phone activities shooting way up and her generally being more cagey about her phone was probably the first sign.
The damned things make infidelity so much easier.
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#40
This happened to my friend, but my one of my friend’s girlfriend started getting really touchy with another friend in the group. He was quite muscular and works out a lot and I would notice that she would go up to him, rub his arms, flirt, and start to ask him about his relationship status. Very disrespectful.
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#41
I had a gut feeling for years. She pushed me to get on anti-depressants, thank god I didn’t listen. It just felt like I forgot something like my keys everyday.
Other things hit me years later after I was already remarried, with a child, two homes later. My wife drove my car and when I got back in I had to adjust the mirror. I grabbed it and rotated it up. Had a flashback of my old truck adjusting the mirror downward. Seems stupid or little, but I remembered the exact day. Felt like I got hit in the face with emotions.
I was folding socks one day and my son found a sock that wasn’t anyone’s. Turns out it was one of his gf’s. That triggered me too. I found a sock under my side of the bed.
Kinda sucks to do ten years with a person and get gutted in split second. I was dumb. There were so many obvious signs. My relationship with my relatives won’t ever be the same either.
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#42
For the young ones reading; if your friends or her friends are telling you they saw her with another fella- trust them. Don’t believe the web of lies that follow from the cheating partner… Leave ASAP.
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#43
Something to look for is that they start over explaining everything. They guard their phones. Pay attention to the music they are listening to. Trust me on the music thing. You’ll know.
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#44
Has male friends that actively hit on her or try to sleep with her, but she won’t do anything about it.
Your friends have a huge reflection on you as a person, so that’s a huge red flag.
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#45
Ignoring texts in the evenings and on weekends, it becomes difficult to make plans, protective of phone and more guarded than before.
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#46
Taking nudes she doesnt send to you. Going long periods of time with no contact (if you are normally in contact more). Withdrawal.
Ofc these are all pre breakup symptoms too. And possibly because i have bad communication.
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#47
Projection, accusing me of talking to other girls.
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#48
When she got all dressed up for a “work event” that her boss wasn’t aware of when I asked him the next day.
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#49
If she was visiting Tina, she was actually visiting Tina. If she was visiting a friend, it was a guy. That way she wasn’t lying in her mind. .
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#50
She was too available. Yearning for a man is one thing — throwing out your morals and standards is another.
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#51
She was out super late or would come home super late. Said she had a part time nannying job in the rich part of town and would sometimes come home with nicer bags, clothing, and jewelry. She claimed the wife would give them to her as extra gifts.
A year after we broke up. I saw a comment she made on Reddit explaining to someone else – in a sugar baby subreddit – how to explain their absence to their family and how to explain the gifts.
The advice she gave the other Reddit was to tell their family that they’re nannying for a rich family and that the gifts are donations.
I called her out on it but she had deleted it and her account since. It’s been years since.
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#52
They get jealous first – they start projecting onto you bc it’s eating them alive and they have to find a way to feel the feelings. So they start accusing you of cheating behaviors.
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#53
No signs. Just a we’ve-been-done-awhile moment when the hospital staff entered the room to verify my wife’s info. “So you must be Mike-the first of kin to call?” No, I’m Bob her husband…THE 1st to call. They quickly shuffled out of the room with no further questions.
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#54
One day she was just “off”. We were leaving for a trip and during the trip her actions all but screamed that there was something.
-Changed her phone password for the first time in years
-didn’t want to take any pictures together on a trip
-showed a general disinterest in the trip or activities
-told me she wasn’t a sexual person and didn’t want to have s*x anymore (contrary to her nympho antics)
-told me I was making everything up
-picking fights out of thin air
We got home from the trip and I told her something was up and I was going to find out and to just tell me. She said everything was fine. I ended up for the only time in my life going through her computer which was linked to her texts. Discovered that she was seeing the brother of the guy that I was iffy about.
Woke her up in the middle of the night and said come clean or it’s over. She denied. It ended relatively cleanly after that. She moved out and we moved on.
In hindsight sight it was the best thing for both of us. We still run into eachother periodically. We’ve both matured enough that we can wave and keep it moving.
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#55
She stopped wanting to hang out all the time and got “her own friends” but would get wildly jealous when I was independently social.
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#56
Any time she had a new male friend that she spoke about all the time. If we had an argument, she had them on speed dial ready and waiting.
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#57
When your gut tells you, you are normally right.
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