When it comes to insults without swearing, they are as rare as gems in the ground. Since they don’t use curse words, they can hit quite hard. When it comes to these kinds of funny insults, you have to be funny and somewhat smart to create them. However, not everyone would understand them right away. So if you are one to shoot out creative insults without swearing, you should understand their impact.
Insults are made to attack a person verbally instead of using punches or kicks. The more complex they are, the harder these rare insults hit. The punchline is hidden behind words that take some time to figure out. For this reason, the funny part of these insults is the period till the person figures it out and laughs or gets angry. However, some creative insults replace the profanity with more family-friendly words. They are easy to understand, so the period of waiting is removed. But if you want to insult someone with or without swearing, be prepared to receive some hate in return.
If you want to insult your friends or enemies without using profanity, the internet is here to help. User Beadiest_Cape had an interesting question in the popular group of AskReddit — “What’s the best insult you’ve heard without swearing?” We compiled the best ones in the list below. Be sure to upvote the funniest insults and share your own in the comments below.
#1
“I hope your sleeves slide sown while washing your hands.”
Image source: Max_G04
#2
“Somewhere, a tree is crying because it worked so hard to make that oxygen you’re wasting.”
Image source: Crocutaborealis
#3
“I don’t have the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.”
Image source: Bos_lost_ton
#4
“I refuse to fight a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.”
Image source: Lady_Incera
#5
“Someone once called me “weapons grade stupid”. That made laugh pretty good.”
Image source: MightyBeforeGod
#6
“So a thought crossed your mind? It must have a long and lonely journey.”
Image source: ludicrosity548
#7
“I hope your pillow is warm on both sides tonight!”
Image source: Auramus
#8
Commenter said: “You’ve got a great face for radio.”
LawlessNeutral replied: “And a voice for silent film.”
Image source: reddit.com
#9
“You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.”
Image source: BlackyUy
#10
“He couldn’t empty the water from a boot if the instructions were printed on its sole.”
Image source: General_Cluster
#11
“I envy the people who haven’t met you.”
Image source: ItsShoesHere
#12
“If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.”
Image source: Snoo-4878
#13
“I’d call you dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open…”
Image source: Panx
#14
“You have the personality of a slightly tilted picture frame.”
Image source: FadingFuture197
#15
“Wisdom has been chasing you. Unfortunately, you have always been faster.”
Image source: badcheese26
#16
bigglassjar said: “I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.”
CAPreacher replied: “Lol I have this on a shirt! Always get a comment on it when I wear it out and about.”
shisoumofo answered:”I wanted to get one at my old job, but the faculty might take offense. Especially since I had to explain things to them all the time.”
Image source: bigglassjar
#17
“If you’re a spice, you’d be flour.”
Image source: dragmehomenow
#18
“You look like you fight racoons for the good trash.”
Image source: Vordeo
#19
“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”
Image source: toremtora
#20
“In a world full of soup you would eat with a fork.”
Image source: snowepthree
#21
“I appreciate your absence.”
Image source: reddit.com
#22
“They’d need a recipe for making ice cubes.”
Image source: thepiecesaremoving ·
#23
“As an outsider, what is your perspective on intelligence?”
Image source: murkydomination43
#24
“I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing.”
Image source: reddit.com
#25
“If I offered a penny for your thoughts, you’d owe me change.”
Image source: reddit.com
#26
“You are as useless as the wh in why.”
Image source: Earthling_1984
#27
“You play the victim so much I’m surprised you don’t carry around your own body chalk.”
Image source: casualcherriesx
#28
BlckAlchmst said: “The bar was on the ground and you grabbed a shovel.”
give_it_a_vodkashot replied: “That reminds me of one comment i read saying: “the bar was so low it was practically a tripping hazard in hell, yet here you are dancing limbo with the devil.””
Image source: BlckAlchmst
#29
6bytesunder said: “I’d insult you, but I’m afraid you won’t notice it.”
obscureferences replied: “I can see how you’d confuse feedback for insults.”
Image source: 6bytesunder
#30
“”He was the sort of person who viewed hygiene as something that only happened to other people.” Great line from the second Caiphus Cain novel, and a great insult I use to describe our customers.”
