Harper’s Island 1.01 “Whap” Recap

In the head, Uncle Marty’s popping a pill of some sort. He washes it down with champagne and reaches into a bag full of cash, a digital camera, and a round blue plastic case to retrieve a gun. The gun goes in his waistband, and Uncle Marty rejoins the party. Well, well, well, some one has secrets, don’t they?

The mariachis are still playing as a toast begins, given by Sully, ‘Here’s to all of us, looking up to all of them.’The camera pans up to a group comprised of the society girls including Lucy (The Socialite) Daramour and Beth (The Single Girl) Barrington. It’s yet another tried and true theatrical trope, the Haves vs the Have Nots. Henry and Trish look on, amused, and Trish once again wonders out loud where Cousin Ben is. Uh-oh. Suggesting the obvious, Henry tells her to call him and she pulls out her pretty product placed phone and dials. Silly Cousin Ben, always late for the party.

Elsewhere near the railing, a party goer drops an empty beer bottle over the edge. LITTERER!!! My eco-ire notwithstanding, it serves as a petty excuse for the camera to follow the bottle down, down, down into the water where we discover, attached to the propeller axle with scuba gear, the soon-to-be very late Cousin Ben. Trish gets only his voicemail and decides it’s time to go, so Henry goes to give the signal to Wellington who gives the signal to the captain. Switches are thrown, and underwater we see the increasingly agitated Ben struggle. Wasn’t it nice of our killer to give him the scuba gear so he we could enjoy this? The propeller twists, slowly, right in front of his face, even giving an audible and teasing thunk as it hits the mouthpiece. The captain guns the throttle and we cut to the the back of the yacht where the churning water quickly turns bloody red and we get a suspicious shot of Joel (The Nerd) Booth looking, well suspicious and staring out into nowhere. Everyone else cheers, we’re on our way.

The credits start with the SLICE! sound of a knife and end with little Madison’s haunting, ‘One by one…’The only characters actually seen in the opening credits (so far as your recapper can tell)? Abby, Henry, and the Sherriff. Final three? Random foiler? You be the judge.

The cruise is in transit as Papa Wellington is gathering the Wellington clan for a photo. He pauses to mack on his trophy wife, Katherine (The Step-mother), and Trish is either disgusted at the sight or squinting as she looks for Henry — it’s hard to tell. Abby notes the in-law shut-out but Henry brushes it off, he’s used to it. Changing the subject to more relevant matters, like her Angst, Abby bets that Henry didn’t think she would come. He had faith, more than she did, but ultimately she decided that if she didn’t come back nownow, she never would. Henry assures her that it’s fine, the island’s moved on, but Abby looks unconvinced. I’m with her.

Watching the friends, Danny makes the obligatory ‘Abby should have been the best man,’speech as Sully defends his position by saying the ‘best friend’takes care of the emotional stuff and the ‘best man’takes care of the bachelor party. The conversation continues in the bachelor-party vein as we segue into Trish and Wellington. Her phone rings and Papa think’s that it’s probably Ben, but when she looks at the caller ID she gets a mightily concerned look on her face. A nice ad-shot of the phone shows us that the caller is one Hunter Jennings, and if you’ve read Astro’s marvelous character overview (which is the only way I’m keeping these names straight until a few more people get killed off) you know he’s Trish’s cad-like ex. She ignores the call. Good girl, have a cookie.

Chloe is regaling non-local Beth with the tale of the murders. Seven years ago Wakefield just showed up on the island and chopped, hung and burned ‘anyone who got in his way.’Since she is Sister Exposition this scene, she goes on to tell Beth that Abby’s mother was one of the victims. Lucy decides to pipe in and add, ‘That’s why she’s…’WHAP! From out of nowhere a gull plunks down causing screams, laughter and false frights.

There are some lovely Island Porn shots as we come to docks and as the characters start to disembark, a lowly fisherman chops fish. He catches sight of Abby and moves to intercept her for he is Jimmy (The Old Flame) Mance and therefore very glad to see her. She makes a smelly fisherman joke, and he calls her a ‘Big City Girl.’I pretty much dislike him already because Abby’s clearly not interested and he’s oblivious — or just desperate. He does score points for an “I’m married now,” fake-out that gets Abby for about a millisecond, but only a few. The rest of the victims, er, cast pile onto extended-cab golf carts, but Abby prefers to walk.

Angst-ridden heroines always walk, it’s like a law or something.

She walks down a forested dirt road until she comes to a familiar place. Leaving the road she walks through some underbrush until she reaches The Tree. She looks up and a memory flash shows the audience a woman hanging from said tree, and a younger Abby saying, ‘Mom?’Several more flashes reveal several more bodies and Abby turns away only to shriek when she finds Henry standing behind her. He tries to reassure her, the killer’s dead and they should have cut down that tree a long time ago. He wraps an arm around her shoulder and steers her away. From a distance a shadowy figure holding a leather animal leash watches. Oh noes!

The creepy house of all the promos and Island Porn is the Inn everyone will be dying, um, staying at. Abby and Henry arrive, the former explaining that it was better to get the Tree visit done sooner rather than later, and the latter not believing a word of it and suggesting that while she’s pulling off band-aids, perhaps she should go see her father. Abby? Is not amused, but she knows he’s teasing…mostly. As soon as the pair are in sight, Maggie (The Wedding Planner) Krell calls out and when she sees Abby she gasps. Did Abby forget to mention she didn’t tell anyone on the island she was coming back? Oops. Maggie’s thrilled to see her and ushers her and Henry right along detailing the details, like the wedding party has the entire Inn and she’s planned out every inch of their time after everyone gets settled. Yeah, she’s one of those planning-type people.