Image source: NefariousAntiomorph
#31
“I stole this from Triumph but I love this one:
“If you’re here, who’s home disappointing your parents?””
Image source: Ephemeris
#32
“You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave.”
Image source: DonaldKey
#33
“I’m genuinely excited to never interact with you again.”
Image source: RunDatTriangle ·
#34
“You dense cabbage.”
Image source: V3N0M7117
#35
“Yer lad has only two brain cells left fighting over third place.”
Image source: dingodongubanu
#36
“God really chose the “randomize” option on you.”
Image source: MadameFatCat
#37
“You remind me of someone I would like to forget.”
Image source: Attaboy6
#38
“I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you.”
Image source: AlphaHuman304
#39
“She’d catch the bouquet at a funeral.
He keeps a fork in the sugar jar.
Hasn’t had a wash since he was baptized.
Still has his communion money in credit union.
Brings a ruler to bed to measure how long he’s slept.”
Image source: SGMH91
#40
Commenter said: “Stop playing hard to get when you’re hard to want.”
WatchingInSilence replied: “A universally applicable version of Tom Tucker’s best insult against Meg: “Thank you, Meg. I guess beggars can be choosers.””
Image source: reddit.com
#41
“You’re so dense, light bends around you.”
Image source: olafthebent
#42
“Your eyes, they remind me of stars… Not because they’re beautiful, no… but because they’re so far apart.”
Image source: Taiganattsu
#43
“You look like you drop common loot.”
Image source: ItsYeetOrBeYeeted007
#44
“Bless your heart.”
Image source: Outrageous_Coconut55
#45
“”Your face makes blind kids cry” idk where I heard it but its gold.”
Image source: BigBrainManOwO
#46
“May your marinara sauce never cling to your pasta.”
Image source: reddit.com
#47
“Someone told me I was shorter than the sleeves on a bikini.”
Image source: Public_Win1011
#48
BlueAndMoreBlue said: “You sound like a pizza cutter — all edge and no point.”
The_Presitator replied: “Oooo! This is good! I’m a teacher so there are a lot of teenagers I could apply to.”
Image source: BlueAndMoreBlue
#49
xkulp8 said: “You are so mercifully free from the ravages of intelligence – Time Bandits.”
my_best_space_helmet replied: “I’m thinking you weren’t burdened with an over-abundance of schooling – Firefly.”
hesmistersun replied: “My days of not taking you seriously have certainly come to a middle.”
Image source: xkulp8
#50
“Boys as sharp as a bowling ball.”
Image source: New-Contact5396
#51
“In response to telling a story where the person did something dumb his friend says “I bet you ran through the house with scissors growing up didn’t you” and not gonna lie it made my day.”
Image source: Dreamsfear
#52
“I believe I read this one in a Conan the Barbarian book many years ago.”You illegitimate offspring of questionable parentage!””
Image source: moldyjim
#53
“It’s so nice that they let people like you work here.”
Image source: A_Quiet_Corner
#54
“You first slice of bread.”
Image source: Durr_boi
#55
“Your presence is as enjoyable as a wet pair of socks.”
Image source: Cielnova
#56
obert-wan-kenobert said: “Having been born an infant, realizing he quite liked it, he decided to stay one forever.”
bartleby_bartender replied: “This is so perfect. Who’re you quoting?”
obert-wan-kenobert replied: “Pretty sure I read it in a Michael Chabon book! Paraphrasing though.”
Image source: obert-wan-kenobert
#57
macho_estimation said: “”I have nothing but respect for you – and not much of that” – Groucho Marx.”
zerbey replied: “He had a few savage insults, another one is “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it”.”
Image source: macho_estimation
#58
“Your inner child needs to grow an outer man.”
Image source: Fortnightly21
#59
“When I was younger I used to watch this movie “the great race” with my family. There was this insult that one of the antagonists used towards his counterpart by calling him a “thimble headed gherkin.” Which was essentially and indirectly calling him a d*ck-head. It took me YEARS to make that connection.”
Image source: _CODYSSEUS
#60
“”You would somehow lock yourself in a motorcycle.” It was one of mine I think. I think I heard it from somewhere and in a great moment, I just blurted that out. I was arguing with a child.”
Image source: user_is_everywhere
#61
“I don’t believe in God, but if there’s a Hell down there, it’s full with people like you.”
Image source: AlphaHuman304
#62
“I bet when a family friend brings you up to your parents your parents change the subject.”
Image source: fullblownhiv
#63
“If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow your nose.”
Image source: ChrisNEPhilly
#64
Milinka1793 said: “A favorite I read somewhere, “I envy those who have yet to meet you.””
WhatDaufuskie replied: “Bob Dylan: “One day, I wish you’d be in my shoes, so you could know… what a drag it is to see you.””
Image source: Milinka1793
#65
Commenter said: “You are not a mistake, you’re a regret.”
Mrjohnjohn12 replied: “You’ve lost toilet paper privileges. Have fun getting creative!”
Image source: reddit.com
#66
“Pretty sure it was in a movie that was a book series – can’t remember the name of the series or the EXACT quote but it was something like:
“If you were half as funny as you think you are, you’d be twice as funny as you are now.””
Image source: covalentbond007
#67
“I’ve used play doh with a stronger core than you.”
Image source: Labrat_The_Man
#68
“You insolent lump of butter!”
Image source: True-Fire-Senzhi
#69
““You would have been better as a stain between the bedsheets” or any variation of it.”
Image source: tyrom22
#70
“My mother allways told me to be nice or be quiet. I presume you’ve not heard from yours in years?”
Image source: lord_bubblewater
#71
“You’re about as useful as the 9 on a microwave.”
Image source: Aaronjp84
#72
“I had a teacher tell some kid “Nothing you have to say is of any consequence… to anyone.” He was an odd teacher who kinda talked like that, but it was his version of savage. The room lost its sh*t in unison.”
Image source: glib_battling
#73
FlashforGordan said: “”If you were the prize at the end of my race, I would walk backwards” – Judge Judy.”
TBroomey replied: “”Beauty fades, dumb is forever.” Another good one from Judge Judith Sheindlin.”
Puzzleheaded_Rate_73 answered: “”Listen to me. I’m older, smarter. If you live to be a hundred and fifty, you’re not going to be as smart as I am in one finger!” From the infamous Ebay Cellphone Scammer episode.”
Image source: FlashforGordan
#74
lexmattness said: “Sharp as a marble, that one…”
TheRiverOtter replied: “So, just needs to be broken first?”
DinoHunter64 answered: “Sharp as mashed potatoes was a good one I heard.”
Image source: lexmattness
#75
“The way you act you must really hate yourself.”
Image source: MojoRisin909
#76
“I hope your children grow up to know to be ashamed of you.”
Image source: reddit.com
#77
“Wouldn’t get up on him to get over a wall.”
Image source: Job_Advanced
#78
“Your mother buys you megablocks instead of Legos.”
Image source: USSMarauder
#79
“Adapted from Bob Dylan’s “Positively 4th Street”,
I wish that for a moment you could stand in my shoes, then you’d know what a drag it is to see you.”
Image source: Pyelography
#80
“May God overlook you – Ambrose Bierce”
Image source: lorum_ipsum_dolor
#81
“You cranberry numbnut.”
Image source: FinchyMcFinch
#82
Barl0we said: “Anyone who ever loved you was wrong.”
IAmBard76 replied: “I say this to myself.”
Image source: Barl0we
#83
“From The Women, “There’s a name for you ladies, but it isn’t used in high society… outside of a kennel.” Gotta love Joan Crawford’s delivery of that line.”
Image source: Ok_Onion_7533
#84
“If he’d two brains he’d be twice as thick.”
Image source: humdinger8733
#85
“She was poured into that dress and forgot to say when.”
Image source: DaBaileys
#86
“You are so blessedly free of the ravages of intelligence.”
Image source: flirtinwithdisaster
#87
Taiganattsu said: “You’re impossible to underestimate.”
DeltaHuluBWK replied: “Made me think of “my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
Image source: Taiganattsu
#88
“How do you not wear a helmet?”
Image source: omiaguirre
#89
“I know 10 fat people, you’re 6 of them.”
Image source: Nice_Swordfish_69420
#90
“My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.”
Image source: Boostar
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